Top 16 Results - Night of a Thousand Jawdrops

Tonight the line will be drawn! Twelve of these contestants will be remembered in that elite class of "finalists," while four will be virtually forgotten as mere "semifinalists." You can cut the tension with a putty knife. I have Katie, Paige, Aaron and Andrew getting kicked to the curb, so we'll see how good at this prediction business I am!

Michael Buble's "Still Haven't Met You Yet" is this week's group number song of choice. Well...take away the annoying vocal effects and this would be perfectly nice. Shouldn't that cheesy stuff be anathema to a singing-oriented show? Let us hear their beautiful voices!

We learn that next week's theme is The Rolling Stones. That should be good...in theory. I like the Stones and all, but I don't know that the quality of their music is commensurate with their popularity. Still, it's sure to be better than Mariah Carey theme night.

Like they do every year, they've set out twelve empty stools for our Top 12.

Didi Benami is first, and she's in! No big surprise there. Besides, isn't the first person they give the results to always a yes?

Siobhan Magnus, who my brother points out needs braces, is also in! Cool by me.

Paige Miles and Katelyn Epperly are brought down at the same time, and we learn one of them is safe and the other is going home. The person in the Top 12 is...Paige??? Wow! And Katelyn is going home! Totally didn't see that one coming. I mean, Katelyn's performance was bad and all, but Paige got torn to shreds by the judges and didn't have Katelyn's impressive track record. Who (besides me) voted for no-screentime Paige this week? Katelyn half-cries through her final sing-out. Don't worry though, Katelyn! You still have that engineer training to fall back on!

Casey James is in the Top 12! Well, good.

Tim Urban is next to join him! Congrats, JPL Junior!

It's down to Todrick Hall and Lee DeWyze. Which is in and which is out? The person continuing is...Lee! Todrick's leaving us! No huge loss there. Well, I'm 0 for 2 so far! Farewell Todrick! You may not be a great singer, but you're certainly a creative guy who should do well for yourself! Now go pay back those kids' parents!

Up next is the duet that got cut from last year's finale, Matt Giraud and Scott MacIntyre singing Billy Joel's "Tell Her About It." Sheesh. Who cares about these jabronies? Who'll they bring back next? Megan Joy? Nice to see that Matt still loves his falsetto and runs and that Scott still can't stay on key. Good song though.

Back to the results!

Crystal Bowersox is in the Top 12, to the surprise of absolutely no one. Miss (or is it Mrs.?) Too Cool For School doesn't seem too enthusiastic about it.

Michael Lynche is also in the Top 12, also to the surprise of absolutely no one.

Lacey Brown is in the Top 12! Awesome! I voted for her!

Aaron Kelly is in the Top 12! Wow! I was wrong again! Hey, I'm not complaining. Aaron seems like a good kid.

Alex Lambert and Andrew Garcia are the only guys left. The one going to the Top 12 is...Andrew? Dang it! Dumb Ol' Necktat! Why do interesting, likable contestants like Alex get cut in favor of marginally talented losers like Andrew? Poor Alex starts crying when he hears he's been eliminated. If it's any consolation Alex, I'd put your chances of having a music career ahead of Andrew's. Alex must've been a popular guy, because his elimination brings the tears from everyone.

For the girls it's down to Katie Stevens and Lilly Scott. Oh come on. Lilly got the pimp spot! Katie performed poorly and went first! Of course Katie's going! The final seat goes to...Katie Stevens????? This night has defied all odds! How do you get the pimp spot and go home? As a regular reader of What Not to Sing I'm generally familiar with voting trends and such, and I managed to go 0 for 4 this week! What is going on here?

So it looks like our Top 12 is:

Didi Benami
Crystal Bowersox
Lacey Brown
Lee DeWyze
Andrew Garcia
Casey James
Aaron Kelly
Michael Lynche
Siobhan Magnus
Paige Miles
Katie Stevens
Tim Urban

I guess this is the time for me to start predicting the order they'll go in, but I honestly have no idea who's going to win this thing. We know they want a female winner this year, but the only girl who seems like a potential winner is Crystal, and those who peak early generally don't win. They can make it to the finale though, as Adam Lambert and David Archuleta have shown us the past two seasons. Hmmm. This probably won't be anything resembling correct, but here's my prediction for the order in which the Top 12 gets eliminated:

12. Paige Miles - Her fans clearly voted overtime this week to save her. Combine that with her relative anonymity and I doubt we'll be seeing her after next week.

11. Aaron Kelly - Nice kid, seems comfortable with country, but I don't think he's ready for the big time yet.

10. Tim Urban - Hey, we now know he's capable of giving us a good performance. Who's to say he can't last a little longer?

9. Lacey Brown - She'll probably be a Bottom 3 regular a few weeks before bowing out.

8. Katie Stevens - Nice girl, has a good voice, but not ready for the big time yet. Her fanbase should carry her a while.

7. Casey James - I get the impression he only cares about going far enough to ensure that he'll be noticed. He'll probably start mailing it in after a while.

6. Andrew Garcia - I'm betting he'll improve once he reaches the Finals.

5. Michael Lynche - We all love the big guy, but he doesn't seem to succeed outside of the R&B stuff. I don't think he's good enough to win the whole thing.

4. Crystal Bowersox - Like Casey, I don't think Crystal really wants to be the next American Idol. Once she's used up her bag of tricks she'll probably fade away slowly.

3. Siobhan Magnus - Too weird to win? Perhaps, but I think a lot of people are going to like her and it'll take her far. Besides, there's no questioning her talent.

2. Lee DeWyze - The rocker guys usually go pretty far, plus he's got the judges on his side.

1. Didi Benami - She's clearly talented and likable, but not really on anyone's radar right now. I could see her stepping it up as the competition goes on and taking the title.

So those are my predictions. At this point though, I could see them going in the reverse order. It's all up in the air right now. See you next week, when Mick Jagger learns what it's like to have his songs butchered by out-of-their-league amateurs!