Top 12 Results - The St. Patrick's Day Massacre

Today's the day I'm supposed to be proud of my part-Irish-ness and wear green and stuff, but instead, I'll just stay in and watch American Idol's results show. Of course, by the time you read this it'll be March 18, since my stupid internet is still down at home. Just pretend with me, OK?

We get a harsh beginning to the episode when they bring up the fact that the dreaded Judges' Save is back this year. Aw, crap. Newsflash, Idol: nobody, and I mean nobody likes that rule except a few sycophants in the media. Get rid of it!

David Cook returns to the Idol stage to sing "Jumpin' Jack Flash" with his band. This is actually a pretty cool version. Probably cooler than anything we saw on Tuesday night. Would you expect any less from a former winner who's had a few years as a full-time performer under his belt?

The Ford commercial has the Idols throwing paintballs at each other to the song "Tick Tick Boom." It's nothing worth remembering.

Time for results. My Bottom 3 prediction was Lacey, Tim and Paige, with Lacey going home. Coincidentally, those were also the three I voted for last night. I can't leave my underdogs hanging like that!

Paige Miles is in the Bottom 3. Well, I'm one for one!

Lee DeWyze is safe.

Siobhan Magnus is safe. Well, the girl with the Irish first name should be safe on St. Patty's!

Aaron Kelly, who has an Irish last name but may not actually be Irish, since he's adopted, is safe.

Andrew Garcia and Tim Urban both stand up. I'm hoping they "shock" us by declaring Tim safe and Andrew in the Bottom 3, but no such luck. I'm two for two and we're stuck with Ol' Necktat for another week. Not that I really thought Necky was going after all the pimping he's gotten, but it's always fun to hope the world suddenly becomes fair for one moment. Just watch. Lacey will be the third member.

Some girl named Orianthi is next with her new single "According to You." Huh. I've never even heard of her. I guess that shows how in touch I am with the stuff they play on the radio these days. This song isn't bad, and the girl sure can play that guitar! I'm sure I'll forget all about her after the show is over though.

Back to results.

Didi Benami is safe.

Crystal Bowersox is safe.

Katie Stevens is safe.

Michael Lynche is safe.

Now we're left with Casey James and Lacey Brown. Hey! Casey and Lacey! I'll bet they could give Cindy and Lindy a run for their money! The last member of the Bottom 3 is...Lacey. Boo-ya! I went three for three! The first person sent back to safety is...Tim! All right! Either my power rankings from last week, where I predicted Paige in 12th, or my prediction from last night, where Lacey goes home, will be correct. I can't lose! Well, I mean, except for the fact that I'd rather have both of them back next week, but hey, I'll probably be slightly disappointed by the result each week until Ol' Necktat goes home. And he will go home sooner or later. Mark my words.

Some girl named Kesha had a single called "Tick Tock" that managed to sell 6 million units without me ever hearing of her! Now she has a new song called "Blah Blah Blah" which obviously isn't a cover of the Gershwin song. Oh boy. Another vocally-processed theatrical type whose music is completely programmed by a computer. In ten years I'm sure we'll look back on this performance and have a good laugh at how corny and dated it is. Autotune will go down in history with the cannon snare drum. I can't believe they passed up a fun 'n cheesy group number for this.

So back to Paige and Lacey. The one with the fewest votes is...Lacey. Wow! I got the Bottom 3 and elimination all correct! So now it's time to drag out the fake drama with another performance while the judges congregate for more fake drama all so they can not save her, because they insist on keeping a stupid rule that only detracts from the show. Unlike last season, Lacey gets to pick a new song to reprise, and it's "The Story," which she did last week. She sounds great on it, just like the first time, but of course, they don't save her. Buh-bye, Lacey!

Just because I feel the need to rant about the Save a little longer, Simon admitted they only saved Matt Giraud last year because they figured they had to use it sometime, and he assumed Anoop Desai, whom he didn't want to save, would be the next week's victim. So yeah. We'll probably end up with another stupid decision like that this year. Get rid of the Save! It brings nothing but folly and ruin!

Anyways, I'll miss Lacey just a little. She wasn't an outstanding singer, but she was certainly likable, with a unique and soothing voice. Once Tim and Paige get eliminated I'll have to find some new underdogs to root for, so hopefully Lacey's Bottom 3-mates will get an extra boost next week.

Power Rankings:

11. Aaron Kelly - I think if Paige and Tim get a "Bottom 3 Bounce" next week, he's the most likely candidate to end up victimized.

10. Paige Miles - After the Bottom 3 Bounce comes the crash, and I doubt Paige has the teen girl fanbase that Tim probably does.

9. Katie Stevens - OK, so she had a good week and probably has a pretty good fanbase. After the Semifinals, though, I think it's safe to say she isn't destined to go far in this competition.

8. Andrew Garcia - Probably just wishful thinking on my part, but he hasn't lived up to the hype at all, and pimpage only carries you so far. Hopefully he'll be off our screens even sooner.

7. Tim Urban - Hey, I like the kid. I even thought he was good this week. Top 7? Why not? Sanjaya did it!

6. Casey James - He's solid, but a bit one-dimensional. I think he'll start coasting once he reaches the Top 10.

5. Michael Lynche - I don't think we'll ever see another R&B singer win this show, but his likability and good performance skills should keep him around a while.

4. Crystal Bowersox - The judges were less enthusiastic about her than normal this week, which suggests she may be starting her slow descent back to earth. By the Top 4 she could be on solid ground.

3. Siobhan Magnus - Little Miss Quirky is certainly talented and a judicial favorite. I think her caterwauling and overall weirdness will do her in just before the finale.

2. Lee DeWyze - I thought he was the best of the guys last night, and I could see him growing over the course of the competition.

1. Didi Benami - I still think she's the one we'll see grow into the winner. The next few weeks should be telling, as no winner has emerged as a frontrunner later than the Top 9 (see: Allen, Kris: "Ain't No Sunshine").

That's it for Rolling Stones Week! See you next time when only 11 potential Idols remain!