Yes, I'm Addicted Too

Finale - Happy Trails

2010-05-27T00:05:00.001-05:00

All right. After four months of slogging through these boring shows, we've finally reached the finale! It's also my final recap, as there's so litle demand for my efforts here. Enough about me, though. Will our next Idol be Crystal Bowersox or Lee DeWyze? DialIdol says Lee, but we'll see how accurate that is.

The Top 12 group number is "School's Out." They're all decked out in private school uniforms, and a zombie schoolkid choir joins them. This is...interesting, but just then, Alice Cooper himself joins them! Wow! Now that's the coolest musical guest this show's ever had! Way to go, Idol! Few can rock like the legendary Alice!

Kris Allen is back to perform his new single "The Truth." Unfortunately for us, the director forgot to switch off Seacrest's mic at the beginning. This isn't a bad song. I'm probably not going to run out and buy it, but maybe eventually I'll get around to purchasing his album. I don't believe I've purchased any music this year. Money and all that.

Since this is Simon's final show, we get a Simon tribute video full of fluffy comedy. Nothing to see here, folks.

Our first duet is Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly on "How Deep is Your Love." Surprisingly, these two sound good together. Of course, who cares about Siobhan and Aaron when the two living Bee Gees are in the house to sing with them? Barry gets to direct his singing at Siobhan (since she's a girl and stuff) while Robin is stuck singing to the audience as Aaron has nothing to do but stand next to him moving awkwardly. Fun. This song truly is a pop masterpiece.

Michael Lynche gets the next duet: "Taking It to the Streets" with Michael McDonald. When Big Mike introduces Grey Mike, Grey Mike gives props right back to Big Mike. How classy. Let the young 'uns have their fleeting moments of fame. All I can think when I hear this is how much better Taylor Hicks can sing this song today than either of them.

Dane Cook performs a montage of Simon's best insults on guitar. Why is it Idol can only get non-funny "comedians" on their show? He's then joined by a bunch of the staged rejects like Ian Bernardo and the "We're Brothers Forever" guy. Boy, what a waste of time.

The girls all team up to sing Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" and "Fighter" before being joined by the real Christina. The Eagler (I'm assuming her surname translates into something like that) belts a little at the end of "Fighter" and then the lights go black for her to sing solo. I don't know this song, nor do I care to. Think you got enough melisma there, Christy?

Ricky Gervais shows up for a brief video in tribute to his friend Simon. Nothing worth writing home about. Just more famous-person filler.

The guys get their medley next. Which artist's music do they get to celebrate? Why, Hall & Oates, of course! They sing "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)" and "Maneater" before, yep, the duo themselves is introduced to sing "You Make My Dreams." I like this one better than the girls' because the vocals aren't drowned out by loud music and, frankly, the songs are much better.

Janell Wheeler is Idol's correspondent for Crystal's hometown party in Toledo. Who's Janell Wheeler, you ask? She was a semifinalist who got eliminated the first week. Which season? This one, in fact! You don't remember her? Of course you don't!

Crystal gets her solo moment on Alanis Morissette's "Ironic", and of course, Alanis joins her for "You Oughta Know." Wow. I didn't realize Alanis Morissette was still around. Is it just me, or does Alanis look a little like Kara? Creepy!

Carrie Underwood is back for "Undo It," her "latest smash," according to Seacrest. It probably is, but since I no longer live with my CMT-loving mother, I wouldn't know. Catchy song. I kind of like it. After it's over we learn she co-wrote it with Kara. Suddenly I feel the need to take a shower. Of course, Kara's involvement probably explains why most of the lyrics in the hook are just a stuttered syllable.

Remember those custom car designs the Top 12 made for the Ford Fiesta? No, you probably blocked it out along with most of this season. Well, Kris Allen's back for a video segment in which he presents Lee and Crystal with a couple of Fiestas in the designs they made. Pretty cool. What a perfect segue into the final Ford video, with some song called "My Wish." Neatooooooooooo.

Casey James' gets his solo moment with "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Whoa. Could this mean Poison is going to be here? We know Bret Michaels' health hasn't exactly been great lately. He even appeared on the Celebrity Apprentice finale against his doctors' wishes. Whaddayaknow! Bret's in the house! C.C., Bobby and Rikki aren't there with him though. This is almost as cool as Alice Cooper! You've really outdone yourself with this finale, Idol! Bret and Casey continue singing "Every Rose," and while Bret does a solid job, I keep wondering if he's going to collapse on stage or something. Fortunately for all humanity, he gets through it just fine. What a week it's been for Bret Michaels! First he wins Donald Trump's reality show, then he gets to perform on the season finale of American Idol. Gotta say, I'm happy for the guy. Too bad my local grocery store didn't have his custom-made "Trop-a-Rocka" Snapple flavor. I wanted to try it.

Lee gets his musical guest moment by doing a medley with Chicago. This brassy pop-rock doesn't fit Lee's style at all, but there's no denying how good these songs are. I know my mother certainly likes them. They do "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?", "If You Leave Me Now" and "25 or 6 to 4." Not very seemless, those transitions.

Matt Rogers is the correspondent for Lee's hometown. What? You mean to tell me the 11th Place finisher from Season 3 is only 45 minutes away from where I am right now? Dang it. Why didn't I attend?

More Simon stuff. This time the video is about his flirtiness and contains more staged comedy. It'd definitely funnier than the first video segment (or anything Dane Cook ever did). Simon waking up in bed with Randy was a nice touch.

General Larry Platt (AKA the "Pants on the Ground" guy) is back, as we all knew he'd be. This time he gets backup dancers and a backing track that consists of a techno loop. William Hung also joins him on stage for his 16th minute of fame. If General Larry's original appearance on the show hadn't obviously been orchestrated by Idol in the first place, I might find this a lot cooler.

Now it's time for one last Simon tribute video, and Paula Abdul comes out onstage after it's over. She seems more coherent and clever than ever, so she obviously has a script and rehearsed that sucker to death. In the biggest production of the night, seven of the eight winners (David Cook being the exception) come out to sing "Together We Are One." A bunch of past also-rans wearing white suits join them to sing backups. Simon then comes onstage to give a speech about how the last ten years were the best of his life and wishes the show good luck without him. At such a poignant moment, I'm almost optimistic about future seasons of Idol. Could a new judge in the "Simon" role possibly help revive the show? Could the producers actually figure out what the viewers want and make Season 10 one of the best ever? I'll probably wake up from this goodwill-induced delusion in a second, but I'll enjoy the feelings of niceness while they last.

Janet Jackson's here to perform some slow song I don't know. Grow your hair out, woman. You'd look better. Quickly we're transported back to the '80s (and Paula Abdul's choreographic history) when a horde of dancers joins her to perform "Nasty." Amazing how different in style these two songs are.

There's a brief recap of Lee and Crystal's beginnings at the Chicago auditions (hey, I was there!) before the Final 2 duet, which is Joe Cocker's version of "With a Little Help From My Friends." Of course, Joe Cocker himself then joins them, looking and sounding sort of how I'd imagine Popeye (the cartoon character, not the blog) in his old age. These aging music stars are nothing if not surprisingly human.

Now it's the big moment. Who's the winner? It's going to be Lee, of course, because DialIdol tells me so. Lee looks incredibly nervous, while Crystal looks happy about being in the moment. The winner is...Lee DeWyze! He gets extremely emotional, as you'd expect him to. He can't even talk to Ryan without choking back tears. Crystal, of course, is a great sport, and seems genuinely happy for him. You'll never get another female winner, Idol. Just give it up. Only tweens and cougars are left watching. There aren't enough of us nerdy guys to offset their impact.

Now for a reprise of the winner's cover single, "Beautiful Day." I feel sort of mixed about Lee right now. One the one hand, I can see how badly the guy wanted to win, and this might be the highest point of his life right now. On the other hand, I know his career probably won't go very far, and he may end up disappointed with the entire experience. He seems like a nice guy, and I wish him the best. I just can't shake the feeling that it's not going to end well for him. Still, congrats to him anyway. He's representing the Land of Lincoln!

And just like that, my recapping career has come to a close. It was fun for a while, but I've realized I have better things to do with my time than meticulously analyze this show and be enslaved to it two nights a week. I'm looking forward to being able to sit back and enjoy it next year without the knowledge that I have to produce an unfunny blog post lurking.

So what's going to become of this blog? Will I let it sink into the depths of cyberspace, existing merely as historical record for Seasons 7-9? Obviously, it probably will end up that way someday. For the near future, I do have something in store for it. It isn't Idol-related, however. You may have noticed a few weeks ago that I changed the layout of this blog as well as the text underneath the title. My idea was that if I ever have something to write about general entertainment, not just American Idol, I could put it here. Granted, I'm not the type of guy who feels inspired to write about pop culture that often, so perhaps after my next project this blog will become inactive.

So just what is this big project, you ask? Drumroll please...I intend to rank every episode of the recently-ended hit TV series LOST. I figured it'd be good to rewatch the entire series as part of this undertaking, though it'll obviously be kind of hard to do that before the Season 6 DVD is released on August 24. I still have Seasons 1-5 to watch until then, so if all goes well I might be able to have my completed project up by sometime in September. Hopefully enough nerds who appreciate that type of thing will stumble across my little corner of the internet and enjoy it.

Until we meet again, this is your humble former recapper Ian signing off.

Top 2 - Simon and I Approach the Sunset

2010-05-25T22:04:00.000-05:00

So we're down to two. No, not contestants remaining, viewers who actually care about the outcome of this season. Seriously though, this finale doesn't feel like as big a deal as it did in past seasons. Crystal and Lee look ecstatic about the whole thing, but Ryan and the judges all seem to be going through the motions. I guess when the superstars this show bills itself as producing usually turn out not to be, they've come to realize how overrated this night truly is. Still, just to be nice, we'll let Crystal and Lee enjoy the dream while it lasts.

Our remaining suckers, er, contestants will each be doing three songs tonight: their favorite song from earlier in the season (or perhaps one they think makes the most strategic sense), Simon Fuller's choice (manipulation alert!), and the dreaded Winner's Single. Crystal won the coin toss and wisely opted to go second. It's not foolproof, but it probably helps her odds more than it hurts them.

Lee DeWyze's reprise performance is of "The Boxer." I thought that was one of his more overrated performances, but he had so many of those this season that they all start to blend together after a while. Lee sounds pretty good here, though. Maybe after performing it on his hometown trip he learned to connect with it better. Randy and Kara want more energy, and Simon says it was like a kiss on the cheek. I guess that puts me in agreement. It was merely good, not a moment to remember.

Crystal Bowersox decides to reprise "Me and Bobby McGee." I thought that was one of her best performances, but she had so many great ones this season that they all start to blend together after a while. Unlike Lee, Crystal brings the energy, gets the crowd into it and owns the stage. It may not have quite the same magic as the first time, but it rocks all the same. The judges all agree that Crystal delivered the goods. While I hate the boxing analogy they bring out every year, I think it's safe to say Crystal won "Round 1." Look on the bright side: at least they didn't dress the Final 2 up in boxing uniforms like they did in Season 7. Even Idol can dial back the cheese sometimes.

For the producer's choice Lee gets saddled with R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts." Well, so much for amping up the energy. This wouldn't be sabotage, would it? I really hope not, since I'd like to see the competition decided on the performers' own merits. Poor Lee, though. I mean...sheesh. What a whiny song. This performance gets the choir treatment again, which raises it to a level of near-absurdity. There's something corporately joyous about a choir, so adding a touch like that to this song makes it seem like a celebration of hurting. It comes across as incorrect. Lee gives it his best effort, but I'm just not feeling it. The judges think he held back a little bit, and Simon tries to deflect any charges of sabotage by praising the other Simon's song choice. Lord Cowell also says he wants a 10 out of 10 for the last performance, but considering his final performance is the winner's single...yeah, not seeing it in my crystal ball.

Speaking of crystal, Ms. Bowersox is back for her producer's choice, "Black Velvet." A song we've heard too many times? Yes. A good song choice for Crystal? Yes again. She changes it up into a bluesy rocker, and once again she totally nails it. The arrangement seems slightly overblown at times, but I feel like I'm seeing Crystal as an artist, so I can't complain too much. I just noticed something. If Amanda Overmyer had more vocal talent she'd probably sound something like Crystal does on these big notes. If only the "Chile" would've laid off the cigarettes. The judges give Crystal her due raves, including a standing ovation from Ellen and Simon repeating my line about "nailing it." Hey, I'll repeat a joke I made last week: I need a better job, Idol! Let's do lunch!

Next is Lee's winner's single, and we can only hope it isn't too crappy. It's some song called "Beautiful Day." Waaaaaaaaait a minute! This is by U2! That'll be his single if he wins? Why would you make your first single a freaking cover song? I mean, I guess it's better than some generic inspirational factory ballad (or worse, something written by Kara DioGuardi), but it just seems so devoid of artistry to make your first single a cover. For crying out loud, this song's been a hit within the last ten years. If he were reviving an older hit or bringing something obscure to the mainstream it might be a different story. This choice just screams "look at me, I'm a retread!" As for the performance, though, this is certainly Lee's best of the night. I guess having a good, upbeat song to work with really helped him. The judges are a bit mixed, and Simon ends with some generally positive comments, reminiscent of the "we're so happy to have you here" comments Kris Allen got in last year's finale. Since the one with less pimpage has won the last two finales, Lee should probably be feeling better about his chances right now.

So which song is Crystal covering for her first single? Why, it's "Up to the Mountain." Uh, is this a cover? I don't recognize the title. A quick Google search reveals that it's by Patty Griffin. This slow song could potentially be boring with just Crystal and her guitar, but the dreadlocked girl's soulful singing gives it the right dose of energy to make it engaging. Now that's a good song choice. As I said above, it's bringing something obscure to the mainstream, not blatantly recycling an iconic band's hit from just ten years ago. I think that was a nice way to end the season. Lee's pretty good (and from Illinois!), but I hope Crystal wins this thing. She's simply more interesting, more talented and more original. The judges love it, as they usually do with the Bowersoxer. Before Simon speaks, Crystal interrupts to thank him for his years of work as a judge. I don't know why, but it always amazes me how confident Crystal seems to be when speaking to the judges. I'd have been afraid to say anything in that situation. Simon thanks her and tells her it was the best performance of the night. Eh, not quite. Close enough, though.

My performance ranking:

Crystal - "Me and Bobby McGee" (8/10)
Crystal - "Up to the Mountain" (7.5/10)
Lee - "Beautiful Day" (7/10)
Crystal - "Black Velvet" (6.9/10)
Lee - "The Boxer" (6/10)
Lee - "Everybody Hurts" (4/10)

Prediction:

Winner: Crystal Bowersox

Crystal's talent is pretty much undeniable to most of the viewing public, and Lee, despite the praise he's gotten throughout the competition, hasn't always been as great as the judges have made him out to be. I predict Crystal wins this thing, as she doesn't polarize the viewership as much. Read What Not to Sing if you want to understand these concepts better. (For what it's worth, I realize DialIdol has Lee winning right now, but, well, I hold out hope that past seasons' trends will continue.)

See yas tomorras!

Top 3 Results - Our Trio's Down to Two

2010-05-19T23:49:00.000-05:00

It's the annual Top 3 results show, when we get a brief glimpse at the hero's welcome each of our Top 3 received in their hometowns. But first, instead of throwing product placements at us or promoting some dumb artist who'll be forgotten next week, they start out the show by taking the time to sit down with the remaining three and discussing their Idol experiences. I rather like the idea here. I probably didn't gain any extra knowledge or connection with them from this little chat, but I'm glad they're keeping the focus on the contestants, as it should be.

The Ford video is set to "Wild One (Real Wild Child)" and has the Idols paint-stenciling images of themselves on a wall which suddenly come to life. That magic spray paint is going to sell big-time, I tell ya.

Apparently they're showing us the hometown videos in the same order as last night's performances. Casey James' return to Texas is first. The main focus of this video seems to be the screaming girls. All right, we get it, already! The ladies love him! Some of us care about the music. There's the obligatory tear-jerker moment when Casey visits the medical center where they saved his life, and his mother gets emotional. I have nothing to say about this.

Some guy named Travis Garland performs his new single next. Apparently he was discovered by Perez Hilton. Well, if that doesn't make me want to keep my video tape recording, I don't know what does! Pause! Hey, this song is crap, and the performance gets by more on stage theatrics than the talent of the singer! Good call, Ian!

Crystal Bowersox goes home to Ohio, where they call her mini-concert "Bowerstock." How creative. She also gets to visit her family and see her son again, which I guess is kind of sweet. When chatting about it afterwards Crystal can't hold back the tears.

Immediately Lee DeWyze's video follows. He becomes the first Idol to make the hometown trip to Chicago. I guess if it couldn't have been me Lee's a solid choice. The lucky dog gets to throw out the first pitch at a Cubs game. He wears jersey number nine, I presume because this is Idol's ninth season, not as a tribute to Randy Hundley, Scott Servais or Chad Tracy. He works at Mt. Prospect Paint, which is close to a road I've driven down several times according to Google Maps. He cries in the middle of "The Boxer" when performing his mini-concert. I'd probably do the same thing in his shoes.

All this show of emotion makes a perfect segue into Justin Bieber singing his songs "You Smile" and "Baby." This kid's got some talent. He has the moves, the image and the performance down. He's got the pyro and the backup dancers to make him seem larger than life. He even plays a drum solo at the end of it all. Why then, does he strike me as a little wind-up teen star? None of this looks natural. I won't begrudge him his fame though. He's already achieved more success in life than I probably ever will.

Results time! The first person in next week's finale is...Lee! Well, I think we all expected it after last night's ultra-pimpage. Before the drama even has time to build Seacrest informs us that Crystal's the one joining him. Casey's pretty much an afterthought in this moment, as Lee and Crystal's exuberant celebration gets the spotlight. Casey sings out with "Daughters" (why not his own choice?) and picks up a little girl from the audience to sit on stage with him. Does he know that girl? She doesn't seem to think it's weird getting to be up there. Whatever. See you in the reject section next week, Casey!

Well, they got the finale they wanted (and heck, I wanted). I guess my overthinking in the later stages of my predictions proved to be incorrect. No biggie. It was more for my own amusement than anything else. Crystal and Lee have been the two frontrunners in my mind since the beginning of the finals, so perhaps I ought to stick with my gut more.

Power rankings:

2. Lee DeWyze

1. Crystal Bowersox

I know Lee seems to have taken over as the favorite in most people's minds. However, the fine folks at What Not to Sing pointed out yesterday that Lee's performances have a much higher standard deviation than Crystal's. If you don't know what that means, it means that Lee's performances tend to be polarizing, while Crystal's are more generally agreed-upon. In the finale you can vote against the contestant you hate more by dialing the other one's number, so Crystal's likely to pick up some votes from people who don't like Lee. It should be enough to make her the first female winner since Jordin Sparks three years ago.

See you next week, when our final two perform and my Idol-recapping career comes to an end! Will I even care that much after having been blown away by the LOST series finale two days prior?

Top 3 - Just Don't Make Me Miss the Beginning of LOST, and We're Cool, Idol

2010-05-19T03:19:00.000-05:00

Six songs crammed into one hour! Can we do this without going overtime and making us miss the beginning of LOST? I think it's possible! Wouldn't want to miss that second-to-last episode, would we?

Each contestant has two songs tonight: one personal selection and one judge selection. Who gets sabatooged tonight?

Casey James gets the death spot with his personal choice, "OK, It's Alright With Me" by Eric Hutchinson. I don't know this song, so I have no preconceived notion of what it should sound like. After hearing it a bit it sounds like an OK tune, but Casey, on the other hand...he exudes no soul, just a cheap facsimile. It doesn't feel like there's any connection between his vocals and the music. Though he may look comfortable singing it, it belies the poor job he's doing. The judges all agree it was nothing special and Simon says it was like the salad before a meal. I can hear the cougars making bad jokes already.

Crystal Bowersox chooses Melissa Etheridge's "Come to My Window." That seems like a suitable song for her. It's got passionate vocals with a female singer-songwriter vibe. She starts with the harmonica and launches into a fairly straightforward rendition. She changes the timing of her vocals in the chorus a little to help make it her own. The guitar seems to be a prop, because you can see her playing it but not hear it at times. Another solid performance from Crystal, though not one of my favorites. I know she's capable of better. The judges are OK with it, but agree it wasn't her greatest moment. They all seem to agree that the song choice was good.

Lee DeWyze is next with Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man." He tells us he picked it because he relates to it well. I agree, he does project a fairly uncomplicated persona. I can hear him succeeding with this. In fact, he does. His rocker rasp works well here, since this is a Skynyrd song that doesn't limit itself to a southern rock interpretation. The final note's a little off, but that's hardly serious enough to ruin the rest of the performance. Randy talks about Lee winning again, and Simon and Kara both tell him he won the first round. Ah s'pose Ah'd 'gree with that.

Judges' choice time! Kara and Randy have chosen John Mayer's "Daughters" for Casey. OK, I sort of like this song, even though I'm not really a big John Mayer fan. Casey sounds a lot better here than he did on the first song, and he plays the bluesy solo himself. This isn't the type of song that's going to wow anyone, so it requires a bit of coolness and feeling to pull off. I'd say Casey does a decent job here. The first three judges think it was good, but Simon thinks it was a bad song choice because it lacked a wow factor. Hey, just what I said! Idol, I'll cut to the chase here: I need a better job, you need a judge to replace Simon. Let's talk!

Crystal's song choice comes from Ellen: "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney (and Wings!). She decides to set aside her instruments and let her vocal cords do the talking for this one. Heh. The piano part during the verse between lines reminds me of the music at ComedySportz when they rotate during the game Four Corners. You know what I'm talking about? Forget it. Crystal talks about being a "lonely man" and a woman helping her. Geez, between the Melissa Etheridge song earlier and now this...is she trying to tell us something? Should her boyfriend be expecting a big revelation soon? I kid, I kid. About the performance, great vocal power. Definitely more inspiring than her first performance. Randy gives Crystal some pimpage as being "in it to win it." Kara says we heard parts of her voice we hadn't heard before tonight. Really? Where? I didn't notice them. Simon says she proved she has soul and should probably make the finale tomorrow. Could it be any more obvious that they want a Lee-Crystal finale?

Finally, Simon's chosen Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" for Lee. I hereby nominate this as the most overrated song in the history of the world. I've never understood why so many people love this thing to death. I mean, it's OK, but I wouldn't call it some incredible masterpiece. As for the performance, Lee doesn't seem very connected here. He forces some upper register stuff in there to show us he can hit the big notes. Whoopee. The backup singers walk out behind him to simulate a choir and then the music picks up. I kind of like the upbeat part better, but...eh. The whole thing seems a bit overblown with all the theatrics and Lee's apparent "emotion" when it ends. I'm sure the judges will lap it up though. Randy again talks about Lee winning, calls it his biggest moment, Ellen says it's stunning, etc. etc. I don't need to recap all their comments. It's almost as if they want Lee to win at this point. For crying out loud, guys, we already have David Cook among our winners! Crystal should be this year's winner to make it different!

Hey, what do you know! The show ended with plenty of time for LOST!

My performance ranking:

Lee - Simple Man (7.5/10)
Crystal - Maybe I'm Amazed (7/10)
Crystal - Come to My Window (6/10)
Casey - Daughters (5/10)
Lee - Hallelujah (4.5/10)
Casey - OK, It's Alright With Me (2.5/10)

Predictions:

Well, tonight was pretty much Lee's "King For a Day." If he's not in the finale I'll be shocked. Crystal definitely performed better than Casey, but I'm almost wondering if she'll be the one to suffer from the loyal southern voter bloc supporting Captain Cougar Bait. What the heck. I hope it doesn't happen, but since I've been bored with this season for a long time, the only possible joy I can get from these recaps is the possibility of seeing a bold prediction come true.

Going home: Crystal

Yes, it'll be a shocker that plunges this already-boring season into no man's land and relegates the finale to anticlimactic obligation!

See you tomorrow!

Top 4 Results - Let's Get This Over With

2010-05-12T21:51:00.001-05:00

Blah blah blah, let's make this quick, shall we? These recaps are becoming a chore more than anything. I can't wait for next season, when I can sit back and just watch the show without having to analyze everything.

First is a performance from Fantasia. I don't care about her. It's not easy being my least favorite Idol winner, but she manages to go on anyway. I will say, this is much better than that mess of a performance she gave two years ago.

The Ford video is to some song called "Put the Message in the Box." I don't know where they find these songs I've never heard of.

Results. Casey James is safe! Wow! I thought for sure he was a goner. I never saw him as Top 3. Well, there's a good way to end the early drama.

Chris Daughtry and his band are here to bore us, and I'm here with the remote control to pause the tape.

More results. Lee DeWyze is safe! All right! Go Chicago area!

So that leaves us with Michael Lynche and Crystal Bowersox. Oh man. If Crystal ends up being a shocking elimination, this season will have officially gone down the tubes. I think Michael's been overdue to leave though, so they're probably just trying to make us sweat a bit.

Our third musical guest is Bon Jovi, and coincidentally, they're also the third musical guest to get the tape paused on them. I'm not regretting that decision once I hear how dull this song is and how off these harmonies are. Go back to the '80s, guys.

Finally it's time for our final member of the Top 3. And it is...Crystal! Sigh of relief. She's about the only legit competitor this season.

So we say goodbye to Big Mike. You may not have achieved your Top 3 goal, but you've been a class act throughout the whole process. Fare ye well.

Power Rankings:

3. Lee DeWyze - What??? The guy I've had in the Top 2 since pretty much the beginning of the Finals I now have going home in third? Yep. Crystal's from Ohio and Lee's from Illinois, both midwestern states which don't have a history of bringing their contestants far. Casey, on the other hand, is from Texas, a well-known supportive state. I see him using the regional vote to upset the more-talented Lee.

2. Casey James - See Lee DeWyze. If I'm right about this I'll look like a genius. If I'm wrong, well...who cares? Have I been right about any of my predictions this season?

1. Crystal Bowersox - The only truly distinctive and interesting contestant this year, she totally deserves it.

I guess Lee's going to be in my area for his homecoming trip. Should I go see him? Hmmmmmmmmm. Gotta say, not high on my priority list! See you next week!

Top 4 - Killer Whales, Cougars and Caddyshack

2010-05-11T23:14:00.001-05:00

Tonight is a double treat! Songs from the movies (a potentially good theme that usually doesn't deliver on its promise) and duets! Oh, and the mentor is Jamie Foxx. I remember when he was just some guy with a show on the WB (remember the WB?) that no one had ever heard of. Now he's an Oscar winner and a successful recording artist. In the words of the great M.L. Pogue: who knew? Jamie takes his mentoring very seriously, handing out "artist" and "contestant" t-shirts to signify whether they've transcended their current situation as a competitor on a TV show and taken their creative abilities to the next level. I guess I'd rather see a mentor who tries too hard than one who's only mentoring in exchange for a performance on the results show.

First up is Lee DeWyze with Seal's "Kiss From a Rose." Ummm, I guess that seems like a good song choice for him. There's something kind of robotic about this performance. He sings it OK, but it doesn't seem like he's bringing anything new to it. It's just OK. Randy echoes my sentiments almost word-for-word (shudder), and Simon calls it karaoke. Lee just sits there smiling. He's secure enough in his abilities that he doesn't mind the criticism anymore. Well, if confidence is no longer an issue for him, why are his performances of late been feeling more stale?

Michael Lynche is next with Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There." Ah, yes. Free Willy! Great song. I never got into the movie that much, though it was pretty much inescapable around 1992 or whenever it came out. The beginning feels a little clunky, and almost as soon as it's begun, the song's pace picks up. This is another case of a song with a dramatic build that loses something by being shortened. The backup singers get in on the fun by walking in sync down the steps behind him, apparently to simulate the feeling of a choir. The second half is better, when Michael starts doing more vocally, but overall it's no match for the distinctive soul of Michael Jackson. It also feels too short and too karaoke. The first three judges think he played it too safe, while Simon likes his effort.

Time for Lee and Crystal with our first duet of the night..."Falling Slowly"? Way to rip off Kris Allen! Male-female duets are generally better than the male-male or female-female variety, and this rocking version of a slow acoustic ballad is no exception. Guitars in hand, looking into each other's eyes, these two do everything right here. The judges eat it up, and it undoubtedly tastes good. After two mediocre performances this is a breath of fresh air.

Casey James picks a song that seems odd, Simon and Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson." He goes with a mandolin for this one and sits in the "mosh pit" area. Finally a non-karaoke solo performance! This thing's cool and laid-back, and I like the new feel he gives it. I've heard the original so many times that the song itself isn't going to excite me, but Casey seems like he's connected to it pretty well. Good on ya, Case. That may be the first time someone's stepped into the crowd and it actually worked. Randy thinks it was just OK, and Simon thinks it didn't make enough of an impact. Well, admittedly it wasn't the type of performance that sticks with you. At the moment though, it was enjoyable. There's also some discussion about whether Casey picked the song because the movie it's from, The Graduate, was about an older woman seducing a younger man, and Kara's been ogling him all season. Nobody likes Kara, guys. Stop giving her attention.

Crystal Bowersox gets the solo pimp spot with Kenny Loggins' "I'm Alright," from Caddyshack. Cool choice. I always love Crystal's sharing the spotlight with the backing musicians, and she has the drummer standing up front with her this time. This is definitely the best solo performance of the night. She makes it her own and gives another outstanding vocal. You want to talk about artists, Jamie? This girl could wear that t-shirt any day. Crystal's rebounded from last week's boring performance for sure. The judges are all happy, and Ellen says her version was better than the original. I might be inclined to agree. Simon tells her she's back in the game. I don't think she'd ever really left the game, but whatever (remember, I liked her Shania Twain song two weeks ago).

Finally, our second duet, Michael and Casey with Bryan Adams' "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman." Eh. I'm not a fan of this song. It's too boring. It's got an OK chorus, but everything else drags. Like Crystal and Lee, the men play acoustic guitars. Unlike Crystal and Lee, there's no special chemistry or much interaction. They sing it competently, but it's nothing special. The judges are blown away by it anyway (or at least they act as if they are). Go figure. Maybe my disinterest in the song kept me from enjoying it too much.

My performance ranking:

Lee and Crystal duet (8.5/10)
Crystal (8/10)
Casey (7/10)
Michael and Casey duet (5/10)
Michael (4.5/10)
Lee (4/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 2: Michael, Casey
Going home: Casey

Casey's fans voted extra hard last week, and this week Lee and Michael's fans will probably do the same. See you tomorrow!

Top 5 Results - It Was a Very Good Show

2010-05-06T01:34:00.000-05:00

After missing out on it last week, we're back to getting a group number! As you'd expect, it's a medley of Sinatra standards: "Lady is a Tramp" with Crystal taking on the titular role, "It Was a Very Good Year" with Aaron talking about "when he was 17," "I've Got the World on a String" and "Night and Day." Man, these songs are good! They remind you of how great it is to be an American!

The Ford video is set to "1, 2, 3, 4," though not the Feist song. Crystal gets some extra attention being the only girl and all.

We get a behind-the-scenes look at preparation for Tuesdays. I've heard about the stand-in judges for dress rehearsal, but I didn't realize they actually resembled the real judges and gave comments. The clip of fake Randy is hilarious.

Time for results!

After much useless babbling, Lee DeWyze is safe! And...that's it with results for now.

Time for Lady Gaga with some song called "Alejandro." You know what? I don't care. Since I'm watching this on tape, I have the benefit of being able to fast-forward through this crap!

We get more behind-the-scenes stuff about Harry Connick Jr.'s mentoring sessions. This guy is one seriously sarcastic dude. Fortunately, the Idols seem like they can hang with it. After the clip Harry performs one of my favorite Beatles songs, "And I Love Her," in a cool, jazzy crooner style. He even gives props to his saxophone player after his solo. Now that's classy! Then, in a twist, the Top 5 follow shortly with a medley of Harry Connick Jr.'s own songs. Wow. When was the last time we had two group numbers in one results show? Season 3 or thereabouts? If I knew any of his songs I'd identify them for you. For what it's worth, they sound like songs I'd potentially enjoy listening to. Afterwards the Connick-ster shares the funny story of the first time he met the man himself, Frank Sinatra.

Finally, more results!

Crystal Bowersox is sent to the far side of the stage.

Michael Lynche is sent to the near side of the stage.

Aaron Kelly joins Michael.

Casey James joins Crystal.

Lee is then asked to choose which group is the safe group, but he refuses to comply, as often happens. Seacrest wisely lets it go and doesn't try to create any drama. The Bottom 2 is...Michael and Aaron! Ha! I knew Casey would be safe after being so far below his usual standard! Of course, I had him in the Bottom 2, so maybe I shouldn't get too cocky.

The one going home is...Aaron! Well, that wasn't much of a surprise. Even though I liked him best last night, he clearly wasn't a contender to win. Good luck, Aaron. We won't be missing much without you next week.

Power Rankings:

4. Casey James - After his fans rushed to his defense this week, he'll almost certainly experience a crash next week.

3. Michael Lynche - This is the only spot left for him by my calculations.

2. Lee DeWyze - Clearly he's being pimped for the finale.

1. Crystal Bowersox - True, her last two performances haven't rated that well with the general viewership, but I think she'll bounce back after a brief lull.

See you next week, when "Songs of the Cinema" gets unearthed from the messy closet of themes yet again! Jamie Foxx will join the elite two-time mentor club as well! That'll look good on his resume!

Top 5 - Let Us Be Frank

2010-05-04T22:31:00.000-05:00

Tonight Harry Connick Jr. mentors the Idols on the songs of Frank Sinatra. After all, what would a season of Idol be without meeting its "standards" quota? Harry C's not content with just giving them some vague advice about performance though, no sir. He's going to be helping them arrange their songs and playing the piano with their performances. You gotta love that type of commitment. After all, Harry Connick Jr.'s a big star! What does he need with this rinky-dink show?

Since there are six segments to tonight's hour-long show, they spend the entire first segment pimping Harry and talking about the greatness of Frank Sinatra, which everyone who's ever heard him pretty much knows already. Then in the second segment they spend time talking to Sinatra's daughters in the audience. Just get to the singing, already!

After we finally get done with all the chit-chat, Aaron Kelly leads us off with "Fly Me to the Moon." Wow. I have to say, I'm more impressed than usual with Aaron tonight. His confidence seems to be growing, and his vocals are spot-on for the most part. This was probably the most I've ever enjoyed one of his performances. The judges like it, though Kara thinks last week was better and Simon thinks Aaron pales in comparison to Sinatra. For crying out loud, Simon. He's a kid. How many kids can compare to Old Blue Eyes?

Next up is Casey James with "Blue Skies." Wow again, but this time not the good kind. This is awful. He told Harry in the intro clip that he's trying to be bluesy no matter what, and this big band arrangement does him no favors. His goatiness is all over the place, his pitch is off, and he doesn't feel connected at all. This may actually be the worst performance of the season (remember, I'm the one guy who thought Paige Miles' "Against All Odds" was merely mediocre, not execrable). The judges all agree it was the worst they've heard from him, and Kara even notices his goat vibrato for the first time. At last! We have confirmation that Kara doesn't pay attention!

Crystal Bowersox chose "Summer Wind" because she has some personal connection she doesn't want to divulge. The first half of this is slow and low, which makes it kind of boring. Later on there's a loud part that gives her the chance to show some range, but it feels like too little too late. Overall, it was OK. I'm not really blown away by it though. The judges are generally positive, but Randy and Simon both think it was a little boring. Have the seeds of her eventual shocking elimination been planted?

This night is taking forever. We still have two performances to go and it feels like I've been watching this for hours. Who's next? Oh, it's Michael Lynche with "The Way You Look Tonight"! One of my favorites. The performance is solid too. I like the bassline, which adds a foot-tapping quality to it. My only gripe is that I'm not a big fan of Michael's voice here. He hits all the notes, but I'm starting to find his tone a little annoying. I feel like a bad person for saying it, since he can't help the way his voice sounds, but it is what it is. Randy loves the performance so much that he shouts about how great it was, and the other judges slather it with praise too. Ah, whatever. Either I'm missing something, or the panel is depserate to inject some excitment into this show. Let's wrap this sucker up so we can watch LOST.

Lee DeWyze hopes to improve upon his last pimp spot performance, the eminently weird "Hey Jude." This time it's "That's Life." The opening is organ-based, which seems a neat twist, and Lee is actually in key this time. There's a tad bit of disconnect in his vocals, but overall I enjoy the performance. Sometimes the song itself can be enough to carry a so-so singer. The judges start talking about Lee as a potential winner, and Simon even calls him the best of the night by far. Huh?? It was good, but not that good. It's just like the "moment" he supposedly had two weeks ago. What was that all about? They're blatantly trying to get him into that finale.

Since LOST starts soon, I flip over to ABC when they start rolling the phone numbers. Someone just got eliminated on Dancing With the Stars, and wouldn't you know it? "That's Life" is the song they're playing for the final dance-out! Weeeeeeeird.

My performance ranking:

Aaron (7/10)
Lee (6.5/10)
Michael (6/10)
Crystal (5/10)
Casey (1/10)

Who'd have thought I'd find Aaron to be the best of the night?

Predictions:

Bottom 2: Casey, Michael
Going home: Michael

If Casey has a strong fanbase, they're going to vote a little harder this week to save him, especially after he was in the Bottom 3 last week. Though Lee wasn't that much better than Michael, the judges praised Lee much harder, effectively stealing Michael's thunder. Since Michael's fairly boring, I think he may get overlooked by the power-dialers and head home. Then again, what do I ever know?

See you tomorrow!

Top 6 Results - This is Our Country

2010-04-28T23:28:00.000-05:00

After tonight only a quintet of hopefuls will be left standing. The show's barely begun when musical guest Rascal Flatts is introduced to perform their new single "Unstoppable." Gary LeVox's voice sounds extra whiny and strangled tonight. Once again, the irony of the show is that the established artists can sound crappy and the ones competing for a shot at a career can't. Lesson? Get a record deal and you're allowed to sound like garbage!

In the Ford video (for some song called "Believe") they all get to be vampires except for Michael, who plays the attack victim that scares them off with a garlic pizza. It actually made me laugh, simpleton that I am.

I'll skip the Shrek promotional stuff and get to the results.

Siobhan Magnus is sent to the far side of the stage.

Aaron Kelly is sent to the center of the stage.

Michael Lynche is sent to the near side of the stage.

Lee DeWyze joins Siobhan.

Casey James joins Michael.

Crystal Bowersox joins Aaron.

Ryan leads Siobhan over to Michael and Casey and proclaims them the Bottom 3. That was weird. Also, who'd have figured Casey to end up in the Bottom 3 after most people considered him the best of the night? I'd be shocked if he went home, and Siobhan got the pimp spot, so...my prediction that Michael's leaving looks solid right about now.

Carrie Underwood introduces the next musical guest, some band called Sons of Sylvia. Hey, wait a minute! That's not just "some band," those are The Clark Brothers, who won The Next Great American Band! They were great. Too bad no one watched that show except me and my mother. Apparently their album is finally being released, and this is their single, called "Love Left to Lose." What's with this opening part? Is that a mic problem or is he breathing too heavily? Aside from those early sound issues, I kind of like the song. It doesn't sound very country, though. It comes across more like some modern rhythmic-pop type of thing with a little mandolin and fiddle thrown in. I'd be happy for these guys if they had some success with this song, because they're a talented bunch of dudes.

Next is Lady Antebellum with "Need You Now." According to Wikipedia this song was released last August, but for some reason I feel like I remember hearing it regularly on CMT back when I still lived with my parents, which was a year and a half ago. I know I've heard it in passing in public places, but I don't think that'd account for it. I hardly listen to the radio. Did they perform this song live on CMT before it was recorded? Am I just going crazy? Argh! Whatever the reason, I know this song better than I probably should.

Boy, they just won't stop throwing musical guests at us, will they? Next it's Shakira and Rascal Flatts! Darn you, Rascal Flatts. Because I like country music I feel forced to tape this due to your inclusion. Surprisingly, there's something captivating about this song (apparently called "Gypsy"). There are gypsy-style backup dancers on stage, and Gary LeVox joining in adds little to the performance. You know what? Recapping these result shows is really getting boring. I think I may retire from the recapping business once this season is done.

Finally some results. Michael is safe! Wow! I thought he was a goner for sure! So the one leaving is...Siobhan. Wow! That pimp spot sure has lost its power over the last two seasons! She sings out with "Think," and of course includes the annoying glory note my brother hates so much. There's still some time left after she's done singing, so we get to see her give out hugs and talk to the judges a little before the credits roll. They sure packed a lot into this hour, didn't they?

Power rankings:

5. Aaron Kelly

4. Michael Lynche

3. Casey James

2. Lee DeWyze

1. Crystal Bowersox

No comments because they're pretty much the same as what I've been saying all season.

Next week Harry Connick Jr. mentors the Idols on the songs of Frank Sinatra. In other words, it's Standards Week designed to honor a specific performer, who just happens to have sung most of them. See you next time!

Top 6 - This Does Impress Me Much

2010-04-28T00:30:00.002-05:00

Tonight we're dipping into a "very special songbook," that of the "iconic" Shania Twain. Really? Shania Twain? I mean, she has some good songs, her career has proven to have longevity, but...icon? I've never thought of her that way. Well, the video package tells us she's the one who made country pop (oh, that was her?), so I guess the country music industry owes her a "thank you" for all the dough she's made them. I guess this also counts as our official "country music" week. This has potential. Even though I'm not some Shania Twain superfan, I do like her songs. They range from the funny and playful to the sweet and beautiful. Shania herself is a winner too. She's a good-looking woman with a goofy Canadian accent. I'm not complaining!

Lee-ding off is Lee DeWyze, with "You're Still the One." It's probably one of her most recognizable songs, so good choice, my man. This is nothing more than a typical Lee performance. It's not bad, but those off-key moments have been sticking out to me more recently. There's nothing terribly special here overall. Of course, I don't get to enjoy this performance fully, because my TV reception is a bit choppy, and several moments get blanked out. From the majority that I hear though, it's merely decent. Though none of the judges sound blown away by it, there's nothing but positivity on the panel. I guess being the chosen male contestant has its built-in advantages.

Michael Lynche is next with "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing," a slow ballad. I rather enjoy this. The vocals are once again in "just pretty good" territory, but I like the song itself, and he seems to be feeling it a little more than usual. At the moment I'm writing this, I might call it one of my favorites from him. The judges all love that he connected to the song and Simon's only gripe is that the performance is "wet." When asked for an explanation, Simon can only say it seemed girly. Oh, Simon. Do you even pay attention to what the theme is each week?

Casey James is really excited about this week's performance, because he wants the chance to show people something new after two weeks of staying in his comfort zone. The song is "Don't," which I'm not familiar with. Other than the usual distracting goatiness, this is really good. I'm not sure if it's Casey though, or the higher production values for the night. After a season of complaining about the mix, I have to complement the sound crew for this week. The judges say it's his best performance yet, and that he's progressing as an artist. Mmmmm, I don't agree. "Jealous Guy" was much better. This may be second-best though, as he put some soul into it for a change.

Crystal Bowersox picked "No One Needs to Know" to drop a hint to her boyfriend about proposing. Is this the same guy she has the kid with? If so, seriously, just get hitched already. Crystal's the first contestant of the night to embrace the theme, as this is straight-up acoustic country, not pop. It's incredible: every week Crystal finds some way to stand out from the pack. As usual, she delivers the song perfectly, and the rest of the competition pales in comparison. While it may not have been one of her best from an artistic standpoint, I might call it one of my personal favorite Crystal performances. The first three judges say it wasn't their favorite, but she's so good it doesn't matter. Simon actually gives it a bad review, but we know that's because he doesn't like country music. Whatever. I'm allowed to disagree with the judges. I say it was another great job by the Bowersoxer (do I come up with clever nicknames or what?).

I can't believe he's still in the competition, but Aaron Kelly is up next with "You've Got a Way." There are some bad vocal moments (like, pretty much always), but Aaron gives it his best effort, and his glory note at the end is strong. My problem here is that this is sort of a boring song without much of a hook. However good his vocals may be, I'm not particularly interested in anything that's going on here. The judges think he did a great job, and Simon says he's improved after struggling the last two weeks. Maybe I'm just getting bored with Aaron, as all his performances pretty much feel like the same thing. The kid's a singer, not an artist, and there's only so much he's capable of doing with anything he sings. This might be the weakest of the night so far, though that's hardly an insult on a night when no one's really stunk.

Finally, Little Miss Weird, Siobhan Magnus, takes on Shania's first #1 country hit, "Any Man of Mine." Will it go over better than Mandisa's oust-inducing version from Season 5? Well, it starts out sounding like it'll be fun and upbeat, but Siobhan's vocals are tepid and the song feels like it's moving too slowly. Siobhan walks on the platform behind the judges to add some visual stimulation, but it comes across as robotic, and the only powerful moment is when she does her screechy glory note at the end. At last we have a performance worthy of being called "worst of the night." Can her fanbase, Vote For the Worst and the pimp spot save her? Now that I've trashed it, what do the judges think? Whaddayaknow? They all love it, even Simon! Kara also tells her she's "back." Wow. I have no words. This disconnect with reality is nothing short of surreal. Are they just desperate to keep another girl in the competition after the men have dominated the later stages the last two seasons?

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.5/10)
Casey (7.5/10)
Michael (6.5/10)
Lee (6/10)
Aaron (5/10)
Siobhan (2/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Aaron, Michael, Lee
Going home: Michael

Aaron seems like the obvious choice to go, since he would appear to have the least widespread appeal, and he's been in the Bottom 3 several times now. However, I'm picking Michael to go, since he went early and I'm having a hard time remembering his performance even after recalling I liked it. It's all so up-in-the-air right now that I feel like anyone could potentially go home, so I'll go with what I've got here.

Without Tim there was no one to vote for, which was good, because it meant I got to enjoy my rerun of LOST in peace! See you tomorrow!

Top 7 Results - Boring Us For Charity

2010-04-21T23:07:00.000-05:00

Tonight is Idol Gives Back, and since I'm broke and have too many expenses of my own, I'm not able to contribute. I'll be watching this charity event and only taping the parts involving the Idols, since I couldn't care less about most of the acts they have performing. The big question though, is whether someone's actually getting eliminated tonight. As we all certainly remember, the last time Idol Gives Back was part of the results show they decided to skip the elimination and did an annoying double-elim the next week. It might be happening again, as this threat of elimination could be the only thing getting people to tune in.

Before I get to this recap I'm just going to get something out of the way up front: I wish these causes they're raising money for the best in their efforts. I'm not going to make snarky comments about helping the needy, since I believe private charity is the world's best hope. In the interest of staying classy here, I'll skip recapping the video packages showing us the people in need, since that stuff is obviously very serious. Everything else is fair game, so let's get to it!

The show opens with President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle reading a teleprompter message about how we can make a difference or some such cliche thing. Errrr...I'll stick no my unofficial no-politics policy on this blog and refrain from commenting further.

Our musical acts tonight are coming to us from Pasadena, where Queen Latifah is our mistress of ceremonies. I'll bet in the end I tape fewer than half these acts.

The Top 12 reunite for a group lip-synch of "Keeping the Dream Alive." The good news is that we get to see the lovely Paige Miles again. The bad news is that we have to see Andrew Garcia again. And uh, there's that whole lip-synching thing too. That kind of detracts from it.

Jonah Hill and Russell Brand are here to bring their brand of humor to a sketch about how they don't have the celebrity friends they promised for a celebrity phone bank. I don't get it. Is this supposed to be funny?

After some chat with the Idols we cut back to Queenie, who introduces the Black-Eyed Peas. All right! They suck! I can pause the tape!

Special guest George Lopez is here to help with eliminations...with a twist! Instead of dealing with the contestants he's going to judge the judges! Oh, the hilarity. This bit has a few chuckle-worthy lines, but most of it is hacky and contrived. He accuses them of "always" saying stuff that they rarely say (Randy hasn't said "pitchy" much this year, Simon rarely uses the term "rubbish," and I'm not sure I've ever heard Kara use the phrase he attributes to her), so it seems like a desperate attempt for a laugh. So much wasted potential.

The Ford video is set to "We've Got a Big Mess on Our Hands," and features all kinds of messes being made in the name of showing off 360-degree camera effects. You know, that money might've been better spent on charity.

Casey, Tim and Aaron were my Bottom 3 prediction, with Casey going home. Let's see how right I am as we actually start narrowing it down.

Crystal Bowersox and Casey James are asked to join Ryan at center stage. The person in the Bottom 3 is...Casey. Wow. Huge surprise there. Crystal may never see the Bottom 3 at the rate she's going.

Aaron Kelly and Lee DeWyze are next. One is in the Bottom 3, and it is...Aaron. Hey! Two for two!

Jeff Beck and Joss Stone backed by the Jubilation Choir are here to sing "I Put a Spell on You." Hmmmm. This might actually be worth taping, since Jeff Beck was a huge influence of Rick Nielsen. As expected, it's nothing earth-shattering, but given the acts they have booked it may turn out to be the best musical moment of the night.

Alicia Keys is here to perform some song I neither know nor care about, so I'm pausing the tape again. Hey, she's singing about how great New York is! On behalf of all of us here in flyover country: we don't want to hear about your stinking city. Halfway home! Must...hold...on...

Back to Jonah Hill and Russell Brand...still not funny. On the plus side, they managed to work Tatiana Del Toro into their attempted comedy bit. It's kind of sad that Tatiana's more talented than the idiots presenting it.

Speaking of actual talent, Carrie Underwood is here, singing some song about "Change." There ought to be a quota placed on that word after the 2008 Presidential Campaign. Sorry...no more politics. Of course, this song is tailor-made for a telethon, with lyrics about not changing the channel and giving to causes you see on TV. Well, I guess that clarifies their intentions, in case there was any confusion.

Wanda Sykes, AKA the most annoying woman in America, is here to give us a bit about how dumb it is to make contestants sing after they've been eliminated. How clever! I've never heard that angle before! Why doesn't this lady just go away and stop bothering people?

At long last it's results time again. Tim should be the final member of the Bottom 3, but hey, if he's safe I'll take it!

Siobhan Magnus is safe!

Michael Lynche is also safe, making Tim Urban the final member of our Bottom 3. Rats. Oh well. I'm glad to know the old predictive powers are still sharp (ah, who am I kidding, I got lucky). Hopefully I'll also be right about Casey leaving, since I want Tim to stay.

A band of All-Stars (including Randy Jackson and Mary J. Blige) is here to sing one of the most overrated songs ever, "Stairway to Heaven." Odd song choice, considering no one really knows what it's about. I guess it's a decent cover, but no one, not even Led Zeppelin themselves, has ever topped Rolf Harris' version.

Elton John is our final musical act, but before he can sing "Your Song" he makes sure to give us a PSA about getting tested for AIDS and using condoms. That advice is of absolutely no use to me, so...ha! Sir Elton sounds sort of Irish when he sings these days. I'm recording it because, well, it's Elton John, but this is actually kind of boring. Why does this thing have to go so long? It's way past the scheduled ending time!

At long last we're done with the music acts and we get to the final results. Will they be final though? I'm going to be angry if I wasted all this time for nothing. One person's going back to safety. It is...Aaron! Man. I'd never have pegged that kid for the Top 6. The one going home is...Tim! Dang it! Now who am I supposed to vote for? I'm actually surprised people vote for boring, unartistic Aaron over Tim. Tim can't stop smiling and laughing as he watches his rushed farewell video. Doggone it, this kid's likable. Why can't we keep him?

So after sitting through all that, we're finally done with this week. I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Power Rankings:

6. Aaron Kelly - He's clearly the weakest one left, so it's just a matter of time.

5. Casey James - Let's face it: he's plateauing.

4. Michael Lynche - Likability and OK-ness only take you so far.

3. Siobhan Magnus - She seems to have the fanbase to make the Top 3.

2. Lee DeWyze - Judging from his WNTS ratings he's clearly the guy to beat.

1. Crystal Bowersox - Can you honestly see any of these others winning the whole thing? If it's not Crystal, it'll probably be because someone else steps it up big time in the next few weeks.

See you next week, when Shania Twain mentors the Idols on her own songs! Too bad our buddy John Park left seven weeks ago!

Top 7 - Off Keys

2010-04-20T23:39:00.000-05:00

It's Idol Gives Back week, so you know what that means! Inspirational songs! Tonight we'll be left breathless by our Idols, as they...ah forget it. I'll spoil it now: We're in for a night of good-but-not-great.

Our mentor is Alicia Keys, whose philanthropy and generosity has won the world over, according to Seacrest. I wonder if tomorrow she'll bring out another kid to sing about how he's the world's greatest?

Leading off is Casey James, with Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)." Once again, the vocals are pretty high in the mix, exposing the fact that Casey isn't the greatest technical singer. Then again, who on this season really is? He sings it all right and even includes a guitar solo for good measure. I guess my biggest problem is that there's nothing about this performance that really stands out. It's just Casey doing his thing competently. No big whoop. Randy accuses him of doing the same thing every week, and Simon goes even farther, trashing it completely. Hmmmmm. He could be in trouble after going first tonight.

Lee DeWyze picked Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer" because it inspired him to play the guitar, and this is inspiration week. Alicia tells us that if Lee can bring people into him, then he'll make them feel something. Please, Alicia! This is a family show! Maybe he's too "in his head," because Lee's vocals tonight are pretty weak, and his natural gruff tone doesn't go well with the softness of the song. I'm hearing out-of-key notes all over the place. This is probably his worst performance yet. In an apparent attempt to discredit my ears, the judges think it was incredible. Ellen calls it his best performance, and Simon says he had a "moment." Wow. I didn't like his voice on it at all. Oh well. I guess he's probably staying, then. Go Illinois!

Tim Urban, the only one left who hasn't gotten the pimp spot, takes on the Goo Goo Dolls' "Better Days." As usual, the bum notes are there, and his belting just doesn't work. The parts within his range sound really nice though. I'll confess a lack of familiarity with this song, but it's got a nice melody, which is mainly what I look for. It wasn't Tim's best, but I'd say it was OK. The judges are all a bit underwhelmed by the whole thing. Simon essentially tells Tim the bar has been raised for him, and that it was no longer up to par. Ah, the perils of improving.

There's nothing like a good old cliche song choice, and Aaron Kelly is here to provide us with one! Run for cover, it's R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly," which Aaron's been singing since he was five! I wonder if he went to see Space Jam in theaters and first heard this song there like I did? Aaron's usual awkwardness is there early on, but it eventually turns into one of his best performances, much to my surprise. I guess singing a song for so many years can work to your advantage. Unlike Tim, his belting actually sounds powerful, and this uplifting schlock is perfectly suited for the little cheeseball. Yeah, his voice is still wavery on the big notes, but by now we can chalk it up to Aaron being Aaron. The judges commend him for doing well on such a big song, and only Simon tells him it wasn't very good. Ah, whatever. Maybe I'm so desperate to be entertained that I'm willing to be charitable.

Tonight! Siobhan Magnus is taking on two of the singers you're allegedly never supposed to sing on this show! Whitney and Mariah! (Divas only need one name, beyotch! See also: Aretha and Celine.) The song, of course, is "When You Believe." Hey, Celtic Woman sang this song on their latest PBS special! Maybe that's Siobhan's next stop with her Irish name and all. She just needs to get those tattoos removed. Well, about Siobhan's performance...it's nicely sung for the most part. She kind of looks like she wants to cry at times. When it picks up and she goes into her upper register it sounds a little nasal, but the falsetto note when the song finishes its climax sounds perfect, providing a good ending. Ellen likes it, but the other judges think it wasn't up to the Siobhan standard. Sheesh. Why does it seem like I often like performances the judges don't, and vice versa? Am I a complete dunderhead? Wait...don't answer that.

Michael Lynche is here to bore-rock us with "Hero." Just to be clear, that's the Chad Kroeger song, not the Mariah Carey one. He's going with the acoustic guitar again, so we know we're probably not going to see anything new here. I've never been a big fan of this song either, so that's another strike against him. Michael sounds good, but the whole thing is just a big old bowl of average. This isn't something I'll remember tomorrow. The first two judges think it was OK, but Kara doesn't like it, and Simon can't get past the Spiderman connection. He also says it felt artificial. Shoot, the entire bore-rock genre feels artificial if you ask me.

So it's up to Crystal Bowersox to blow the rest of the contestants off the stage again, this time with "People Get Ready" as her weapon of choice. As Ryan notes, Crystal's going without an instrument for the first time this season. Remember two years ago when using instruments was a huge new deal? Now it's practically expected for contestants who want to be taken seriously. She begins a cappella and never misses a note. When the music joins in, she continues flawlessly. How does she do it? It's like she's invincible or something! She loses it vocally at the end, but it's because she's feeling the song so much that she starts crying. Now that's a "moment," judges, not what Lee did. The judges shower her with praise, and Randy even gives her a standing ovation. I think this may go down as the performance of the season! Well done, Crystal.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (9.5/10)
Siobhan (6/10)
Aaron (5.6/10)
Casey (5.5/10)
Michael (5/10)
Tim (4/10)
Lee (1.5/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Casey, Tim, Aaron
Going Home: Casey

I sort of picked the Bottom 3 by default, as the rest I think were either too good (Crystal), have too big a fanbase (Siobhan and Michael) or were too praised (Lee). I have Casey leaving because he went first, was less memorable than the other two, and doesn't have a fanbase that's worried about his safety, as he hasn't yet appeared in the Bottom 3. Will he actually be eliminated on the night of goodwill that is Idol Gives Back? We shall see!

Top 9 (ii) Results - Two For the Road

2010-04-15T01:38:00.000-05:00

To open the show tonight we get yet another recap of last week's oh-so-dramatic results where Mike Lynche was saved. I'll say it again, Idol producers: No one likes the Judges' Save. No one. That save last week was about as dramatic as Super Bowl XX. My brother, who claims to hate this show and only barely follows it, saw that save coming a mile away. Just shut up about it already and stop trying to pretend that your result-screwing idea has any merit whatsoever.

Now that that rant's out of the way, we get to celebrate a return to normalcy with an Elvis medley. Oh, come on. They did the same thing in Season 5 and it was one of the best ever! To their credit though, they don't just recycle the songs from that medley. This ones includes: "Burnin' Love" (used in the S5 medley), "Teddy Bear," "Return to Sender" and "Viva Las Legas" (all not used in S5). This one's a lot cheesier than the first, but hey, they manage to make it fun. And isn't it so dang cute seeing Tim, Aaron and Michael tell the girls they want to be their teddy bear?

The Ford video is set to a song called "Light and Day/Reach For the Sun" and the theme is "going green." I'm not into this.

Dim the lights, we're getting our first elimination now!

Casey James, Aaron Kelly and Andrew Garcia all stand up and are directed to center stage. After some dawdling, the one leaving is...Andrew! Finally! America's gotten sufficiently tired of Ol' Necktat! Since they get to choose their elimination songs this year, Andrew leaves us with "You Give Me Something." He still sounds mediocre. Why did anyone think he was so good in the first place? Well, now I have to find someone else to root against each week. I don't really dislike any of the remaining contestants. I guess Casey and Aaron are safe, so that's one of my two predictions correct. The other contestant I had leaving was Tim, but I hope I'm wrong on that one!

We see a video of Elliott Yamin and Kara making a trip to Africa for Idol Gives Back. That's an odd match, since Kara wasn't judging the show back when Elliott was on. At least when he went with Fantasia they had the common experience of being contestants. Whatever. It's nice to see them making a better life for these kids. Some of the confirmed guests for IGB are The Black-Eyed Peas, Jeff Beck, Joss Stone, Mary J. Blige, Elton John and probably some others I missed but don't care enough to go back and check. Nothing exciting there. I hope IGB is successful in its efforts, but I won't be contributing, as I'm broke right now.

Brooke White's back with some guy named Justin Gaston to perform an Elvis song, we're told. Apparently this Justin guy is the star of a web series called If I Can Dream. Say, do you think...? Whattaya know? That's the Elvis song they're performing! Well, it's nice to see my girl Brooke again. This web series kid means nothing to me. You just know someone paid big bucks to promote that series because this week made a perfect tie-in. My brother isn't familiar with Brooke, and he comments that she looks like Alex from Lost. That's funny. I guess with that bony face Brooke could pass for a blond version of Rousseau's daughter.

For the next round of cuts, the entire bottom row is asked to join Ryan on the stage.

After recapping each performance we learn that Crystal Bowersox is safe! Well, duh.

Siobhan Magnus is also safe!

Lee DeWyze is safe!

That leaves us with Katie Stevens, Michael Lynche and Tim Urban. One of them is the next to leave us! Please let me be wrong about Tim! Before we find out though, it's time for Adam Lambert to take the stage with his new song "Whataya Want From Me." This song is nothing special, but it's nice to hear a guest performer with no autotune for a change. What else to say? Ummm...I got nothing. Let's just get to the results.

First back to safety is...Tim!!! Whoo! I was wrong! Go Timmy Boy! Now it's down to Michael and Katie. Ryan tells us that the safe contestant wasn't even in the Bottom 3. Oh, for crying out loud. Obviously it's Katie going home, then. Michael undoubtedly got a ton of extra support from his fans who don't want to see him leave after last week's close call. Yep, Katie's out. It's a shame it came after one of her best performances. She sings us home with "Let it Be," but she's so choked up that she's off-pitch and nasal the entire time. We forgive you, Katie. You're at the peak of your popularity right now, so enjoy the last few moments of it.

In what was supposed to be a girl's year the guys currently outnumber the girls five to two. Let's see how the remaining seven stack up in my book.

Power Rankings:

7. Aaron Kelly - He had the Bottom 3 bounce this week, so next week is probably the end for him.

6. Tim Urban - Improving, but not as favored as the other five. He'll likely get thrown under the bus.

5. Michael Lynche - He's not interesting enough to go too much deeper. Maybe fourth place, but that'd probably be it.

4. Casey James - If he were more consistently on top of his game I might see him as a real contender.

3. Siobhan Magnus - There's still hope for her to turn things around, but it's hard to envision her winning this thing.

2. Lee DeWyze - The most talented male, but America probably won't want to crown another David Cook just two years after the first one.

1. Crystal Bowersox - She's the only one with the right combination of talent and difference from past winners to win...I think.

Next week is Idol Gives Back, which means the dreaded "Inspirational Songs" theme is returning. Will we be getting a separate results show on Thursday, or are they going to combine the votes from the next two weeks for a double elimination? I'm not sure, but I care not who leaveth as long as it be not Tim!

Top 9 (ii) - Viva Las Urban

2010-04-14T00:17:00.001-05:00

Last week, in a needlessly-overwrought scene cheaply played for emotion, the judges used the only save of the season (which is one too many) on Michael Lynche, a move pretty much everyone saw coming. Apparently someone somewhere was on the edge of their seat, and they're still talking about it here in Idol-land.

This week's theme is the songs of Elvis Presley, AKA The King of Rock 'N Roll. Adam Lambert, "one of our favorite performers," is serving as our mentor. His career's tanking so badly the producers are desperate to give him face time, since they look pretty stupid for overpimping him to the degree they did right now. Ryan chats with Adam a bit, and Adam says if he'd been a contestant this week he probably would've chosen the song Tim's doing: "Can't Help Falling in Love." Wow! An actual song spoiler within the episode!

Leading things off is Crystal Bowersox with "Saved," a gospelly song. Well, she tells us she used to drink and she used to smoke, but I'm not sure if that's Crystal herself or just the song talking. This one's definitely a foot-tapper. With Crystal you almost always know what you're going to get: guitar in hand, great vocals and the stage presence of a pro. She makes it all look effortless. The judges comments basically amount to "yep, Crystal nailed another one!" It's like she doesn't need this competition anymore. She's a cinch to last several more weeks.

Just in case we forgot how absolutely shocking and dramatic last week's results were!, we're treated to a Ryan-chat with Andrew Garcia, who continues the harping. Enough already! In the mentor clip we see that Adam thinks Andrew's performance is a little boring, and he hopes that in the time between the mentor session and the performance Andrew comes up with something good. Does Andrew pull it off? Of course not! His "unique twist" is giving "Hound Dog" a loungy jazz arrangement. Dumb dumb dumb. The lyric is completely incongruous with the style. It's one thing to put your own spin on a song, it's another to make that spin completely ill-fitting. He does include a breakdown in the middle, since that's the only part the judges liked from him last week. Self-plagiarizer! The judges feel like he didn't have enough swagger onstage, and Ellen's the only one who says she liked it at all. I'm hoping this'll be the performance that finally gets him sent home. Come on, America! Stop voting for Andrew!

After Andrew's done Ryan tells us to stay tuned to find out which song Tim Urban picked. Well, considering Adam mentioned it earlier, I think we already know it's "Can't Help Falling in Love." During the mentor session Adam really likes him. Yeah! Come on, Timmy Boy! Make us proud! Taking a page out of the Big Mike Lynche playbook, Tim goes to the platform behind the judges with just his acoustic. He's relying on emotional connection over vocal chops at this point, but that's what we've come to expect from Tim. He seems nervous and disconnected at times, but hey, I'm voting for him no matter what. Overall, there are parts I like and parts where I feel bad for him, since the flaws in his voice are exposed. Is it great? No. Is it really good at certain moments? I'd say so. Hey, it's certainly better than that...thing that preceded it. Whereas I think it's OK, the judges think it's Tim's best performance yet, and Simon even tells him he went from "zero to hero" in two weeks. Well, hey! I hope America loves him as much as the judges do! Go Tim!

Lee DeWyze is pulling out a song with an infamous place on this show, "A Little Less Conversation." It's been done with goofy sincerity by Jon Peter Lewis, with humorless rock posturing by Chris Daughtry and with quirky comedic sense by Jackie Tohn. What'll Lee do with it? Wisely, he chooses to use his acoustic guitar and doesn't steal any pages from Season 5's baldy. He messes up some lyrics in the first verse, but if you don't know the song you probably won't notice, as he covers it pretty well. Lee's one of the better singers in this competition, and this performance is solid as usual, but it's nothing that'll make me sit up and take notice. It's too safe, say I. The judges think he's great and totally current, but Kara wants him to be less serious. Lee gives us some smiles just to show America he really is enjoying himself.

Aaron Kelly's song choice is "Blue Suede Shoes." Finally, it's time for some rockabilly! In his video package he says that the song choice is probably completely wrong for him. Bad move, Aaron! If you don't believe in yourself, who will? Take an improv class and you'll learn that commitment is one of the most important things you can do when performing! Fortunately, Aaron does commit as much as possible. Unfortunately, this performance is strictly amateur hour. He adds some rough growling in there, as Adam suggested. While the suggestion itself wasn't a bad one, I'm not sure if Aaron's that kind of singer. I give the kid credit for making the effort, but he's out of his league here. The judges have mixed reviews. No one loves it, no one thinks it was horrible. Simon says he seemed like he was dressing up for the part, which probably says it best.

Apparently Siobhan Magnus is a true Elvis fan, and it's all because her parents raised her with his music. She's taking on "Suspicious Minds" tonight, the other song Chris Daughtry couldn't do much with. The arrangement here is pure karaoke, and Siobhan's vocals are inconsistent. For the first part they're a little too soft, and for the second part they're a little too over-the-top. The whole thing comes across as a little too desperate. "Suspicious Minds" is a good song, but I don't think I've ever heard a version that compared to the original. It's not a terrible performance, I'm just not a fan of the way it all comes together. It doesn't feel natural. The judges like the second half better than the first, and are disappointed overall. Siobhan tells them she doesn't know how to classify herself, she just likes to sing. It's about time one of these kids admitted to having no artistic identity!

In a move that almost seems to be playing to the stereotype-inclined, Michael Lynche chooses "In the Ghetto." It's just him and his acoustic once again, but this time he's sitting on the edge of the stage, not on the platform behind the judges. Michael does his own thing with it, changing up the melody a bit and singing it very well. So...why does it feel so...lacking? I guess it has too similar a vibe to Tim's earlier performance, and it's also too short. Seriously, this thing's over as soon as it's begun. It's not bad, just a bit boring. The judges love it more than it probably deserves to be loved, since they want to feel vindicated for inflicting that horrific save on us last week. Whatever. After that near elimination, Michael's fans are surely voting a little extra tonight.

Katie Stevens picks a song I'm not familiar with, "Baby What You Want Me to Do." Apparently she chose it due to her frustration with the judges' mixed messages. You go girl. The feckless foursome hasn't been all that helpful to her this season. Surprisingly, this performance is actually pretty good. Katie took Adam's advice to feel the frustration, and now she's projecting some real believability. The vocals are there, the stage presence is there...hey, this girl's improving! The judges think it was great, and Ellen gets to make a pun about the song being "horny" (due to the horn section onstage). Simon says he hates it because he doesn't like the song. Of course, he's not American either, so he probably doesn't "get" Elvis. His loss.

Stealing a page from Canadian Idol's Jaydee Bixby, Casey James is pimp-spotting us out with, "Lawdy Miss Clawdy." This thing's basically in the Lee DeWyze zone: good, but not great. It's an appropriate song choice for the blues guy, but the problem is that it's too forgettable. "HOW FORGETTABLE IS IT?" It's so forgettable that I can't think of anything to say about it. It's just a generic Casey performance. If he were going earlier in the show I'd say he could be in danger, so he ought to be thanking the producers for putting him on last right now. The judges all agree it was merely solid, nothing to get excited over, and Simon even calls it a wasted opportunity.

My Performance Ranking:

Crystal (8/10)
Katie (6.5/10)
Lee (6/10)
Casey (5.5/10)
Tim (5/10)
Michael (4.9/10)
Siobhan (4/10)
Aaron (3.5/10)
Andrew (2.5/10)

So...I'm not sure how they're doing the elimination this week, since two people have to go. I'm guessing they won't do a Bottom 3, so I'll just pick the two people I have leaving. The not-so-great prognosticator says:

Going Home: Andrew and Tim

Yes, unfortunately, I'm picking Tim. Some of Tim's fans may be tempted to take it easy this week after he got such good reviews, but hopefully VFTW's campaign on his behalf will help. I'm probably going to be wrong on Andrew, since the guy seems immune to elimination, but hey, I can hope. At this point his consistently bad performances have to outweigh people's desire to see the young father with a former gang member father succeed.

See you tomorrow night, when we hopefully trim some fat and see Tim make it to the Top 7!

Top 9 Results - Only the Yankees Have More Blown Saves This Year

2010-04-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

Last night the entire world predicted a Bottom 3 of Aaron, Tim and Andrew, with either Aaron or Andrew going home. I'm in the Aaron camp, but I'll gladly be wrong in favor of the Andrew camp. Ryan tells us there are "shocking" results tonight, so that probably means Andrew, since Idol still hasn't caught on to the fact that he's not very good and most people want him gone. Could this be the week we finally get that stupid, worthless Judges' Save off the board?

Oh boy! A group number! Our remaining nonet do a medley of "Here, There and Everywhere," "Got to Get You Into My Life," "The Fool on the Hill," "All You Need is Love," "She Loves You" and "The End." Kind of boring, since they mostly just stand around and sing, and there aren't enough solos. Besides, they seem to be lip-synching as usual.

The Ford video has the Idols singing Billy Preston's "Will It Go Round in Circles" and playing with a kaleidoscope. Well, the song is so awesome that it negates the filleriness of the video. Hooray.

Finally some results!

Siobhan Magnus is sent to the center of the stage. Oh, are they doing the three groups again?

Crystal Bowersox joins Siobhan in the center.

Katie Stevens completes the trio in the center.

Crystal is declared safe, as we all knew she'd be. Ryan then declares the other two safe, which means it's gonna be an all-male Bottom 3 tonight!

Before we can learn which men are on the spot, we get some guy named Jason Derulo. Am I supposed to have heard of him? Oh, he was signed by Kara DioGuardi, so we know he probably has no relevance to today's music. Then again, considering the state of today's music I don't know if I'd want to be relevant.

According to Ryan he's performing his two hits "Whatcha Say" and "In My Head." Huh. I feel like I just saw this performance last week, since this Jason dude's basically an Usher clone. He seems like a nice guy, though. Just wait until he finds out he's a 21st-Century Johnny Bravo.

More results? Nope, David Archuleta is back to sing "Imagine." I'm really tired of this Communist anthem being held up as some sort of inspirational song. He's channeling his inner artist by playing the piano along with it, since I guess the little guy wants to move on from his teen idol status. Apparently he's writing songs now, but based on his chat with Ryan he still seems like an overgrown eight-year-old.

Ryan tells us we're going to form two groups.

Lee DeWyze is sent to the far side of the stage.

Michael Lynche is told to start a group next to Ryan.

Casey James joins Lee.

Well, unless they do some swapping, none of the bloggers I read got the Bottom 3 correct.

Aaron Kelly joins Michael.

Tim Urban joins Lee and Casey, which means Andrew Garcia joins Aaron and Michael.

It turns out that Tim, Casey and Lee are safe, making Michael, Aaron and Andrew the Bottom 3! Whoo! I'm fine with any of them leaving!

First back to safety is Aaron! Wow! My prediction was wrong! I don't get why they bother announcing the Bottom 3 anymore since they always send someone back to safety immediately. So where does this leave us? If Michael's the lowest vote-getter they'll almost certainly save him, and if it's Andrew...well, he absolutely deserves to leave, but if they saved mediocre Matt Giraud they might just save Ol' Necktat. Of course, Michael leaving would be way more "shocking," so at this point I'm guessing it's Michael who faces the chopping block.

Rihanna's in the house, and Chris Brown fortunately isn't. She's performing a song called "Rockstar 101." You know what? I'm just going to come out and say it: these result shows make me glad I don't listen to today's crappy, tuneless, overprocessed music. I may start pausing the tape for these "songs" next week. They're a waste of time.

So it's time for the moment of truth. The person who's for sure back next week is...Andrew! I knew it! So Big Mike's going to sing for his life! He's bringing back "This Woman's Work," which is probably a wise choice. If they don't save him I'll be shocked at this point. Overwrought put-on situations like this are why they invented the dang rule. What's the verdict? Whaddaya know? They're saving him. Well, we knew they were going to use it at some point regardless of whether it made sense. Since it had to happen, I'm glad they're getting it out of the way now and sparing us this crap for the rest of the season.

Power rankings:

9. Tim Urban - Poor Tim gets screwed out of at least 8th Place by the Judges' Save. So sad that they're too petty to let him outrank another male finalist.

8. Katie Stevens - She had a good week this time. Next comes the crash.

7. Andrew Garcia - He's less likable than Aaron.

6. Aaron Kelly - He's more likable than Andrew.

5. Michael Lynche - Ruben Studdard was the last black male contestant to make it past the Top 5. Yeah...it's been that long.

4. Casey James - If he keeps stepping it up like he did this week I can see him making it pretty far.

3. Siobhan Magnus - She apparently has a big fanbase or something.

2. Lee DeWyze - Like I've been saying...most potential of the remaining men.

1. Crystal Bowersox - While she may be peaking early, she's the only one left who I can realistically see winning. If not her, who?

So next week there's a "special theme" with Adam Lambert as mentor. Look Idol, we know he was supposed to win last season and you're upset that America didn't vote the way you wanted them to, but there's no need to drag this famewhore back onto our screens. Let him become an established star before he gets the chance to mentor our kids!

See you next week, when the Top 8 and Michael Lynche perform for our votes!

Top 9 - The Fab Two

2010-04-06T23:46:00.000-05:00

Another theme week has been resurrected: Lennon-McCartney Night, as previously seen in the Top 11 of Season 7! Hey, Lacey Brown is in the audience! Too bad she wasn't here tonight to sing a boring version of "In My Life" or something.

Just in case you've never heard of them, there's a special video package telling us ignorant Americans who Lennon and McCartney were and why they were so great. And hey, there's an extra special treat at the end! Paul McCartney's corpse sends his best wishes to the remaining contestants!

Tonight's pre-performance video clip theme is "how do the contestants describe each other?" How juicy!

First up is Aaron Kelly, whose fellow competitors call him "Yoda." I guess you had to be there. His song choice is "The Long and Winding Road," previously done by David Archuleta, this show's last teenage heartthrob. He doesn't sing it any better than usual, and his voice is getting more annoying to me each week. He's reaching that Jason Castro zone where I basically have nothing to say about him anymore since he never really does anything new. Could this be the week America gets bored of him? The judges all want to see more from him, and Kara even says the same thing I do: that it feels like the same thing every week. Darn you, Kara. Aaron tells us he's got a more uptempo song picked out for next week if America votes for him. Why America's voted for him thus far I'm still not sure, so don't ask me what his odds of being back are.

Katie Stevens apparently does a "Single Ladies" dance. For some reason not as many Idols are shown commenting on Katie as there were for Aaron. Hmmmm, is she not as popular with the gang? Her song is "Let it Be." Oh boy, another song we've all heard too many times. It's never been one of my favorite Beatles tunes. This isn't the most exciting performance, but the vocals are solid, and she manages to change up the melody a bit to make it her own. Well, I'll give her credit, it's probably one of her better nights. The judges love it and say it was her best performance yet. That's a defensible position, though I remember being happier with "Wild Horses."

Andrew Garcia is supposedly the goofiest person of the remaining contestants. The only problem is that he shouldn't actually be one of the remaining contestants. Tonight he's taking on "Can't Buy Me Love" with a "cool twist." It's to the platform behind the judges for Ol' Necktat! The "cool twist" seems to be a bit of funkiness. The vocals aren't as good as you'd hope they'd be, and he doesn't seem very connected. There's nothing special to see here, kids. It's merely competent, not something worth noticing. The judges give it lukewarm reviews, and say it was a little corny. Yeah, I can see that.

Apparently Michael Lynche does a high-pitched "Heyyy!" every time he enters a room. Tonight he's doing "Eleanor Rigby" because his family used to perform it when he was a kid. Great. Another Beatles song that's never been one of my favorites. He has the string section onstage with him, and the vocals are...well, about the same quality as we've come to expect from Michael: generic and just OK. It's a little too melodramatic for my liking. Ah, whatever. This hovers somewhere around average for me. The first three judges think it was incredible and relevant to today's music scene, while Simon compares it to a musical. Hey! A perfect opportunity to plug Glee, which airs next week on FOX! Right, Randy? I think I'm siding with Simon on this one.

The other Idols love Crystal Bowersox because she's true to herself. Okey-doke. She tells us she picked "Come Together" because it's a "fun groove." The version she's doing includes a didgeridoo, even! Well that's...clever? Am I just in a bad mood, or is this Crystal's weakest performance yet? I mean, it's still better than most of the stuff we've seen so far tonight, but Crystal's set the bar for herself much higher than this. She told us she has a cold before the performance, and it shows at times. She also seems to forget the lyrics at one point, though she does her best to cover it. The judges agree it wasn't her best, but still seem to think she was out-of-this-world incredible. Come on guys. Tone it down. Crystal even introduces Ernie the didgeridoo player and lets him stand onstage with her while the judges are talking to her. That's actually kind of cool, giving a backup musician props. She also can't seem to stop laughing when Ryan talks to her afterward. Crystal often comes across as really serious and perhaps too cool for the show itself, so it's good to see this side of her.

What to say about Tim Urban? Well, everyone loves his smile and his positivity! Hey, so do we the home viewers! He's playing the electric guitar tonight for "All My Loving," a song I considered for my audition last summer. Just think, this could've been me performing here right now! Sorry, back on track. Tim uses an arrangement I've never heard before, so I have no idea if it's his or something he got from somewhere else. I actually like it. In recent years I've come to realize that most of my favorite music could be lumped into the loosely-defined genre of "power pop." This arrangement is very power-poppish. There are a few shaky notes, which is to be expected, as Tim is the least technically-competent singer remaining, but overall the performance is a lot of fun. Hey, what's that my foot's doing? Oh, it's moving to beat! The performance may lose some points for the less-than-stellar vocals, but I'd be more likely to buy this song than anything else I've heard tonight. The judges like him and think it was one of his better performances. Go Tim! Let's get this guy into the Top 8!

Casey James' fellow competitors come up with soap opera names for him and all note his boisterous laugh. Unlike the others, he's doing a John Lennon solo number, "Jealous Guy." I'd wondered if solo tunes were in play. After all, the theme is Lennon-McCartney, not Beatles. The entire backing is just a cello and Casey's acoustic guitar, and I love the way it all comes together. Casey's vocals, while still goaty, have a real connection to them, and he doesn't seem awkward singing for a change. This is definitely the best of the night. The judges are all very positive, though they don't seem to love it as much as I did. Simon at least agrees it was the best of the night. Thanks Simon! I'd rather be agreeing with you than Kara!

The other Idols know Siobhan Magnus is weird, and they wouldn't have her any other way! Her song is "Across the Universe," yet another Beatles song that's never been a favorite of mine. This here's a slow one, and there's no screechy glory note to mess things up. The majority of it is decently-sung, though there are some parts where her voice seems a little too soft. Once again we're in competent-but-not-great territory. At this point in the episode I'm trying not to fall asleep. I really can't wait for the episodes to get shorter. The judges still love her, though they think the whole thing was a little boring. Simon asks how she made a connection to that song, and Siobhan says her baby sisters are her whole life and it's about how she'll never stop being who she is, hence the "nothing's gonna change my world" line. Eh, whatever. I'm over Siobhan at this point.

Lee DeWyze gets his second pimp spot of the season, and we find out that he worries a lot. I'm the same way. I guess it's an Illinois thing. We also learn he's best friends with Andrew, and Crystal thinks they'll get married and have a bunch of "Danny Gokey babies." Uh, what? That's got to be some sort of inside joke between them all. He's doing a Beatles song that's never been done on this show before (one of only three tonight), "Hey Jude." Well, it sounds like it has potential. In reality, it's kind of weird. His vocals aren't as spot-on as they were last week, and since we're pressed for time he has to cut out a bunch of important stuff. Part of what makes the original so great is the way it keeps building up emotionally, and skipping to the "na na na na" part after one verse just doesn't work. Then, just when you think you've seen it all, a guy in a kilt playing the bagpipes walks down the stairs behind him. This is a total double-u tee eff performance. What just happened here? I'm not even sure how I can properly rate this. I like that it wasn't a trainwreck, and I'm certainly glad it wasn't as boring as a lot of what we've seen tonight. I'm just...confused. The judges like him, but Simon thinks the bagpipe player derailed the performance a bit. Once again Simon, you and I are on the same page.

My performance ranking:

Casey (9/10)
Tim (6.1/10)
Katie (6/10)
Crystal (5.5/10)
Lee (5/10) (I guess all things considered this is what I have to give it)
Michael (4.9/10)
Andrew (4.5/10)
Siobhan (4.4/10)
Aaron (2.5/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Aaron, Tim, Andrew
Going home: Aaron

Here's my thinking: Tim was good but seems to have a permanent spot in that Bottom 3. Andrew's inconsistency and going early might hurt him, or at least I can hope. Aaron went first and has been stagnating for...well, a long time now. He's become so unmemorable that it'll finally be the end of the line for him.

As long as my boy Tim is safe, I'm more or less fine with whatever happens tomorrow. Let's get rid of some boring people!

Top 10 Results - My Face Be Covered Wit' Egg

2010-03-31T22:26:00.000-05:00

So we open the show with a Clash of the Titans-themed intro. Aren't these promotions just a little too in-your-face? Having Coke logos all over the place is one thing, but this...give me a break.

Instead of our group number we get Ruben Studdard, with his new song "Don't Make 'Em Like You No More." Dang, that guys gets skinnier every time he resurfaces! He's got himself here a fairly generic R&B song, nothing more than a pleasant little diversion. He sounds a bit sharp throughout the whole thing, but I'll give him a break, since he's still trying to get his music career started. Hey, apparently he's touring with Clay Aiken this summer! I guess that's to be expected with the careers of so many former Idols going down the tubes. I'm guessing more and more of these Idol reunion tours will be popping up over the years.

The Ford video is set to "Kung Fu Fighting." Huh. And here I thought that song was officially politically incorrect.

So the results are finally here. My Bottom 3 prediction was Tim, Didi and Siobhan, with Tim going home.

Lee DeWyze is rightfully safe!

Casey James is safe!

Aaron Kelly is safe!

Siobhan Magnus and Katie Stevens both stand up. Katie's in the Bottom 3 again while Siobhan is safe! Well, I'm 0 for 1.

The remaining five have to wait while their mentor from last night performs his new song "OMG," featuring Will.I.Am. Ahhh...autotune. Where would music today be without it? Why, in a much better place, of course! This Usher performance is nothing but a stage spectacle. The song is vapid lyrically and sounds like it was made by a computer. Why do people buy this stuff?

More results!

Didi Benami is in the Bottom 3! Called it!

Michael Lynche is safe after Ryan fakes him out! Sorry Kristi!

Crystal Bowersox is safe, of course.

Tim Urban and Andrew Garcia are the only ones left. Come on, we all know what's going to happen here. Andrew is safe, and Tim is in the Bottom 3...again. First back to safety is...Katie...again. Yaaaaaaawn. So my options are either look like an idiot when my pick to win goes home or say goodbye to the underdog I'm rooting for. My choice, if I were in control? Seeya Didi. Everyone already knows I'm an idiot anyway.

But first...Diddy-Dirty Money (Is that his name this week? I had no idea.) with "Hello Good Morning," another repetitive unmelodic spectacle that I could live without. I don't heed Diddy's instructions to turn up the TV or turn my lights off to rock with them. I'm perfectly comfortable in my seat, thank you.

Now we can dim the lights, because it's time for the (almost) final verdict. The person with the fewest votes is...Didi! Wow! Tim is safe again! For the save, Didi's going with "Rhiannon." That was probably her best performance, so I can understand her choosing it. Ugh. I really hate the Judges' Save rule. Did I ever mention that? Ooh, the judges are whispering to each other! Could it mean she's safe? Meanwhile, back on the stage Didi's too emotional to do the whole "redemption song" thing well enough. Her vocals are off and she looks especially desperate. The judges don't save her. Beckeye rejoices. Oh well. My prediction that she'd rise up and win made sense at the time I made it, and after her Rolling Stones Week performance it looked like it could be the beginning of what I'd foreseen. Unfortunately (for my ego), it didn't come to pass. I guess that means Crystal makes my finale after all!

Power rankings:

9. Tim Urban - I hope I'm wrong on this one, but...three weeks in a row surviving the Bottom 3? Clearly he's hanging by a thread. I can only hope his positive attitude is rubbing America the right way and he'll pick up support along the way.

8. Katie Stevens - Landing in the Bottom 3 and being totally forgettable aren't the keys to a long Idol run.

7. Aaron Kelly - Well, his mediocre performances have to catch up to him at some point! Right?

6. Siobhan Magnus - Same thing every week. I think she'll gradually lose the audience the way she's going.

5. Casey James - He's midcard all the way.

4. Andrew Garcia - I predict it'll take forever to get rid of this guy.

3. Michael Lynche - I guess he's probably popular enough to make it this far. Then again, he could just get this far because of a Syesha Mercado-type black-vote thing.

2. Lee DeWyze - He fits the mold of most recent winners: talented but under-the-radar early on, then starts stepping it up in the Finals. The only reason I don't have him winning is because his style is too similar to David Cook's. America seems to like variety in its winners. I mean, which two winners would you say are the most similar? Maybe Jordin and Kelly?

1. Crystal Bowersox - I've been avoiding picking her to win, since the winners are never the ones who peak early (see: Chris Daughtry, Melinda Doolittle, David Archuleta, Adam Lambert) This season, however, seems to be breaking all the rules. What the heck. I'll put her as my winner.

Next week is Lennon-McCartney, which should be an improvement in song quality at least. Singing quality? No guarantees.

Top 10 - Soul to Suck

2010-03-31T00:38:00.000-05:00

Our teaser features a look backstage. Huh. It's kind of dull back there. Anyways, it's R&B/Soul Night, with guest mentor Usher! He may be style over substance, but at least he knows how to entertain! Ryan asks the crowd to shout out the name of the contestant they love most, and I could swear it mostly sounds like "Tim!" I certainly hope that wasn't my imagination!

First up is Siobhan Magnus, who's been a fan of Usher since she was six. Wow. I hadn't thought about it, but Usher's been around a long time. And he's only 31! Her song is Chaka Khan's "Through the Fire." I like groove of the song, the vocals I'm not as crazy about. The high notes go into off-key nasal Syesha Mercado territory several times. I'm not feeling it. She does her shrieky glory notes as usual, and by now I think it's permissible to be bored with Siobhan's act. The judges still love her whole package, and give her a pass for having an off week. Simon says she sounded like she was running out of breath and adds that he's tired of her screaming. Thank you, Simon! By the way, anyone else think she's starting to look like Adam Lambert in addition to sounding like him?

Up next is Casey James with Sam & Dave's "Hold On, I'm Coming." Cool song choice. One of my favorites. Let's see if he can live up to the promise of that song choice on the stage. Well, he's still goaty, and he still doesn't display much range, but so help me, I really like this performance. Being able to do a longer version that includes both verses and a guitar solo allows the performance to feel more complete than a snipped-up version would. Not the best vocal, but I liked it overall. The male judges think it was great, the female judges like it but think it was a little safe. Kara thinks he has more range he's not showing. What she's basing that on, I have no clue.

Michael Lynche chooses India.Arie's "Ready For Love," a slow song where he accompanies himself with a guitar while sitting on the platform behind the judges. His vocals sound stronger than usual, and this slow thing cool, I guess. My only complaint is that it's a little boring. It might hold my interest once through, but I doubt it has much rewatchability. The judges like it more than I did, and seem to think it was a "moment." Oh well. Maybe I'm just feeling a little curmudgeonly tonight.

My progressively shakier pick to win, Didi Benami is up with Jimmy Ruffin's "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted." Oh boy. What an odd song choice. I think she may be knocked off the top of my power rankings this week unless she really delivers here. Usher wants her to show more emotion while singing the song, not after she's done. Good advice. She really tapped into a different dimension last week. How does she do? Well, it's better than Kai Kalama's version, that's for sure. Does anyone else even remember him? She makes the song her own, and doesn't recycle the Motown arrangement. While competent, there seems to be something missing that'd blow me away. The judges all agree it didn't work, saying she's not showing who she is as an artist. Simon says she's not contemporary. I say it was just forgettable. There's some weird drama afterward with Ryan, where he tries to coax personal information out of her. Apparently she auditioned because of a specific person and doesn't want to talk about it. Ryan seems to be noticeably more more obnoxious than usual tonight. If I had less of a life than I already do I'd list other examples.

The Underdog, Tim Urban chooses Anita Baker's "Sweet Love." Oh boy, another slow song. When did soul music become so soporific? I think I've pinpointed one problem with Tim. He doesn't look natural when singing. His movements seem too forced. My TV reception gets choppy in the middle, and I miss a few seconds. Stupid antenna! Of the vast majority that I hear though, it's not terrible. I'd even call it one of his better performances. He's staying in tune, though his voice isn't particularly powerful. Randy, in a rare moment of perspicacity, points out a big problem with Tim: he has no vibrato. Bingo! Without vibrato his voice sounds textureless. That's why Tim's strong points are acoustic folk and reggae versions of Rolling Stones songs. The judges overall aren't happy with it. Simon says he doesn't think it makes any difference what they say, that Tim will be smiling and back next week. Don't jinx him, Cowell!

Ol' Necktat Andrew Garcia chooses Chris Brown's "Forever" (AKA that dumb YouTube wedding procession song). How appropriate. He has a voice made for autotune. He changes it up and does an acoustic guitar version with a more organic backing. As much as it pains me to say it, this is actually really good. Andrew manages to stay on key and show some connection for a change. I guess we're stuck looking as this guy for another week. The judges love it, of course, and Kara says if he can have another good performance next week he's back in the competition. Boy, I hope this was just a dead cat bounce.

Adorable little Katie Stevens decides to take on the Queen of Soul herself, Aretha Franklin, with "Chain of Fools." Uh-oh. This will not be good. Katie struts defiantly around stage like the teenager attempting to play a part that she is, and her pitch leaves something to be desired several times. She just doesn't have the authenticity to pull this off. It probably wasn't the best song choice. The judges all think the vocals were great. Well sure, she showed that she has a good voice, but they weren't any better than they normally are. Her ability to hit those big notes was never in question. Simon thinks it was robotic, which I'd agree with. Katie seems like a nice girl. I just wish she weren't so dang generic.

Lee DeWyze makes one of the coolest song choices of the night with Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose's "Treat Her Like a Lady." His version is a reworking that makes it into a rocker and doesn't limit the guitar to a loopy riff. The vocals are a tad hesitant at first during the slow opening, but when the music picks up he "slays it" (to borrow a line from Randy) vocally. Good to see he's finally learned the secret of staying on pitch and being totally connected, making him the best of the night so far. Thanks for knocking Necktat off the top, Lee! The judges shower him with praise, as well they should. Illinois, baby!

Crystal Bowersox isn't playing guitar this week. Nope, she's playing the piano! For the first time in years, apparently. Her song? Gladys Knight & The Pips' "Midnight Train to Georgia." So that's the big surprise she had (and something about her shoes, apparently)! While it opens with just Crystal and the piano, she has the three backup singers next to her to sing The Pips' parts, which strikes me as a little odd. After the music picks up she abandons the piano and we see for the first time how she looks performing without playing an instrument. What else to say? As usual, Crystal nails it vocally and gives a good overall performance. She's a total pro at this. I wouldn't say it was one of her best, but it's enjoyable, and she's clearly the class of the women tonight. The judges all like it, though I might agree with Simon's suggestion that the backup singers should've been dropped.

Finally, the pimp spot goes to Aaron Kelly, singing Bill Withers' "Ain't No Sunshine." Come on, just a year after Kris Allen did the ultimate Idol version? Honestly, this may be Aaron's weakest performance. His voice is too quiet, and his pitch ain't all that good neither. Of course, as usual, he sounds cracky on the sustained notes. Throw in the fact that we've all heard this song a million times and you get a performance that I can't bring myself to care about. That was not pimp spot-worthy. The judges' comments are mostly lukewarm, since Tim's their whipping boy for now and they all love Aaron personally. Whatever. I'm running out of things to say about Aaron since he's so boring.

My performance ranking:

Lee (9/10)
Andrew (7.5/10)
Casey (7/10)
Crystal (6.9/10)
Michael (5.5/10)
Didi (5/10)
Tim (4.6/10)
Siobhan (4.5/10)
Katie (2.1/10)
Aaron (2/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Tim, Didi, Siobhan
Going home: Tim

I know Simon said he'd be back next week, and I certainly hope he is, as he's the only real underdog left, but it seems like it's just Tim's time to go. With any luck, Andrew's fans who've kept him in this thing longer than he deserved will take it easy, assuming he's safe and Ol' Necktat will end up going home instead. See you tomorrow!

Top 11 Results - I Was Suicidal 'Cause You Was My Idol

2010-03-24T21:59:00.000-05:00

After an unnecessarily melodramatic opening that tells us what we already know (Someone has to go home tonight and it's really tough on the contestants! You don't say!), we're treated to a fun 'n cheesy group number! The song? Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go!" Now that's a cornball-tastic choice I should in theory fully support! While I did laugh a few times (especially at Didi, Crystal and Paige fanning themselves on the line "it's warm in bed"), the abomination known as autotune reared its ugly head and dampened the experience. Seriously. I don't want to hear a robot singing a song. I want to hear voices. Why doesn't someone just audition with autotune if it's going to be added to the song anyway?

The Ford video is set to "Our Time Now" and has the Idols frolicking in a fountain full of plastic balls. In the end Andrew gets left behind because he was buried too deep. We can only hope that tonight's results mirror the events of the Ford video.

My predictions were a Bottom 3 of Paige, Aaron and Andrew, with Aaron going home. Not many people were predicting that result, so if it turns out to be right I'll look like a genius. If I'm wrong, hey, my two readers can mock me.

Siobhan Magnus is safe! No surprise.

Lee DeWyze and Casey James both stand up.

Tim Urban and Paige Miles both stand up, and they're both in the Bottom 3! Well I got one right! What's the deal with Lee and Casey though? And what about Aaron, Andrew, Crystal, Didi, Katie and Michael? I guess we'll find out after...Miley Cyrus performs! (cue applause)

Wow, I didn't know this kid could play the piano. Of course, I know very little about Miley Cyrus. It's apparently her new song, called "When I Look at You." I've already forgotten how it goes the second it ends. She comes across like a precocious kid playing grown-up in her chat with Ryan afterwards. I guess that's standard teen girl behavior, right?

More results! Apparently Casey and Lee are safe! Hey, now that Casey's in the Top 10 we can find out what his super-secret pre-show ritual is! (Yeah, I don't care either.)

Aaron Kelly is safe! Dang it! Well there goes my out-of-left-field prediction! Not that I have a problem with Aaron, I just like being right.

Didi Benami is safe!

Michael Lynche is safe, just like his performance last night!

Crystal Bowersox is safe!

That leaves us with Katie Stevens and Andrew Garcia! Based on last night it should definitely be Andrew, but who knows what'll happen on this crazy show? The final member of the Bottom 3 is...Katie! Andrew, I hope you get down on your knees and thank the producers of American Idol for gift-wrapping a spot on the tour for you. You did little to earn it.

So my predictions this week weren't that good. Sue me. The first person back to safety is...Katie. Well, they didn't make her sweat very long, did they? Paige and Tim aren't so lucky. They have to sweat it out longer as well as sit through a performance by Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato. You know, if they'd stuck with the "teen idols" theme this results show would've made a lot more sense.

The two Disney kids sing an inspirational duet called "Make a Wave," and it's more like a melisma contest than an actual duet. That Demi knows how to wring out every last note! This segment is fairly short, since they know we're only watching to see who goes home.

So the person with the unenviable position of going through the Judges' Save theatrics is...Paige. Well, after her What Not to Sing preliminary rating ended up at 3 (out of 100, for those of you unfamiliar), I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Simon decides to spare us the theatrics and tells Paige up front that they aren't going to save her. Good call, Simon! You should do that every week! Since Paige gets to choose her singout song, she goes with "All Right Now." She doesn't sound that great, but that's to be expected with all the emotion and sickness she's dealing with. See you later, Paige! I knew you had no chance of winning, but for what it's worth, I thought you were better-looking than any of the remaining girls!

Power Rankings:

10. Andrew Garcia - Probably just wishful thinking, but he's done nothing but stink up the joint ever since the auditions (I'm on the "'Straight Up' Was Massively Overrated" bandwagon). This can't keep going on, can it?

9. Tim Urban - I love it when a bottom-feeder contestant outlasts an early favorite. It's always funny to look at it in the context of the expectations at the beginning of the competition. Here's hoping Tim outlasts Andrew.

8. Katie Stevens - Making the Bottom 3 doesn't bode well for her future, and her talent doesn't suggest she should go much farther.

7. Aaron Kelly - Whatever.

6. Casey James - I think the coasting starts soon.

5. Michael Lynche - He's just an OK singer with a fun personality. It can keep you around a while, but late in the game you need to be much better.

4. Siobhan Magnus - Her shrieking is getting old already. If anything, I think she's more likely to fall short of this prediction than to surpass it.

3. Crystal Bowersox - If Melinda Doolittle can go home here, so can Crystal.

2. Lee DeWyze - I see more potential in him than any of the other guys, and one of the men has to go far in this thing.

1. Didi Benami - Yeah, yeah, I know a lot of people didn't like her this week, but for now I still have her as my dark horse that rises up and snatches the title.

Next week's theme is R&B/Soul with Usher as mentor. I see some trainwrecks on the horizon!

Top 11 - #1 Hits and a Few #2 Performances

2010-03-24T00:36:00.000-05:00

Tonight's theme is #1 hits from the Billboard Hot 100. It was originally reported to be Teen Idols, but for some unknown reason they changed it. All you fans hoping to see Aaron Kelly sing Leif Garrett must be heartbroken.

Miley Cyrus is the mentor. Now that's just insulting. She's about as old as the youngest contestants in the competition. Could this be more obviously a photo-op for Miley?

Leading off for the second time in three weeks is Lee DeWyze, with The Box Tops' "The Letter." Ah, a tribute to the late Alex Chilton! It sounds like he's doing the jazzy version that we were beat over the head with by Carly Smithson and Michael Johns each of the last two seasons. Who came up with this thing, anyway? About the performance, it really doesn't suit his style. I thought Lee was a rocker, not a Vegas performer! Vocally it's solid, but...it's weird. I guess I prefer the somber tone of the original. Lee gets a big ovation and the judges heap piles of praise on him until Simon takes him down a few notches by calling it corny. Glad to know I'm not the only one who wasn't blown away by that.

Paige Miles can supposedly choose from any #1 hit ever and she picks...Phil Collins' "Against All Odds"??? The Vote For the Worst theme song??? The most performed song in American Idol history??? When will they learn that Scott Savol is the only one who can do this song justice? Paige's voice is too whispery in the beginning, and the dynamic changes on a dime on the second line of the second verse, which is a bit jarring. It briefly gets a little better once she's in her upper register, but once the song crescendoes she sounds like she's forcing the feeling too much. Poor Paige. I want so badly to like her, but she just didn't connect here. The judges have a lower opinion of it than I do. Kara reveals that it's the "Mariah version" (gee, that clears things up), and says it may have been the worst vocal of the season. How quickly Haeley Vaughn is forgotten. After she's done facing the panel, Paige admits to Ryan that she struggles with song choice. Pssst. Paige! You might want to check this site out!

JPL Junior, Tim Urban, dips into the overdone song choice bag again for Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." Sorry, but his voice is too weak to carry this song. He tries to assert some stage presence with his floor-sliding and audience interaction, but it all comes across as rehearsed and stiff. This whole thing is nothing more than amateurish fun. No surprise that the judges also have little good to say about it.

Aaron Kelly has a small crush on Miley. Awww. That takes me back ten or so years to when I was a teenager. It's weird to think Miley's an older woman to him. For the third straight overdone song choice we have Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." Aaron's gawky teenager-ness is on full display with every belt, though the vocal isn't that bad overall. He does nothing new with the song whatsoever, but I guess it's an acceptable performance. The judges still love him, and particularly praise his song choice. Simon says there's "zero chance" of him going home this week. Oh really? That's not what I predicted last time!

Breaking up the monotony of stuff we've heard on this show before is Crystal Bowersox, with Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee." Proving she's not too cool for all of this, Crystal gets Miley to sign her guitar. What's there left to say about Crystal? She connects perfectly to the song...again. Every note is in tune...again. The judges rave about her...again. She's just plain good at what she does. She knows how to structure her performance for maximum effect and deliver it to perfection. I may have to bump her up into the finale of my power rankings at the rate she's going.

Michael Lynche does a piano-and-strings version of Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman," quite different from the soulful arrangement of the original. I'm sure I've said this before, but I'm not as high on Michael's voice as the judges seem to be. It's good, not great. Whenever he goes for the big notes they always sound kind of thin to my ears. I'd say the only time I really love his singing is when he goes into his head voice. Those sweet-sounding moments are great, but he obviously can't sing an entire song like that without being obnoxious. As for this performance, it's OK, and well-sung for the most part, but it doesn't do a whole lot for me. The judges think the song choice was a bit safe and old-fashioned. I can't disagree.

Doing nothing to discourage the Danny Gokey comparisons, Andrew Garcia's song choice is "Heard it Through the Grapevine." Putting the guitar down per Miley's suggestion, he replaces it by pacing back and forth around the stage while doing cheesy arm motions and sounding totally disconnected throughout the song. This is pretty dang corny. The sad thing is, we all know he'll skate by to next week due to his previous pimping. The judges give it to him straight, telling him he stunk, but Ellen says she hopes people vote for him anyway. Why, I have no idea. Kara references "Straight Up" for the billionth time, and Andrew's probably cursing the day he did that performance by now. Could we please, please, just get rid of this guy?

Katie Stevens is doing Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry." I still prefer the Four Seasons song by the same title. Well, what to say? Katie's pretty good again this week, but she hardly goes into "wow" territory. She's definitely improved since the Semifinals. I'll give her that. I guess my problem with Katie is that she's fairly nondescript. She's a nice girl who sings decently, but doesn't add anything special to what she sings. The judges mention some pitch issues (I hardly noticed any), but they all think she's shown improvement over the course of the competition. Okey-doke. Moving on...

Blues rocker Casey James is up next with "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News. All right! Back to the Future! Casey actually sounds kind of like Huey Lewis at times, which I guess makes it a fitting song choice. His voice gets swallowed up by the band a few times, but other than that I like it. It's hard to make such a great song bad. My only gripe is that the arrangement is pretty much a note-for-note copy of the original. I'd like to think Casey has more creativity than that, but come to think of it, he hasn't shown much of that quality in this competition. The first three judges don't like the song choice, but do like Casey. Simon compares his performance to an 80's cover band. Sadly, while it was fun, Simon's criticism is valid.

Didi Benami, my pick to win as of right now, chooses Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good." Again in contrast to her sweet offstage persona, she comes out looking angry and sneering. She even sort of sounds like she has a New York accent. The vocals are good though, and she owns the stage. Once again, I only have one real gripe: this tough girl act seems fake. I'd imagine the real Didi would spend all her time crying about the guy who done her wrong. In spite of that minor quibble, I give her credit for being an engaging performer. Sadly, I have to face the shame of Kara agreeing with me, that Didi seems to be putting on an act. Oh well. I don't claim to be the world's best Idol commentator.

So Siobhan Magnus gets another pimp spot. Yee-hay. For our final overdone song choice of the night we have Stevie Wonder's "Superstition." Siobhan has the black-suited soul-funk band on stage with her, as well as a new hairstyle. I'm not a big fan of this song, as it doesn't really...do a whole lot. Siobhan sounds OK, but the big glory note at the end sounds more like shouting than singing this time. Bleh. I think it's safe to say Siobhan's used up her bag of tricks. The judges are complimentary, but seem a little bit less impressed than they normally do. I'm getting the same reaction to Ol' Bhanny.

On a rather surprising note, Miley Cyrus seemed like a fairly good mentor tonight. The Idols kept talking about how much they appreciated her, and she actually did give some constructive feedback. Color me astonished.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.5/10)
Casey (6.5/10)
Didi (6.4/10)
Katie (6/10)
Michael (5.5/10)
Siobhan (5.1/10)
Lee (5/10)
Aaron (4.9/10)
Tim (3.5/10)
Paige (3/10)
Andrew (2/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Paige, Aaron, Andrew
Going home: Aaron

OK, let me see if I can explain my thinking here. Paige was in the Bottom 3 last week and is clearly in danger this week. Her fans will probably vote a little harder to keep her in it. Andrew's been coasting on pimpage since the beginning, and sooner or later these crappy performances have to catch up with him. He'll make it through, but it'll be close. Tim's teenybopper fans know he's in danger again, and after he was in the Bottom 3 last week they know he needs a boost. Didi got bad feedback from the judges, but I thought she was solid, and I imagine a lot of viewers will agree with me. Crystal, Casey, Katie, Michael, Siobhan and Lee probably aren't in any serious danger. That leaves us with Aaron, who was OK, but fairly forgettable. With Simon guaranteeing another week for Aaron, his fans will probably take it easy, assuming him to be safe. It'll prove to be Little Cory's downfall.

Either I'm an expert in the art of Idol prediction, or I completely overthought that. Tomorrow we'll find out!

Top 12 Results - The St. Patrick's Day Massacre

2010-03-18T09:53:00.000-05:00

Today's the day I'm supposed to be proud of my part-Irish-ness and wear green and stuff, but instead, I'll just stay in and watch American Idol's results show. Of course, by the time you read this it'll be March 18, since my stupid internet is still down at home. Just pretend with me, OK?

We get a harsh beginning to the episode when they bring up the fact that the dreaded Judges' Save is back this year. Aw, crap. Newsflash, Idol: nobody, and I mean nobody likes that rule except a few sycophants in the media. Get rid of it!

David Cook returns to the Idol stage to sing "Jumpin' Jack Flash" with his band. This is actually a pretty cool version. Probably cooler than anything we saw on Tuesday night. Would you expect any less from a former winner who's had a few years as a full-time performer under his belt?

The Ford commercial has the Idols throwing paintballs at each other to the song "Tick Tick Boom." It's nothing worth remembering.

Time for results. My Bottom 3 prediction was Lacey, Tim and Paige, with Lacey going home. Coincidentally, those were also the three I voted for last night. I can't leave my underdogs hanging like that!

Paige Miles is in the Bottom 3. Well, I'm one for one!

Lee DeWyze is safe.

Siobhan Magnus is safe. Well, the girl with the Irish first name should be safe on St. Patty's!

Aaron Kelly, who has an Irish last name but may not actually be Irish, since he's adopted, is safe.

Andrew Garcia and Tim Urban both stand up. I'm hoping they "shock" us by declaring Tim safe and Andrew in the Bottom 3, but no such luck. I'm two for two and we're stuck with Ol' Necktat for another week. Not that I really thought Necky was going after all the pimping he's gotten, but it's always fun to hope the world suddenly becomes fair for one moment. Just watch. Lacey will be the third member.

Some girl named Orianthi is next with her new single "According to You." Huh. I've never even heard of her. I guess that shows how in touch I am with the stuff they play on the radio these days. This song isn't bad, and the girl sure can play that guitar! I'm sure I'll forget all about her after the show is over though.

Back to results.

Didi Benami is safe.

Crystal Bowersox is safe.

Katie Stevens is safe.

Michael Lynche is safe.

Now we're left with Casey James and Lacey Brown. Hey! Casey and Lacey! I'll bet they could give Cindy and Lindy a run for their money! The last member of the Bottom 3 is...Lacey. Boo-ya! I went three for three! The first person sent back to safety is...Tim! All right! Either my power rankings from last week, where I predicted Paige in 12th, or my prediction from last night, where Lacey goes home, will be correct. I can't lose! Well, I mean, except for the fact that I'd rather have both of them back next week, but hey, I'll probably be slightly disappointed by the result each week until Ol' Necktat goes home. And he will go home sooner or later. Mark my words.

Some girl named Kesha had a single called "Tick Tock" that managed to sell 6 million units without me ever hearing of her! Now she has a new song called "Blah Blah Blah" which obviously isn't a cover of the Gershwin song. Oh boy. Another vocally-processed theatrical type whose music is completely programmed by a computer. In ten years I'm sure we'll look back on this performance and have a good laugh at how corny and dated it is. Autotune will go down in history with the cannon snare drum. I can't believe they passed up a fun 'n cheesy group number for this.

So back to Paige and Lacey. The one with the fewest votes is...Lacey. Wow! I got the Bottom 3 and elimination all correct! So now it's time to drag out the fake drama with another performance while the judges congregate for more fake drama all so they can not save her, because they insist on keeping a stupid rule that only detracts from the show. Unlike last season, Lacey gets to pick a new song to reprise, and it's "The Story," which she did last week. She sounds great on it, just like the first time, but of course, they don't save her. Buh-bye, Lacey!

Just because I feel the need to rant about the Save a little longer, Simon admitted they only saved Matt Giraud last year because they figured they had to use it sometime, and he assumed Anoop Desai, whom he didn't want to save, would be the next week's victim. So yeah. We'll probably end up with another stupid decision like that this year. Get rid of the Save! It brings nothing but folly and ruin!

Anyways, I'll miss Lacey just a little. She wasn't an outstanding singer, but she was certainly likable, with a unique and soothing voice. Once Tim and Paige get eliminated I'll have to find some new underdogs to root for, so hopefully Lacey's Bottom 3-mates will get an extra boost next week.

Power Rankings:

11. Aaron Kelly - I think if Paige and Tim get a "Bottom 3 Bounce" next week, he's the most likely candidate to end up victimized.

10. Paige Miles - After the Bottom 3 Bounce comes the crash, and I doubt Paige has the teen girl fanbase that Tim probably does.

9. Katie Stevens - OK, so she had a good week and probably has a pretty good fanbase. After the Semifinals, though, I think it's safe to say she isn't destined to go far in this competition.

8. Andrew Garcia - Probably just wishful thinking on my part, but he hasn't lived up to the hype at all, and pimpage only carries you so far. Hopefully he'll be off our screens even sooner.

7. Tim Urban - Hey, I like the kid. I even thought he was good this week. Top 7? Why not? Sanjaya did it!

6. Casey James - He's solid, but a bit one-dimensional. I think he'll start coasting once he reaches the Top 10.

5. Michael Lynche - I don't think we'll ever see another R&B singer win this show, but his likability and good performance skills should keep him around a while.

4. Crystal Bowersox - The judges were less enthusiastic about her than normal this week, which suggests she may be starting her slow descent back to earth. By the Top 4 she could be on solid ground.

3. Siobhan Magnus - Little Miss Quirky is certainly talented and a judicial favorite. I think her caterwauling and overall weirdness will do her in just before the finale.

2. Lee DeWyze - I thought he was the best of the guys last night, and I could see him growing over the course of the competition.

1. Didi Benami - I still think she's the one we'll see grow into the winner. The next few weeks should be telling, as no winner has emerged as a frontrunner later than the Top 9 (see: Allen, Kris: "Ain't No Sunshine").

That's it for Rolling Stones Week! See you next time when only 11 potential Idols remain!

Top 12 - Apparently I Can Get Some Satisfaction

2010-03-17T09:44:00.000-05:00

I'd first like to apologize for this blog post going up so late. My internet at home is down, forcing me to post this from the library. I'm sure so many of you are heartbroken. If it doesn't come back soon, I may be delaying the results show recap until tomorrow as well.

Time for a night of good old-fashioned British blues rock! The Top 12 is taking on Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Co.! They're also on the big stage now, so we'll see who gets swallowed up and who rises to the occasion.

Michael Lynche leads us off with an R&B-flavored "Miss You." It's kind of cool I guess, but I'm not especially impressed with the vocals. Stage presence? He's got it. Great voice? Not quite. The judges are much higher on the performance than I am, and only Simon has anything bad to say. Of course, Simon's problem was the dancing he perceived as corny and desperate, not the vocals. Ryan tries to upstage Mike by getting in Simon's face as America collectively yawns at this tired act.

Didi Benami continues the proceedings with "Play With Fire." I don't think I know this one. Well, this is weird. Didi seems like such a sweet person in her intro clip, but this song is dark and angry. The vocals are good though, complete with her trademark mannerisms. Overall, it's not bad. The judges all love it, saying she's emerging as an artist. Growth! Exactly what she needs over the course of the comnpetition to win it! My prediction of her winning seems fairly viable right now!

Up next is Casey James with "It's All Over Now." He's sounding a bit goaty tonight, though it's a minor complaint, what with all the rocking going on. I've said I hate the wimpy mixing all season, and I'll say it again tonight. It's a good song choice, Casey's in fine form vocally, but turn up those guitars! The judges think it was fantastic with Simon again the lone dissenter. He thinks Casey needs to show more star power. I guess I can understand that criticism. I doubt Casey's any more talented than your average bar musician, which I guess is also to say that you don't need to be an out-of-this-world talent to perform a song well.

One of my underdogs, Lacey Brown, is up next with "Ruby Tuesday." Good choice. One of my favorite Stones songs. The entire backing is done by a string quartet, and it's pretty good. Certainly interesting, anyway. I love the tone of Lacey's voice. It's very soothing. That may work against her though, as it might make her less memorable at the end of the night. The judges think it was interesting but still want more from her.

Ol' Necktat, Andrew Garcia, is here to take on "Gimme Shelter." How fitting that my least favorite contestant picks one of my least favorite Stones songs. He certainly over-enunciates on the chorus, which seems to take him out of his game. To be fair though, his voice is actually less obnoxious than usual tonight, and we actually saw some vocal power for a change. I still don't like him, but I'll begrudgingly admit that this was halfway decent. Oh well. I predicted he'd improve in the Finals last week, didn't I? Ellen thinks it was his best performance yet (which I'd agree with, though that's not saying much), but the others all think it was lacking, either in pitch or connection. My brother thinks it's terrible, but of course, he usually thinks that.

Katie Stevens, who's so young that she doesn't even know for certain that Mick Jagger is the Stones' lead singer (chuckle!), has decided to sing "Wild Horses." Ugh. The beginning is a little rough, and I'm distracted by those people in the crowd waving their hands. It's a slow song! Just let her sing it! After she gets into it though, it turns into Katie's best performance yet. She actually seems connected to the song for once. After all that pimping it's about time! The judges all agree with me, which hasn't been as frequent tonight as in nights past.

Tim Urban treats us to a version of "Under My Thumb" which to my ears sounds like a cross between old-time country music and reggae. I actually like this, though my brother says it's very one-dimensional. Hey, we know Tim doesn't have a great vocal range, so I'll give him credit for playing to his strengths. Very cool. If he came up with that, very creative. Of course, he probably found it on iTunes or YouTube somewhere. Still, I like it. The judges disagree, with all of them saying it didn't work. Ah, screw 'em.

Little Miss Quirky, Siobhan Magnus, tries her hand at the dark classic "Paint It, Black." She's got a new curly hairstyle tonight. It must be a tribute to her fallen comrade Katelyn Epperly. Her voice seems too low at parts for my liking, and my brother thinks the way she sings it is weird. Still, she gets the strobelights of pimpage and does another Adam Lambert-esque glory note which sounds a bit more cracky than when she did it on "Think." Ehhh. I'm not a big fan of this. Of course, thanks to the big glory note, the judges love it, and Kara finally mentions the Lambert similarities. Anyone who can remember as far back as last season will also remember that Adam's dog-ear-level wails lost their impact after he did them every other week. Screech prudently, Siobhan.

Hey, Lee DeWyze is from Mount Prospect! That's close to where I live! Small world, huh? Tonight his song choice is "Beast of Burden," and he's got his acoustic guitar as usual. You know what I've just noticed? This guy's sort of a cross between the last two winners. He's got a David Cook-ish voice and a Kris Allen-ish vibe. Even more impressive, there are no major pitch problems in Lee's performance for once, making it much more enjoyable than usual. Well done, Lee! Even Kara notices he was "less pitchy" than before, and Randy thinks it was "dope," while Simon thinks he played it too safe. Whatever. I thought he was best of the night so far.

Paige Miles is up next with "Honky Tonk Women." Eh. Paige seems really nice (look, I like nice people, OK?), but this is weak from the get-go. I'm just not feeling it. The high notes are there, but she gets lost a few times on the low ones. It's also strange to hear her change the gender of the lyrics, declaring herself a honky tonk woman who wants to be given a honky tonk man. I like Paige personally, but this performance has Bottom 3 written all over it. She's not in the zone here.Once the judges chime in we find out she has laryngitis, so they're grading her on a curve, saying it was good under the circumstances. I suppose with that knowledge I could be more charitable, but come on, I've got to be fair.

Aaron Kelly (or as I call him, Little Cory) has a mother named Kelly Kelly? Now that's funny. I'm assuming she married into that name, which must've given her a dilemma few people ever face in life. Aaron's song tonight is "Angie." While I've thought he was good before, I especially like his tone here. He still has that crack in his voice at times, but I don't really mind. He may be joining the list of contestants who've given their best performance tonight. The judges all love the song choice to death, saying it suited him perfectly. Keep on smiling, Aaron. You've earned it.

It's no surprise who gets the pimp spot. It's none other than the current chosen one, Crystal Bowersox, with "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Crystal does a cool mellow acoustic version, and as usual, she makes it great. Maybe I'm just in a good mood since the show is almost over, but I think she's been topping herself each week. The judges unanimously say it wasn't her best, but they liked it. I beg to differ, but...yeah, I'm kind of doubting they could care less. We all know Crystal's going to be around a while. Simon tells her that Siobhan outperformed her tonight, and that she shouldn't think she has the competition in the bag, to which Crystal replies she's never thought that. For crying out loud, Simon, Siobhan wasn't that great. It's also good to see Crystal's not getting overconfident, though as I've said before, I think Crystal's more concerned with getting a record deal than winning the Idol crown.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.5/10)
Lee (7.5/10)
Tim (7/10)
Casey (6.6/10)
Katie (6.5/10)
Aaron (5.6/10)
Didi (5.5/10)
Andrew (5.4/10)
Lacey (5/10)
Siobhan (4.1/10)
Michael (4/10)
Paige (3/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Lacey, Tim, Paige
Going home: Lacey

I like Lacey, but of the three bottom feeders (in the public's mind, not necessarily mine) I'd say she was the least memorable. She also went earliest, which probably won't help her cause.

Tomorrow (well, tonight, but tomorrow as of when I'm writing this) our beautiful, round-numbered Top 12 becomes a Top 11. Hopefully they'll fit in a fun 'n cheesy Rolling Stones group medley!

Top 16 Results - Night of a Thousand Jawdrops

2010-03-12T00:28:00.000-06:00

Tonight the line will be drawn! Twelve of these contestants will be remembered in that elite class of "finalists," while four will be virtually forgotten as mere "semifinalists." You can cut the tension with a putty knife. I have Katie, Paige, Aaron and Andrew getting kicked to the curb, so we'll see how good at this prediction business I am!

Michael Buble's "Still Haven't Met You Yet" is this week's group number song of choice. Well...take away the annoying vocal effects and this would be perfectly nice. Shouldn't that cheesy stuff be anathema to a singing-oriented show? Let us hear their beautiful voices!

We learn that next week's theme is The Rolling Stones. That should be good...in theory. I like the Stones and all, but I don't know that the quality of their music is commensurate with their popularity. Still, it's sure to be better than Mariah Carey theme night.

Like they do every year, they've set out twelve empty stools for our Top 12.

Didi Benami is first, and she's in! No big surprise there. Besides, isn't the first person they give the results to always a yes?

Siobhan Magnus, who my brother points out needs braces, is also in! Cool by me.

Paige Miles and Katelyn Epperly are brought down at the same time, and we learn one of them is safe and the other is going home. The person in the Top 12 is...Paige??? Wow! And Katelyn is going home! Totally didn't see that one coming. I mean, Katelyn's performance was bad and all, but Paige got torn to shreds by the judges and didn't have Katelyn's impressive track record. Who (besides me) voted for no-screentime Paige this week? Katelyn half-cries through her final sing-out. Don't worry though, Katelyn! You still have that engineer training to fall back on!

Casey James is in the Top 12! Well, good.

Tim Urban is next to join him! Congrats, JPL Junior!

It's down to Todrick Hall and Lee DeWyze. Which is in and which is out? The person continuing is...Lee! Todrick's leaving us! No huge loss there. Well, I'm 0 for 2 so far! Farewell Todrick! You may not be a great singer, but you're certainly a creative guy who should do well for yourself! Now go pay back those kids' parents!

Up next is the duet that got cut from last year's finale, Matt Giraud and Scott MacIntyre singing Billy Joel's "Tell Her About It." Sheesh. Who cares about these jabronies? Who'll they bring back next? Megan Joy? Nice to see that Matt still loves his falsetto and runs and that Scott still can't stay on key. Good song though.

Back to the results!

Crystal Bowersox is in the Top 12, to the surprise of absolutely no one. Miss (or is it Mrs.?) Too Cool For School doesn't seem too enthusiastic about it.

Michael Lynche is also in the Top 12, also to the surprise of absolutely no one.

Lacey Brown is in the Top 12! Awesome! I voted for her!

Aaron Kelly is in the Top 12! Wow! I was wrong again! Hey, I'm not complaining. Aaron seems like a good kid.

Alex Lambert and Andrew Garcia are the only guys left. The one going to the Top 12 is...Andrew? Dang it! Dumb Ol' Necktat! Why do interesting, likable contestants like Alex get cut in favor of marginally talented losers like Andrew? Poor Alex starts crying when he hears he's been eliminated. If it's any consolation Alex, I'd put your chances of having a music career ahead of Andrew's. Alex must've been a popular guy, because his elimination brings the tears from everyone.

For the girls it's down to Katie Stevens and Lilly Scott. Oh come on. Lilly got the pimp spot! Katie performed poorly and went first! Of course Katie's going! The final seat goes to...Katie Stevens????? This night has defied all odds! How do you get the pimp spot and go home? As a regular reader of What Not to Sing I'm generally familiar with voting trends and such, and I managed to go 0 for 4 this week! What is going on here?

So it looks like our Top 12 is:

Didi Benami
Crystal Bowersox
Lacey Brown
Lee DeWyze
Andrew Garcia
Casey James
Aaron Kelly
Michael Lynche
Siobhan Magnus
Paige Miles
Katie Stevens
Tim Urban

I guess this is the time for me to start predicting the order they'll go in, but I honestly have no idea who's going to win this thing. We know they want a female winner this year, but the only girl who seems like a potential winner is Crystal, and those who peak early generally don't win. They can make it to the finale though, as Adam Lambert and David Archuleta have shown us the past two seasons. Hmmm. This probably won't be anything resembling correct, but here's my prediction for the order in which the Top 12 gets eliminated:

12. Paige Miles - Her fans clearly voted overtime this week to save her. Combine that with her relative anonymity and I doubt we'll be seeing her after next week.

11. Aaron Kelly - Nice kid, seems comfortable with country, but I don't think he's ready for the big time yet.

10. Tim Urban - Hey, we now know he's capable of giving us a good performance. Who's to say he can't last a little longer?

9. Lacey Brown - She'll probably be a Bottom 3 regular a few weeks before bowing out.

8. Katie Stevens - Nice girl, has a good voice, but not ready for the big time yet. Her fanbase should carry her a while.

7. Casey James - I get the impression he only cares about going far enough to ensure that he'll be noticed. He'll probably start mailing it in after a while.

6. Andrew Garcia - I'm betting he'll improve once he reaches the Finals.

5. Michael Lynche - We all love the big guy, but he doesn't seem to succeed outside of the R&B stuff. I don't think he's good enough to win the whole thing.

4. Crystal Bowersox - Like Casey, I don't think Crystal really wants to be the next American Idol. Once she's used up her bag of tricks she'll probably fade away slowly.

3. Siobhan Magnus - Too weird to win? Perhaps, but I think a lot of people are going to like her and it'll take her far. Besides, there's no questioning her talent.

2. Lee DeWyze - The rocker guys usually go pretty far, plus he's got the judges on his side.

1. Didi Benami - She's clearly talented and likable, but not really on anyone's radar right now. I could see her stepping it up as the competition goes on and taking the title.

So those are my predictions. At this point though, I could see them going in the reverse order. It's all up in the air right now. See you next week, when Mick Jagger learns what it's like to have his songs butchered by out-of-their-league amateurs!

Top 8 Guys - I'm Feeling Jaded Again

2010-03-10T22:52:00.000-06:00

Eight guys remain, and they're ready to continue their journey as fodder for the girls! It's another quick and easy one-hour episode tonight!

Lee DeWyze leads us off with Owl City's "Fireflies." Good song, interesting choice for Lee. He does his rocky-voiced thing while playing the acoustic guitar with it. He still has the usual pitch problems early on, but it's not so bad once he finds the groove. Even my brother says it's OK. The judges are all positive, and some say it was better than the original. I disagree, though I guess I can see how it might seem that way to some people.

Next, Alex Lambert takes to the stage for Ray LaMontagne's "Trouble." I really never got what was so great about this song, though Taylor Hicks and Chris Sligh both got high marks when they sang it. Alex seems less nervous than what we're used to. I still like his tone, but he has a hard time sustaining notes, and his pitch could be better. Overall, it's kind of boring. The judges still like him, but they think his confidence still needs work. I think he's likable enough that he could make the Top 12 though.

Tim Urban is the third straight contestant to play the acoustic guitar tonight, and the second straight contestant to perform a song I find massively overrated, this time Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." Surprisingly though, this is actually pretty good. There are no real pitch problems, you can tell he's feeling the song, and it all works. I gotta say, this is JPL Junior's best performance for sure. The judges are all positive, and Ellen even runs out to give Tim a hug. Hey. Good on ya, man.

Andrew Garcia has heard so much about how great his version of "Straight Up" in Hollywood was that he's decided to return to his female artist roots this week. He's doing an acoustic guitar version of Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle." Wow. This could either be an absolute trainwreck or an American Idol classic. So which is it? Well...it's...interesting. I can't say I'm a fan of Andrew's whispery vocals, since combining that with just an acoustic guitar makes the whole thing incredibly dull. I'll give him credit for trying, but it just didn't work for me. The judges, minus Ellen, aren't fans of it either. Simon and Kara both think it came off as a little desperate. Could we please put Ol' Necktat out of his (OK, our) misery this week, America?

Our resident bluesy bar guy, Casey James, chooses another slow acoustic song, Keith Urban's "You'll Think of Me." Wow. Five performances, five acoustic guitars. And hey, it's pretty good. A little marble-mouthed at times, but he delivers like a pro. The only problem is that there's no real wow factor. Still, I'll take a solid performance. The judges think it was good, but a little too safe. That's about all I can say for it too.

Aaron Kelly's going old school tonight with just a mic and no acoustic guitar. His song is Lonestar's "I'm Already There." Sorry, but Aaron's voice is too cracky for this to be great. It's good by typical non-stage-kid 16-year-old standards, but it's not an Idol-winning performance. You can tell he's really giving it his all, though. I'll throw some props his way for not coasting. The judges all point out his lacking vocals but still like him personally. Simon actually tells the rest of them to stop confusing him with their criticism. Wow, Simon's again admitting that the judges often give out confusing and contradictory advice! It only took you nine seasons!

Todrick Hall goes next-to-last (Yes! I got one of the two pimp spots right! Why didn't I stick with my original Lilly prediction?), and this week he's doing Queen's "Somebody to Love." He's embracing Queen's theatrical vibe with his outfit and it seems like he's mostly sticking to the original arrangement. He sounds great in the falsetto intro, but his middle register leaves something to be desired, which is where he stays for the rest of the song. It still feels a little disconnected to me. I have to say though, this guy might be the most creative mediocre singer in this show's history. Instead of agreeing with me, the judges love it, with only Simon showing a little skepticism. I guess Todrick's probably going to the Top 12 now. Amazing what one week can do.

Aaaaaaand...Michael Lynche closes us out with Maxwell's "This Woman's Work." He's going all-vocals tonight, just like the previous two contestants, and while he certainly brings the stage presence, he's got his moments of "pitchy." Oh, but wait! There's a big glory note in the middle! Well, that'll probably redeem him, just like it did for Siobhan last week. The judges shower him with adulation, and Kara even gets choked up, since the song relates to Michael's wife and new baby. Oh yeah. I didn't catch that. Well, I think it's safe to say Big Mike's in the Top 12. Simon even calls his performance the best of the Semifinals. High praise indeed. I'll stick with Crystal's performance from last night, thank you.

My performance ranking:

Tim (6.5/10)
Casey (6/10)
Michael (5.6/10)
Lee (5.5/10)
Alex (4.2/10)
Todrick (4.1/10)
Aaron (4/10)
Andrew (3/10)

Wow? Did I just call Tim Urban the best of the night? Looks like I did!

My picks to go home: Aaron and Andrew.

Tomorrow we find out our Top 12! Excitement is in the air!

Top 8 Girls - Let's Bump Down the Tempo

2010-03-09T22:25:00.000-06:00

Eight performances crammed into one hour! That's the way I like it! No boring intro clips, we get through it quickly and there's still time to watch LOST afterwards! Hooray!

First up is Katie Stevens, singing Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway." Wow. This is the third straight week we've heard a Kelly C. song. Katie actually sounds a lot like Kelly tonally, but...eegh. This really isn't that great. It doesn't feel like she's in the moment. Her nerves are still getting the better of her. The judges are all underwhelmed, and they remind us again that Katie doesn't know who she is as an artist. After going first and giving us that, I think Katie may be in trouble.

Siobhan Magnus gets a short interview with Ryan where she tells us she picked The Animals' "House of the Rising Sun" in honor of her dad. It starts out nearly a cappella, though there's more of a backing track halfway through. I give it a wow. Such a great voice for such an odd girl. Good control, good enunciation, she makes the song her own...hey, she's got it all. The judges love it, of course, but Simon's a little skeptical because there was no big glory note. Who cares, Simon? She's easily going to the finals.

Just like that we're jumping ahead to Lacey Brown, singing Brandi Carlile's "The Story." Hmmmm. Not bad. Lacey seems a lot more confident this week, and we're hearing more of the quirks in her voice that the judges love so much. It's not the most exciting song choice, but it's definitely a good performance. Hey, I'm happy for her. As I've said before, Lacey comes across as very likable. The judges give her her due props. After that universally-panned version of "Landslide" the first week, we might actually see Lacey in the Top 12! Who'd-a thunk it?

Time for perhaps the best technical singer in the competition, Katelyn Epperly. Tonight she's playing the keyboard for Carole King's "I Feel the Earth Move." Uhhh...no. This is awkward. The vocals are shaky and seem disconnected the entire time. Even my brother thinks she's not feeling it. It's a good song, but I don't think it did Katelyn any favors. The judges agree with me (and my brother), saying she didn't connect at all. Simon, the curl-o-phile, does compliment her hair though.

Didi Benami's up next with Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon." The original is a midtempo song, but Didi decides it's better as a slow acoustic thing. Unlike Katelyn, Didi really seems connected to her song. While it's a tad on the boring side, I would once again say it's pretty good. I think we're getting a good idea of who she is as an artist. The judges are positive, and Kara uses the opportunity to pimp her song that Didi sang in Hollywood again. We know, Kara. We know. We don't care either.

Paige Miles decides to keep up the sleep-inducing pace by singing Charlie Chaplin's "Smile." I guess after the two uptempo performances bombed I can't really blame them though. Paige is a little goaty tonight, but the notes are there more or less. Some of her pronunciation gets a little strange as things progress though. It's not bad, just miles away from great. The judges tear it apart, saying it was boring and a terrible song choice. I'm surprised Paige lasted this long, so she may be in trouble tonight.

Going second-to-last is Crystal Bowersox. Dang it! I picked her to get the pimp spot last week! That's means it'll be Lilly! You know what's even worse? I originally picked Lilly but switched it to Crystal at the last minute! Next time I'll stick with my gut! Anyway, Crystal's singing Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason" and rocks the bluesy electric guitar with it. Very, very good. Way cooler than Jordin Sparks' or Kristen McNamara's version. Even my brother likes it. Too bad this sort of early peak all but ensures she won't win this competition. That's OK, though; Crystal probably isn't cut out to be an American Idol winner anyway. The judges love it, and Simon even steals Randy's "million billion percent getting through" line. What a wild and crazy night it's been.

The pimp spot (as I just mentioned) goes to Lilly Scott. Oh, Lilly. Why couldn't you and Crystal have switched places? She's getting her quirk on this week to Patsy Cline's "I Fall to Pieces." She's playing the mandolin instead of the guitar this time. Eh. It's OK, I guess. Certainly an interesting song choice. There's just nothing about it that wows me. I have a feeling Lilly's belting face is going to get annoying by the time this season is over. The first three judges slather her with love, as is their job, but Simon brings the truth, telling her it was just so-so. Ha! I just noticed Lilly's taller than Ryan! I know Ryan's short, but usually he's about the same height as the girls. Lilly must be bigger than she looks.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.1/10)
Siobhan (8/10)
Lacey (6.5/10)
Didi (6/10)
Lilly (5/10)
Paige (4.5/10)
Katelyn (3/10)
Katie (2.5/10)

My picks to go home: Katie and Paige.

Katie hasn't lived up to the hype, and Paige didn't give the audience much reason to pick up the phone this week. I think we'll be bidding them a fond farewell on Thursday.

See you tomorrow! If Michael Lynche gets the pimp spot I'll at least be one for two!

Top 20 Results - My License to Predict Has Been Renewed!

2010-03-04T20:18:00.000-06:00

After tonight we'll be one week away from knowing our Top 12! Hmmm. When you put it that way it doesn't quite sound so special. Whatever. We get another group performance this week, and the song is "I've Got a Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas. Too bad it wasn't The Beatles' song. It would've been fun to see how they edited the line "everybody had a wet dream." The whole thing is super corny, but isn't that exactly what makes these performances so fun? It's nice to see the contestants, notably Michael, hamming it up. Just embrace it, guys! Cheese makes the world go 'round!

Results time! My predictions for those going home were James, John, Lacey and Michelle. Let's see if I can do better than my one for four last week!

Tim Urban is safe! I knew he would be!

Todrick Hall has to stay standing.

Michael Lynche is safe!

Casey James is safe!

John Park is still standing, and it's down to him and Todrick. The one leaving is...John. Darn it. Oh well. I'm one for one so far. John seems upbeat as he sings his way back into obscurity. Fare thee well, Johnny!

More guys getting the axe!

Lee DeWyze is safe!

Aaron Kelly, who reminds me of Cory Matthews from a distance, is safe!

Alex Lambert, America's underdog, is safe!

Only Jermaine Sellers and Andrew Garcia remain. Oh, come on! I'd love to see Ol' Neck-Tat leave this early (actually, I guess that nickname could apply to either of them, but I'm talking about Andrew), but it's too early for a mega-shocker! The safe contestant is...Andrew. Duh! Jermaine talks about how God has a plan for him and plugs the onesie one last time. Good for you, Jermaine. Better late than never to start showing some class. And just like that I'm two for two!

Danny Gokey time! Who'd-a thought he'd get a record deal? His new song is called "My Best Days Are Ahead of Me," and it's OK, I guess. It's kind of sad to watch this, actually. I remember after he got off the show he specifically said he didn't want to do country music, as a lot of people were suggesting for him. Yet here he is...doing country music. I guess that Latin-fusion album he wanted to do didn't work out. After the song he talks about how much he loves country music and how excited he is about this career path. Well, if he truly is happy, good for him. I wish him well. I don't see myself buying his stuff though.

Now it's the girls' turn to sweat!

Lilly Scott is safe!

Paige Miles is safe!

Katie Stevens is safe!

That leaves us with Didi Benami and Michelle Delamor. The safe contestant is...Didi! Michelle is going home! Oh well. Sorry those fifteen votes I gave you weren't enough, Michelle! She's clearly choked up as she sings her final song on the Idol stage. I'll miss you, you classy non-plant! Oh, by the way...I'm three for three!

One more girl has to go. I'm already predicting that they'll narrow it down to Haeley and Lacey, then "shock" everyone by announcing Haeley survived again. Just watch.

Katelyn Epperly is safe!

Crystal Bowersox is safe!

Siobhan Magnus is safe! No-brainers, all.

That leaves us with Haeley Vaughn and Lacey Brown. Son of a motherless goat, am I good at this or what? The girl leaving is...Haeley? Wow! I guess I'm not as good as I thought I was. I've also finished the night three for four! Oh well. Rarely does anyone get all four correct. Haeley tearfully sings her way out, and now last night's performance doesn't seem so bad. I think every girl on the couch is crying. They all must've loved her. Oh well. It was the right thing to do. She clearly was in over her head.

Any predictions on who gets the two pimp spots next week? I say Crystal for the girls and Michael for the guys. Hey, I've got to keep myself amused somehow.

Until next week, peace!...or...something.

Top 10 Girls - Crystal Cleared

2010-03-03T22:47:00.000-06:00

Instead of the guys we were supposed to see tonight, we're finally getting the girls. Instead of being automatically eliminated, Crystal Bowersox is back, because she's a "tough cookie." Instead of the steaming mound of mediocrity from last night, we actually heard several good performances.

Fresh off her hospital stay, Crystal's leading off tonight. We learn she has a twin brother who's kind of a square. Poor guy. I'd hate to have Crystal as a twin sister. Her song choice is "Long As I Can See the Light" by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and she intends to put a gospelly church spin on it. Well, the opening organ certainly fits that description. As much as I want to root against heavily-pimped, slightly trashy Crystal, I have to say she's really good. Like Michael last night, she started off the proceedings in style. The judges love it too, though Kara screws up by confusing which Alanis Morissette song she performed last week. Oh, Kara!

Haeley Vaughn likes to make headbands and has trouble looking serious when she sings because she's such a bubbly, happy person. That contagious likability might be all she has going for her. Her song tonight is Miley Cyrus' "The Climb." It starts out OK, but as it goes on there are more and more pitch problems until I have to throw up my hands and say "trainwreck!" She seems like a kid who's not ready yet, and the judges agree, though they like her spirit.

Texas girl Lacey Brown has a hobby of refurbishing antique furniture. That's semi-interesting. Just as the judges suggested last week, she chooses Sixpence None the Richer's "Kiss Me." She kind of adds her own twist to it, and the song's instrumentation is certainly different than the original. Her nerves are still very evident, though. You can hear that slight tremble in her voice and see a hesitance in her stage presence. She definitely has a likability to her, but this performance is nothing more than pleasant. The judges think it was good, but nothing special.

Katie Stevens can say "give me a kiss" in six different languages. She's a saucy one! Her song tonight is the song half of last year's girls auditioned with, Corinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On." Her voice is too quiet for the first half, and while she shows some good power vocals in the second half, I'm already bored by that point. The judges think she needs to show more of what type of artist she wants to be. Katie seems like your typical cute girl next door, and while she can certainly sing, she's not very interesting musically. I think her early exposure will keep her around though.

Former middle school mascot Didi Benami is doing Bill Withers' "Lean on Me." She has a really nice voice. It seems a little out of sorts for someone with her tone to be singing singing soul music, but somehow she makes it passable. At least I think so. The judges think it was bad song choice, and Simon even said it was painful. They aren't too harsh, but Didi is so discouraged she can't speak after she's done being judged. Huh. I guess I liked her tone so much I didn't notice the imperfections Simon was talking about. Good tone and texture are a big part of my liking a singer.

Church choir director Michelle Delamor, after doing a generically good Alicia Keys cover last week, is doing "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed. Way to climb out of that pigeonhole, Michelle! Unfortunately, the vocals are shaky throughout. I applaud the brave song choice, but it doesn't work at all. Poor Michelle. I kind of like her. The judges give it mixed reviews. Randy seems disappointed, Ellen is lukewarm, and Kara and Simon think it was her best performance yet. Well hey! I hope their praise keeps her around!

Lilly Scott lets us know she can play a ton of different instruments. I thought "Moog" was an interesting item on the list. I'd like to see her break that one out on the show! She's doing an Idol standard, Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come." Not the most creative song choice, but a very good performance. Like Crystal, she has the poise of an old pro with this playing-the-guitar-and-singing thing. The judges all give her deserved high praise.

Katelyn Epperly says she was studying to be a recording engineer before auditioning. Since her odds of making it as a recording artist are pretty slim, that's a good backup profession if she wants to stay in the industry. Her song choice is "The Scientist," by the musical equivalent of melatonin, Coldplay. Oh, and she's playing the piano too. The vocals are good. Katelyn may be the best technical singer in the competition, but sheesh, what a boring song. Still, she deserves credit for the vocals. The judges all think it was good, but offer small pieces of constructive criticism here and there.

The still-relatively-unknown Paige Miles reveals that she likes to color. How cute! She's doing Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away," which sounds pretty good. I don't know the original, so I can't say how it compares. Paige hits some crazy high notes near the end, which I guess gives it an extra oomph. It's a little awkward at parts, but overall pretty good. The judges think the song choice could've been better, but that her vocals were good. Kara, who wrote the song, thinks she didn't capture the feeling of the lyrics very well. Does anyone else think it's a conflict of interest that she's allowed to judge performances of her own songs?

This week's pimp spot goes to Siobhan Magnus, and she reveals she used to have a mohawk. What a shocker. She seemed so clean-cut. Her song choice is Aretha Franklin's "Think," and...well, she shows off an impressive vocal range, going into shrieky Lambert territory a few times. Eh, it was half-shaky and half-impressive. It just seemed a little contrived, with a pure karaoke arrangement. I'm sure the judges will love it because of the high notes, and as expected, they do.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8/10)
Lilly (7/10)
Katelyn (6/10)
Didi (5.9/10)
Paige (5.5/10)
Siobhan (5/10)
Katie (4.5/10)
Lacey (3.5/10)
Michelle (2/10)
Haeley (1.5/10)

My picks to go home: Lacey and Michelle

Lacey's been forgettable two weeks in a row, and Michelle wasn't as good as the judges made her out to be. I think the praise they gave her might lead some to assume she's safe.

See you tomorrow!

Top 10 Guys - If This is a Man's World, What Did This Episode Say About the World?

2010-03-02T23:26:00.000-06:00

Here I am looking forward to a night of women when I suddenly see that the guys are going tonight. Apparently Crystal Bowersox was rushed to the hospital and can't perform. That means tonight's show is sponsored by Jimmy Dean! Since they didn't know they were performing until this morning, the guys are obviously less prepared mentally. That can't bode well. Last week we said goodbye to Tyler and Joe (I know, I know. Who?), so only ten guys will be performing tonight. Hooray for two fewer crappy performances to sit through!

The interesting fact we learn about Michael Lynche is that he played football and did theater at the same times, so he's quite the well-rounded individual. His song choice tonight is James Brown's "This is a Man's World." The long pauses seem awkward at first, but after he gets into it he really brings it home. His vocals and stage presence are both great. This soulful slow burn is much, much better than last week. The judges love it, and rightfully so.

John Park grew up speaking Korean, so English is actually his second language. Just like Sun and Jin! Hey, did I mention I'm missing Lost tonight? He's singing John Mayer's "Gravity" and doing a poor job of it. I can tell he's really trying, but he seems too nervous, and you can tell he's not in the moment. Sorry, John. Not good enough. The judges think it was too safe, but better than last week. Funny. I liked him better last week. I think he's in trouble tonight, though.

One of our contestants never watched American Idol before being on it, and perhaps it's because he never had a TV growing up. Oh what I'd give to be free of my TV addiction. That contestant is Casey James (AKA "Kasy Male-oy,"), who's singing Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want to Be." How many times is this song going to be performed on this show? You know, these intro segments seem longer, which really allows you to get to know the contestants better. What a concept. Casey's playing the elctric guitar tonight, and while he can really wail, the vocals are a bit shaky. Perhaps part of the problem is the wussified mix, which highlights the vocals ahead of the larger performance. Most rock music isn't meant to be a vocal showcase, the vocals are just an ingredient. The judges all think it was OK but could've been better.

Interesting. Alex Lambert created his own language, which sounds an awful lot like Japanese. We also learn he has severe stage fright, which I can totally understand. He sings John Legend's "Everybody Knows" with an acoustic guitar. I still like his tone, but this entire performance is strictly amateur hour. His nerves are coming through strong, and that final falsetto note is cringe-worthy. I'm sort of rooting for him (as Kara said everyone in America was), but that wasn't very good. To my surprise, the judges all love him this week. Huh. I guess my hearing doesn't jibe with this week's script.

Todrick Hall loves female artists, since he's doing Tina Turner after Kelly Clarkson last week. Oh, and he's been dancing since he was nine. He puts his own spin on "What's Love Got to Do With It?" I actually like the new arrangement, but as was the case with "Since U Been Gone," the vocals are lacking. While I gave him a pass on the poor singing last week, this time I'm going to be tougher. He's got to start bringing it in all aspects of his performance. I actually want to like Todrick, since we could use more creativity in this world. The judges criticize his song reinvention. Sheesh, judges. Why can't you focus on the real issue, his singing, instead of attacking him for trying to do his own thing with a song?

How Jermaine Sellers survived last week I have no idea. My best guess is that his fans voted extra hard knowing he was in trouble, but how big a fanbase could the guy have had? Well, whatever. We learn in the video package that he rocks his onesie. Hooray for him. His song choice is Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On." His voice is too airy for my liking in the lower parts, but he does well on the higher parts. Ehhh. He's clearly a talented singer, but this performance just didn't come together very well. The judges want him to pull back more, and Jermaine can't resist throwing in his two cents after every comment. Keep on digging that hole, Jermaine. Acting egotistical does you no favors. Then he says God is on his side. Hey, maybe that's how he survived last week's poor performance!

Andrew Garcia is a breakdancer. Fascinating. Tonight he's singing James Morrison's "You Give Me Something." You know what? I'll just come right out and say I don't like this guy. His voice is grating, his neck tattoo is distracting, and both his performances have been boring. Another thing I can't explain is why he makes me think of Adam Lambert. Is there any similarity between those two? Overpimpedness, perhaps? I'll be fair though, I can't file any specific complaints about Andrew's vocals. He's just so average that it irks me. The judges come down on him and tell him he picked the wrong song.

The ever-smiling Aaron Kelly loves photography, because he's apparently a creative soul. He's not the first contestant to do it, but tonight he's taking on The Temptations' "My Girl." The kid sounds goaty (forgive the bad pun), and still has a Rascal Flatts vibe to his voice. There are lots of awkward off-key moments throughout. I will say though, it's a good effort, and I like the arrangement. I see a lot of potential in Aaron, he's just not quite great yet. The judges are generally positive, but careful not to overpraise. Simon tells him he stills needs work. Well done for a change, judges.

Tim Urban comes from a large family, where he has four brothers and five sisters. And I thought being one of four kids was crazy. His song for tonight is Matt Nathanson's "Come On Get Higher," and he's playing the guitar with it. I don't recognize the title, but I think I've heard this song before. My main issue here is that Tim's voice just isn't that strong, and it brings the song down. Once again, good effort, not great. The judges don't get it, but Ellen throws in a plug for Glee. Simon shocks everyone by saying he likes it better than most of tonight's performances. I see Tim lasting another week, but probably not much longer.

Tonight's pimp spot goes to Lee DeWyze, who we learn was put in an alternative high school for making "bad decisions." And what decision is worse than trying to jumpstart your music career through American Idol? His song is Hinder's "Lips of an Angel." The judges compared him to David Cook last week, but I have to say he comes across as a cheap knockoff. There's a slightly whiny catch to his voice, which kind of reminds me of Chad Kroeger. All told though, after the crap we've endured tonight, this is actually pretty good. There are some pitch problems, but they aren't as severe as last week's all-over-the-place-ness. Congrats, Lee. You've earned the right to stick around. The judges all love it, since there has to be something salvageable after no one came close to Michael's opening performance.

My performance ranking:

Michael (7.5/10)
Lee (6/10)
Casey (4.5/10)
Andrew (4.4/10)
Jermaine (4/10)
Aaron (3.6/10)
Todrick (3.5/10)
Tim (3/10)
John (2.5/10)
Alex (2/10)

Wow. Am I just in a bad mood tonight, or were the guys really that awful?

My picks to go home: Jermaine and John.

John went early and was fairly forgettable, so I think we may be saying goodbye to him. If Jermaine survives this week it may just be proof that God actually is on his side.

Hopefully Crystal Bowersox is available to perform tomorrow, because it'd be a shame for her to have to drop out of the competition or get a free pass this week.

Top 24 Results - I May Lose My License to Predict

2010-02-25T21:46:00.000-06:00

Two guys and two girls are going home tonight, and we only have an hour for our proceedings! We're also seeing the return of my two favorites from last season, Allison Iraheta and Kris Allen!

The group number for tonight is "American Boy." I've never heard this song, but apparently it's by someone named Estelle. It's funny when the guys are forced to sing "I'm liking this American boy." Casey looks like he has no idea what he's doing there. Funny stuff. Not one of the best group numbers ever, but my brother thinks it's good, so I guess it'll do.

Results time!

Siobhan Magnus is safe!

Haeley Vaughn is safe!

Michelle Delamor is safe!

Katelyn Epperly, who reminds me of Amy from the first season of The Apprentice, is safe!

That leaves Katie Stevens and Janell Wheeler. Well duh, Katie's been pimped since the beginning and went last. Who do you think is going to be safe? Indeed it is Janell going home. Too bad. I kind of liked her. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, though. She does her teary-voiced, half-hearted sing-out and America officially forgets about her two seconds later.

Iraheta time! Allison's singing a new song caled "Scars." Hmmm. I remember hearing her first single and thinking they were marketing her to teens. This song is much more grown-up. Fear not, though! She's still as big a goof as she was last year with her hand motions and after-song chat with Ryan. Back to results!

Paige Miles is safe!

Lacey Brown is safe! Well, there go both my elimination picks!

Lilly Scott is safe!

Crystal Bowersox is safe!

That leaves us with Ashley Rodriguez and Didi Benami. I predict it'll be Ashley, and indeed it is. Ashley seems to maintain her composure by avoiding too many words when Ryan tells her it's the end. I'm sure the tears are all coming backstage.

Now it's the guys' turn!

Michael Lynche is safe!

John Park is safe! Good, those ten votes I gave him weren't a waste!

Aaron Kelly is safe!

Todrick Hall is safe! Hey, why don't we just look at the end of each row and figure out who our two options to leave are?

Tim Urban and Joe Munoz are the only ones left, and I say Joe's going. Ryan delivers the news and hey, I was right! Come on, the guy got no screentime! Wasn't it obvious?

Now it's time for the best winner this show ever produced (who'll still hold that title after this season is over), Kris Allen. He's performing "Let It Be," which will be available for download on iTunes, with all proceeds going to Haiti. As usual, he does a great job. It's times like these when I'm glad Adam Lambert's not our reigning Idol. I can't imagine that sort of aural assault raising as much for the Haitians in need.

One more hopeful still faces the chopping block. Let's put him out of his misery.

Casey James is safe!

Jermaine Sellers is safe??? Wow. Didn't see that one coming.

Lee DeWyze is safe!

Andrew Garcia is safe!

That leaves us with Tyler Grady and Alex Lambert. One is stuck in the 1970's and the other has a mullet. Tough choice. I say it's obviously going to be Alex, since Tyler's too distinctive, but...what??? Tyler's out? Now that comes as something of a shock. I figured his old-school vibe would garner him a fanbase that'd keep him around at least a few weeks. Oh well. I don't care. I liked Alex better last night.

I predicted Paige, Lacey, Joe and Jermaine to get cut. Instead it was Janell, Ashley, Joe and Tyler. Well, one out of four ain't bad. Poor Joe, though. He deserved better.

So we led off the show with "American Boy" and closed it with Tyler's reprise of "American Woman." If that represents some sort of progression it's a bit of an uncomfortable one.

See you next week!

Top 12 Guys - Bring on the Averageness!

2010-02-24T23:09:00.001-06:00

So now it's the guys' turn. After reading some of the other blogs from last night, it looks like I was more charitable to the girls than most people were. I try not to let the opinions of others influence my ratings, though perhaps a second viewing would've made me agree with the harsher critics out there. Oh well. Let's see how the men fare in their first turns on the Idol stage. We have a lot more acoustic guitar-player types this year. The big question is: will they be cool, creative Kris Allens, or will they be gimmicky, moderately-talented Jason Castros? Tonight we may get a glimpse into the answer.

Leading things off is playwright/scam artist Todrick Hall from Arlington, TX. His song choice? Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone." Wow. Bold. I'm sure Mike V. is going to hate this. Todrick switches it up and makes it into some smooth, jazzy type of soul thing. The vocals aren't the greatest, but the creativity adds some spark to it. As much as I want to hate him for scamming people out of money, I gotta give him credit here. It was nice to see some real originality. The judges all like his talent, but aren't fans of the new arrangement.

Sonestown, PA's Aaron Kelly takes on "Here Comes Goodbye," performed by Rascal Flatts and co-written by former Idol contestant Chris Sligh! Aaron sounds like a less-lispy, country-tinged Kevin Covais. You can tell the kid's nervous. While this performance has a very amateurish feel to it (not totally inappropriate, since he's obviously not a professional singer), it's much better than I was expecting. I gotta give him some props. The judges all concur that he was good enough to deserve another week. Aaron sure likes to smile. I guess that'll give him the likability factor.

Next is Jermaine Sellers, a church singer from Joliet, IL. Nice town. I took a train visit there this summer. Which former Idol contestant's song is he going to do? His pick is "Get Here," popularly done by Oleta Adams. Sooooo...Justin Guarini then? Jermaine starts off sounding too soft and slightly off-key and has moments of sounding breathy and strangled as it goes on, before finally reaching his screechy upper register and overbelting. Sorry, Jermaine. I'd love to see a fellow Illinoisan have some success on this show, but that wasn't good. The judges seem to be more critical of the song choice than the performance itself. Whatever. Neither was all that inspired.

Tim Urban, who replaced the whiny Chris Golightly, didn't tell his family he was called back for Idol because he wanted to surprise them. There's a prank for the ages. The Duncanville, TX native reminds me of Jon Peter Lewis. Is that good or bad? I dunno. He's doing "Apologize" by OneRepublic, and the head voice parts are weak. I didn't think he was anything special back in Hollywood, and he's not changing my mind here. His control needs some work. He's clearly got some talent, but it's not up to the standards of an Idol. The judges all agree it didn't work.

Joe Munoz, this year's no-screentime, blatantly-fodder contestant, is from Huntington Park, CA. Based on the Hollywood clips he seems like another guitar guy. He takes on Jason Mraz' "You and I Both," forgoing the guitar. Hmmm. This guy's actually a good singer. He reminds me a little of David Hernandez, but I won't hold that against him, since David was actually somewhat likable before he got eliminated and started famewhoring it up. Joe sounds weak on a few notes, which are probably nerve-related. It's not a great performance, but definitely a solid one. The judges are all generally positive, and Kara even calls him the best of the night so far. Simon, knowing that this guy isn't supposed to succeed, tries to bury him by calling him forgettable. I think Joe might be in some trouble due to his lack of screentime, but I think he deserves another week.

We have an interesting old-school rocker in Nazareth, PA's Tyler Grady. He's doing "American Woman" by The Guess Who. Ehhhh. I kind of want to like this guy, but this performance doesn't do anything for me. It's a heavy rocker, and this muted backing track sounds too wimpy for it to be believable. Vocally I hear nothing special. The judges all want to see him add his style to something that'll connect with a modern audience. That's probably the best advice if he wants to succeed on Idol.

Lee DeWyze is from Chicago (yeah!). He's the first guy tonight who actually picks up the guitar, for a rendition of Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars." I'm not a big fan of this song. It's bland, boring Britpop, though Lee tries to make it an American modern-rocker. I do like the tone to Lee's voice. He sounds like a potentially good singer, but it's hard to tell with all the off-key moments, particularly in the chorus. I'd kind of like to see him do well, as he seems like a cool guy with talent. The performance just didn't work. The lesser three judges hate the song choice and his arrangement of it, but Simon says it was the best of the night so far. Eh. I disagree, but I'm interested to see what else Lee can do.

John Park is from Northbrook, IL, (yeah!) and wants to marry Shania Twain. Hey maybe he should sing one of her songs! On second thought, that might be a little creepy. He's singing the jazz standard "God Bless the Child." Wow. Interesting choice. It's not the most exciting song, but John sings it competently. Pretty good, I just wish there were more of a "wow" factor. The judges all hate the song choice and feel like the performance missed the mark. What a shame. I thought it was better than that. I hope that doesn't bode ill for John.

The man who wasn't kicked out after all, St. Petersburg, FL's Michael Lynche, talks again about his daughter being born during Hollywood, since people just eat that stuff up. He's a personal trainer, so I guess all that bulk must be muscle. He's doing Maroon 5's "This Love" and becomes the second contestant of the night to pick up the guitar for his performance. Good song. The vocals aren't horrible, but they don't impress me much (don't worry John, I'm not stealing your girl). There's not much range in this song, so the whole thing comes across as a "whatever." Maybe I'm just jaded. The judges agree, however, that it was nothing special, so maybe they're equally jaded or...it actually wasn't great.

Alex Lambert from North Richland Hills, TX rocks the mullet and sings "Wonderful World" by James Morrison. There's a Gokey-esque quality to his voice, a Glambert-esque quality to his name and a Wagner-Trugman-esque quality to his comfort on stage. You can tell the guy's super-nervous, but surprisingly, I kind of like elements of his performance. His tone is nice, and if you take away the quavery moments he delivers the song decently. I think Alex has some potential, even if this performance wasn't as good as it could've been. Simon comes down on him for being so awkward, and Alex admits he hasn't performed in front of an audience too many times. It shows, brotha.

Say, did you know Fort Worth, TX's Casey James removed his shirt at his audition? I don't think they've shown the clip enough, and it'd be a shame for that vitally important piece of information to escape you. Kara DioGuardi has a huge crush on him because of it! His song choice is Bryan Adams' "Heaven," and it's probably the best performance of the night. You can tell he's a seasoned pro (he does introduce himself as a working musician, after all), as he seems totally comfortable on stage and delivers vocally. The judges give him his rightful praise, though I'm still slightly creeped out by the fact that he looks like a male Kady Malloy (does anyone besides me even remember her?).

Finally, Andrew Garcia, who I knew would get the pimp spot before the show even began, closes us out. What does the Moreno Valley, CA native choose? Fall Out Boy's "Sugar, We're Goin Down." I don't know this song, so I couldn't tell you if he changed it up or anything, but it seems like he stays in the same zone the entire time and never strays from it. It's not bad, but it's hardly interesting. The judges all agree with me that it was nothing distinctive or special, vindicating my opinion of their chosen male.

Unlike last night, the performance recap montage runs smoothly. Glad somebody got something right around there for a change. I'm even more surprised that only four of these guys played the guitar tonight. It seemed like there'd be more.

My Performance Ranking:

Casey (7.5/10)
Todrick (7/10)
John (6/10)
Joe (5.2/10)
Aaron (5.1/10)
Andrew (5/10)
Michael (4.5/10)
Alex (4.4/10)
Tim (4/10)
Tyler (3/10)
Lee (2.2/10)
Jermaine (2/10)

My picks to go home: Jermaine and Joe

Jermaine bombed, and I don't think he has the fan support to overcome it, while I fear Simon's comment about Joe not being memorable may have some merit. Unpimped contestants like Joe have to do extra well or have a hook (e.g. a cute kid or a distinctive look) to stay in it, and he may fall short there. It'll be interesting to see how America votes with him.

For what's supposed to be a girl's year, I didn't think the girls were significantly more impressive in this first week. We'll see over time who's got it and who hasn't. See you tomorrow when four people get the axe!

Top 12 Girls - Ladies First

2010-02-23T23:02:00.000-06:00

So after all the waiting we're finally getting some performances out of these people! Now I have to write these recaps again! OK, OK, it may seem like a chore sometimes, but I'm sure once I find a favorite in this thing it'll get more exciting. Unfortunately, I won't be able to watch Lost, tonight which makes me glad Hulu exists.

Before I get to this recap I want to say a few things. For starters, I don't think I'll be continuing the play-by-play format of my past recaps this year. I'm sorry. I realize the world will seriously miss replaying the entire show through my eyes. It gets tedious recounting every judge's comment and useless filler segment they give us though, so unless some of that peripheral stuff is interesting I'll get straight to the point and talk about the performances. After all, the music is why I, and I'd assume most viewers, tune in.

Second, I'm going to try to be more consistent with my ratings this year. Last year I didn't have the best mental calibration of what each level meant, so some of them ended up making little sense in retrospect. I thought I'd spell out what each level means, which will make it easier for me and hopefully anyone else who might care about my ratings.

0/10: Horrific in every way.
1/10: Very, very bad, with perhaps a redeeming quality or two.
2/10: Clearly subpar, though not quite a trainwreck.
3/10: Strictly mediocre, forgivable but definitely not good.
4/10: Below average, but not terrible.
5/10: Average, about what you'd expect an American Idol contestant to be capable of.
6/10: Above average, but nothing that blows me away.
7/10: Good enough that people should take notice.
8/10: Very impressive.
9/10: Incredible, though not out-of-this-world.
10/10: Absolutely, breathtakingly perfect.

That's the system I'll be sticking to (or at least trying to stick to). Any decimal places I might add means that I found some middle ground between these levels, or that I wanted to identify the superior performance of two similarly-scored contestants. Like last year, I'll try to be as fair as possible.

Anyway, enough talk! Let's see how our girls did tonight!

First up, Paige Miles from Naples, FL, singing "All Right Now" by Free. The guitar sounds too low, which highlights the nerves in her voice. Ugh. She seems nice, but she's clearly not suited for this song. Too quavery and her enunciation is weird. While I didn't see all the preliminary stuff, I don't remember much from her in Hollywood. When you combine a poor performance with going first and a lack of screen time, I think she's an early favorite to leave this week. The judges disagree, and praise her to high heaven. Simon even says she has the best voice of the girls. Well, what do I know? Hey, I like the new graphics! The font they used in the auditions and Hollywood really left me cold.

Next is Ashley Rodriguez from Chelsea, MA. Sorry, but I hate Boston. Their sports fans are the most insufferable jerks you'll ever meet. The idea that a girl might be a Red Sox fan is a huge turnoff. You shan't get my vote, Ashley! I'm not sure if she likes the Red Sox, but we do know she likes Jordin Sparks. Heck, she even kind of looks like her. Therefore, she probably won't win. We don't need any duplicate winners. Her song is Leona Lewis' "Happy." The mix is terrible again. I know they want to highlight the vocals, but it leaves the singer too vulnerable. I'm not overly impressed with this. It's not terrible, but there are too many pitch problems here and there. The judges think it's too safe and Simon says she might be in trouble.

Janell Wheeler from Orlando, FL, a wine sales rep, is next with Heart's "What About Love." Hmmm. Finally someone with good enunciation. There's a soft piano backing to start, but once again the low mix leaves her voice bare and vulnerable. If she goes slightly off-pitch it's painfully obvious. I think they may have cut costs this year by replacing the live band with a backing track. She's clearly nervous, but there's something endearing about it. So far it's the best of the night. The judges' main criticism is her song choice. Eh, I think it worked OK.

Next is Lilly Scott. That's two L's, like Evangeline Lilly. Hey, did I mention I'm missing Lost tonight? The graphic says she's from Littleton, CO, though she says Denver. Maybe she wants to downplay her connection to the location of the Columbine shooting. Wow, she's only 20? I can't believe this girl's younger than my sister! Her song choice is The Beatles' "Fixing a Hole." Huh? Filler from Sgt. Pepper's? I'm not a big fan of her vocal mannerisms, but she pulls off everything she attempts to do here. Definitely the most interesting one so far. I'll give her a thumbs-up. Once again the judges agree with me (which may or may not be a good thing).

Katelyn Epperly from West Des Moines, IA is pretty, but I know she has a tattoo on her back, so...yeah. That drops her attractiveness rating a few points. Odd. They have her made up and styled to death for this performance. On the plus side, her rendition of The Beatles' "Oh! Darling" is superb. She makes it her own and hits all the notes. I like the slight raspiness she's got. Good job. We're seeing some improvement as the night progresses. The judges don't seem quite as high on the performance as I am, but they give her her due props.

Haeley Vaughn from Fort Collins, CO got her nose pierced to celebrate making it to Hollywood. The uglification of American girls continues. It's the third straight Beatles song, this time "I Want to Hold Your Hand." Interesting choice. She does an acoustic guitar version which is kind of cool, but she oversings too much at parts. She definitely got talent though. Her constant smiling is nice in theory, but her mouth is so big that it can be a little overbearing. I'll give her credit for an original performance concept, but I'll dock her some points for a flawed delivery. Simon rips into her while the other judges offer mild criticisms. She's had enough pimping that I think she'll be here next week, and I'm interested to see what she does.

Amarillo, TX's Lacey Brown is an event coordinator at a church. I don't like the red hair dye, but I guess it's less offensive than tattoos or piercings. Knowing this group, Lacey probably has at least one of those things, but we can always hope not. She does Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide," a slow song that's way too boring, and she occasionally stumbles on her words. Ergh. She seems likable, but this just isn't that great. No connection at all. The judges are all negative in their critiques. I'd say Lacey's in trouble. That was too forgettable.

Michelle Delamor is a sales associate, who also taught a children's choir in Miami, FL. Her family supports her big time. I mean BIG TIME. She has a posse everywhere she goes because they're so committed to her. She sings "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys. Wow, now here's a voice that carries the song. Some of the high stuff is a little awkward, but I like it overall. She keeps it under control pretty well and she seems to have a good feel for what she's doing. I wouldn't call it incredible, but definitely solid all over. Simon compliments her look, which doesn't surprise me given his thing for curly-haired women. Hey, I'm not knocking him. I love curly-haired women too. The judges all seem to agree with me again: strong, but could've been stronger. I like Michelle. She seems like a classy woman among a group of girls I'd never marry. Watch her end up having a tattoo or something.

Next up is Didi Benami, a waitress (and plant) from Knoxville, TN. She sings "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. What to say about this? Nice...I guess. I like some of the stuff she does with her voice. To be honest, I sort of blanked out during this performance. It just didn't grab me. The judges all agree with me once again that it was too dull.

Cape Cod, MA's Siobhan Magnus has an Irish first name, a Scandinavian last name, and a ton of quirk. Nose ring? Check. Tattoo? Check. Glassblowing apprentice? Odd job check. In her interview package we find out that she talks robotically, sings like Adam Lambert and doesn't know what the term "dark horse" means. This girl is so odd and yet, strangely compelling. Her version of Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" is actually really good. She's in control and really captures the song's feel. Everything clicks. The judges all agree with me again. Why don't they just put me on the panel and get it over with?

Crystal Bowersox from Elliston, OH has been getting a lot of screen time as the dreadlocked white mother who's kind of grungy. She sings Alanis Morissette's "Hand in My Pocket" and plays guitar and harmonica with it. I'm still not a fan of hers, but I'll give her credit for a good performance here. The rhythm is catchy, and her vocals are suited for a song like this. The judges all love her, and only Simon wants more from her, namely that she choose something more challenging. That's actually good advice. I'd like to see if Crystal could do something outside her comfort zone.

Katie Stevens from Middlebury, CT (I had a feeling she'd go last before the show began) was interviewed earlier before Michelle's performance, so between that and the pimp spot we know they intend for her to go far. She chooses "Feeling Good" popularly done by Michael Buble. I just don't get this stinking song's appeal. Why has it been done so many times on Idol? It's obvious Katie's talented, but this performance wasn't the showstopper they were probably expecting it to be. It seemed like it was all technique and no soul. The judges want her to choose younger songs. After all, she's only 17!

Hey, we ended on time tonight! What do you know? This show might go off without a...never mind. In the performance recap montage the lead vocal track cuts out and doesn't come back until the middle of Ashley's clip. Well, what's an Idol episode without technical problems?

My Performance Ranking:

Katelyn (8/10)
Siobhan (7.1/10)
Crystal (7/10)
Lilly (6.5/10)
Michelle (6/10)
Janell (5.5/10)
Katie (5/10)
Haeley (4.9/10)
Didi (4.5/10)
Ashley (4/10)
Lacey (3.5/10)
Paige (3/10)

My picks to go home: Paige and Lacey

I don't think I'll bother voting tonight. There's no one here I love enough (yet) to waste my cell phone battery on. See you tomorrow night when the guys try their hand at this whole Idol stage business!

Chicago Auditions Recap - Yawn

2010-01-19T22:40:00.000-06:00

So I feel obligated to recap this episode because I was at the auditions and stuff. This is the first full audition episode I've seen this season and already I'm bored with the entire audition process. Seriously, there's nothing here to see. Loser that I am though, I shall try to write something about it.

They begin the show with a bunch of people cursing out American Idol. I didn't see much of that, but then, I didn't make it past the first cut.

They remind us that our nation's president, Barack Obama, got his start here in the corrupt political machine of Chicago. Ugh. Are there still people left on the Obama-train?

Shania Twain is a guest on the judges' panel. Kara is still phony as ever. Why am I writing this?

First up is Katelyn Epperly from Des Moines, IA. Apparently her father left or something. Yeah, yeah, we know the drill. Sob story, sympathy, golden ticket. Lather, rinse, repeat (I don't find saying "lather, rinse, repeat" all that funny, but it seems customary to say that anytime you describe a simple three-step process). She has a huge tattoo on her shoulder, so I guess that means she's got a bit of Carpetbagger Carly Smithson in her. Freak. Simon asks her why she's doing it, and she says because of family problems. In other words, she's trying to milk this whole gravy train for as much sympathy as she can get. She sings "Syrup and Honey" by Duffy, and is pretty good. I don't see her winning or anything, but she's a worthy contender who gets yeses all around. Okey-dokey then.

Hey, Kris Allen stars in a new Ford Fusion commercial! Best winner ever, man.

Next is Amy Lang from Westchester, OH, who's heavy-set and caucasian, which makes her an automatic no. She also has a crush on Ryan Seacrest, which is a further tip of the hand. Of course, she sings Aretha Franklin's "Dr. Feelgood" by fake-fainting, being as cheesy and overdramatic as possible and sounding mediocre. Then she shows her signature move: What Kara dubs "boob-boxing." Essentially, she moves her mammaries to the rhythm. How...interesting. It's a no. I'm done with her.

They play the "Growing Pains" theme over a bunch of shots of friends supporting each other. Good taste, they've got.

Next is Charity Vance from Little Rock, AR, who works at a salon. Since we see this extensive backstory and she's portrayed as somewhat normal, we can just cut to the chase and assume she makes it. Her "Summertime" is high-pitched but generally on-key. I guess there's a sort of catch to her voice that makes it different. I'm not too enthused. As we all expected, she gets yeses from all four, goes outside, her family jumps up and down and another life is changed forever. All in a day's work.

There's a montage of bad contestants, which is only mildly amusing. A woman confronts Simon about the harsh criticism he gave her daughter and says she doesn't like him anymore. I'm sure Simon relishes it.

Once again we see Angela Martin, the girl with the difficult life who auditions every year. Apparently last year she dropped out because she had a court date for a traffic violation. That's a bad break. The judges all know her when they see her, which is funny, since these contestants are all supposed to be unknowns. She does "Just Fine" by Mary J. Blige and nails it. I mean, obviously she's good, since, you know, she's made it to Hollywood the last two years. Blah blah blah, she gets through.

A black guy with a blue scarf and a Kris Allen lookalike both make it.

Chicago's Curley Newbern sings Maxwell's "This Woman's Worth" crappily. His occupation is listed as "parent." He's just a big ol' no. He walks off without getting any votes because he knows he wasn't getting through.

Alannah Halbert does a high-pitched "I Will Always Love You" without much vocal power. The judges try to help her with her technique, which doesn't do much to help. Simon says it's a no for now, so I guess she has a spot on "The X-Factor" waiting for her next year.

We see a silly parody of silent movies. OK.

Brian Krause from Pittsburgh has been in the Army and looks like an inbred goof, so he's obviously not going to make it. Hey, whaddaya know! He doesn't! Singing Tiny Tim's "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" was an inspired choice though.

Chicago's Harold Davis talks about how great he's going to be and how he'll surpass his own expectations while "Gonna Fly Now" plays in the background, so you know they're setting him up for failure. His take on Usher's "Nice n' Slow" actually isn't that bad. He's just corny and a bit off-key at times. He uses allergies as an excuse and starts crying when he gets a no. Poor dude. I would've said yes.

Another montage of bad people. Another yawn from me.

Next is John Park, a voice student from Northbrook, IL. Hey, I lived there for ten years! There's a heavy Korean population in Northbrook, so it doesn't surprise me that he's from there. His backstory is portrayed seriously, so we know he makes it. He's pretty good, though nothing all that memorable. Commenting on the technical aspects of his singing, Shania says he has a beautiful bottom end and nice lips (snicker!). He gets through to Hollywood and all his friends mob him. Well, at least one good thing came from this episode: I have someone to vote for if he makes it. Come on, you gotta support people from your old town.

Paige Dechausse from Morris, IL once survived an asthma attack and went into anaphylactic shock (wow, I spelled that right without even looking it up!). Another hour, another Very Special Contestant. She sings "A Change is Gonna Come," I'm too bored to analyze its quality, Simon gives a no, Shania and Kara give yeses, and Randy gets badgered into giving a yes by the two girls. Congrats, Paige. Please just end, episode.

Tacked onto the end we see three guys make it: Justin Ray (the black Chris Sligh) , Keith Semple (the guitar slacker Bryan Adams) and Marcus Jones (the generic skinny R&B singer). Overall, 13 Chicago auditioners made it to Hollywood. None of them were people I recognized from the auditions. I may have missed it, but I didn't see myself anywhere in the crowds either. It's funny...they didn't show any of the cheesy crowd slogans or us singing "Hot 'n Cold." Not that it's a big loss or anything, it's just that we wasted so much time on that crap. Oh well. Life will go on just fine.

Tomorrow the auditions go to Orlando and...hip hip hooray, I don't have to recap it! Yee-haw!

My State of This Blog Address

2010-01-14T19:57:00.003-06:00

If you read my blog regularly during Idol season (hey, there are surely a few of you) you may be wondering why I haven't posted anything about the first two audition episodes. For starters, I was lazy and put off buying a digital converter box for my analog TV set until just yesterday. I missed the entire Boston episode and only saw part of the Atlanta one (I fortunately got to enjoy the masterpiece that is "Pants on the Ground"). More importantly, I've decided that this year it'd be best for me to save my energy for the stuff that's really important, namely the competition itself. I was ready to shoot myself by the time the auditions finally ended last year, and recapping tons of non-funny filler just isn't worth my time. I may, however, recap next week's Chicago episode, since I was there. It'll be fun to see if I recognize anyone, or perhaps see myself in the crowd somewhere. After that, I probably won't get too involved with the blogging side of things until the Top 24 is announced.

Don't write off this blog. Just know that I'm easing up a bit so as not to stress myself out. For what it's worth, I have a great post title I'm hoping to use sometime this season. If an appropriate opportunity to use it arose I'd be kicking myself for the rest of my life if I missed it. So fear not! My OCD will keep you from being denied my earth-changingly awesome recaps!

American Idol Season 9 Auditions: One Man's Story

2009-06-25T11:07:00.002-05:00

If you read my blog this past season you may have caught me making the occasional suggestion that I should try out for this consarn show. Well, I have good news for you: I did it! The auditions came to Chicago this past weekend and I made up my mind that I was going to be there. After all, I had nothing to lose, right? Well, I guess I lost some time and money, but those would be more than made up for by the knowledge that I experienced the phenomenon that is "American Idol" firsthand.

On Saturday I got up early and took the train downtown. I'm fortunate that I live within walking distance of a Metra train stop. Since it was the earliest weekend train, there were only about four people in my car. I did notice some younger people getting off with me though, and I wondered if they were going to the auditions too. The Metra line ends at the Ogilvie Transportation Center on Madison St. The auditions were being held at the United Center, about two miles down the road. Pretty convenient, eh? I was fortunate that I didn't have to wait long for a bus, as I'd walked from the OTC to the United Center before and knew it to be a long distance. It flew by while I was on wheels.

Saturday was just a registration day, so I didn't bother to warm up my voice before going in. I have a tendency to be a pretty shy person, but I knew that if I ever made it on this show I'd have to be more outgoing. While I was in line I noticed a girl who I'd seen while I was getting off the train. I decided to do something totally out of character: I struck up a conversation with her. I asked her if she was auditioning alone, since it seemed like just about everyone in line was there with someone. She turned out to be friendly, and we ended up talking for most of the time in line. All these years I've been shy about approaching people. Who knew it was so easy?

We talked about music and "Idol" mostly. I told her I didn't know if I was good enough to make it, but I at least wanted to give it a shot. I asked her who her favorite from this past season was, and she said she liked Adam. I told her Kris was mine, and she said she thought Kris was the most talented but she liked Adam better. She also said I looked sort of like Kris, which I guess I do a little. The only other famous person I can recall being told I look like is Josh Hartnett. It's exciting to have a growing list of celebrity lookalikes. The girl also told me she tried out in Los Angeles back in Season 3 and made it past the first round of judges. She was immediately dismissed when she sang for the producers though.

Two other people eventually joined our conversation. I'm pretty sure they were a boyfriend and girlfriend, and the guy said he was a worship leader at his church. They were from Ohio, and the guy said he'd auditioned in multiple cities the past two seasons but never made it past the first round of judges. I don't think I'd have that type of determination. They had some good tips, such as not to bother showing up at 5:00 on the day you sing, since they won't let you in until 8:00 and all they want to do is film the large crowds.

I asked the guy who his favorite from last season was, and he paused for a second and said "Gokey." I wasn't surprised, since I figure a worship leader might connect well with someone like Danny. The girl from the train said she didn't like Danny because she thought he was smarmy. I just said I thought he was boring. We found some common ground in that we all liked Allison though. I'm glad I met these people, because there's not much else to do except sample the free Coke products they pass out and wave at the camera when it comes by. I occasionally heard people showing off their singing skills, but the ones who went on too long eventually got on my nerves.

After all the waiting outside in the heat it was finally time for them to let our section into the United Center. In the transition from outside to inside I got separated from my new friends from the line, which disappointed me. For some reason they told us to have our IDs ready when we entered the building, but there wasn't much sense in having them out, because the first thing that happened to us when we got inside was to be spread out across the floor and filmed saying things like "Welcome to Chicago!" and "Season 9 starts right now!" followed by the requisite cheering and arm-waving. There was also a chant of "Yes we can!" which I was less than enthusiastic about. To their credit, the producers who were orchestrating the whole thing had a sense of humor about it. Several of their remarks indicated they knew how cheesy and contrived it was.

Once we were done with that we got our wristbands and left. The "Idol" website says to have two forms of ID on you, but they only check one. Wearing that wristband for two days is a pain, let me tell you. I was constantly having to cover it with plastic wrap and even seal it with tape so that water wouldn't get in. I also learned that taking a shower with a plastic bag covering your entire left hand significantly detracts from the soothingness of the experience. Even as I write this my wrist still feels like it has something on it.

The piece of paper we got with our wristbands told us to be at the venue by 5:00 AM, but based on what the couple from Ohio told me I figured I didn't need to kill myself to get there that early. Still, I took the earliest train in just to be sure I wasn't too late. Once I got to Madison St. I found out I'd just missed the bus, so I decided to walk it for a while. Eventually I saw the bus coming, so I ran to the nearest stop. It turned out to be a waste of money, as the United Center was just a few blocks away. That was strange. I distinctly remembered it being farther when I walked it in the past. Perhaps it just seemed longer because the sidewalk was more crowded back then and everything was moving more slowly.

I got to the United Center just as they were starting a new line, so I ended up at the front corner of it. I got to see all the news people reporting from the auditions up close. I was hoping I wouldn't be seen at first, but as it went on I thought it might be cool if I was interviewed. It never happened though.

There was a reporter from the local Fox affiliate there who was looking for people from different parts of the country. Apparently she was doing segments that would air live on various cities' local morning news shows. She asked if anyone was from Detroit, and it just so happened that the people near me had come from the Motor City. She brought some other Detroiters she'd found over to them and then gave each one a few seconds to sing. After it was over their cell phones started ringing. Their friends had just seen them on live TV. Since I was standing right behind them the whole time it's possible the good people of Detroit saw me on their screens. I wanted to go up to the camera and yell "Go Blackhawks!" but I thought better of it.

Those people from Detroit were cool. I think two of them were a brother and sister, another guy was their cousin and the woman they were with was their aunt. I spent a lot of time talking with them. I asked them if they'd watched the past season, and they said they hadn't watched much of it. The girl said she thought Kris Allen was too average and that Adam Lambert was too musical theater. Once again though, she liked Allison. I tell you, that little red-haired girl's going places. Interestingly enough, their tickets were in Section 202, the same as mine. They told me they'd registered on Sunday, yet here we were in the same section. I guess being early isn't as much of an advantage as I'd thought.

When they finally let our line in they told us to keep it orderly and wave to the cameras as we walked by. I think they were trying to see who really wanted to be on TV. Once we were all seated we had to film the crowd shots. They gave us several phrases to say, followed by more requisite cheering. I got tired of clapping after a while, but hey, I wanted to show my enthusiasm for the experience.

One phrase was "Welcome to the CHIL." The guy in charge said that since the first three letters in Chicago are "CHI" and it's in Illinois, abbreviated "IL," you could combine them to say "the CHIL." Everyone around me grumbled about how lame it was, since no one calls Chicago that. Apparently he heard some grumbling down on his level too, since he asked "Do you want to change it to Chi-Town?" which everyone cheered for. "Welcome to Chi-Town!" it was.

There was also "I'm the next American Idol!" followed by "No, I'm the next American Idol!" I'm sure I wasn't alone in thinking that was corny. Others included "Simon will blow you away!" (a reference to being in the Windy City) and "Send me to Simon!" (which he got from a sign someone was holding). There were probably others, but I don't rememeber what they were. Most of them probably won't even air.

The best part of this group stuff, in my opinion, was when we had to sing our city song, Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold." I'm not a big Katy Perry fan, but the song is pretty fun, especially when you get to sing it with a group. Remember, you're talking to a guy who loves the group numbers at the result shows. I noticed a guy in the section below me who was really getting into it, dancing and doing hand motions for "you're in and you're out" and "you're up and you're down." That may be the closest I ever get to participating in an AI group number, so it was special to me (oops, did I give away the ending of this post?).

If you're not familiar with how the auditions work, you line up in groups of four and are then sent to tables where employees from "Idol" listen to you sing. You basically just sing one at a time and then get called forward as a group to be told yes or no. If it's a yes they hand you a golden ticket and you get to do further interviews. If it's a no you get your wristband cut and go home. It's not necessarily the most in-depth process, but considering how many people were there (they said it was the second-biggest crowd they'd ever had), it's probably as fair as it could be.

After all the tables were set up the waiting game began. The first people who got to audition were the winners from Disney World's American Idol Experience attraction, followed by Section 101. The 200 section wouldn't have their turn until the bottom floor was all done, so we got plenty of time to observe the people down there.

There was a guy in the row behind me singing "Everything" by Michael Buble. There was nothing special about his voice, but his mother, who was there with him, was very encouraging. He talked about how he couldn't wait to see Simon today, but some of the girls in our section told him Simon wasn't there. He said something like "Man, if Simon's not here I'm going to hit someone." He disappeared when the auditions began and suddenly one of the girls from his row spotted him in line downstairs for auditions. Apparently it was possible to sneak ahead of your section. I wouldn't have risked it though, since you'd probably get thrown out if you were caught. His mother commented "I taught him well." I love parents who applaud dishonesty, don't you? After his group got the results from the judges he motioned to his mother with an unenthused look on his face and she said "It's a yes?", got all excited and went downstairs to go with him. Considering the guy didn't look happy and wasn't being given a golden ticket I don't know how she interpreted it as a yes, but it was good comedy for the rest of us.

From the 200 section you couldn't really hear anyone singing except the occasional wisp of really loud belting that found its way to our ears. It sounded as if some people were singing opera too. Other than the short-lived tenure of Stevie Scott, has an opera singer ever appeared as a contestant on this show? The people in my section noticed that Table 2 was probably the least generous. I don't believe we saw more than one person get a golden ticket from Table 2 the entire time we were there. We also saw a few "characters" get golden tickets from other tables, no doubt intended for the gag reel. I remember a guy who did a bunch of karate-type moves, a heavy-set woman who knew how to shake her thing and a guy wearing a pink boa off the top of my head. Two characters who didn't make it were a girl in a red dress and devil horns and a woman dressed like a hot dog.

Around noon I dozed off a few times. Sitting there waiting wasn't exactly stimulating, and the building's air conditioning was freezing. I'm just glad we had a nice clean indoor venue instead of an outdoor one. A lot of people were getting nachos and cheese from the concession stands, but I opted for a hot dog instead. It was cheaper and probably not quite as salty. There were little indented sections in the walls which made convenient rehearsal spaces. I felt weird about practicing in front of strangers, but I did do some warmups in one of them. It was hard to focus on my own singing while I was surrounded by other people who were much louder and technically better than me. I suppose it might've helped me to warm up a little more, but I felt good enough about the way I sounded.

I'd been going back and forth over what song to sing, but the more I thought about it the more I felt like I had to do a song that feels right everytime I sing it. There is one song like that. It doesn't require a ton of range, but I like the way my voice sounds on it. I made up my mind that I was going to do that one. It was my best shot.

Around 1:30 it was finally Section 202's turn. They tell you to bring back your ID for the audition day, but they never checked it. The better to fluster us with, I suppose. They require you to give them your entire ticket as well as the signed page only of your release form. Collecting only the signed page made me wonder if they'd have any legal claim about stuff that was mentioned on the first page. I'm no lawyer or anything, but it seems like a loophole waiting to happen.

I didn't realize I'd be so nervous when I lined up. I went into the experience with an easygoing attitude, since I knew I probably wouldn't make it, but when you realize that you could be starting the journey of a lifetime based on how you do in the next few minutes it really hits home. My group of four was originally sent to Table 1, but another employee moved us to (you guessed it) the dreaded Table 2.

I was the second one to sing, so I busted out the song I felt confident I could nail. What was this magical mystery song? None other than Tommy Roe's "Sheila." Yep. I figured they'd heard a lot of the same stuff over and over, so doing something like that would make me stand out. Besides, my goal if I ever get on "Idol" is to bring 1960's bubblegum back to the mainstream. My nerves unfortunately got the better of me, because I didn't feel good about my vocal performance. It's hard to sing when they're staring straight at you.

When they called us forward to give us the results, we were told that there were some nice voices in our group, but it wasn't what they were looking for. In a way I was relieved. If they'd sent me through at that point it probably would've been as a potential bad audition, and I didn't want that. After waiting around for so long I was happy to be out of there. Of course, I say that without even considering the people in the 300 section who probably waited twice as long as I did.

As I walked out the non-winner's exit ("there are no losers on 'American Idol,'" they told us) I couldn't help but smile a little. Sure, I'd been rejected. Sure, I wasn't getting that new, exciting moment to shine I was hoping for. I felt different though. I felt proud of myself for having had the courage to try. It might seem like a small thing to some people, but as someone who's spent most of his life afraid to take risks and be confident in himself, it was a huge step. I may never be an Idol, but at least I'll never have to look back and wonder "what if?"

So what's next? Do I plan on trying out again in the future? Well, I am eligible for one more year, but I don't know if I want to put myself through that tiring process again. I doubt they're coming to Chicago two years in a row, so unless I'm out of town next year and auditions just happen to be nearby, this may go down as my only tryout attempt for "Idol." If I do though, I'll be sure to post about it here. Of course, if I get past the judges they might make me delete this blog, so if it suddenly disappears that should be a clue to you, my four readers.

I'm already looking forward to next season, because when the Chicago audition episode airs I'll be able to say I was there. Who knows? Maybe some of the people I met in line made it through. Perhaps I'll even see myself in the crowd. That'd be strange. Also, when someone gives an awful performance this season I officially have the right to say they made a mistake by passing on me. They didn't want the retro pop-rocker? Serves 'em right!

So what advice would I give to people auditioning? Obviously it's a bit limited, since I didn't make it very far, but here it is (some of this was covered earlier, but I'll repeat it here as a reminder):

1. Despite what they say, you only need one form of ID. If you have a driver's license in your wallet you're good to go for the whole process.

2. Don't bother showing up until sometime between 6:30 and 7:30 on audition day. Your ticket from registration day determines where you'll be sitting.

3. Only bring the signed page of the release form on audition day. They won't collect the entire thing.

4. At best you have about a one in a hundred shot of passing the first set of judges, so don't walk into it assuming you've got a spot locked up.

5. Be confident when you sing for the judges. You won't get the Simon Cowell treatment if it's a no. Don't worry about what your fellow auditioners think either. They're going through the same thing you are.

6. Enjoy the experience. Don't be afraid to make friends with others in line or embrace the cheesiness of it all. It may be more fun than you think.

And...that's all I got. I'm definitely glad I tried out, so if you're considering it, I say go for it.

Some Reflections on Season 8

2009-06-14T15:49:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't posted anything here since the finale, but hey, I got a little Idoled-out after the long season I'd just endured (I've been busy too). Now that it's been about three weeks and I've had some time to look back and collect my thoughts about it, I thought I'd discuss some of them.

First of all, as anyone who regularly reads this blog knows, I was a Kris Allen fan from day one, so his victory made me ecstatic. Watching his interviews after winning was great, because he accepted it with as much humility and class as ever. You couldn't help but be happy for the guy, except...there was so much hype surrounding Adam Lambert that the story almost became more about Adam losing than Kris winning. I had a gut feeling that would follow when I predicted Kris' victory, and I have to say I'm disappointed that so many fans and media members couldn't give Kris his due.

While this "controversy" seems to have died down somewhat, I will say that I don't think Kris won due to America's inability to accept a gay Idol, an AT&T plot to power-text for Kris or any other conspiracy theory someone wants to throw out there. I think Kris simply appealed to a broader range of people than Adam. You didn't know it because the media who cover "Idol" are generally out of touch with the average American, but that's a separate issue which is probably bigger than I'm capable of discussing here.

Our friends at What Not to Sing wrote an excellent two part article about Kris' road to victory, and if you have the time you should check it out. If you don't feel like taking the time, I'll throw in my two cents about why I think Kris beat Adam.

Adam is obviously a better technical vocalist than Kris. What type of music is normally associated with Adam's wailing vocal style though? I don't know about you, but I think of 80's hair metal, one of the most maligned subgenres in the history of rock. Don't think I'm bashing Adam when I say that, because I'm a fan of 80's hair metal. I've seen my share of pretentious statements made by wannabe hipsters on the internet who dismiss that style as artless, unemotional and illegitimate, and as a fan I know how wrong they are. The fact remains though, that even Adam admits his vocals sound like 80's glam (he himself prefers the 70's variety), a strain of rock despised by many. Kris' style, on the other hand, isn't likely to make anyone hate him. His style is popular these days, and most people will find him uninteresting at worst.

I don't think the anti-gay religious vote is as much of a factor as people think either. Obviously there were probably some people voting that way, but I highly doubt there were enough to change the results. Let me tell you, I myself am a Christian, a (gasp!) conservative one at that, and I can honestly say I would've voted for Adam in the finale if he'd been facing church boy Danny Gokey instead of Kris. I also believe most of America would've done likewise. To say that Kris only won because America couldn't accept a gay Idol is to discount the fact that a lot of people genuinely liked Kris. He didn't hit the Bottom 3 until the Top 5, the exact same as Adam. Clearly he had a lot more support than most people (including me during most of the competition) gave him credit for.

I think this season made it clear how much control the judges have over our perception of fan support. While Kris and Allison Iraheta overcame a lack of early pimping by performing well each week, most of us still felt that the producers' pre-planned Adam-vs.-Danny finale was inevitable. While lots of evidence pointed to Kris being more popular than believed, it was still hard for many of us to view him as a real contender. Even though most of the audience wanted Danny gone by the later stages of the competition, all the pimping he'd gotten made it seem like he had a place in the finale locked up.

While I'll admit it's a small sample size, I got some interesting insights about Danny based on my talks with a couple of people. One was a friend of mine in the Army who told me he'd gotten into "American Idol" for the first time this year because his girlfriend was a fan. He said he was rooting for Danny because of his dead wife backstory. Another was a high school girl I work with (yes, I have a crappy job) who said she liked Kris' version of "Heartless" but thought Danny should've been in the finale instead of him. I thought they were both interesting, because they suggest a possible answer to how contestants like Danny last as long as they do.

Perhaps older, more hardcore viewers are inclined to find a dead wife backstory somewhat exploitative, while newer viewers might be more receptive to it. As for the high school girl, it suggested to me that many younger viewers are more easily manipulated than older ones. After all, every generation has its stars who seem cool at the time but look embarrassing and cheesy in retrospect. You think the kids who love the Jonas Brothers today are going to look back on them in ten years and think they were cool? If kids hear Simon say that Danny is one of the best in the competition they're likely to believe it even if his style shouldn't logically appeal to them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to bash anyone who genuinely liked Danny, it's just that he proved frustrating for many hardcore fans due to his consistent inability to give a standout performance and his failing even to hit the Bottom 3. His success came across as unwarranted.

To be honest, I think the Top 4 will be the only ones people remember much of from Season 8. Three were capable of wowing us and the other was an interesting case study. I have several thoughts on each of them.

Many are assuming that Kris, despite winning, will be outsold and outshone by Adam in his post-Idol career. It's possible he will. On the other hand, I won't be surprised at all if Kris does better than Adam. As I mentioned earlier, Kris' style is more current, and he does likely appeal to more people than Adam. I remember lots of people saying "Jordin will win, but Blake will sell more records" back in Season 6. You can probably still find old articles saying "it doesn't matter that Carrie won, Bo will have the better career" after the finale of Season 4. How are those predictions looking now? Before any elitist snobs dismiss Kris as a mere symbol of America's fear of change and preference for mediocrity, they might want to remember that the guy took risks, made almost every song his own and basically built a fanbase from scratch. Unassuming generic college kid with a guitar? Don't be fooled. There's a lot more to Kris Allen than meets the eye.

I, for one, hope Kris continues to prove all the doubters wrong and outsells Adam. Not that I hate Adam, I just don't want his Claymate-esque fans and the haughty, self-absorbed media to have an extra reason to whine about Kris. He was worthy of the title, and hopefully his career will prove it.

What about our runner-up Adam, anyway? Well, if you haven't heard by now, he's gay! In the words of Hurley, "um, we kind of knew that forever ago." Still, he never said so publicly, and it meant a few fans out there actually believed he might not be. Now that it's "official," I guess we can stop talking about it and focus on what's important, like the music. While I enjoyed many of Adam's performances, I can't see myself ever buying his stuff. I imagine he'll tone down some of the screaming, since he no longer has to blow America away with every song he sings, but judging by the pre-Idol recordings I've heard, I don't think his style is my thing. I wish him well though.

Then there's Danny, our third-placer. I know I already discussed him a bit earlier, but I have a few more thoughts on him. Danny's run made me realize how much this show brings out the worst in people. I can even see it in my own behavior. Danny got so much pimping, so much hype, and didn't do nearly enough to earn it. Because of that (and the perception that he used his wife's death for sympathy votes), there was already backlash before the Finals began. Even I jumped on the "hate Danny" bandwagon. He represented everything we didn't like about the show: judges' pet, manipulative sob story, middle-of-the-road performances, etc. It got to where we looked for reasons to hate him. He came across as smug. He didn't give Adam a hug when he was sent to the couches. He couldn't stop talking about himself. After a while it seemed he could do no right. When he was eliminated it was a relief that we wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. And yet...I'm not so sure I hate the guy the way I did when he was on the show.

I watched his exit interviews. He talked about how he was still grieving his wife throughout the competition. Indeed, I can only imagine how it would feel to be married to the love of your life and then lose her at such a young age. He also said that he felt uncomfortable with the way the show portrayed his backstory, as it gave the impression of opportunism even to him. His Idolatry interview with Michael Slezak was particularly uncomfortable, as it only made me realize how insecure and possibly naive he is. It truly bothered him that so many people hated him. He has several ideas about what to do next, but they don't seem like they'd appeal to anyone except the church crowd he's been in a bubble with his entire life. I no longer dislike the guy. If anything, I feel sorry for him. I have a hunch his post-Idol career is going to be crueler and full of more heartbreak than he realizes. I just hope the legions of haters who want to spin everything he says or does into "Danny's an arrogant D-bag" will take a step back and realize that he's a human being and probably not as bad as they think.

Finally, we have little Allison. Even though she finished one slot behind Danny, the people at 19E skipped right over him and picked her up. How funny that two of the three contestants 19E ended up signing weren't even part of the producers' original script. I'm very interested to see what type of album Allison makes. She was this season's "rocker," but I get the impression that she has a wide range of influences outside that style. If I recall, in her Hollywood interview video she said her favorite type of music was soul. I guess I don't have much else to say about her except that I'm looking forward to seeing what she does with her career.

Overall, this season had its share of disappointments as well as successes, namely the underdogs rising to the top and proving how out-of-touch the producers really are. It seems odd to be talking about the show in those terms, but the way they condescend to their audience is insulting. Will Season 9 be the one where the old British men in charge get in touch with what the American public really wants, or will it be another year of "we know better than you"? As a fan of the brilliant concept that is this show, I can only hope it's the former.

Season 8 Finale - Color-Coordinated Idols and Musical Guests Galore

2009-05-20T23:24:00.006-05:00

Here it is: the last show of the season that I have to recap. Not that I don't enjoy writing this blog, it's just that it's a labor of love which can be tiring at times. I'm about burnt out, so it's good to see the end in sight. Whoever is crowned our winner tonight will be worthy of the title, so I can sit back and enjoy it (while rooting for Kris, though).

Ryan tells us there were just under 100 million votes last night, bringing the season total to 624 million. That's crazy. I think it's a sign that more people these days use power-dialers instead of voting by hand. Me? I'm old-school, so I still press redial over and over on my cell phone. Of course, if I were really old-school I'd be using a rotary dial just to hear that comforting busy signal that tells me my favorite contestant has tons of support.

Ryan pays respect to the four who've professionally guided us throughout season. Guided us? You mean dictated their opinions to us in an attempt to make us choose their favorites? Oh, he was being facetious, because there's an accompanying clip poking fun at each judge. Well that's kind of funny. Those four buffoons deserve it.

Mikalah Gordon is dispatched to Kris Allen's hometown of Conway, AR this time, and she tries to talk to a little girl who doesn't know what to say. Mikalah handles it well by improvising "She's speechless!"

Adam Lambert's hometown of San Diego has as its host...Carly Smithson??? What was wrong with Matt Rogers? Attention hog that she is, Carly has to remind us that she couldn't win it for San Diego last year. No one cares about you, you carpetbagger. We want to hear about Adam.

The Top 13 sing "So What?" by Pink. Man, I hate this song. I usually love the group numbers, but I love them much less with crappy songs like this. Allison Iraheta gets to give the audience a karate kick. We missed you in the Top 3, Allison! Wow, Jasmine Murray gets one of the few solo lines. I guess they needed to remind America she existed.

David Cook is back to sing his new song "Permanent," which, if I'm not mistaken, is about his brother who recently passed away's struggle with cancer. This guy and his family have obviously been through a lot in the past two years, so I feel for them. The "mosh pit" has their hands randomly waving to no particular rhythm throughout the slow part of the song. Just listen to the lyrics, kids. This song is supposed to be heartfelt and emotional. David talks about his brother a little afterwards, and he says that this performance is going to be available on iTunes after the show, with proceeds going to ABC Squared. Awesome. I wish both David and ABC Squared the best.

Now they're doing the cheesy "Golden Idol Awards" portion of the finale. Oh brother. Was there ever any demand for this? The "Outstanding Male" nominees are: Wil Kunick, who apparently sang "Mad World" for his audition, Michael Gurr, the guy who was too nervous to enunciate at his audition, Elijah Scarlett, who has the deepest voice known to man, Dean-Anthony Bradford, the warthog who said "the carpet matches the drapes" and of course, Nick Mitchell, the guy who actually made it to the voting rounds. Of course, Nick wins. He claims not to have been prepared, then reveals his "Normund Gentle" outfit underneath his regular clothes and reprises "And I Am Telling You" in his ultra-campy style. Let's be honest, how could they not bring this guy back for the finale? We'll never see anything like his Semifinal performance on this show again.

Our first Idol-and-established-star duet is "Cue the Rain" with Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah. What's the point of this? Lil is boring and not particularly good. Seriously, is anyone interested in this? Is Anoop going to get to duet with anyone? He did finish ahead of Lil, after all. Then again, Carly Smithson and Michael Johns were featured in a duet last year while Kristy Lee Cook, who finished ahead of Michael, got jack squat. There's a lot of favoritism in these finales.

We come back from the commercial to see Anoop Desai singing "I'm Yours." Alexis Grace then joins him and introduces the man himself, Jason Mraz. This is a good song but...I'm freaking sick of it after hearing it on the radio at work over and over. What an odd setup. Anoop and Alexis get center stage with Mr. A-Z while the other Idols serve as the background chorus in the wings. Oh well. Good for Anoop. He deserves some screentime.

Ryan asks all the Kris Allen fans to cheer and rolls a video of Kris' journey on the show. How can you not smile when you see this? I'm so glad we didn't have to see this type of crap with Danny. Now Kris gets to perform "Kiss a Girl" with Keith Urban. Kris fan and upbeat song fan that I am, I love this moment. Well done, sirs.

Once again we come back from the commercial and are violently thrust into a musical number. This one features our five girls singing Fergie's "Glamorous" before Allison introduces the real Fergie. She then sings "Big Girls Don't Cry" before Allison pipes up again to tell us the rest of the Black Eyed Peas are in the house. At this point it's just "screw the Idols, we have big-name guests!" The girls are no longer anywhere to be found. I don't know about you, but I care more about the Idols than this crap. This show is supposed to be about them. Oh well. It gives me time to polish up this recap so I don't have to do it later. Oh wait, there the girls are! On the platform behind the judges! Hooray.

Time for more stupid awards. The nominees for "Best Attitude" are: Bikini Girl Katrina Darrell, who was only put there for drama, Alexis Cohen, who I don't think anyone has ever found funny except the producers of this show, and Tiffany Shedd, the weird spoiled girl with too much makeup. Katrina wins of course, and she's back with her bikini and a bigger bust, which Seacrest jokingly alludes to. She sings "Vision of Love" again and is off-key as expected, but the big twist is when Kara joins her from behind the backdrop and outsings her. At the end Kara reveals a bikini under her dress! And all this time I thought Kara took herself too seriously. Kara says she's only doing it because they agreed to donate to her favorite charity if she did it. Kara DioGuardi in a bikini for a good cause? It's a win-win! As much as I can't stand her fake personality, I have to admit she's a very attractive woman.

Allison gets her duet with Cyndi Lauper on "Time After Time." I'm not sure why they didn't give Allison a more rocking duet partner, but hey, I don't make the big bucks. They're sitting in front of a bunch of TV's with pictures of clocks on them, which I think is obnoxiously literal, but hey, I still don't make the big bucks. It's kind of cute at the end when they both sing "time after..." and Allison just looks confused and smiles. I can't think of anything else to say about this one, which is probably why I don't make the big bucks.

Ryan talks to Kris' and Adam's parents, and both sides give classy statements that honor both contestants. Gotta love that. There's so much goodwill here tonight!

Danny Gokey gets his moment in the spotlight on Lionel Richie's "Hello," which of course, leads to the real Lionel Richie being brought out to sing a few songs. I guess I can tolerate Danny a bit more now that he's in no danger of being our American Idol, and their performance of "All Night Long" is fun. If only Danny sang stuff this enjoyable when he was in the competition instead of always trying to "inspire" us. OK, enough Danny-bashing. He did a good job here.

Ryan asks all the Adam Lambert fans to cheer, and it seems louder in the house than it was for Kris. They roll a recap video of Adam's journey, which isn't quite as touching as Kris', but it's fun to look back on what a great performer he's been. We immediately move to him singing "Beth" by KISS. Now that's an odd choice. I was going to make a joke about how certain lines in this song take on a different connotation with Adam singing, but I'll pass. Of course, we all know what this means. It means KISS is in the house! Adam gets to join them on "Detroit Rock City" and "Rock and Roll All Night." This is both corny and freaking awesome at the same time. Paul Stanley even breaks his guitar at the end while Adam glory-notes in the most appropriate context I've ever heard. Rock on! I think the two best duets we've seen tonight have been with the guys in the Top 2.

Carlos Santana is the next guest. The segment starts with old Carlos soloing before Matt Giraud comes in to sing "Black Magic Woman." All the Idols join in when we hear that familiar riff to "Smooth." Adam, Kris, Danny and Jorge Nunez get the solos on it. This is OK, but very filler-y.

The final Ford video is set to "I Will Remember You," and as the tradition goes, it mainly consists of a montage of clips from this year's Ford videos. As soon as it ends we see a video of David Cook awarding Kris and Adam the keys to two new Ford Fusions. Awesome. I guess now that they've been on "Idol" they can afford insurance on those things.

Next is perhaps the oddest duet: Michael Sarver and Megan Joy backed by Steve Martin on the banjo performing one of his originals called "Pretty Flowers." Whoa, I didn't know Steve Martin could play the banjo. The real question though, is when did Steve Martin start looking so old? You know, I never fully appreciated Michael's voice during the competition, but he sounds pretty good here. Megan, of course, never could sing, so tonight is no different. This is another fun moment. Old Stevo knows how to write a good song. Ryan asks Steve Martin afterward who he thinks will win, and Steve says he's hoping it's him. Good way to avoid the question. Make a joke. I think that leaves Scott MacIntyre as the only finalist who hasn't gotten a solo part tonight.

The next musical number features the guys singing "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" Everytime I hear this song I can only think of Mike Myers in So I Married an Axe Murderer as Charlie's father singing this song with bagpipes. Oh boy! Rod Stewart is here! And singing "Maggie Mae" all by himself! Well, it's better than the five minutes of George Michael singing solo last year. Or the solo Black-Eyed Peas performance just an hour ago. They show a shot of Bo Bice clapping along in the audience, who seems to be aware that the camera just flashed to him and points to the stage in admiration.

Now it's time for the final (thankfully) Golden Idol Award, "Outstanding Female." The nominees are: Chelsea Marquardt, who butchered "Without You" at the auditions, Irene Anguelova who goatily butchered "Over the Rainbow" at the auditions, Dana Moreno, whose upper register sounds like a two-year-old and Tatiana Nicole Del Toro, who totally deserved to be in the Top 13. We all know Tatiana is going to win, and she does. Ryan tells Tatiana to stay seated because they're out of time, but of course, she runs onstage to sing "Saving All My Love." Security tries to take her away while Ruben Studdard sits in the audience looking bewildered. This was obviously staged. I'm just glad to see Tatiana can poke a little fun at herself after the way she was portrayed.

Now it's time for the Top 2 duet, which is "We Are the Champions." Why did I think that this song was going to show up somewhere this season? Bonus! Queen is actually here to back them up! Hey, who are all these random people lining up onstage? The rest of the Top 13 is standing behind the drum set doing backing vocals. At least I recognize someone here. This is cool. Brian May gives Kris and Adam a hug after it's over. I'll bet he wishes Adam were fronting his band right now.

Let's see, the Top 2 duets over the years:

Kelly/Justin: "It Takes Two"
Ruben/Clay: "Ain't No Stopping Us Now"
Fantasia/Diana: "I Knew You Were Waiting For Me"
Carrie/Bo: "Up Where We Belong"
Taylor/Katharine: "(I've Had) The Time of My Life"
Jordin/Blake: "I Saw Her Standing There"
David/David: "Hero"
Kris/Adam: "We Are the Champions"

Yeah, they've been getting cooler in recent years.

Now it's time for the moment of truth. Simon tells them that they both have great futures ahead of them or some such thing. Some British guy who personally certified the results hands Ryan the card. Blah-dee-blah-blah. Let's get to the results!

The winner of American Idol is...KRIS ALLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you miss that? American Idol #8 is....

KRIS

ALLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo!

Even though I predicted it last night I still don't quite believe it! A contestant I voted for every week he was in the competition actually won it? The least-pimped member of the Top 13 ended up finishing ahead of all of them? How is this possible? All I know is that I love it!

Kris looks absolutely shocked to be the winner. Adam, classy guy that he is, steps aside to let Kris have the spotlight. Of course, since Adam is such a good friend to Kris he later runs out to give him a hug and then exhorts the crowd to cheer Kris some more. Kris said in an online interview that each week he advanced in the competition was a surprise to him, so this has to be overwhelming.

He gets the new winner's trophy shaped like an old-school microphone. That's pretty cool.

Kris is absolutely speechless. He almost looks like he thinks there's been a mistake. He keeps motioning to the other contestants as if to say that they're all better than him, but Ryan won't hear it. Ryan asks him what he has to say to the fans who voted for him. He says thanks, and that they're not only the reason he's there, but the reason all the other finalists are there. I could write a cyncial remark about the Wild Card, but I won't. I'm proud of Kris. Against all odds, he pulled off the unthinkable and stayed true to himself the whole time. This isn't just a victory for him, it's a victory for the American Dream.

Simon looks unhappy. Screw him! America loves humble!

He sings that winner's single one more time and the Idols all surround him on the platform. How can you not be happy for this guy?

Kris gets a hug from his wife after it's all over. Oh yeah, congratulations to the first married contestant to win American Idol, too! In fact, I believe he's the first married contestant to make the Top 3 (I believe Bo Bice and Syesha Mercado were both engaged though, and Danny, of course, was widowed).

Wow! So what else to say? This season started on a poor note, with the producers practically rigging the Semifinals and giving contestants who tanked a second chance in the Wild Card over people who'd performed much better. As we got deeper into the Finals though, things got more and more enjoyable. After everything that happened, no ending could've been better than to see Kris Allen, the ultimate underdog, crowned the champion. I don't think he'll end up being ranked among Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and David Cook in the pantheon of "Idol" winners, but within the structure of the show itself he proved his worth. What a great night.

I considered giving up on "Idol" after the way this season began, but now, for better or for worse, I think I have enough reason to be back for Season 9. Kris' victory gives me hope that any attempts the producers make to rig the outcome can be thwarted by an American public that's smarter than Simon and the Brits in charge think they are.

Well, it was a fun ride, but I'm glad to have my Tuesdays and Wednesdays back. Now I can focus on some of my other interests, like sports. Check out my other blog, by the way! It's in the early stages, but it'll be great someday! Maybe it'll eventually generate even more traffic than this one!

Top 2 - Two Great Performers, One Close Call

2009-05-19T20:06:00.002-05:00

Before I start this recap I'd like to give a shoutout to my readers in the Philippines! According to Google Analytics it seems I have a few fans there. Thanks for reading, and don't be afraid to leave a comment!

So here we go. After all the manipulation, exploitation and drama we're down to two contestants. We have a guy whose audition was aired in full, who got plenty of attention in Hollwood and who's been one of the most talked-about contestants since day one. On the other side of the coin, we have a guy who was only seen briefly in the preliminary rounds, whose addition to the Finals came as a surprise to many viewers and who made it this far by growing as the competition progressed. The former contestant looked like he had this whole thing wrapped up just a few weeks ago, but the latter contestant has been picking up momentum. At this point, I truly believe it's anyone's game.

Hey, Casey Carlson is in the audience! Anyone besides me remember her? Carly Smithson is shown in the audience as well, and my eyes don't appreciate that one bit, Mr. Director.

As we spoiler-readers all know by now, the contestants are each doing three songs tonight: one reprise from earlier in the season, one chosen by Simon Fuller and the winner's single co-written by Kara.

Adam Lambert is up first, and we see a video where his parents talk about how noisy he was as a kid. Is this leftover footage or something? He's reprising "Mad World," which I think was his most overrated performance, but what do I know? He performs this time wearing a long coat on a dark stage with tons of dry ice surrounding him. Oddly enough, I think I like this better than the first time he performed it. I'm feeling the emotion a little more this time, and he doesn't miss the final note as badly as he did back in the Top 8. The crowd goes wild after he finishes. Randy gives him an A+. Kara says it was great when he performed it the first time and it was just as great the second time. Paula says he gave a theatrical taste of what we're going to see from him. Simon says it was a little overtheatrical. I think that extra theatricality was what made it more interesting to me, so I have no gripes.

We find out that Kris Allen didn't like singing in front of his family when he was a kid and they had to pay him to do it. He even gave his mother coupons for when she wanted him to sing. That Kris is quite the enterprising businessman, isn't he? His reprise is of "Ain't No Sunshine," the one that made him a contender in most people's minds. This is pretty good, but it wasn't one of my favorites of his. Still, I can't knock it. He delivers here just like he did the first time. Randy plugs the Lakers (boo!) and says it was one of his best performances. Kara says something's wrong if a Kris Allen performance doesn't move you. Paula says he puts his trademark on everything he sings. Simon says he wasn't sure Kris deserved to be in the finale last week, but he absolutely believes he does based on that performance. High praise indeed! Go Kris! Ryan asks Simon who won Round 1 (this "round" thing in every finale is getting old), and Simon says Kris by far. Awesome. Of course, I don't think these "rounds" (not to be confused with mediocre contestant Lil) mean much, since Simon declared David Archuleta to have swept each one last season and look what happened there.

Simon Fuller's choice for Adam is "A Change is Gonna Come." Huh? Isn't that one of those songs he sang pre-"Idol" that's been circulating on YouTube? Well, this is odd. You have a bluesy, soulful Adam instead of the theatrical rocker we're used to. Of course, he makes sure to Lambertize it with his trademark shrieking. It's solid, but it feels a little contrived to me. Randy says he showed the real reason he's here is that he can sing his face off. Kara says it may have been his been performance yet. Paula says it was the best she's ever heard him sing. Wow. Exaggerate much? Simon says Adam is 100% back in the game. I feel robbed that he didn't get a chance to do "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" in this competition.

Kris is back and Simon Fuller's choice for him is "What's Going On" I guess old Simon Fuller is a big fan of socially-conscious soul music. Me? I'm a big fan of Kris' acoustic jazz-rock side, and once again he's bringing it here. There's something about that guitar in his hands that makes magic happen, and this time is no exception. All I can say is "wow." I love this performance. It may be one of Kris' best. Randy says it was little bit light for him. Kara says she loves that he's been true to himself and that Kris is exactly the type of person to uplift people with a song like that. Paula says Kris made Marvin Gaye proud (from beyond the grave, apparently). Simon says it was too lightweight and he didn't do enough to make it his own. It's weird. Simon seems to be thinking the opposite of everything I think tonight. Screw him. America does the voting.

They keep showing this little blond girl in the audience. What's the deal there?

Now it's time to hear the winner's single. First to tackle it is Adam. This is odd. He seems to be outside the pocket for most of the first verse, and his voice doesn't seem to fit it very well. It doesn't help that the song is about as mediocre as it gets either. Ugh. The sheer crappiness of this song might be dragging down Adam with it. His voice actually manages annoy me here. This is as rough as "Cryin'" from last week. Randy says he can sing the phonebook, but it was pitchy and just alright for him. Kara says she's proud to hear someone of Adam's talent sing a song she wrote. What's the point of Kara's critique? She probably isn't going to bash a performance of her own song, because it might indirectly reflect poorly on her. Paula says adjectives can't express what Adam's brought to Season 8 and she's a fan forever. Um, OK. Simon says he'll judge Adam instead of the song, and he's been one of the most original contestants they've ever had and that he believes he's going to be a worldwide star. In other words, Adam is the best and deserves to win?

Kris' turn. Can the weaker technical vocalist outshine the better one on this turd of a song? Hmmm. It starts out equally shaky, but once the chorus comes in it sounds much better than Adam's version to my ears. Wow. I think Kris is actually outsinging Adam. I'm hearing a lot more heartfelt passion in his voice too. I'm not saying this'll rank with Kris' best performances, but it's good. Randy says Kris should be very proud of what he did in this competition and agrees with me that the song fit Kris' voice better than Adam's. Kara says he's a compelling artist who's been incredible to watch week after week and she hopes people will vote based on the season. Paula says it's been one of the most compelling finales and Kris deserves to be where he is. Simon says the highlight tonight from Kris was the first song and that he deserves to be standing on the stage. Interesting. Most of their feedback was essentially "you should be happy to be here." Is that a subtle way of pimping Adam? Ryan asks Kris if he thinks he did enough to win, and Kris says that he and Adam aren't competing anymore, they just want to put on a good show. Awesome. These guys are a pair of class acts, I tell you.

Carrie Underwood takes the stage to sing us out with "Home Sweet Home" as a montage of moments from this season plays in the background. Nothing to see here.

So, how do I see this night's performances?

My Performance Ranking:

Kris, "What's Going On" (8.5 out of 10)
Adam, "Mad World" (8 out of 10)
Kris, "No Boundaries" (6 out of 10)
Kris, "Ain't No Sunshine" (5.9 out of 10)
Adam, "A Change is Gonna Come" (5.5 out of 10)
Adam, "No Boundaries" (3.5 out of 10)

So the big question: who do I pick to win? While I preferred Kris' performances tonight to Adam's, Adam got the heavier pimping from the judges. Kris seems to have picked up fans over the course of the competition, while I get the impression that Adam's gotten by with a rabid fanbase that hasn't added many new members. I'm still seeing a little more buzz surrounding Adam, but Kris' understated style might be the reason he doesn't inspire as much discussion. While a lot of people love Adam, he also annoys a lot of people with his over-the-top style. Most people seem to be cool with Kris even if they don't love him.

Prediction:

This is a tough call, but I'm predicting that the name of our 8th American Idol will be...(drumroll please)...Kris Allen.

Tomorrow I have two hours to recap and then all that's left will be some end-of-the-year lists and maybe some other random thoughts I feel inspired to write about during the "Idol" offseason. Season 8 has had its ups and downs, but one thing I'm glad about is that the final two were both deserving of the title. Whoever wins, America will have gotten it right.

What awesome group numbers from the Top 13 are in store? We'll find out tomorrow night!

Four Months is Longer Than You Think

2009-05-17T02:10:00.000-05:00

As we're often reminded, "Idol" is a journey. Most of these contestants are complete unknowns when we first meet them, and before the season is over they become stars in our eyes. At the same time, our opinions of certain contestants can change for the better or for the worse. With the "Idol" finale just around the corner, I thought I'd look through my blog's archives and see what my earlier impressions of these contestants were. Some of my opinions then are vastly different now, and others were surprisingly perceptive (if I do say so myself).

Let's start with the two men still standing. One of them will be American Idol #8, so let's see what I was thinking way back when.

Let's start with Adam Lambert, currently the favorite. Here's what I wrote about his audition:

Adam Lambert from Hollywood, CA is a musical theater type, so he probably fits right in in old San Fran. His song is "Bohemian Rhapsody," which he pulls off well. It's a theatrical song, which is perfect for his style, and he has sort of a rock edge to his voice too. The judges all say yes, and he personally thanks each judge with the kissing or shaking of hands. Good singer, but something about him bothers me. I think I've heard he's somewhat planty, so maybe that's what it is.

It looks like even back then Adam was simultaneously theatrical and rocking. I mentioned the "planty" thing because Vote For the Worst had dug up a ton of stuff on him before the season began and it seemed that he was already something of a local celebrity.

Later, when I previewed the Top 36, here's what my comments were:

Vote For the Worst fell in love with him when they discovered he was a flamboyant, campy, makeup-wearing wild man. He was sure to rankle the fans who love their "Idol" simple and non-controversial. Then they showed his audition and we found out that...he was actually a fairly regular dude. [...] Adam comes across as a cool, charismatic guy who, oh by the way, just happens to be gay. Vote For the Worst isn't as high on him as they used to be.

I remember not liking him very much at first, but he's kind of grown on me to the point where I don't mind him sticking around, even if he's not one of my favorites. I've picked him for the Top 12, since he's got the right combination of talent, charisma and screentime to make it. I have a hard time seeing him as a winner, since I don't think his appeal is broad enough, but I can definitely see him making it to the second half of the Finals.

Well, it looks like I wanted to get the elephant in the room about Adam's sexuality out of the way early on. It seems I underestimated his chances of winning though, as most people now expect him to take the title.

I don't think it took me too long to get onboard with him as a potential winner though, as I had him at runner-up in my initial post-Wild Card Power Rankings. A few weeks later, after he did "The Tracks of My Tears," I actually titled the post "Is it Too Early to Declare Adam the Winner?"

What about the other guy, Kris Allen? It seems that all I could say about Kris was that he was probably fodder, since he was only shown in passing. In the Top 36 preview my comment was:

This guy's gotten some screentime in sporadic snippets, but it's nothing that'll help him build a fanbase. I couldn't even tell you what he sounds like, since I've never heard him long enough to commit it to memory. He seems like a funny guy based on his interviews, but I doubt it'll be enough to overcome his fodder-ness.

What are the chances of him making the Finals? About one in a hundred? I'd say more like one in a million. So you're saying there's a chance! Yes!!!

Now that's funny. There was so little to say about the guy that I resorted to quoting Dumb & Dumber. I immediately liked Kris when I heard him in the Semifinals though:

Kris Allen is next, and they show us that in Hollywood he was known for playing his guitar. Tonight he's doing Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror." At least it's not an overdone song choice. The performance starts out slightly boring at first, but as the song picks up, so does the performance. He hits some incredible notes, and despite his face looking a little goofy at times, I actually really like this. This guy deserves some votes. Kara says the second half was better than the first, but it doesn't compare to what he did in Hollywood. Um, you are aware that contestants aren't allowed to play instruments in these Semifinals, right? Paula says he showed personality and nailed it, Simon pimps Danny Gokey by saying Kris isn't as good as him, but that he's proud of him. Randy says he proved he can do it without the guitar. Good on him. Rise above your fodder status, Kris!

Wow. Even back then Simon was comparing Kris unfavorably to Danny. He would later say Danny sang better than Kris in their duet and that the finale would be between Danny and Adam because Kris wasn't good enough. Was Simon prescient enough to see that Kris had the talent to upset his dream showdown between Adam and Danny? I'm probably giving Simon too much credit, but you have to wonder.

I had Kris low in my power rankings every week early on, since I figured his lack of screentime would come back to bite him. How happy I was to be proven wrong! At this point, Kris being named the winner on Wednesday would be poetic justice. Simon and Co. have done all they can to manipulate this competition, so how about America sticks it to them and votes for the guy from Arkansas?

And just what about Danny Gokey, that frontrunner-turned-nuisance? I, like most of America, was initially moved by his dead wife story. After his buddy Jamar's audition I wrote:

Next is Jamar's white "brother" Danny Gokey, also from Milwaukee. We see that there's a sob story coming up during the pre-break promos, but this one is actually pretty moving. His wife died four weeks before the audition, and he almost didn't have the strength to try out. Now that's sad. I can only imagine what it's like to lose the love of your life. [...] He sings "I Heard it Through the Grapevine," and it's actually really good. He makes it through, and the judges rave about him, saying he's one of the best they've had all day. Good on him.

I still was OK with him by the time he reached the Top 36. In the Top 36 preview I wrote:

This guy has gotten more pimping than anyone else so far. We know that his wife passed away a few months before he auditioned for "Idol," and then there was the ongoing storyline during Hollywood of him and his buddy Jamar taking the "Idol" journey together. He's definitely a talented, likable guy, so it'd be a shocker if he didn't make the Top 12.

While he's currently the early favorite to win, I have a feeling he won't. First of all, there seems to be some backlash setting in from all the people who are tired of the pimping. Second, how would he be marketed if he won? Blue-eyed soul? He auditioned with "I Heard it Through the Grapevine" and has that straining quality to his voice, so I'm just guessing that's how he sees himself artistically. After Taylor Hicks' lack of commercial success I doubt the powers that be are going to want to encourage the voters in that direction. Still, even if he doesn't win he's definitely Top 12, probably even Top 3.

Yep. I called Danny "likable." At the time he hadn't yet turned into the Smuggie, and we could sympathize because he was still dealing with the loss of his wife. I was dead on with the Top 3 prediction, which I later repeated in my first Power Rankings. I guess I just didn't see him in the finale like Paula did.

My own personal backlash toward Danny began the moment he was named to the Top 12. I'd given him a glowing review the night before, but my feelings quickly changed in the midst of that shameful scene. It was down to Danny and Tatiana Del Toro and...well, here's my recap:

And the one who makes it is: Danny. He lets out a "whoo!" when he finds out. It's so touching how humbled he is to be in the Top 12, isn't it? Tatiana starts crying. Poor girl. I don't care how annoying you thought she was, you can see that this really meant a lot to her. Like Anoop, I hope she's a Wild Card, but I wouldn't bet on it. During Danny's reprise of "Hero," one of his friends watching on the side holds up a picture of Danny and his wife that the camera zooms up on. Is it too early to predict (or hope) that Danny is this year's shocking elimination?

His elimination wasn't quite "shocking" by the time it happened, but mercifully, it happened before the finale. I got my wish about both Anoop and Tatiana being invited back for the Wild Card show though. Too bad only one of them made it after that.

What about our favorite redhead, Allison Iraheta? Like Kris, she barely had any screentime, and after she was named to the Top 36 I wrote the following:

We're introduced to Allison Iraheta, who sang a really poorly overdone "Because of You" in Hollywood. She's kind of scary-looking, with her unnatural bright red hair and the face of Buster Poindexter [...]. She gets through. The judges make a few comments about her being a dark horse or something. Yeah right. She needs to have the performance of her life just to make the Top 12.

In the Top 36 preview I wrote:

She has the same initials as "American Idol"! Is it a sign? Of course, she also has the same initials as Allen Iverson, Andre Iguodala and artificial intelligence, so maybe it's just a coincidence.

From what little we've heard of her singing, I'm not that impressed. She sort of reminds me of Camile Velasco for some reason, though I imagine if I went back and compared them they'd probably be nothing alike. I'm known to make associations that have no rhyme or reason to them. I'm not a big fan of her look, either. Her bright red dyed hair combined with a face reminiscent of David Johansen from the New York Dolls is just...bizarre. She seems like a nice girl, I guess, but nothing about her so far makes me want to vote for her.

We never saw her until the "chair" episode, but the judges seemed pretty high on her "raw natural talent" there. If they really had high hopes for her though, I imagine we would've seen more of her in Hollywood or the auditions. As it stands, I don't think she has much chance of making the Top 12.

Man, I really harped on that David Johansen/Buster Poindexter thing early on. Thank you to all my readers for being nice enough not to point out that the joke couldn't have been less funny. I realized it myself in time. I was wrong about when she was first introduced, since we actually did see a brief clip of her audition, but I'd already forgotten it by the time the "chair" episode aired. What little we saw of her singing in Hollywood didn't sound that good to my ears, so I honestly wasn't expecting much from her. It was refreshing when she turned out to be one of this season's three biggest stars (along with Adam and Kris, of course).

I won't go through the rest of the contestants in as much detail, but here are a few interesting bits I found:

Lil Rounds' audition:

Finally we get Lil Rounds from Memphis, TN. She's a mother of three, and she had to move her family to a motel when a tornado hit their house. [...] She sings "All I Do" by Stevie Wonder, and does an incredible job. Good pitch, good tone, even a cool rasp in there at times. She's a definite yes. The judges smother her with compliments, which overwhelms her. They comment on how she doesn't know she's so great. I believe she's probably sincere, but if she keeps showing this sort of humility she'll probably get bashed by the same cynics who thought Melinda Doolittle was fake. I guess genuinely humble people are so rare these days that nobody believes them when they see them. [...] Lil seems like someone I wouldn't have a problem with.

How ironic that Lil turned into a complete diva with an inflated sense of her own talent shortly afterward.

Megan Joy in the Top 36 preview:

The judges adored her at her audition. They were having a dull day full of underwhelming singers until Megan came in and lifted their spirits with her quirkiness! I like quirky and different, but I can't get past her annoying arm that's covered with tattoos. It's ugly and reminds me of Carly Smithson. What happened to the lost art of pure, beautiful, unaltered skin? Even without the tattoo, I'm not all that impressed with her.

If the judges still love her as much as they did at her audition, I could see her making the Top 12 based on the judges' response to her. After that I don't think she'd be well-rounded enough to go too far. Her "quirky" vocal stylings will probably get annoying quickly. I say mid-Finals is the farthest she could make it.

Did I call that one or what?

Matt Giraud's audition:

Next is a dueling piano player from Kalamazoo named Matt Giraud. He sings Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want to Be" in a voice that's boring, run-of-the-mill and not even all that powerful. He's not horrible, just uninteresting. With that as my initial reaction, what do the judges think? Paula says he's unique. Huh?? Kara likes him. Well, OK. I like '80s hair metal. Simon says he reminds him of Elliott Yamin. OK, maybe there's a slight similarity in their voices, but I don't think this guy has the same soul that Elliott did. He gets a yes, though I would've said no.

While I would now agree that Matt's a pretty talented guy who had a few good performances in him, I still never quite became a fan of his.

Finally, the audition of the girl who was made into a villain, Tatiana Del Toro:

First up is Tatiana Del Toro from San Juan, Puerto Rico. [...] She's a singer, actress and model, and a psychic told her she was going to make the Top 12. I guess we can pencil her into one of those slots right now! They show a montage of her laughing, then show her giving a Miss America-like speech about why she wants to be the next American Idol. It seems like they're setting her up to be bad. [...] She sings Aretha Franklin's "I Never Loved a Man" and turns out to be pretty good. Well, she's pretty, period, but she's also a decent singer. Simon thinks she's a copycat, but Paula and Randy say yes, and Kara says no to the voice but yes to the vibe. So she's through, and she's extremely excited, because this means soooo much to her. Despite the mocking, I think her nervous laughing is kind of cute...and unless she turned out to be a snob, I could see myself throwing her a few votes. Musically she's not my thing, but she seems likable.

Yep. I liked Tatiana from the beginning, and I defended her until the end. While she may only be remembered by most people as the psycho girl from "American Idol," I hope she's successful at whatever she does.

What a season it's been. Only two more days until the finale!

Top 3 Results - Nostradamus Abdul is a Fraud

2009-05-14T00:15:00.002-05:00

We get a promotional intro with the cast of Night at the Museum where they tell us that the "Idol" desk is going to be displayed in the Smithsonian. I guess that makes sense. I'm sure that in decades, when "American Idol" is long off the air, we'll look back on all the cheesy fun and remember the times it brought the family together. The disgusting manipulation and unlikable contestants will be forgotten, and the singers we fell in love with will still hold a place in our hearts. Love it or hate it, this show has been a phenomenon.

Ryan tells us that 88 million votes came in, and just 1 million votes separated the Top 2. Wow. If Danny is one of those Top 2 this show is officially a joke. There's no way a guy as hated as him could get that much support...is there?

The Ford music video is set to "Break My Stride." Cool song choice, and not a bad video either. We get to see the Top 3 as animated comic book characters.

Alicia Keys is here as a global ambassador for Keep a Child Alive. She gives a robotic speech telling us about kids who have AIDS and how we can support them, or something. She then introduces a kid named Noah who dreams of having a music career. He's getting to perform a song called "I'm the World's Greatest" (or something to that effect, I don't care enough to go back and watch the tape) tonight, which he learned in English in one week. There's something surreal about this whole thing. Here's an African kid playing Americanized music and working the stage R&B-style. American pop culture seems to be taking over the world. Good luck to Noah, I guess, even if I don't see myself buying his music.

Eliminated finalists in the house! Obviously they're all there to rehearse for next week's finale.

Danny Gokey is the first one called up to face the music. Oh, come on. Like they're going to give him the results now. They bring up Danny's friend Jamar who talk-sang his way to Hollywood this season. Danny was finally reunited with him on his trip home to Milwaukee. They show him having fun with the local weathercaster's green screen, poking a picture of Simon. What an ingrate. Simon's pimping is the only reason he made it this far. One of the signs in the crowd says "Scream On." Huh. I guess some people actually liked last week's note from hell. They show him throwing out the first pitch at a Brewers game, and it's obvious that sports aren't his forte. Of course, we also get to hear Danny's reflections on how far he's come since losing his wife and all that. Why am I not that emotionally moved by it? I do genuinely feel bad for Danny's loss, but...I dunno. I guess I just feel like this story has been beaten to death. Once the clip ends Ryan acts like he's about to give Danny the results, but instead he sends him to the couches. We go through this every year. Obviously they're going to save the elimination for the end of the show so you don't tune out.

Kris Allen is next. He went home to Conway, AR, where he got free cheese dip for life from his favorite restaurant. Sounds like a good deal to me! The crowd is filled with young girls, which doesn't do much to dispel the stereotype about us Kris fans. Believe it or not, some of us Kris fans are heterosexual adult men! He gets to see his family, and his father tears up because he's so proud of his son. In a weird way, I'm proud of this guy too. His journey has made a much better story than either Danny's or Adam's. Even though Danny has the dead wife backstory, I'm more touched by Kris' video for some reason. Maybe it's because Kris seems like a regular guy getting to experience something beyond his wildest dreams, and Danny seems like a scripted character. After the clip ends, Kris is sent off to the couches with Danny.

Ms. Jordin Sparks is here to perform her new single "Battlefield," with co-writer Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic is on the piano. Despite the "pitchy" beginning, this song is actually pretty good. It's not exactly what I expected from Jordin stylistically, but I kind of like it. They sure used a lot of dry ice for this segment. I guess that explains why there appeared to be smoke in the room when Ryan was introducing Jordin. After it ends Jordin just stands there bathed in blue lights looking tough and we head to a commercial. Ryan doesn't even chat with her afterwards. What's up with that? I miss the cute, bubbly Jordin from Season 6. This grown-up version isn't as endearing.

Now it's time for Adam Lambert's trip home to San Diego! Ryan brings up the now-famous "streaker" who ran onstage when Adam was performing back home. There's a shot of her in the video too. His limo gets swarmed by screaming tween girls and old ladies. If the females were more in his age range I'd use this as another opportunity to point out how unfair life is. Adam visits a theater group he was part of in his childhood. And he keeps saying theater is just something he does to pay the bills. It's in your blood, Adam. Just admit it. He also sings the national anthem on some stage with a curtain behind him. I don't know what that's about. Finally, Adam gets sent to the couches where he gets a hug from Kris but not Danny.

Quirky pop star Katy Perry is here to perform her latest single, "Waking Up in Vegas." She's dressed like female Elvis with "Adam Lambert" written on her cape. More pimping, huh? Then again, I think I heard she was friends with Adam before he was on this show, so maybe that's the explanation for that. Wow, this girl really can't sing. The song is kind of catchy though. There are backup dancers dressed like showgirls and fake money all over the stage to go with the Vegas theme. I guess the best way to mask a weak voice is with some theatrics.

So after all that it's finally time to get the results. Will the preordained Danny-Adam finale come to pass, or will Kris' fans pull him through? The first person in the finale is...KRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Once again I'm clapping and shouting "YES!!!!!!!" Wow. This may officially be the best season ever. One of my early favorites has actually made it to the finale! That never happens! And the person joining him in the finale is...Adam!!! Danny's outta here! What a relief! The villain is gone! I can sit back, enjoy the finale and be happy for whoever wins (while rooting and voting for Kris, of course).

As long as I'm excited about Kris, I thought I'd say a few more words about him. Is this unbelievable or what? This guy who got almost no screentime before the Semifinals and only a moderate amount of pimping during the competition is now in the finale! On top of that, there was only a difference of a million votes between him and super-pimped Adam! Heck, for all we know Kris was the leading vote-getter! When he made it out of Semifinal Group 2 with Adam and Allison we kept hearing the same thing: Adam was an incredible performer, unlike anything this show had ever seen, Allison was quirky and interesting, and Kris was boring and lacked a personality. Pretty much everyone thought Kris would be gone within the first few weeks. Now Kris could be the last one standing! For all the crap this season gets, it's been great watching a true underdog live the American dream!

Power Rankings:

2. Adam Lambert

1. Kris Allen

Yep, I'm calling the upset. Adam may be the most pimped and popular, but Kris has grown throughout the competition. I (and it seems many others agree) am starting to feel like Adam's used up his bag of tricks, while Kris has wowed me more than once since the last time Adam did. Not only that, but who do you think is more likely to pick up Danny's votes? The flamboyant guy from Hollywood or the unassuming Midwestern kid? As great an entertainer as Adam is, Kris has all the momentum right now. If Kris does indeed claim victory next week, he'll replace Taylor Hicks as my favorite winner. If Adam wins, well, I'll be happy for him too. He's unquestionably this season's best pure vocalist, and he knows how to put on a show. Either way, I'm excited about next week's finale. As Tony the Tiger would say, it's going to be grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

Top 3 - Welcome to Allentown

2009-05-12T20:43:00.002-05:00

I had a really great title for this post, but since I wanted to keep this blog family-friendly I decided not to use it. It was a play on the names of New York City's three outstanding center fielders of the 1950's. Figure it out yourself if that clue helps.

Anyways, it's time for our Top 3 and each contestant is doing two songs tonight: one the judges selected and one they selected themselves. Each of the Top 3 took a trip home this week too, and we'll probably be seeing clips of their trips tomorrow.

Danny Gokey leads off with Paula's song choice, "Dance Little Sister" by Terence Trent D'Arby. He apparently didn't know it before this week. Since I read the spoilers online, I listened to the original last night on YouTube. It's an understandable choice, since Danny has a similar voice to the man initialed T.T.D. The problem is that there's hardly any melody to this song. Danny wisely focuses on the chorus, where the only trace of it resides. He brings a lot of energy to the performance, and his voice admittedly sounds good here. There's even a saxophone break. I still hate Danny, but this wasn't as bad as it could've been. Randy says it was dope. Kara says the dancing was a little too gyrating. Paula says it was really good. Simon says the dancing was a bit desperate, but vocally it was very very good. Yeah yeah. I'll give him credit. I still hope he's leaving.

Kara and Randy give Kris Allen OneRepublic's "Apologize," which means Adam gets the pimp spot for like, the third week in a row. Life is so unfair. In the video clip it appears Kris is wearing blue nail polish on his thumb. That boy's been rooming with Adam too long. Kris sits behind the piano for this one. At first it's hard for me to get into this, since it's one of those songs we've all heard a hundred times, but as it goes on I really start to enjoy it. Kris really seems to be feeling his performance. That's the great thing about Kris. He connects with the music. I'm not going to say it's the most original arrangement or anything, but I liked it. Randy says it showed the type of artist he could be. Kara says it was competent, but he needs to hit it out of the park. She says she wishes he'd rearranged it more. Paula says there was a loud bum note (I guess I missed that), but that all three people left are worthy of the Top 2. Simon scolds Kara for picking the song and complaining about what he did with it, which sets Kara off. Then he basically repeats what she said in her critique. Quit fighting, judges! This is about Kris! I can understand the "not original enough" criticism, but I think we're all familiar with Kris' "guy and a guitar" side. He's never shown this sort of piano-based electronic pop style before. It's something different for him.

Simon's choice for Adam Lambert is "One" by U2. Good choice. It's one of those heartfelt songs with lots of "moment" potential. He reminds me of Clay Aiken for some reason at the subdued beginning. He sings it well, but I feel like I'm just seeing "slow, dramatic Adam" for the hundredth time. He starts out hitting every note perfectly during the verse, and when the music peaks in the chorus he starts freaking out. You know, the usual Adam formula. The last time this guy truly wowed me was with "Born to Be Wild," unless you count his duet with Allison last week. Randy says it was a great song and he's a really talented guy. Kara says he proved that he can rearrange a song and make it believable. Paula pretty much declares him the next American Idol right then and there. Simon says it was brilliant and it'll be a huge upset if he's not in the finale. Yeah, I'd agree with that. Even if his performances are feeling kind of samey, he's still the best vocalist and performer in the competition.

Now it's time for an update about "Idol Gives Back." Apparently Carrie Underwood went to Angola and helped educate the children about insecticide-treated bed nets. Well good for them. Health is a wonderful thing.

Danny's choice for himself is Joe Cocker's "You Are So Beautiful." Ugh. You are not Taylor Hicks, so stop trying to be! The slow part is boring and a few notes sound bad. When the loud part starts up it seems like he's shouting most of the time. Eh. Beautiful song, nice arrangement, not crazy about the way it's sung. Randy says he showed he can really sing. Kara calls it stunning. Paula says he left all of us breathless and he nailed it. I don't know about you, but my respiratory functions stayed just where they were. Simon says it was a vocal masterclass. I guess it wasn't horrible, but I still want Danny gone.

Kris is back and I hope he's ready for the oncoming bus. He's doing..."Heartless" by Kanye West??? Hoo boy, this is a big risk, but...WOW. This is incredible. He does the entire thing with just his acoustic guitar and brings the Kris vibe to it. I hate this song, and Kris just made me enjoy it. Brilliant! This guy deserves some serious votage tonight! Randy says it was better than the original. Not that it's hard to be better than that autotuned piece of garbage, but I agree. He took a bad song and made it good. Kara says she wishes he'd done something like that with "Apologize." Paula says the arrangement made him completely relevant. Simon says he'd written him off after the first song, but with that song he's right back in it. Go Kris!

Finally, the Lambert kid is closing with Aerosmith's "Cryin'." You mean the song Kara recommended for Danny last week? Too funny. This is a great song, but it's so chopped up that there's no dramatic build here like in the original. This may be the most off-key I've ever heard Adam too. He slays it on the big notes and all, but the overall performance doesn't feel very cohesive. Randy calls him one of the best they've ever had and says he should do a rock album. Kara is amazed by the notes he can hit. Paula says we'll be seing him next week. Simon says he wants America to vote for Adam and not assume he's safe. Adam says Kris and Danny were both great tonight and that he's honored to be in their presence. I love how gracious he's been throughout this whole thing. He and Kris so deserve to be in the finale. Danny "Me Me Me" Gokey should be a spectator next week.

My Performance Ranking:

Kris, "Heartless" (8 out of 10)
Kris, "Apologize" (6.5 out of 10)
Adam, "One" (6 out of 10)
Danny, "Dance Little Sister" (5.5 out of 10)
Adam, "Cryin'" (4 out of 10)
Danny, "You Are So Beautiful" (4 out of 10)

Prediction:

Kris is leaving tomorrow, but not if my votes have anything to say about it!

Tomorrow Jordin Sparks is back in the house, which will leave Fantasia as the only former winner not to appear at a results show this season. I guess there'll still be the finale for that. We'll also presumably see the hometown trips, which should be a bundle of goodwill for all involved. Come on America! Let's send Danny home and get it right!

Top 4 Results - Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Love This Season...

2009-05-06T22:21:00.002-05:00

I always think I won't get nervous, but somehow I almost always do. That's right, it's results night on "Idol"! The only one I'm confident will be safe is Adam, and I'm hoping I didn't spend a lot of time voting for Kris and Allison last night for nothing.

Ryan tells us there were over 64 million votes last night, the highest ever outside of a finale. For some reason I find that hard to believe, unless it means more people are using automatic dialing programs.

The Ford video is set to The All-American Rejects' "Move Along." It features the Idols as paper cutouts. Not one of my favorites. It seems like they're trying too hard to impress us with bluescreen effects this year. Do something funny or creative for a change!

The group performance is "School's Out" with Slash on lead guitar. Awesome! I never thought I'd hear Alice Cooper on this show. Allison gets a solo on the bridge and gets to push Danny. Lucky girl. Most of America wants to do the same thing. He's lucky Allison's a teenage girl. Adam joins in with her and already we're reminiscing about how good last night's duet between them was. I can safely say Danny's voice rocks the least of these four, and that includes Kris'. It's not one of my favorites of the season, but it's enjoyable.

It's time to chat with the Idols. Kris Allen says he didn't expect to make it to the Top 4 and being there is surreal. Ryan says he should think he deserves to be there and goes to Simon for support. Simon, agrees of course, and tells Kris we don't want humble anymore. Don't listen, Kris! Your humility is part of what makes you a true American Idol! Yes, I know that sentence is incredibly cheesy. I don't care though. I'm supporting Kris until the end! Adam Lambert says it was his favorite week yet and that he loved his outfit. Danny Gokey thinks the horrible final note from last night was hilarious. Whoa. He has a sense of humor about himself? I guess he enjoyed the impersonations the others did of him way back in the Top 9 or whenever. Who cares? I still don't like him. Allison Iraheta says she talked back to Simon last night because he was asking for it. Come on. She really didn't "talk back," she just responded to their criticisms and explained why she chose the song she did. It didn't seem rude or anything. But what do I know?

After eight seasons Paula Abdul is finally going to perform live on this show. I guess those producers were tired of getting flooded with requests for it. It's good to see Paula taking a more active role this year. First she choreographs that number from a few weeks back and now this. The song is called "I'm Just Here For the Music." Oh boy! Autotune! Of course, she's probably lip-synching anyway, so it's not like it's worth making a stink about. This whole routine is set up as sort of a live music video, with visuals emphasized over the music. There's even a cheesy postscript where Paula tells the guys to stop begging her because she's just there for the music. This song might get played in dance clubs or something, but I don't see it making an impact on the charts. Of course, now that Paula's supposedly off her painkillers she's probably thinking clearly enough to know not to expect it.

No Doubt is here to perform their hit from over a decade ago, "Just a Girl." Awesome. Another musical guest who could be outsung by any of the contestants. Gwen Stefani is more about bringing energy to the stage by bouncing around and doing pushups than her vocal ability. She says "I'm just a girl...at American Idol!" in the middle. Interesting. When No Doubt performed at halftime of Super Bowl XXXVII back in 2003 she said "I'm just a girl...at the Super Bowl!" I guess that's one of those things she does with that song at every live performance. It's kind of like how when Cheap Trick performs "Dream Police" live Rick sings "they're right here in [name of city]" during the bridge. I wish I had the opportunity to hear "they're right here on American Idol!" Then again, Cheap Trick ought to be promoting their new albums, not the 30-year-old Dream Police. They aren't just some nostalgia act. They'd blow all these crappy musical guests away. Oh yeah, this is a recap of "American Idol." Moving on...

Now it's time for results and I'm feeling queasy. First we get to see a montage of clips from hometown trips past. Beautiful moments. This is when the Idols get to see how famous they've become in under a year. How poignant. Ryan tells us they're filling three stools in random order to announce the Top 3. In other words, the order they're declared safe isn't indicative of the voting.

The first person to be sent to safety is...KRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually clapped and yelled "YES!!!!!!" when they announced it. I'm seriously happy for this dude. He deserves it as much, if not more so, than anyone here. Oh, what a relief. One down, two to go!

Daughtry time. They remind us of Chris Daughtry's Idol run and show a clip of his shocking elimination. The full clip is hilarious every time I watch it on YouTube. Chris has this really smug look on his face just before Ryan tells him he's going home. Ahhhh, good times. Chris and his band are debuting their new song "No Surprise." Well, it sounds just like every other Daughtry song. Whoop-dee-doo. I'm sure we won't be able to escape this thing in about a month, so all of you who are inclined to enjoy Daughtry better enjoy this now before you get sick of it. Kris ("our other Kris") gets to present them with a platinum record after it's all over. Good on them, I guess. I'm still not a fan.

Time to reveal the second member of the Top 3, and it is...Adam! Well come on, who didn't see that coming?

So we're left with Allison and Danny, and the final person in the Top 3 is...Danny? CRAP!!!! I mean...what? Why? This is...weird. Danny has no business in the Top 3! Urgh. This is wrong. The perfect Top 3 was just sitting right there and America let it get away. What a bummer.

Allison seems totally cool about it at first, but you can see tears in her eyes when she's singing for the last time. Awwww. America loves you, Allison. Just look at What Not to Sing's average contestant ratings and look how far you are ahead of Danny! Speaking of Danny, we get a shot of him watching from the sidelines while Allison sings. Um, why do we care about this jerk right now? This is Allison's moment to be honored.

Well, I guess it was too good to be true. A Top 3 where I liked all of them was too much to ask for, I suppose. Now it's possible the Gokeburger could make it to the finale. Good news, Blake Lewis, Justin Guarini and Katharine McPhee! If Danny makes it to the finale there won't be anymore debates over the worst contestant to make the Top 2! You'll all be able to say that at least you weren't as bad as that Gokey guy. Let's hope it doesn't come to that though. Kris and Adam for the finale!

Allison, you will be missed. You were the only truly good female contestant in the Finals (no I'm not forgetting Alexis Grace), and your fun, quirky personality brightened up our TV screens every week (man, am I in Cheese Mode tonight or what?). When we look back on Season 8 someday, you, Adam and Kris will be remembered as the stars.

Power Rankings:

3. Kris Allen - Watch out for the bus next week. You just know the producers and judges are giving it another tune-up.

2. Danny Gokey - He's like a weed you can't kill.

1. Adam Lambert - Let's face it: he's unstoppable.

Next week, since the producers of this show are incredibly incompetent at timing, we'll only be getting two performances from each contestant instead of the traditional three. Can you believe it? It's taken us until the Final 3 to get a true multi-solo performance episode. They really need to get this show back on track next season. Hey, Fremantle! I could use a higher-paying job!

Top 4 - Life is a Rock (But the Idol Stage Rolled Me)

2009-05-05T21:11:00.004-05:00

A lot has gone wrong on this season of "Idol," but unlike last year, where I no longer cared enough to vote for any of the contestants once we reached the Top 4, I currently have two favorites to vote for and another I like but don't vote for. A certain bespectacled cheesehead is the only fly in the ointment. He's clearly the weakest one remaining, so America has an important decision to make tonight.

Ryan starts the show by telling us there was an accident on the set. Apparently one of the sign towers collapsed, which means the contestants haven't had a proper dress rehearsal. Wow. This could be one crazy night. We're also getting four individual performances plus two duets. Slash, of Guns N' Roses and Velvet Revolver fame, is our mentor, and we learn that he's now recording a solo album. Slash has them hold the mentoring session at the Roxy, because he wants them to get into the spirit of rock. If Slash indeed came up with that idea himself, that's awesome. It's good to see a mentor who really tries.

Adam Lambert leads off with Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love." Rockin'! He's got that Robert Plant upper register, so this should be good, right? Well, his vocals sound good as always, but I don't hear a whole lot of originality here. He sings the line "woman" during the breakdown, which is kind of funny given what we know about Adam's life offstage. This is OK. My problem is that it doesn't really go anywhere for me. It's a great song, but I don't think it works as a truncated "Idol" rendition. It doesn't have the same dramatic power as the original. Randy calls him a rock star. Kara says he's not just a rock star, he's a rock god. Paula calls it a whole lotta perfect. Simon says it was one of his favorite performances from Adam. Well, Adam's act has been underwhelming me lately, but I still like him. He's not going anywhere after the Bottom 2 scare from last week.

Allison Iraheta is batting second, and hopefully she won't be laying down a sacrifice bunt to advance Adam to third. We find out she went to Adam's hairdresser to get help for this week. I thought she looked edgier! In the mentor clip she tells Slash it was between "Somebody to Love" and "Cry Baby," and Slash advises her to go with the Joplin. Allison has a similar vocal style, so this should be good. Once again, Allison's right in her comfort zone. She hits every note and holds her own on stage. On a technical level this is very good, but it doesn't quite blow me away like I was hoping. It feels like she could've done more for some reason. Randy says he didn't like the song choice. Kara says it was the right artist choice, but "Piece of My Heart" would've been better. Paula calls her downright fearless and says Allison should play Janis Joplin in a biopic. Simon says she tried too hard to sound like the original and he would've gone with the Queen song. Allison says it was Jefferson Airplane's "Somebody to Love," not Queen's. Funny, that's what I had assumed when she said it to Slash originally. I'm more intuitive than Simon! She also says she didn't want to do "Piece of My Heart" because it's been done several times on the show already. Funny, that didn't stop her from doing "Alone" in the Semifinals. Oh well, the point is that Allison rocks and deserves to get some votes tonight, even if it wasn't her best performance.

Time for the first duet of the evening, with Kris Allen and Danny Gokey. Aw, man! Why did Kris have to get paired up with boring old Danny? I guess with Allison and Adam getting their hair done together it was obvious they were meant to duet. They're doing Styx' "Renegade." Hearing their voices right next to each other makes it obvious how much better Kris' is, but their harmonizing is cool when Danny doesn't sound slightly sharp. Kris actually sounds like a less powerful Chris Daughtry at times here. Not bad, but I don't see Wayne and Garth bowing down and proclaiming their unworthiness either. Randy says they complement each other greatly. Kara says that neither Kris nor Danny individually seems like a renegade, but together they were good. Paula says it was powerful and compelling. Simon says Danny was better than Kris. OK, Cowell. That's it. You're lying to our faces now. Kris was clearly better than Danny, and the side-by-side comparison made it obvious. You just can't stop pimping Danny though. I have to wonder if Danny's blackmailing Simon at this point.

Now Kris gets the stage to himself for The Beatles' "Come Together." Well, hopefully it'll be better than Carly Smithson's crappy version last year. Like everything else tonight, this is just OK. He kind of makes it into a heavy guitar jam. Hey! In the third verse he varies it up and makes it sound almost like a bridge. Well, OK, that's cool. It's not Kris' best performance, but it's solid. Still, the stage has yet to be set on fire tonight. Randy says he did well considering he's not really a rocker. Kara says he was trying too hard. Paula says his signature was all over it. Simon compares it to eating ice for lunch; it leaves him with nothing memorable. Come on, Kris fans! Vote a little harder this week!

As expected, Danny goes last. He's doing Aerosmith's "Dream On." I hope it works as well for him as it did for Michael Johns last year. From the first note I'm already bored. I'm waiting for him to do something new with this song....(looks at watch)...still waiting. Well, he's singing it OK, but it's pretty much a karaoke version with awkward phrasing. Whoa, is there a pterodactyl in the room? Nope, it's just Danny's off-key falsetto screech ending. Now that was bad. Just watch the judges eat this up. Randy says it was just all right, but he'll give him an A+ for a valiant effort. Kara says he took it a little too far. She sees him more early Aerosmith, like "Cryin'" and "Crazy." Ummm, Kara? That's 90's Aerosmith! "Dream On" was from their 1973 debut album! Ugh. This lady has no idea what she's talking about. She does give him credit for taking chances. Yeah, OK. Paula says it wasn't the right song but she's a huge fan. Simon says the last note was like watching a horror movie, but he thinks Danny's going to be safe. Hear that, Danny fans? He's safe! You don't need to vote! Well, judges, I'll give you some credit. At least you knew better than to pimp that disastrous performance. He so deserves to go home now. Could we be that lucky?

Now we get to finish up with an Adam-Allison duet! They're doing Foghat's "Slow Ride." Rock! And! Roll! This is just OK until they start harmonizing. Then it shifts from cool to totally awesome! At long last the stage has been set on fire. Perhaps the contestants should do duets more often! Randy says it was the bomb and that they should do a duet on their albums. Kara says it was good because they pushed each other to be better. Give Kris a break, Kara! He didn't have much to work with! Paula calls them a perfect blend and agrees that they should record a duet. Simon says they won the battle of the duets and that Adam may have helped Allison stay in the competition. Hey, she deserves it!

Wow. In the closing recap montage they show a clip of Danny's awful glory note. Are they throwing him under the bus? Boy, do I hope so! Perhaps at long last they've realized he's the worst one left and has no commercial potential!

My performance ranking:

Adam/Allison duet (9 out of 10)
Allison solo (6 out of 10)
Kris duet (5.9 out of 10)
Kris solo (5.5 out of 10)
Adam solo (5 out of 10)
Danny duet (4.9 out of 10)
Danny solo (3 out of 10)

Predictions:

Adam's fans went crazy when he was in the Bottom 2 last week. There's no doubt they're voting extra hard this week. I have a feeling Kris' fans might be doing the same thing, though perhaps to a lesser extent. Allison didn't bring the "wow" factor for her solo, but I think "Slow Ride" allowed her to show what she's capable of. Danny was clearly the worst, and Simon may have inspired complacency in his fans. This may be the most wishful thinking ever on my part, but here's what I predict:

Bottom 2: Kris, Danny
Going Home: Danny

If this happens tomorrow night I will officially love this season. Stupid changes like the Judges' Save, the overmanipulated Semifinals and the Wild Card show can be forgiven if the Top 3 we're left with on Wednesday night is Kris, Allison and Adam. As an "Idol" fan it's the stuff dreams are made of.

We also get performances from Daughtry and No Doubt, so that should be...well, honestly, I couldn't care less about either, but if Danny goes home it'll be a great night! I shouldn't get ahead of myself though. I need to go cast some more votes for Allison and Kris!

Top 5 Results - It Was All a Bit Taylor Hicks

2009-04-29T21:30:00.003-05:00

Ugh. Why am I so nervous tonight? I have this sinking feeling that Kris is going home. That would officially shoot this season to hell for me. Yeah, I guess I'd still have an underdog to root for in Allison, but there's something special about Kris. I guess in some ways I feel like he vicariously represents me-- OK, I'll knock it off. Let's get this recap going.

The song for the Ford commercial/video/shameless promotion/whatever you want to call it is "Energy," and it features the Idols running in slow motion while the Ford car approaches them in a desert. Nothing too interesting about this one.

The group performance is a medley of "It Don't Mean a Thing" and "I Got Rhythm." There are solos on almost every line and it apparently isn't lip-synched, so it's cool. On the latter song Matt, Allison and Danny get the lines about "I've got my [gal/man]" and Adam gets the one about "Old Man Trouble" in between. Strategic planning there, strategic planning. Of course, Danny's gal is no longer with us and Kris' wife still is last I heard. Wouldn't it have made more sense to give Kris Danny's line? I just realized I'm analyzing the appropriateness of solo lines in an Idol group number. When they come to take me away (ha-haaa!) to the funny farm this blog will contain all the justification they need. Anyhow, this medley is short but sweet.

Danny and Allison both celebrated birthdays this week, so we get to see a video clip of the Idols' attempt to make birthday cakes for them. It turns into a food fight between the two birthday kids. Is it just me, or does Danny seem like a bully in this clip? Yeah, I know he's probably "just having fun," but I think he's being a little too rough on poor Allison. Then again, maybe I'm just too much of a gentleman to roughhouse with a girl in such a way. Ryan hands Danny the cleaning bill after the clip ends. Apparently it cost $6000 to clean it all up. Well, look on the bright side. At least you're helping the economy in this recession.

Dim the lights. It's time for results.

Matt Giraud is up first, and he's asked to move to the right side of the stage.

Danny Gokey is next, and he's sent to the left side of the stage.

Allison Iraheta is sent to Danny's side of the stage. Don't let another cake fight break out over there, kids!

Kris Allen has to go stand with Matt.

Now obviously, Adam Lambert is safe, and he'll have to pick the safe group, which will be Danny and Allison. Right? Well, he's not declared safe, he's just told to pick which group he belongs with. He says based on last night, probably with Allison and Danny. Wrong choice, Adam. You're in the Bottom 3 with Kris and Matt. Wow, they're doing a Bottom 3 with five people left? Usually it's just a Bottom 2. At least it was an interesting twist on the "two groups" thing.

How sad that Danny got more votes than Adam and Kris. That's just pitiful. He's the only one left who hasn't been placed in the bottom group now. Is he really getting that much support? If he wins this thing...OK, that's a rant for another time. What it's time for now is Natalie Cole singing "Something's Gotta Give." Well...this is a nice little throwback. I feel bad for Natalie though, as her voice gives out near the end and it seems like she's struggling to hang on. I know what that's like as someone who's sung a little.

Look backstage! Matt, Kris and Adam are nervously waiting to find out who's leaving! Come on, we know it won't be Adam! Matt deserves to go, so the only one we viewers need to be nervous for is Kris.

Taylor Hicks, the winner of Season 5 (wow, I thought they were no longer allowed to acknowledge that fact?), is back singing his new song "Seven Mile Breakdown." Wow, now this is cool. Best returning Idol performance of the season! Of course, it's by the best winner, so it's not that big a surprise. Even Simon gets in on the judges' standing ovation! I really need to set aside some money for Taylor's new album. I've been putting off buying several CD's I want for a while now.

Time to send one person back to safety and it is...KRIS!!!!!!!! Whooooo! THANK YOU FOR SPARING ME, RYAN! Kris has been one of this season's best stories. He worked his way from unpimped fodder up to dark horse. How wrong would it be for his journey to end now with a premature exit?

Now it's time for Jamie Foxx to sing his "#1 smash" "Blame It." Wow. More overproduced Kanye West-like crap. Dude, if you can't sing live without adding a bunch of crappy effects you don't belong on this show. It's hilarious how antithetical many of the guests on the result shows this season have been to the concept of "American Idol." This song will undoubtedly find a special place in history next to Eddie Murphy's "Party All the Time," or even better, "Whatzupwitu." (If you have no idea what that link leads to, prepare to experience a mixture of laughter and creeped out-ness)

So the final verdict is here and the safe contestant is...Adam. Phew! Not that I ever seriously thought Adam was going, but it's nice to see that America got the Top 4 right.

So Matt Giraud's final ranking is bumped from 7th to 5th. That Judges' Save sure was worth it, huh? In all seriousness, while I was never a fan of Matt, I grew to appreciate him more over the course of the competition. If you read my earlier posts I always referred to him as "smarmy," because I just got that vibe from him. When I looked closer though, I started to see him differently. He actually struck me as a guy who struggled with self-confidence and just wanted to be liked, both of which I can relate to. While I didn't connect with him much as a contestant, he at least earned a place on my "OK people" list.

Power Rankings:

4. Danny Gokey - Wishful thinking? Perhaps, but most objective observers would probably agree that Danny is the weakest performer left. The judges' pimping and the sympathy vote are the biggest things that have kept him in the competition. It's almost laughable that he's considered one of the frontrunners when he's been outshone by "dark horses" Allison and Kris for most of the Finals. If this world were fair (which we all know it isn't) Danny would go home next Wednesday. At least there's a small bit of hope we can cling to: if any theme could trip up the Gokester it'd be next week's. You know Allison and Adam are going to own that one, and Kris' fans might vote a little harder after this week's scare.

3. Allison Iraheta - She got extra votes from Simon's comments, but she's been stuck in the Bottom 3 enough times to indicate that she doesn't have the fan support to make it to the finale.

2. Kris Allen - The true underdogs rarely ever win, but they might be able to make the Top 2.

1. Adam Lambert - I have to think this Bottom 3 thing was a fluke. I'm sure his fans won't be so complacent from here on out.

Next week's theme is Rock & Roll, with the legendary Slash mentoring! It's taken them eight seasons to do this theme and at long last it's here! It had better be worth it!

Top 5 - If Only Rats Could Vomit

2009-04-28T21:27:00.002-05:00

Ryan tells us the theme this week is "Standards From the Rat Pack Era." OK, then. Does that mean only songs the Rat Pack members sang or songs from that general time period? Ah, I've given up trying to figure out this show's themes.

There's a mystery mentor this week, and it's none other than...Jamie Foxx? Yeah, that makes all kinds of sense. Well, apparently, Jamie Foxx can transcend all aspects of the entertainment industry, is a classically-trained musician and currently has a song on the R&B charts. Wow. I had no idea he was a singer. All the more reason not to bother turning on the radio for anything other than hockey and baseball games.

First up is Kris Allen, doing "The Way You Look Tonight." Jamie loves him and offers to do a record with him. See? Even Jamie knows Kris is the best one here! He starts out doing a slowed-down version, not Frank Sinatra's midtempo one. In the middle it suddenly picks up out of nowhere. It seems a little disjointed, but the tempo quickly returns to its slowed-down roots. I like this. Kris sounds great vocally, and he delivers another winner tonight. Randy says it was his best performance. Kara says he set the technical standard for the evening incredibly high. Paula says he's made a transition from boy next door to sophisticated gentleman. Simon says it was good but a little too safe. I'm sorry, but Kris really needs to win this thing. His artistry, lack of pretension and straightforward vocals make him this season's most refreshing contestant. As we all know though, nothing ever seems to go the way I want.

Allison Iraheta, the only chick left in the competition, as Ryan says, celebrated her 17th birthday yesterday! Well come on, America! You have to vote for her! She's singing "Someone to Watch Over Me." Since she says she's too young to have a boyfriend, Jamie asks her who watches over her. She says her family does, so he encourages her to feel the love her family has for her while she sings. She's very breathy in the parts with minimal backing music, but you'd be hard-pressed to find anything wrong with her pitch or phrasing. It's not a world-beater performance, but it's another strong showing for the little red-haired girl. Randy says it was the bomb. Kara says she made some new fans tonight, and if it doesn't land her in the Finals she doesn't know what will. Psst, Kara! The finale is Danny vs. Adam. Didn't you get the memo? Paula says she's proud of her. Simon asks her if she thinks she can win, and Allison says she thinks they all have a chance right now. Simon says he doesn't think she shows enough belief in herself and could be in trouble tonight. Is he trying to get her sent home or trying to light a fire under her fans?

Matt Giraud was apparently looking forward to this week because he's a big jazz fan. He's doing "My Funny Valentine." Come on, Matt. Melinda Doolittle already owns this song on the "Idol" stage! You sir, are no Melinda Doolittle. What's with these slow songs, anyway? Isn't anybody going to do anything uptempo tonight? So far all we've gotten is a brief section from Kris. I don't know what it is, but Matt's vocals seem awkward here. His control leaves something to be desired. I'm not saying it's a trainwreck, it's just that it isn't flawless. Me no like. Randy says it didn't all quite come together. Kara says she didn't feel an emotional connection. Paula loves it and says she felt the emotional connection. Simon thinks it was the first believable performance of the night. Oh brother. Matt shouldn't even be here right now. Stop trying to prop him up.

Going fourth is Danny Gokey, which means Adam gets yet another pimp spot. Isn't that a little unfair considering he just got it three weeks ago? Then again, Anoop got it last week and went home, so maybe it's not as important as we think. I suppose it doesn't really matter, since Adam's not going anywhere regardless of where he performs. What? Oh yeah, it's Danny's turn. All right, what's Smuggie doing this time? As he describes it, a bluesy take on "Come Rain or Come Shine." The crowd goes wild the second he walks out. Please. Is there some sort of "Applause" sign above the stage? This doesn't sound very bluesy to me. Like most of Danny's performances, this is just average. It's not terrible, but nothing about it makes me care either. Oh wait, here comes the bluesiness. He starts growling it at the end and the music gets louder. Wowee. Still just a'ight for me, dawgg. Randy says Danny's the only one he's heard who could have an album of songs like that and win. Get real, Randy. Kara likes that he had some swagger this time. Paula calls it stellar and pimps him for the finale again. Yawn. It's like these judges live in their own world where they have no idea what America really likes. Most opinionaters I've seen think the Top 3 should be Kris, Allison and Adam, and that includes me. Simon says it was outstanding. Oh well. No surprises there. Danny can do no wrong with the judges.

So what's Adam Lambert going to do with the evening's final performance? Well, last week he went with a slow song, so that means we're due for an uptempo one this week, right? Noooooooot quite. It's sort of a middle-ground song, "Feeling Good." I've never understood this song's appeal. It's quite mediocre in my opinion. Why do so many people choose to cover it or perform it on various editions of "Idol"? The world is full of mysteries. This one starts out slow, but just when I think it's going to end up as a full night of downtempo the first verse ends, the music gets loud and we're treated to a midtempo beat. Just before it ends the music stops for Adam to belt out a long glory note. Look, I like Adam, but that was nothing exciting to me. We know Adam's got a killer range. We know he can hold high notes for a long time. I doesn't change the fact that the song is boring and the performance didn't show me anything new. I'll give him credit for not trying to scat like Leslie Hunt, but come on. We know the judges'll love it though. Randy says it was a little too theatrical, but he's in the zone and it was another good performance. Kara calls it shocking, since she apparently has no long-term memory. Paula compares him to Michael Phelps at the Olympics. All in favor of skipping the marijuana joke raise your hands. Thought so. Simon says he loves that Adam obviously wants to win. Well great. The two best performances of the night were the least-praised by Simon. This season is back to getting on my nerves, and it'll annoy me even more if Allison or Kris goes home tomorrow.

My performance ranking:

Kris (7.5 out of 10)
Allison (7 out of 10) (just like what Simon said, coincidentally)
Adam (5.5 out of 10)
Danny (5 out of 10)
Matt (4 out of 10)

Prediction:

Bottom 2: Allison, Matt
Going Home: Allison

I hope I'm wrong here, but as regular readers of What Not to Sing know, male contestants are more likely to get votes than female ones, and Allison keeps ending up in the Bottom 3 despite strong performances. She just can't seem to win with the voters. Matt got Simon's endorsement tonight for reasons I don't understand, and it may be enough to keep him around. Heck, a part of me is even afraid for Kris, just because he went first, Simon wasn't overly impressed and I've seen a lot of my favorites go home in 5th Place. Then again, 5th Place is the opposite gender slot, which means Allison either goes home or wins the whole thing. Sorry, Allison. I voted for you, but you'll be missed.

Tomorrow we finally get Taylor Hicks at the results show. This ought to prove once and for all that Danny pales in comparison to the true blue-eyed soul Idol!

Top 7 Results Again - If This Show Had a Foot It'd Be Bleeding Right Now

2009-04-22T21:22:00.003-05:00

So once again we have seven people, and this time we're saying goodbye to two of them. I hate double eliminations. They're double the stress.

Ryan tells us they'll be using green power at the finale. Why don't they always use it if it's so great? Don't you want to help the environment, "Idol"?

We find out why Paula was "with Lil this week" and able to comment on her vocal rest: She choreographed the group number! We see a clip of their session together, and she works those Idols hard. Hmmm, apparently Allison is bigger than Lil. I guess Allison seems smaller to me because of her youth while Lil seems bigger to me because of her maturity. Does that make sense? Does anyone care about my thoughts on how perception of physical size relates to age and maturity? I didn't think so. Matt downloads his version of "Let's Get it On" as a ringtone. Those kids just don't want to work to entertain us!

So was their effort worth it? You bet! Their song is The Jacksons' "Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground)," and we see some high-quality dancing this time. My brother comments that it's a good thing Scott was eliminated, since he wouldn't have been able to do this. It appears the lip-synching is back, but they do have headset mics to go with their sunglasses and disco outfits. This is actually a lot of fun. Paula hasn't lost her choreographer's touch. The Idols give her a large bouquet at the end of the performance. It was almost surreal to see such a complex production, but I liked it.

When we get back from the commercial the camera focuses on a sign in the audience that says "Vegans [Heart] Simon." Huh? What was the purpose of that? Is "Earth Day" really code for "Hippie Tree Hugger Stereotype Day"?

The Ford video is set to "I'm Good, I'm Gone." I've never heard the original to this song, nor do I care to. It shows them working regular jobs, and after the workday is over they all head into a club advertising for singers. Oh, I get it. They're saying that these Idols were all meant to sing, even if they have to do other stuff to pay the bills. Whatever.

Results time.

Lil Rounds stands up first. She has to walk to the far side of the stage. Ryan tells her how brave and unafraid to speak her mind she is, then tells her that her journey is over. Spout time! She does "I'm Every Woman" again and it's just as uninteresting as the first time. It's nice that we've finally put Lil out of her (OK, our) misery. The drama between her and the judges was getting old. Paula tells Lil she sounded better than last night, and says it was good for her to go out on top of her game. Randy says it's just the beginning for her. Somewhere LaToya London, Vonzell Solomon, Paris Bennett and Syesha Mercado are laughing. Simon says he'll miss her family screaming. Kara says some puffy crap that isn't worth recapping. Why can't we vote her off?

My streak of losing someone I don't care about continues. Kris, Allison, Adam and Anoop are still alive. I really hope one of them isn't leaving next.

Now it's time for a disco medley featuring the legends themselves. Freda Payne sings "Band of Gold," Thelma Houston sings "Don't Leave Me This Way" and K.C. of Sunshine Band fame sings "Get Down Tonight." All three have voices past their primes, since I doubt any of them kept performing after the disco era ended. Thelma tries a little too hard to be sexy, and K.C. has to bring four female dancers onstage with him to help us forget that he's not all that visually appealing. I guess if you need filler you could do worse than to honor the performers for whom the much-maligned disco genre was their livelihood.

More results.

Kris Allen is safe! Whoo! Kris is in the Top 5! Four more weeks to go!

Adam Lambert is safe, which is a no-brainer.

Danny Gokey is safe. Sorry, Becky (and all of America)!

Anoop Desai is in the Bottom 3. I guess Lil was at the bottom of the Bottom 3.

So who's joining Anoop? Allison Iraheta or Matt Giraud? There's some talking before we find out Allison's in the Bottom 3. Dang it! Now one of my favorites is going home! I'm sure Matt's a nice guy, but he totally doesn't deserve to be in the Top 5. First the judges invite him back for the Wild Card after bombing in the Semifinals, then they put him in the Top 13 after a Wild Card performance that had an obnoxious number of runs and then they give him a reprieve when he totally deserved to go home in the Top 7. Sorry, Matt, but you're pretty much the symbol of everything that's wrong with this season. You're nothing more than the judges' pampered pet. If the judges are the U.S. government, you're AIG. If it were up to me we'd be preparing for an Anoop-Allison-Adam-Danny-Kris Top 5. Instead, Matt has to be there. Either Anoop or Allison is going to get screwed out of a spot in the Top 5 because of the judges propping up the Giraud kid.

Time for David Archuleta to sing his new song "Don't Touch My Hand." Um...he shakes hands with the girls in the audience, um...eh, I'm bored now. I got nothing. The song ends and I've already forgotten how it goes. Good luck to David, but I don't see myself supporting his career. After the performance he tells our Bottom 2-dwellers that even though it's ending for one of them tonight, they're going to get a bunch of opportunities because of this experience. Even if David's music isn't my thing, I can appreciate his genuine niceness.

So one of these two is going home. As much as I like Anoop, if I have to choose between these two I'd rather keep Allison. The one going home is...Anoop. Phew! Allison is safe! It's OK, Anoop. You're Top 5 in my mind. Matt Giraud is still the 7th Place finisher as far as I'm concerned. Anoop is crestfallen at the news, which only magnifies the injustice of Matt's still being there. He sings his song again and I can only wonder what could have been. Fare thee well, Anoop! I doubt Matt's non-existent career will be any better than yours!

So we finally have a pimp-spotter who gets eliminated before the Top 4. Of course, the elimination order suggests he was only the second-lowest vote-getter. On a normal week the pimp spot would've kept him alive.

Power Rankings:

5. Allison Iraheta. Now she's stuck in the opposite gender slot, since a guy will almost certainly win. With Anoop going home it must be a sign that my other favorites are about to start dropping.

4. Matt Giraud. Yep, we have to deal with this intruder for a few more weeks.

3. Kris Allen. If it were up to me he'd win this thing, but since I'm not allowed to get my way in anything in life, he'll go out here.

2. Danny Gokey. I honestly don't get how he keeps advancing. I guess it's time to face the facts: the powers that be are going to pimp him to the finale by any means possible.

1. Adam Lambert. Danny's housewife voters won't be enough to beat the guy who's far more talented and entertaining.

If Matt had gone home this week I might have forgiven the judges for saving him. Instead he's going to be there taunting me next week, and probably the week after. The only thing that can save this season now is if Kris or Allison wins. A victory for one of the underpimped underdogs would actually make me feel like this show had something heartwarming to offer. I like Adam, but rooting for an overdog isn't as fun or rewarding. I was loving this season, "Idol," but you botched it when you saved Matt. Get rid of the Judges' Save next year or you're probably going to lose me as a viewer. Aw, who am I kidding? I'll probably still watch out of morbid curiosity. I don't know if the show will be worth my time to blog about anymore though.

Until next time, I'm out of here.

Top 6 (Plus Matt Giraud) - Disco Demolition Night

2009-04-21T22:57:00.002-05:00

The show opens with a recap of last week's pointless Judges' Save, which means I need to vote extra hard, as former bottom-feeder Matt is going to be extra pimped from now on and some of my favorites could end up in trouble. At least, that's what I'm assuming is going to happen.

Lil Rounds leads off with no intro clip to Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman." Huh. So that's how they're planning to cut time. I guess there's no point in having intro clips, since there's no mentor this week. How much do you want to bet the show still goes long? Lil works the stage and all that, but her voice is drowned out by the band most of the way and she spends too much time playing to the studio audience. Eh. I'm just not feeling it. Randy says it sounded wild and gves the "you're not an artist" criticism...AGAIN. Kara agrees. Paula says Lil was on vocal rest, and applauds her for her recovery, but she doesn't think it was hot enough. Lil looks defeated, and Simon tells her she looks sad. I almost feel like they're antagonizing her at this point. Lil responds that she had fun this week. Simon then predicts that Lil's going home, in addition to the usual "no originality" criticism. Lil tells Ryan she absolutely doesn't believe she was karaoke and reminds us that America votes. You can hear Simon cackling when she says that. He knows half the voting public is putty in his hands. I'm not even sure why Lil wants to stay in this competition, unless she enjoys getting abuse from the four stooges.

Kris Allen has his guitar with him to sing "She Works Hard For the Money". Wow. Now there's a choice I wasn't expecting. He tells Ryan he chose it because it has a story to it. I like that. Rather than seeing the song as merely a dated dance number, he's looking at it from a different angle. He does a complete stripped-down arrangement with African drums and stuff. Wow, this is good. Much better than when crappy Jason Castro tried the same thing last year for Mariah Carey week. Are you watching, Lil? That's how you avoid getting called karaoke. Kara says the risk he took paid off big time. Paula says it had a classic Santana feel to it and commends him for his song choice. Simon calls it fantastic. Randy says it proves he's ready for the big time. You know what? He may not be the best singer in this competition, but if it were up to me, Kris would win this thing. I know both my readers (hi Kristi and Becky!) are huge Adam fans, but Kris in my mind represents what this show is all about. I mean, come on! He's living the American Dream! The odds were against him due to his lack of pimping, but he stayed true to himself, did his own thing and now finds himself as a contender for the title. Horatio Alger couldn't have written it any better. Adam's a great singer and performer, but he's been pimped since the beginning. What's the fun in seeing a foregone conclusion come to pass?

So how's Danny Gokey going to follow up that brilliant performance? How about a mediocre version of Earth, Wind and Fire's "September"? Yeah, that should do it! Or not. I hear nothing original here. The guy doesn't even use the high part in the chorus as an opportunity to show off his range. The song itself is good, but if Danny really wants to win this thing he needs to give us something memorable. What's this Lil-esque karaoke performance supposed to do for anybody? I'd say it's time for Danny to lose his predestined spot in the finale. Randy says it didn't have enough melody, but he turned it into something that really worked for him tonight. Kara compliments his pitch and calls it another solid performance She adds that she hopes we remember it at the end of the show. Foreshadowing? Paula says he showed off his agility and brilliance, and calls his voice one of the sexiest ever. Simon says he can't fault the vocals, but says he thought the performance was clumsy, awkward and lacking in star power. Paula shouts out "see you in the finals!" again. It's like she read my mind. She knew the audience didn't think he was Top 2-worthy anymore and wanted to remind us that we're supposed to vote for him. Nothin' doin', Abdul! Kris or Allison should be joining Adam in the finale. Hey, didn't Chris Daughtry go home the last time she told a contestant that? Am I getting my hopes up too much?

The backdrop parts to reveal Allison Iraheta sitting on the stairs. She's singing a slowed-down, rocking version of "Hot Stuff." Hmm. More Donna Summer. Unlike last week, she's back to bringing the ROCK. VOCAL. POWER. Maybe she got over that cold I suspected she had. Overall it's another winner for Allison. Can Paula honestly believe Danny belongs in the finale after seeing this? Randy says he thought the arrangement was a little overindulgent, but says she can really sing. Wow, Randy. Thanks for telling us that. You add so much to the panel. Kara agrees about arrangement and echoes the "one of the best singers" line. Thanks Kara. The people who just turned on their TV's and hadn't watched any of the season thus far are undoubtedly very grateful. Paula says the word "compromise" doesn't belong in her vocabulary and that the last note hit it off the charts. Okey dokey. Simon says it was brilliant. Go Allison! Seacrest hurries through her phone number, likely because they don't want to run long this week.

Adam Lambert is next. Will he own this week as so many have predicted? He's got some tough competition after Kris' performance. He's wearing the suit with slicked-back hair again, and since it's an even-numbered week (should be Top 6), that means he's toning it down and going slow. He's doing "If I Can't Have You," by Yvonne Elliman from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. His tender vocals on the verse are really nice. I like that part a lot, but when he goes over the top in the chorus it just seems odd. I don't mind a little over-the-top from Adam, but he needs to do it at the right moment, and I don't think that was it. Still, I like this performance for the most part. The crowd goes wild after he finishes. Randy says he's ready right now and that it's a hot one. Duh! Adam's going to be a star whether he wins this thing or not. Kara says he's brilliant. Paula says she felt the pain and vulnerability and predicts the finale for him once again. I guess we're at the halfway point of the Finals, so Paula's job tonight is to refresh the Danny vs. Adam showdown idea they've had in mind since the beginning in America's heads. Simon says he likes the originality and vocals. Adam gives Michael Orland some props for helping him with the arrangement. What a class act.

Now it's time for that guy who shouldn't be here. At least he's not getting the pimp spot, so there's still hope that he could go home this week. After getting two undeserved free passes this season, it would sure be sweet. He's doing The Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive." Well, it's not a karaoke version like LaKisha Jones did two seasons ago. I hate to say it, but this is probably one of his best performances. He infuses his own style into it and his vocals are spot on except for the creepy ending falsetto note. I still hope he goes home, but I'll give credit where it's due. He did a good job. Randy says didn't love the song choice or arrangement, but that he can really sing. Blah blah blah. Why do I even bother to recap comments like that? Kara says it was solid. Paula said he picks songs like she bowls: gutterballs or strikes. This was a strike for him. That Paula is so clever with her similes, isn't she? Simon says he didn't like it, and that Matt needs to get out of Idol-land and into the real world. Well, you could've let him go back to the real world last week but you passed it up. Thanks, Simon! He also says it came across as desperate. I didn't get that, but OK. I'm surprised he wasn't pimped more. I figured the judges were going to love him to death if he was even halfway decent (which I'd say he was) just so they don't look dumb for saving him. Oh well. Like I've been saying, I won't complain if he leaves tomorrow.

Anoop Desai finally gets the pimp spot for a show where the public votes! I thought for sure he was going to be thrown under the bus this week. Once again he's doing a slow song, Donna Summer's "Dim All the Lights." What's with the three I'm voting for all doing Donna Summer? He's got a new look, with a little bit of facial hair and a pink sweater. Anoop sounds OK, but the arrangement sounds very dated. I'm not familiar with the original, but I'm guessing he didn't do much to alter Donna Summer's version. He works the crowd and seems to enjoy himself, but I'm not crazy about this. It's OK, just not up to par with his best performances. Randy says the same thing he's said to almost everybody tonight: didn't like the arrangement, you can really sing, good job. Kara says it sounded like it could be on the radio. Yeah, oldies radio, maybe. Kara really needs to go. Her comments add nothing and she always seems like she's (poorly) acting the part of an "American Idol" judge. Paula says she liked it when he went uptempo because he looked like he was enjoying himself. Simon says it was mediocre at best and calls it his worst performance by a mile. Ouch. I didn't think it was that bad, but I'll agree it wasn't one of Anoop's stronger performances.

My performance ranking:

Kris (9 out of 10)
Matt (7.5 out of 10)
Allison (7 out of 10)
Adam (6 out of 10)
Anoop (4.5 out of 10)
Danny (3.5 out of 10)
Lil (3 out of 10)

So....predictions. I think Kris was the best of the night and has a big enough fanbase that he'll be fine. Adam got a truckload of praise and has a big fanbase, so he's safe. Anoop got the pimp spot, which usually guarantees safety, but with the double elimination I'm not so sure. After all, Lil got the pimp spot last week and ended up in the Bottom 2. Still, he should get an extra boost. I believe Allison's fanbase has grown over the course of the competition, and as the only girl left who'd be a worthy winner, I think she's got the support to stay. There. I've successfully convinced myself that my four favorites aren't in danger (though in reality I give Allison and Anoop an outside chance of leaving). Now it's time to deal with my three non-favorites.

I think this is finally the end of the line for Lil. She got the death spot and did nothing to improve her stock, so I'm confident she's going bye-bye at last. I believe Danny still has a huge fanbase, but he really didn't show us anything new. Then again, has he shown us anything new since the Semifinals? Even Kara hinted that it wasn't a particularly memorable performance. He should be in more trouble than he probably is. I thought Matt was good, but Simon hated his performance, so that'll make a lot of people rethink their enjoyment of it. As I said last week, I feel like Matt's run his course on this show. He's talented, but I don't get the impression that he's going to show me anything I'll be sorry to have missed. On the other hand, his fans might be voting extra hard to save him after he nearly left last week. Hmmm. This is tough, but I'm going to predict that Danny and his mediocrity live to sing another day while Matt and his mole leave us for real this time.

Tomorrow David Archuleta, Mike V's beloved Artichoke, is performing. I'll try to keep the squealing to a minimum.

Top 7 Results - You Know What This Season Needs? A Good Monkey Wrench!

2009-04-15T23:22:00.002-05:00

They get down to business quickly tonight. The Ford music video is set to "Freeze Frame" and shows the Idols on magazine covers. It's kind of cool. Good to hear some J. Geils Band.

The group sing is "Maniac" from Flashdance. Fun stuff. Doesn't seem lip-synched either. Then again, maybe I'm not paying attention. Either way, I've actually been enjoying the result show stuff more and more each week.

The Idols went to premiere of "17 Again," starring Zac Efron. They make this movie sound like Oscar material, but...I kind of doubt it. Adam tells us he liked the cheerleaders, then they run a clip showing us that the cheerleaders were used as a joke in one scene. This ambiguity game with Adam is so much fun, isn't it?

Allison Iraheta first. She is safe! Well, I had her in the Bottom 3, but I'll take it! Hey, are they not doing the two groups this time?

Adam Lambert next. He says he wasn't insulted by Simon's "Rocky Horror Picture Show" comment, because it's a great movie. As usual, Adam is safe.

Anoop Desai faces the music. For the third straight week, he's in the Bottom 3. Wow. Is it time to declare him this year's Syesha Mercado/Phil Stacey/Anthony Fedorov/Nikki McKibbin? I guess we should see if he makes it through this week before we put him in that select company of Bottom 3-dwellers.

Time for the ever-overrated Jennifer Hudson. Yeah, yeah, I know she's won awards and stuff, but I'm not a fan. She just leaves me cold. Her song is "If This Isn't Love." It's OK, but I'm sure I'll forget it a minute after it ends. Man, she's taller than Ryan. Is she that big or is he that small?

Ryan chats with Anoop, Anoop says he's surprised to be in the Bottom 3, since he thought he did well the night before. Paula says she thought Anoop did well, Simon says he deserves to be where he is. I agree with Paula.

Kris Allen and Lil Rounds stand up. Simon tells Kris he was brilliant last night. Apparently that's what he would've said had he gotten to speak. Ryan asks Lil if she feels like she's in a no-win situation with the judges, and she says sometimes it does feel that way. Well, maybe it's because you're just not that good, Lil. One of these two is in the Bottom 3, and it is...Lil! Whoo! Go Kris!

That leaves us with Matt Giraud and Danny Gokey. Matt says if he could do it over he wouldn't have tried so hard to make the song his own. Danny, bespectacled once again, says he was trying to pull back a bit with the arrangement. Randy says Danny worked it out and did his thing last night. The one in the Bottom 3 is...Matt. Big surprise.

So I got two of the Bottom 3 correct. Instead of Anoop I had Allison, but I totally called Matt and Lil.

One person's going back to safety and that is...Anoop! Whoo! One of two contestants I don't like is leaving! As much as I hated this season back in the Semifinals, it's gotten a lot better since then. My three favorites at the start of the Top 13 were Anoop, Allison and Kris, and Adam's grown on me since then. Now they're all in the Top 6! Last year my three favorites going into the Top 12 were Brooke White, Amanda Overmyer and Chikezie. By the Top 9 only one remained. It's nice having contestants to look forward to each week for a change. I still hate the manipulation that went on in the Semifinals, but it's nice having contestants to root for. Maybe Season 8 is better than we're giving it credit for.

Time for Miley Cyrus, here to perform "The Climb." She's kind of nasally. But hey, we all know that's a form of singing, right Chris Richardson? I have nothing else to say about this performance.

So who's going home? It's time to find out. Lil is...safe. Duh! She got the pimp spot! So Matt's the one leaving, and I predicted it correctly for once. Unless the judges save him, of course, which they really ought not to do.

Matt's "sing for his life" performance is pretty good, but I still don't want them to save him. It goes against the spirit of the competition. Ryan builds up the drama by saying how that must've been the toughest moment of his singing career. Oh, spare us the fake drama. Simon tells Matt he hasn't improved much and that he has no chance of winning. I agree. Get rid of him. But they've made a decision and...it's good news. The crowd goes wild. No, Simon, that's bad news.

Why? Why did you have to ruin a season that was shaping up to be decent by using the frigging Judges' Save? This basically ensures that Matt's fans will vote extra hard next week and that someone who earned a place in the Top 6 will be labeled as "7th Place" for the rest of their lives. Newsflash, judges: Matt's elimination came as a shock to no one! America didn't vote for him because he's boring and not connecting with the viewers! In other words: AMERICA DOESN'T WANT MATT! I now take back all the good things I said about this season earlier! There was absolutely no reason to use the Judges' Save tonight! Ugh. I was looking forward to being rid of this boring smarmbag next week and you had to ruin it for me. I'm now convinced that the producers are trying to kill this show, since they'd have to be idiots not to realize Matt wasn't wanted anymore.

Power Rankings:

7. Anoop Desai - He'll always be Top 6 in my heart.

6. Kris Allen - I have a feeling he's due for a trip to the Bottom 3 and thanks to this useless new double elimination it'll cost someone who actually would've been worthy of the Judges' Save.

5. Lil Rounds - Opposite gender slot.

4. Allison Iraheta - She's from the same state as Adam. Some vote-splitting may cost her.

3. Matt Giraud - The judges are going to pimp him extra hard to make sure they don't look stupid for saving him.

2. Danny Gokey - The Smuggie can't seem to hit the Bottom 3.

1. Adam Lambert - Since I don't think Kris, Allison or Anoop can make it to the finale at this point, Adam's our only hope.

Apparently next week is Disco Week, unless Simon was kidding. Whatever. I'm not in a good mood right now.

Top 7 - One and a Half Thumbs Up

2009-04-14T21:58:00.003-05:00

Tonight our Idols will be mentored by Quentin Tarantino, whose passion for music apparently means he's qualified to tell the Idols how to perform. Also, due to time constraints only two judges will be talking for each contestant. That means some won't have to face the wrath of Simon this week. Works for me. Less crap to recap!

First up is Allison Iraheta, singing Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" from Armageddon. Argh. Another oversung song. Then again, I said the same thing last week and it turned out pretty well. Let's see how she handles this one. She sounds a little strained early on. Is she sick? She isn't bringing the ROCK. VOCAL. POWER. as much as usual. She turns it up at the end, but it feels like something's missing. It almost seems like she herself isn't feeling the song. Paula says she possesses the same "special sauce" as Adam. All in favor of skipping the obvious drug/alcohol joke raise your hands. Yep, I thought so. Moving on... Paula adds the usual "I can't believe how young you are" spiel. Simon calls her the girls' only hope left in the competition. Well yeah, when it's between Allison and Lil it's not too tough a choice. Finally they're pimping her as much as she deserves, but more than I'd say the performance deserved.

Anoop Desai has decided to ballad it up again with Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Well, I guess that's smart, since "My Prerogative" seems to be the only upbeat song he can pull off. In the intro clip Quentin tells him to "rough up" the vocals, which based on the Q-Man's demonstration suggests he wants him to Taylor Hicks-ify it. This should be interesting. Anoop decides not to rough it up, and his smooth vocals sound great. I really like this. The ladies in the audience all scream when he reaches the pre-chorus. Anoop made a wise move by not listening to the mentor. Randy says he did a really good job and is finding his zone. Kara says she felt connected to him singing for a change. I have to agree. This is the first time I didn't feel like Anoop was shaky at any point. He's getting more comfortable up there.

We heard earlier that Adam Lambert was doing a song from Easy Rider. It turns out it's "Born to Be Wild." I guess that works. I was thinking it'd be "I Wasn't Born to Follow." While the title is appropriate for his persona, it wouldn't have rocked very hard. Adam adds electronic elements to this one, which means the famous organ hook is gone. It's got a cool vibe to it though. His trademark screams at the end are freaking awesome. What's there left to say about Adam? He's far and away the best singer and performer in this competition. He did his own thing as usual and rocked it. Paula tells him that fortune rewards the brave and that he's one of the bravest contestants ever. Simon says it was vocally incredible, but like the Rocky Horror musical at parts. He says he loved it, but that it won't be as popular as last week. Whatever. It doesn't matter how many people hate Adam at this point. I'll be shocked if he doesn't make it to the finale.

Matt Giraud gets some Ryan chat time. He says his confidence level is in the middle right now. He picked a song he loved and thinks it should work. Ah ah ah. Somebody didn't read last week's WNTS editorial, did he? We're treated to more Bryan Adams with "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" from Don Juan de Marco. Quentin picks on Matt's enunciation, and I can see what he means. During the performance Matt seems to slur parts. He does his usual piano thing with runs and falsetto and all that jazz. Overall it's pretty good, but I'm still not on the Matt bandwagon (if such a thing even exists at this point). Randy says it started out cool, but he hit a rough patch at the bridge and shouldn't do so much with a song that has such a beautiful melody. Kara says he constantly goes back and forth between rock and soul and that he took away some of the song's core melodies. OK. Maybe I'm just not familiar enough with the original, but I didn't mind it too much.

Danny Gokey's going without glasses this week and gets a chat with Ryan. He tells us he bought a guitar even though he can't play it. I need a new guitar but don't have the money right now. Life is so unfair. He's doing "Endless Love" from The Same Name (actually, the movie was Endless Love, but that's what it sounded like he said). Hey, Chris Sligh ditched his glasses when he did this song too! What a weird coincidence. Maybe this song is hard on the eyes or something. He has a harp on stage with him, which isn't exactly easy on the eyes either. Sorry, but this is kind of...what's the word? Uninteresting? I actually kind of like it when he goes into his upper register near the end, but it's not enough to make me love this performance. I remember being confused by Sligh's version at first, but it got better on repeat listens. This was just good, but not great. I don't see it improving with age. Paula says he pulled it together at the end. Simon says he sang it well but didn't do anything new with it, like David Cook did with Lionel Richie last year. Don't forget the Sligh-dog! Oh wait, the judges hated his version. Never mind. Simon goes on to congratulate Danny because the song clearly means a lot to him. Huh? Are they that desperate to keep Danny around?

Kris Allen has the second original song choice of the night (after Adam, of course), with "Falling Slowly" from Once. I've never heard of the song or the movie, but I'm not a big movie buff, so maybe that has something to do with it. The song starts out in that musical purgatory of low notes that get drowned out by the music and sound off-key. This is sort of a boring song, but once he gets into clear-vocal territory I actually like the way he sounds. He shows off some good control. Maybe I'm biased because I like Kris better than Danny or because I have nothing to compare this performance to, but I think that unlike Danny's, the second half redeems the first. Randy says it was pitchy from note one. Kara says it was difficult to pick such an obscure song, and she thinks it was one of his best moments. I don't know if it was one of his best, but I'll say it was good.

Since everyone here has gotten the pimp spot at some point, Lil Rounds is getting it for the second time this season. Since Adam had it last week I guess that means it's Danny's turn next week. Lil's doing "The Rose," from the movie of the same name. Well, it's an original song choice. I'll give her that. In her mentor clip they say she brings in a gospel influence. Quentin tells her to do that with the whole song. Now this is pitchy from note one. Wow. She can't hit the right notes here to save her life. Maybe she's shaken up from all the criticism she's gotten the last four weeks. Sorry Lil. This is bad bad bad. Easily her worst. Paula says she couldn't have sung a more beautiful lyric and rambles on with a bunch of stuff that implies she was good without actually saying it. Way to equivocate, Paula! Simon says she's getting it wrong, that the song was too soft, and he doesn't think she's the artist they thought she was. Lil's clearly upset, so she decides to give Simon a piece of her mind. She says she's tried to be an artist by putting soul, R&B and gospel into the performance. I didn't hear it, but OK. Paula says Lil shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind, and that those who matter didn't have a problem with the performance. I'm guessing she just told most of the viewing audience that they don't matter. This whole Lil soap opera is getting ridiculous. I'm almost wondering if they overpraised her in the beginning just to set up this drama. Then again, I remember thinking her first two performances were genuinely good, and I'd like to believe I'm not that easily manipulated by these judges. I hope that in the future the powers that be will think twice about overpimping a contestant like they did Lil. So much for not being defeated.

My performance ranking:

Adam (8 out of 10)
Anoop (7 out of 10)
Kris (6.5 out of 10)
Matt (6 out of 10)
Danny (5 out of 10)
Allison (4 out of 10)
Lil (1 out of 10)

So who's going home? Let's see...I think Adam's the only one who doesn't have to worry about the Bottom 3 this week. Anoop did a great job, and since his primary fanbase isn't hung over this week from celebrating their basketball team's championship he should be good. Danny was boring and forgettable as always, but I think he still has the fans to keep him safe. That leaves us with Kris, Allison, Lil and Matt. As much as Lil deserves to go, the pimp spot should keep her safe. I do think her little tantrum (which I kind of understand, but it won't exactly endear her to the public) will land her in the Bottom 3 though. I've predicted Kris for the Bottom 3 countless times, but he still has yet to end up there. I think the fact that he went late in the show will help him. Matt did OK, but the judges weren't kind, and his performance was nothing we hadn't seen from him already. Allison went first and had perhaps her weakest performance yet, but the judges' endorsement and the momentum I believe she's gaining should bode well for her. Therefore, my prediction is:

Bottom 3: Allison, Matt, Lil
Going Home: Matt

At least I can hope. Since we probably can't get rid of Danny or Lil this soon, Matt is my next choice.

Tomorrow night Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Hudson are our guests. How fitting. They bring back J-Hud for the same week she was eliminated. When they split the Idols into two groups of three and force the leftover contestant to pick the safe group I'm sure Jennifer will be cringing offstage.

Top 8 Results - Surely the Things I Ask Can't Be Too Great a Task

2009-04-08T22:40:00.002-05:00

It's time for the weekly result show, and Kris is currently at the bottom of DialIdol. I'm nervous. I've been fortunate that none of my favorites has been eliminated from the Finals yet. Tonight could be the first one.

Hey, Mario Lopez is in audience! Maybe next time we'll get Screech. I've heard he doesn't get along well with Kimberley Locke, though.

Ryan rolls a video clip from the year Simon was born. Hey, it's Frankie Avalon singing "Venus"! Great song! Then comes the twist. The screen opens up and the real Frankie Avalon comes out singing! Awesome! He's older-looking now than I realized. I guess he can't retain his youth forever. When will he mentor the Idols? If they had a "teen idols" theme or something he'd be perfect. Of course, he probably doesn't have much to promote these days, so it doesn't seem likely. Ryan asks Frankie when that song came out, and he tells us it was from 1959. Gotta love that year. Simon, of course, argues that he was actually born in 1969. You got it wrong, Simon. You're supposed to maintain each year that you're only 39. It worked for Jack Benny.

The group song is from AI's birth year of 2002: "Can't Get You Out of My Head." I'm not very familiar with this song. It seems like this might not be lip-synched though. If so, that's the best thing I can say about it. If it is, well, go on with your lives. Nothing much to see here.

We get the usual behind-the-scenes segment for the Ford music video. That's right, it's considered a music video rather than a commercial. It's filmed at an old Vaudeville theater, which Adam loves because it's right up his alley. The song is "Circus" by Britney Spears and the theme is a magic show. It's fun, I guess. It's more in the spirit of the classic Ford videos than some of the other crap they've done in Season 8.

Ryan chats with the contestants. He asks Adam about Simon's standing ovation and Adam can only say he's flattered. I still don't get the hype about that one. It didn't move me nearly as much as "The Tracks of My Tears" did. The mayor of Kalamazoo is in the audience to see Matt. Apparently he's an old friend. Sheesh. Is there anyone on this show who doesn't know anyone famous?

Bring down the lights, it's time for results.

Adam Lambert, Kris Allen and Anoop Desai all stand up. Adam is safe. Duh. One is in the bottom 3, and it is...Anoop. Whoo! Kris is safe! He just keeps on chuggin'! So much for DialIdol having him at the bottom! If Anoop goes home it'll be because of that shoutout to UNC. Mark my words.

Flo Rida is here to perform his #1 song, "Right Round." OK, this is one of the infamous ten crappy songs that pop radio plays on a loop all day, so I think I'm pausing the tape for this. This song is a poor recycle job of Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me 'Round (Like a Record)" except it's about raining money on a stripper. My father once told me that the late '70s was a really depressing time. He said you couldn't turn on the radio without hearing disco. I have to believe we're living in an equivalent era right now. The problem with this crap is that it doesn't all fall under some genre-specific umbrella that we can hope to wipe out in one fell swoop. Sigh. Ryan chats with Flo Rida afterwards and he promotes his worldwide tour. You mean they like this crap in other countries too? He tells us his album title ROOTS stands for "Rap of Overcoming the Struggle." Yeah, nothing honors a past struggle like glorifying a waste of money.

Back to the results.

Danny Gokey is safe. He smiles and gives another "yep, I knew it" nod.

Matt Giraud and his forehead mole are up. He's safe after Ryan tries to fake him out again.

Scott MacIntyre is in the Bottom 3, right where he belongs.

Our two ladies, Allison Iraheta and Lil Rounds are the only ones left. Ryan tries to fake out Allison before telling her she's safe. Yes! That means Lil is in the Bottom 3! Spout time! It only took four weeks of disappointing performances! I'd imagine even her fanbase is getting sick of her by now. Simon says there's one person in the Bottom 3 they'd definitely consider saving. Well, we know it isn't Scott. I'm guessing he means Lil. Why they'd consider saving her I'm not sure.

Kellie Pickler time! She sings her new song "Best Days of Your Life." Well, it's obvious she's not lip-synching, as she sounds pretty bad tonight. She's still cute, so that makes it bearable. She doesn't get as much chat time with Ryan as some of the other Idols have this year. I guess that's what happens when you come in 6th Place.

Meanwhile, back at the results...

One person's going back to safety, and it is...Anoop, stay where you are. Lil's headed back to the couches. Figures. She's not splitting votes with anyone. This toying with the contestants is getting old though. Knock it off, Ryan.

There were 34 million votes, and only 30,000 separate Scott and Anoop. Man, Anoop's fans sure do know how to make it dramatic. First it was close between him and Michael Sarver, now this.

The lowest vote-getter is...Scott. Wow. I was right for once. Scott sings "The Search is Over" again and sounds just as bad. Please don't save him, judges. He's not worth it. This is the best time for him to go out. He hasn't reached a completely embarrassing level of incompetence, but he had his first trainwreck this week. Let him go home before his "Idol" journey becomes a long-running disaster.

Simon says it's a tough decision. Two say he should stay, two say he should go. So...it's not unanimous? He's going? Simon goes on with some BS about how they have to consider if there are more-talented people sitting safely on the couches. Whatever. Stop dragging this out! Finally Simon makes the decision and it is: No. Finally! I was actually worried they were going to save him for a minute there. How disgraceful would that have been?

After his farewell video Paula tells Scott what an inspiration he is. That's nice, but do you ever wonder if Scott feels like he's being patronized a little too much? We all know blind people can be successful musicians, so it's not as if he's doing something we never thought possible. He seems like a good guy though, so I wish him the best.

Power rankings:

7. Matt Giraud - I think he's due for another trip to the Bottom 3 next week. He barely missed it the past two weeks.

6. Anoop Desai - Being in the Bottom 3 two straight weeks will probably give him a boost next week. He'd just better not mention UNC.

5. Lil Rounds - Opposite gender slot. I'm superstitious about this stuff, I guess. Her long-overdue first trip to the Bottom 3 is a promising sign for those of us who want her gone.

4. Danny Gokey - His consistent averageness can't be helping him grow his fanbase. I get the impression that people are becoming bored with him.

3. Kris Allen - I think he's the Elliott Yamin underdog of this season.

2. Allison Iraheta - She's been picking up steam every week. I think more and more people are starting to love her.

1. Adam Lambert - Come on. He's by far the strongest performer. Kris went to the amusement park this weekend and the only thing the guy he met there wanted to talk about was Adam. Adam makes people pay attention. People remember him. That's crucial in a competition like this. If Adam can keep doing his thing I don't think any of these other contestants has the talent to keep him out of the top spot.

That's it until next week! The past two seasons I've been "won over" by a contestant in the Top 7. In Season 6 it was Phil Stacey and last year it was David Cook. Will Matt, Danny or Lil make me like (or at least tolerate) one of them next week? Stay tuned!

Top 8 - Born Under a Bad Sign

2009-04-07T22:36:00.002-05:00

It's a new night of "Idol," and apparently it's also a new era where the judges aren't introduced by a booming voice as they walk across the stage. Thank goodness for that. This show should be about the contestants, not the judges.

We get to see the judges' (and Ryan's) childhood photos. Kara looks pretty much the same, and Ryan makes a subtle joke about Paula's nose job. Paula gets him back by asking if he liked carrots as a kid. You tell that oompa loompa wannabe, Paula!

First up is Danny Gokey, who was born April 24, 1980. Apparently he discovered he could sing in the car one day as a kid. Yeah. Nice try. Singing is a skill which is developed, not something one is born with. Keep perpetuating that misconception though. He's doing Mickey Gillies' (who?) version of "Stand By Me." The minimal background track at the beginning makes his nasal tone more annoying than usual. They all complained about Chris Richardson's nasality. Why not Danny's? When the music picks up and he starts working the stage it gets a little better. Overall, it's just OK. Randy says he didn't love the arrangement, but Danny made him love it. What a dumb comment. Kara says he killed it at the end and made it his own. Um, didn't Ryan say before it began that IT WASN'T HIS ARRANGEMENT?! This is David Cook all over again. Paula says he set the bar high for the rest of the show. Whatever. Simon says the beginning was good, the middle was lazy, and the end was terrific, so overall it was great. That math doesn't seem to add up. I think it was forgettable, but Danny's not going anywhere this early.

Kris Allen gets to chat with Ryan about the Idols' day off. He says that a guy at an amusement park told him to tell Adam he said hi. Poor dude. Of course, Adam's the most buzzworthy contestant, so I can't say I'm surprised. We find out Kris was born June 21, 1985 and wanted to be a taxi driver as kid. In this economy that's probably a better bet than being a singer. He's doing Don Henley's "All She Wants to Do is Dance" on the stage in the middle of the mosh pit, complete with an electric guitar. This arrangement is kind of Vegas-y. It's a tad cheesy and overblown, but cool. There's not much to say about this performance. The vocals are solid, but it doesn't feel like he's doing anything original here. It's just pretty good for me, dawg. Kara says it felt like jazz/funk homework and that he lost a lot of youth. Paula says he made the song more melodic and is one of the more likable contestants. Simon calls it indulgent, boring and forgettable, and says he came over as a guitarist who wanted to sing. Randy seconds the self-indulgent comment, saying he thought the arrangement overtook the singer. I kind of have to agree. I think he was trying to go for the Jason Mraz white funk-pop thing again, but he overdid it a little.

Token diva Lil Rounds is next. She was born October 20, 1984 and named after her grandma Lily. She follows What Not to Sing's suggestion to do something from Tina Turner's Private Dancer album. Her choice is "What's Love Got to Do With It?" The beginning is slightly rough, and some of the big notes are lacking in power, but overall she seems more in control of the song than usual. This may be her best performance since "The Way You Make me Feel." Hey, she has a tattoo on her leg! I knew she wasn't as classy as she wanted to appear. Paula says she wanted her to go outside the box, but it was too karaoke. Simon says it was a second- or third-rate Tina Turner. He wants her to take a song no one's done on the show and makes it hers. Ummm, Simon, that song never had been previously done on this show. Randy says he doesn't think she's listening to their advice. Kara says she didn't make the leap from singer to artist. I'm confused. I'm no fan of Lil, but it seems like the judges are harder on her than they need to be a lot of the time. Does anyone else get the impression she's being thrown under the bus so that Allison can be the chosen female (as, let's face it, she should be)? Lil says she wants to prove she's an artist next week. Of course. It's always next week with some contestants. I bet you it'll be more of the same.

Anoop Desai is ecstatic his Tar Heels won the NCAA basketball tournament. I know UNC is a tight-knit school, but a lot of people (including me) despise their basketball team. Mentioning that on the air isn't doing you any favors, Anoop. Ryan chats with him about his apparent annoyance with Kara last week, and Anoop apologizes, saying he overreacted. Well, he's trying to stay likable, at least. We learn he was born December 20, 1986, and his parents say they always envisioned him doing something big, but they didn't think it'd be this. His song choice is Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors." Haley Scarnato did this one! What happened to songs that haven't been done before, Anoop? The vocals start out soulfully garbled, but they're mostly on-pitch and I enjoy the performance progressively more as it goes on. By the end I'm lovin' it. I still hate UNC, but Anoop does a great job here. Randy calls it a very nice vocal. Kara says he controlled the song, not vice versa. Paula calls it fantastic, his best so far. Simon compares him to a musical yo-yo and says it wasn't fantastic, but good. I wish Anoop were better at handling the uptempo stuff, since being a soul balladeer will only get you so far.

Scott MacIntyre, born June 22, 1985, wanted to be a train engineer as a kid. Man, that's two people tonight who wanted to operate a vehicle for a living. Oddly enough, only one possessed adequate vision. He's doing Survivor's "The Search is Over" with an electric guitar. Wow, this is bad. As always, the vocals are poor, and he looks wooden stabbing at his axe. I don't know why he always goes for the high notes when he can't hit them. Does he ever listen to himself? Sorry, but that was terrible. Kara commends him for taking on a difficult song (enough coddling him, already!), thought there were some good parts (such as?) and some overambitious ones. Paula coddles him some more and says the electric guitar surprised her. Scott says his punk side is coming out. Yeah, nothing says punk like a straight cover of an '80s power ballad. Paula says she thought he shouldn't have reached for the high notes, but overall, bravo. Come on. Why can't they just tell this guy his talent is lacking? Simon suggests he return to piano and calls the song horrible. Randy says it all was just OK. Man, they went easy on him. Hopefully the voters go easy on the dialing too.

Our only '90s baby, Allison Iraheta, was born April 27, 1992. Sheesh. I have vivid memories of 1992. That was one of my favorite years. I feel old. She apparently talked too much as baby and the doctor told her mother it was because she was meant to be a singing star. What kind of doctor makes that diagnosis? The village medicine man? She's doing "I Can't Make You Love Me." Uh-oh. Boring and oversung alert! Surprisingly though, this isn't boring. The pitch and phrasing are both great and she makes the performance engaging and watchable. I've got to give her props. Allison does it again! Paula loves that she added some tenderness to a gut-wrenching song and made it her own with the same arrangement. Simon calls it very good but says she needs to be more likable and show more personality. Randy brings up Kelly Clarkson. Could it be? Is the coveted "next Kelly" mantle about to be passed? Not quite. Randy only says Kelly talked a lot more, but he does add that like Kelly, Allison can sing her face off. Kara says she took adult content and made it believable and young. OK. Is it bad that Allison always delivers and yet I'm worried about her safety each week?

Matt Giraud was born May 11, 1985 and sang constantly growing up. He got the lead role in "Angels Aware" as a kid. I know this play! I went to a Christian school growing up, so I recognize the lines from the clip they show. Ah, memories. He's doing Stevie Wonder's "Part-Time Lover" and Vegas-funks it up like Kris. Also like Kris, I don't have much to say about this performance. Ummm...it's a good vocal. It seems like something a lot of people might like, but it's not my thing. I tend to phase out during Matt's performances, since they rarely draw me in. This is no exception. I'd rather re-watch Kevin Covais' version of this song than hear Matt's version again. That one was at least interesting. The judges all go crazy with praise, and since we're running out of time, there's no need to recap their brief comments. It's almost 8:00 and there's still one performance to go. Why don't you time your shows better? Yet another reason why adding Kara to the panel was a bad move.

Finally it's Adam Lambert, the first contestant to get the pimp spot twice this season. In fact, Scott's the only one here tonight who hasn't gotten it. Adam was born January 29, 1982 and played dressup a lot as a kid. Why am I not surprised? He's doing Tears For Fears' "Mad World" with a darkly-lit stage. The vocals are good, but the song is pretty boring. It doesn't have the same magic as it did when he toned it down for "The Tracks of My Tears." His voice is a little creaky on the final super-high note. This performance is OK, but it's perhaps my least favorite of his so far. Since we're out of time, Simon gives him a standing ovation on behalf of all the judges. Oh come on. Let's not overdo it.

My performance ranking:

Anoop (7.5 out of 10)
Allison (7 out of 10)
Lil (6.5 out of 10)
Kris (6 out of 10)
Matt (5.5 out of 10)
Adam (5.1 out of 10)
Danny (5 out of 10)
Scott (2 out of 10)

Wow. The only one I thought was below average was Scott's. Am I too generous or was this night just that good? It doesn't feel like it was that good for some reason.

So...predictions. Whose fanbases are strong enough to keep them safe? Lil, Danny and Adam. Matt performed late and got a ton of praise from the judges, so he's probably safe. That leaves us with Anoop, Kris, Allison and Scott. I think Scott's definitely in the Bottom 3 despite being Vote For the Worst's new pick. I think Allison may get a boost from performing late and being in the Bottom 3 last week. Anoop did great, but a lot of his supporters are probably still coming down from their high after the Tar Heels won it. Kris went early and was fairly forgettable, plus he has yet to hit the Bottom 3, so his fans might be a bit complacent. That makes my official prediction:

Bottom 3: Kris, Anoop, Scott
Going Home: Scott

I know nobody's competing with him for votes, but I think he was so far below the rest of the group that he won't be picking up many new ones this week except VFTW's. At least, I can always hope.

Tomorrow the returning Idol is apparently Kellie Pickler. She's been a musical guest every year since being a contestant, hasn't she? Still waiting on Taylor.

Top 9 Results - Throwing Deck Chairs Off the Titanic

2009-04-01T23:36:00.002-05:00

Tonight nine becomes eight, and Alexis Grace and Jason Castro are in the audience as witnesses. Ryan tells us that tonight Lady Gaga is here and David Cook sings his latest single for us. Notice he didn't say David Cook was actually there. At least he's honest.

The Ford commercial is set to Corbin Bleu's "Mixed Up," and hey, I think I like it. They do the old "split the screen into three tiers and mix and match bodies and faces" trick. For some reason I actually enjoyed this one better than the other ones they've done this year. After all, who knew Kris could rap?

The group number is "Don't Stop Believin'." Scott plays the keyboards and reminds me of Ed Begley Jr. when he was drumming for Spinal Tap. Kris and Allison get to duet on the first verse. Is this lip-synched? It doesn't seem like it most of the time, but I think it is. On one line Allison seems to be singing with a lot more power than we hear in the vocals. Oh well. At least it's a good song and everyone got a solo. It wasn't as funny as "Hot 'N Cold," but it's the best of the Finals.

A semi-interesting Ford commercial and a semi-interesting group number? I must be dreaming.

They show us a video taking us through a typical Idol week. Matt says it's so busy he usually doesn't know what day it is. Kris says he has no "sexy face" for the photo shoots. Allison says life couldn't get any better. At the end we see that Matt likes to impersonate the others, and his Danny impression is dead on. Well, we already knew he liked to impersonate other singers after last night's performance.

The Idols get a chance to show off their impresions of each other. Danny impersonates Matt's "Viva La Vida" disaster from the Semifinals and plays up the goat vibrato. I have to give Danny some credit. That was actually funny. Anoop impersonates Kris. He sings "How Sweet it Is" and mimics the shouty twisted-face glory note. Another laugh-out-loud moment. Allison gets her shot at Danny too. She does both his "P.Y.T." and "Jesus Take the Wheel." This is actually a really fun segment. I like watching the camaraderie between the contestants. How nice of them to let the Idols run up their royalty bill for it. Too bad they can't spend the money on some new options for their song catalog.

Enough fun, let's get to the results.

Megan Joy, Matt Giraud and Kris Allen stand up. All are sent to stage left. Adam Lambert, Lil Rounds and Allison Iraheta stand up. All are sent to center stage. Scott MacIntyre, Danny Gokey and Anoop Desai stand up. All are sent to stage right. Which group could be the Bottom 3? Um, I doubt any of those groups is the Bottom 3. Kris, Adam and Danny are each in one of them, and there's no way any of them hit the Bottom 3 after last night. I predicted that the Bottom 3 would be Allison, Megan and Anoop, and they're each in a different group.

David Cook and his white "AC" guitar are back on tape to sing "Come Back to Me." He sounds as goaty as Matt Giraud tonight. I think his voice is getting fatigued from all the singing he's done since being crowned the "Idol" winner. The same thing happened with Jordin Sparks. This song isn't bad. Not really my style, but pleasant. After it's over Ryan brings two attractive girls onstage to present David with a platinum record for his first album. David gets a little teary. It's good to see that he's apparently maintained some humility after all he's been through. Maybe that's why he won and Chris Daughtry didn't. They keep showing shots of a lady in the audience. I assume that's his mother? She's certainly proud of her boy. While I still think Chikezie was the best last year, David has proven himself worthy of the title.

Back to the results.

Let's start with group one. Kris is safe. Matt is safe. Ryan recaps Simon's negative comments to Megan last night and asks her how she felt. She says "I love you Simon, but I didn't really care." Oooooh! As expected, Megan is in the Bottom 3. She flaps her wings and caws over to the stools. Is this her real personality or is she going out of her way to annoy people now? There's no doubt she belongs in that infamous triad, but I don't think she's going home yet.

Onto group two. Lil is safe. Allison is in the Bottom 3. Dang it. I'm 2 for 2 tonight. Adam is safe, to nobody's surprise.

Now group three. Danny is safe. Casual approving nod from Danny. Smug it up some more, why dontcha? Ryan pulls Scott over to the safety couches, meaning Anoop is in the Bottom 3. I think this is the second time ever I've predicted the Bottom 3 exactly right. Am I good or what?

Lady Gaga is in the house with her crappy single "Pokerface." She does a piano and strings intro before launching into full performance art mode. If a contestant did this on the Idol stage Simon would probably say it was ridiculous. I don't like this song, so I won't spend too much time discussing this thing in detail.

Ryan asks Simon how many of the Bottom 3 are worth saving. "One," he replies. "Allison!" yells someone in the crowd. That's the correct answer, random audience girl. Even though I really don't want Allison to go I still hate the Judges' Save. If Allison's going home now we'll just have to live with it. Of course, that won't be an issue, as she's the first one sent to safety.

The bottom vote-getter is...Megan. "It's OK!" says Megan, channeling Brooke White. Before she gets to sing again Simon decides to spare us the fake drama and tells Megan she won't be saved after that "I didn't care" comment. Thanks, Simon. We were all sick of her after one performance. Of course, why did that comment seal her fate? Was it because she dared to treat Simon like he wasn't that important or because it indicated the competition wasn't a big deal to her? Either way I'm glad she's finally gone.

It's actually funny to watch her sing-out and realize that a girl this bad made it to a nationally-televised singing competition.

Power Rankings:

8. Scott MacIntyre - I think he had a "Bottom 3 bounce" this week (to go with a better-than-usual performance), but if he returns to his old form next week I think he's finally gone.

7. Anoop Desai - Just not good enough.

6. Matt Giraud - I have my doubts about how well he's connecting with the audience.

5. Lil Rounds - The new holder of the "opposite gender" slot. She's had three straight subpar performances. As Beldar Conehead would say, "unacceptable!" She has demographics on her side though, so she'll be in it this long.

4. Danny Gokey - Not marketable, not as good as the judges say he is and turning off more people every week with his smugness. Eventually the judges will stop pimping him and he won't be consistently in the green on DialIdol anymore.

3. Allison Iraheta - Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I think she's the best overall performer after Adam. She deserves to get this far, if not farther. I'm not positive it'll happen, but I'll go out on a limb and predict it.

2. Adam Lambert - Most people either love this guy or hate him. The hating him part means that those voters will back his opponent just to keep him from winning. There's no denying his talent or performance ability, so the fans that love him should keep him in it to the final week.

1. Kris Allen - I think he has some vocal weaknesses, but his artistry and inoffensiveness should help him pick up voters along the way. He has yet to be in the Bottom 3, so his fanbase is probably bigger than I realized. While he doesn't generate tons of excitement, he's likable and solid enough that he could sneak up and take the title.

Next week is the old Songs From the Year You Were Born theme. Great. Last year they did it and eight of the ten contestants had been born in the '80s. This year I believe it'll be seven of eight born in the '80s. Is this show really that devoid of new ideas?