Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Top 6 Results - This is Our Country

After tonight only a quintet of hopefuls will be left standing. The show's barely begun when musical guest Rascal Flatts is introduced to perform their new single "Unstoppable." Gary LeVox's voice sounds extra whiny and strangled tonight. Once again, the irony of the show is that the established artists can sound crappy and the ones competing for a shot at a career can't. Lesson? Get a record deal and you're allowed to sound like garbage!

In the Ford video (for some song called "Believe") they all get to be vampires except for Michael, who plays the attack victim that scares them off with a garlic pizza. It actually made me laugh, simpleton that I am.

I'll skip the Shrek promotional stuff and get to the results.

Siobhan Magnus is sent to the far side of the stage.

Aaron Kelly is sent to the center of the stage.

Michael Lynche is sent to the near side of the stage.

Lee DeWyze joins Siobhan.

Casey James joins Michael.

Crystal Bowersox joins Aaron.

Ryan leads Siobhan over to Michael and Casey and proclaims them the Bottom 3. That was weird. Also, who'd have figured Casey to end up in the Bottom 3 after most people considered him the best of the night? I'd be shocked if he went home, and Siobhan got the pimp spot, so...my prediction that Michael's leaving looks solid right about now.

Carrie Underwood introduces the next musical guest, some band called Sons of Sylvia. Hey, wait a minute! That's not just "some band," those are The Clark Brothers, who won The Next Great American Band! They were great. Too bad no one watched that show except me and my mother. Apparently their album is finally being released, and this is their single, called "Love Left to Lose." What's with this opening part? Is that a mic problem or is he breathing too heavily? Aside from those early sound issues, I kind of like the song. It doesn't sound very country, though. It comes across more like some modern rhythmic-pop type of thing with a little mandolin and fiddle thrown in. I'd be happy for these guys if they had some success with this song, because they're a talented bunch of dudes.

Next is Lady Antebellum with "Need You Now." According to Wikipedia this song was released last August, but for some reason I feel like I remember hearing it regularly on CMT back when I still lived with my parents, which was a year and a half ago. I know I've heard it in passing in public places, but I don't think that'd account for it. I hardly listen to the radio. Did they perform this song live on CMT before it was recorded? Am I just going crazy? Argh! Whatever the reason, I know this song better than I probably should.

Boy, they just won't stop throwing musical guests at us, will they? Next it's Shakira and Rascal Flatts! Darn you, Rascal Flatts. Because I like country music I feel forced to tape this due to your inclusion. Surprisingly, there's something captivating about this song (apparently called "Gypsy"). There are gypsy-style backup dancers on stage, and Gary LeVox joining in adds little to the performance. You know what? Recapping these result shows is really getting boring. I think I may retire from the recapping business once this season is done.

Finally some results. Michael is safe! Wow! I thought he was a goner for sure! So the one leaving is...Siobhan. Wow! That pimp spot sure has lost its power over the last two seasons! She sings out with "Think," and of course includes the annoying glory note my brother hates so much. There's still some time left after she's done singing, so we get to see her give out hugs and talk to the judges a little before the credits roll. They sure packed a lot into this hour, didn't they?

Power rankings:

5. Aaron Kelly

4. Michael Lynche

3. Casey James

2. Lee DeWyze

1. Crystal Bowersox

No comments because they're pretty much the same as what I've been saying all season.

Next week Harry Connick Jr. mentors the Idols on the songs of Frank Sinatra. In other words, it's Standards Week designed to honor a specific performer, who just happens to have sung most of them. See you next time!

Top 6 - This Does Impress Me Much

Tonight we're dipping into a "very special songbook," that of the "iconic" Shania Twain. Really? Shania Twain? I mean, she has some good songs, her career has proven to have longevity, but...icon? I've never thought of her that way. Well, the video package tells us she's the one who made country pop (oh, that was her?), so I guess the country music industry owes her a "thank you" for all the dough she's made them. I guess this also counts as our official "country music" week. This has potential. Even though I'm not some Shania Twain superfan, I do like her songs. They range from the funny and playful to the sweet and beautiful. Shania herself is a winner too. She's a good-looking woman with a goofy Canadian accent. I'm not complaining!

Lee-ding off is Lee DeWyze, with "You're Still the One." It's probably one of her most recognizable songs, so good choice, my man. This is nothing more than a typical Lee performance. It's not bad, but those off-key moments have been sticking out to me more recently. There's nothing terribly special here overall. Of course, I don't get to enjoy this performance fully, because my TV reception is a bit choppy, and several moments get blanked out. From the majority that I hear though, it's merely decent. Though none of the judges sound blown away by it, there's nothing but positivity on the panel. I guess being the chosen male contestant has its built-in advantages.

Michael Lynche is next with "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing," a slow ballad. I rather enjoy this. The vocals are once again in "just pretty good" territory, but I like the song itself, and he seems to be feeling it a little more than usual. At the moment I'm writing this, I might call it one of my favorites from him. The judges all love that he connected to the song and Simon's only gripe is that the performance is "wet." When asked for an explanation, Simon can only say it seemed girly. Oh, Simon. Do you even pay attention to what the theme is each week?

Casey James is really excited about this week's performance, because he wants the chance to show people something new after two weeks of staying in his comfort zone. The song is "Don't," which I'm not familiar with. Other than the usual distracting goatiness, this is really good. I'm not sure if it's Casey though, or the higher production values for the night. After a season of complaining about the mix, I have to complement the sound crew for this week. The judges say it's his best performance yet, and that he's progressing as an artist. Mmmmm, I don't agree. "Jealous Guy" was much better. This may be second-best though, as he put some soul into it for a change.

Crystal Bowersox picked "No One Needs to Know" to drop a hint to her boyfriend about proposing. Is this the same guy she has the kid with? If so, seriously, just get hitched already. Crystal's the first contestant of the night to embrace the theme, as this is straight-up acoustic country, not pop. It's incredible: every week Crystal finds some way to stand out from the pack. As usual, she delivers the song perfectly, and the rest of the competition pales in comparison. While it may not have been one of her best from an artistic standpoint, I might call it one of my personal favorite Crystal performances. The first three judges say it wasn't their favorite, but she's so good it doesn't matter. Simon actually gives it a bad review, but we know that's because he doesn't like country music. Whatever. I'm allowed to disagree with the judges. I say it was another great job by the Bowersoxer (do I come up with clever nicknames or what?).

I can't believe he's still in the competition, but Aaron Kelly is up next with "You've Got a Way." There are some bad vocal moments (like, pretty much always), but Aaron gives it his best effort, and his glory note at the end is strong. My problem here is that this is sort of a boring song without much of a hook. However good his vocals may be, I'm not particularly interested in anything that's going on here. The judges think he did a great job, and Simon says he's improved after struggling the last two weeks. Maybe I'm just getting bored with Aaron, as all his performances pretty much feel like the same thing. The kid's a singer, not an artist, and there's only so much he's capable of doing with anything he sings. This might be the weakest of the night so far, though that's hardly an insult on a night when no one's really stunk.

Finally, Little Miss Weird, Siobhan Magnus, takes on Shania's first #1 country hit, "Any Man of Mine." Will it go over better than Mandisa's oust-inducing version from Season 5? Well, it starts out sounding like it'll be fun and upbeat, but Siobhan's vocals are tepid and the song feels like it's moving too slowly. Siobhan walks on the platform behind the judges to add some visual stimulation, but it comes across as robotic, and the only powerful moment is when she does her screechy glory note at the end. At last we have a performance worthy of being called "worst of the night." Can her fanbase, Vote For the Worst and the pimp spot save her? Now that I've trashed it, what do the judges think? Whaddayaknow? They all love it, even Simon! Kara also tells her she's "back." Wow. I have no words. This disconnect with reality is nothing short of surreal. Are they just desperate to keep another girl in the competition after the men have dominated the later stages the last two seasons?

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.5/10)
Casey (7.5/10)
Michael (6.5/10)
Lee (6/10)
Aaron (5/10)
Siobhan (2/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Aaron, Michael, Lee
Going home: Michael

Aaron seems like the obvious choice to go, since he would appear to have the least widespread appeal, and he's been in the Bottom 3 several times now. However, I'm picking Michael to go, since he went early and I'm having a hard time remembering his performance even after recalling I liked it. It's all so up-in-the-air right now that I feel like anyone could potentially go home, so I'll go with what I've got here.

Without Tim there was no one to vote for, which was good, because it meant I got to enjoy my rerun of LOST in peace! See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Top 7 Results - Boring Us For Charity

Tonight is Idol Gives Back, and since I'm broke and have too many expenses of my own, I'm not able to contribute. I'll be watching this charity event and only taping the parts involving the Idols, since I couldn't care less about most of the acts they have performing. The big question though, is whether someone's actually getting eliminated tonight. As we all certainly remember, the last time Idol Gives Back was part of the results show they decided to skip the elimination and did an annoying double-elim the next week. It might be happening again, as this threat of elimination could be the only thing getting people to tune in.

Before I get to this recap I'm just going to get something out of the way up front: I wish these causes they're raising money for the best in their efforts. I'm not going to make snarky comments about helping the needy, since I believe private charity is the world's best hope. In the interest of staying classy here, I'll skip recapping the video packages showing us the people in need, since that stuff is obviously very serious. Everything else is fair game, so let's get to it!

The show opens with President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle reading a teleprompter message about how we can make a difference or some such cliche thing. Errrr...I'll stick no my unofficial no-politics policy on this blog and refrain from commenting further.

Our musical acts tonight are coming to us from Pasadena, where Queen Latifah is our mistress of ceremonies. I'll bet in the end I tape fewer than half these acts.

The Top 12 reunite for a group lip-synch of "Keeping the Dream Alive." The good news is that we get to see the lovely Paige Miles again. The bad news is that we have to see Andrew Garcia again. And uh, there's that whole lip-synching thing too. That kind of detracts from it.

Jonah Hill and Russell Brand are here to bring their brand of humor to a sketch about how they don't have the celebrity friends they promised for a celebrity phone bank. I don't get it. Is this supposed to be funny?

After some chat with the Idols we cut back to Queenie, who introduces the Black-Eyed Peas. All right! They suck! I can pause the tape!

Special guest George Lopez is here to help with eliminations...with a twist! Instead of dealing with the contestants he's going to judge the judges! Oh, the hilarity. This bit has a few chuckle-worthy lines, but most of it is hacky and contrived. He accuses them of "always" saying stuff that they rarely say (Randy hasn't said "pitchy" much this year, Simon rarely uses the term "rubbish," and I'm not sure I've ever heard Kara use the phrase he attributes to her), so it seems like a desperate attempt for a laugh. So much wasted potential.

The Ford video is set to "We've Got a Big Mess on Our Hands," and features all kinds of messes being made in the name of showing off 360-degree camera effects. You know, that money might've been better spent on charity.

Casey, Tim and Aaron were my Bottom 3 prediction, with Casey going home. Let's see how right I am as we actually start narrowing it down.

Crystal Bowersox and Casey James are asked to join Ryan at center stage. The person in the Bottom 3 is...Casey. Wow. Huge surprise there. Crystal may never see the Bottom 3 at the rate she's going.

Aaron Kelly and Lee DeWyze are next. One is in the Bottom 3, and it is...Aaron. Hey! Two for two!

Jeff Beck and Joss Stone backed by the Jubilation Choir are here to sing "I Put a Spell on You." Hmmmm. This might actually be worth taping, since Jeff Beck was a huge influence of Rick Nielsen. As expected, it's nothing earth-shattering, but given the acts they have booked it may turn out to be the best musical moment of the night.

Alicia Keys is here to perform some song I neither know nor care about, so I'm pausing the tape again. Hey, she's singing about how great New York is! On behalf of all of us here in flyover country: we don't want to hear about your stinking city. Halfway home! Must...hold...on...

Back to Jonah Hill and Russell Brand...still not funny. On the plus side, they managed to work Tatiana Del Toro into their attempted comedy bit. It's kind of sad that Tatiana's more talented than the idiots presenting it.

Speaking of actual talent, Carrie Underwood is here, singing some song about "Change." There ought to be a quota placed on that word after the 2008 Presidential Campaign. Sorry...no more politics. Of course, this song is tailor-made for a telethon, with lyrics about not changing the channel and giving to causes you see on TV. Well, I guess that clarifies their intentions, in case there was any confusion.

Wanda Sykes, AKA the most annoying woman in America, is here to give us a bit about how dumb it is to make contestants sing after they've been eliminated. How clever! I've never heard that angle before! Why doesn't this lady just go away and stop bothering people?

At long last it's results time again. Tim should be the final member of the Bottom 3, but hey, if he's safe I'll take it!

Siobhan Magnus is safe!

Michael Lynche is also safe, making Tim Urban the final member of our Bottom 3. Rats. Oh well. I'm glad to know the old predictive powers are still sharp (ah, who am I kidding, I got lucky). Hopefully I'll also be right about Casey leaving, since I want Tim to stay.

A band of All-Stars (including Randy Jackson and Mary J. Blige) is here to sing one of the most overrated songs ever, "Stairway to Heaven." Odd song choice, considering no one really knows what it's about. I guess it's a decent cover, but no one, not even Led Zeppelin themselves, has ever topped Rolf Harris' version.

Elton John is our final musical act, but before he can sing "Your Song" he makes sure to give us a PSA about getting tested for AIDS and using condoms. That advice is of absolutely no use to me, so...ha! Sir Elton sounds sort of Irish when he sings these days. I'm recording it because, well, it's Elton John, but this is actually kind of boring. Why does this thing have to go so long? It's way past the scheduled ending time!

At long last we're done with the music acts and we get to the final results. Will they be final though? I'm going to be angry if I wasted all this time for nothing. One person's going back to safety. It is...Aaron! Man. I'd never have pegged that kid for the Top 6. The one going home is...Tim! Dang it! Now who am I supposed to vote for? I'm actually surprised people vote for boring, unartistic Aaron over Tim. Tim can't stop smiling and laughing as he watches his rushed farewell video. Doggone it, this kid's likable. Why can't we keep him?

So after sitting through all that, we're finally done with this week. I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Power Rankings:

6. Aaron Kelly - He's clearly the weakest one left, so it's just a matter of time.

5. Casey James - Let's face it: he's plateauing.

4. Michael Lynche - Likability and OK-ness only take you so far.

3. Siobhan Magnus - She seems to have the fanbase to make the Top 3.

2. Lee DeWyze - Judging from his WNTS ratings he's clearly the guy to beat.

1. Crystal Bowersox - Can you honestly see any of these others winning the whole thing? If it's not Crystal, it'll probably be because someone else steps it up big time in the next few weeks.

See you next week, when Shania Twain mentors the Idols on her own songs! Too bad our buddy John Park left seven weeks ago!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Top 7 - Off Keys

It's Idol Gives Back week, so you know what that means! Inspirational songs! Tonight we'll be left breathless by our Idols, as they...ah forget it. I'll spoil it now: We're in for a night of good-but-not-great.

Our mentor is Alicia Keys, whose philanthropy and generosity has won the world over, according to Seacrest. I wonder if tomorrow she'll bring out another kid to sing about how he's the world's greatest?

Leading off is Casey James, with Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)." Once again, the vocals are pretty high in the mix, exposing the fact that Casey isn't the greatest technical singer. Then again, who on this season really is? He sings it all right and even includes a guitar solo for good measure. I guess my biggest problem is that there's nothing about this performance that really stands out. It's just Casey doing his thing competently. No big whoop. Randy accuses him of doing the same thing every week, and Simon goes even farther, trashing it completely. Hmmmmm. He could be in trouble after going first tonight.

Lee DeWyze picked Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer" because it inspired him to play the guitar, and this is inspiration week. Alicia tells us that if Lee can bring people into him, then he'll make them feel something. Please, Alicia! This is a family show! Maybe he's too "in his head," because Lee's vocals tonight are pretty weak, and his natural gruff tone doesn't go well with the softness of the song. I'm hearing out-of-key notes all over the place. This is probably his worst performance yet. In an apparent attempt to discredit my ears, the judges think it was incredible. Ellen calls it his best performance, and Simon says he had a "moment." Wow. I didn't like his voice on it at all. Oh well. I guess he's probably staying, then. Go Illinois!

Tim Urban, the only one left who hasn't gotten the pimp spot, takes on the Goo Goo Dolls' "Better Days." As usual, the bum notes are there, and his belting just doesn't work. The parts within his range sound really nice though. I'll confess a lack of familiarity with this song, but it's got a nice melody, which is mainly what I look for. It wasn't Tim's best, but I'd say it was OK. The judges are all a bit underwhelmed by the whole thing. Simon essentially tells Tim the bar has been raised for him, and that it was no longer up to par. Ah, the perils of improving.

There's nothing like a good old cliche song choice, and Aaron Kelly is here to provide us with one! Run for cover, it's R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly," which Aaron's been singing since he was five! I wonder if he went to see Space Jam in theaters and first heard this song there like I did? Aaron's usual awkwardness is there early on, but it eventually turns into one of his best performances, much to my surprise. I guess singing a song for so many years can work to your advantage. Unlike Tim, his belting actually sounds powerful, and this uplifting schlock is perfectly suited for the little cheeseball. Yeah, his voice is still wavery on the big notes, but by now we can chalk it up to Aaron being Aaron. The judges commend him for doing well on such a big song, and only Simon tells him it wasn't very good. Ah, whatever. Maybe I'm so desperate to be entertained that I'm willing to be charitable.

Tonight! Siobhan Magnus is taking on two of the singers you're allegedly never supposed to sing on this show! Whitney and Mariah! (Divas only need one name, beyotch! See also: Aretha and Celine.) The song, of course, is "When You Believe." Hey, Celtic Woman sang this song on their latest PBS special! Maybe that's Siobhan's next stop with her Irish name and all. She just needs to get those tattoos removed. Well, about Siobhan's performance...it's nicely sung for the most part. She kind of looks like she wants to cry at times. When it picks up and she goes into her upper register it sounds a little nasal, but the falsetto note when the song finishes its climax sounds perfect, providing a good ending. Ellen likes it, but the other judges think it wasn't up to the Siobhan standard. Sheesh. Why does it seem like I often like performances the judges don't, and vice versa? Am I a complete dunderhead? Wait...don't answer that.

Michael Lynche is here to bore-rock us with "Hero." Just to be clear, that's the Chad Kroeger song, not the Mariah Carey one. He's going with the acoustic guitar again, so we know we're probably not going to see anything new here. I've never been a big fan of this song either, so that's another strike against him. Michael sounds good, but the whole thing is just a big old bowl of average. This isn't something I'll remember tomorrow. The first two judges think it was OK, but Kara doesn't like it, and Simon can't get past the Spiderman connection. He also says it felt artificial. Shoot, the entire bore-rock genre feels artificial if you ask me.

So it's up to Crystal Bowersox to blow the rest of the contestants off the stage again, this time with "People Get Ready" as her weapon of choice. As Ryan notes, Crystal's going without an instrument for the first time this season. Remember two years ago when using instruments was a huge new deal? Now it's practically expected for contestants who want to be taken seriously. She begins a cappella and never misses a note. When the music joins in, she continues flawlessly. How does she do it? It's like she's invincible or something! She loses it vocally at the end, but it's because she's feeling the song so much that she starts crying. Now that's a "moment," judges, not what Lee did. The judges shower her with praise, and Randy even gives her a standing ovation. I think this may go down as the performance of the season! Well done, Crystal.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (9.5/10)
Siobhan (6/10)
Aaron (5.6/10)
Casey (5.5/10)
Michael (5/10)
Tim (4/10)
Lee (1.5/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Casey, Tim, Aaron
Going Home: Casey

I sort of picked the Bottom 3 by default, as the rest I think were either too good (Crystal), have too big a fanbase (Siobhan and Michael) or were too praised (Lee). I have Casey leaving because he went first, was less memorable than the other two, and doesn't have a fanbase that's worried about his safety, as he hasn't yet appeared in the Bottom 3. Will he actually be eliminated on the night of goodwill that is Idol Gives Back? We shall see!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Top 9 (ii) Results - Two For the Road

To open the show tonight we get yet another recap of last week's oh-so-dramatic results where Mike Lynche was saved. I'll say it again, Idol producers: No one likes the Judges' Save. No one. That save last week was about as dramatic as Super Bowl XX. My brother, who claims to hate this show and only barely follows it, saw that save coming a mile away. Just shut up about it already and stop trying to pretend that your result-screwing idea has any merit whatsoever.

Now that that rant's out of the way, we get to celebrate a return to normalcy with an Elvis medley. Oh, come on. They did the same thing in Season 5 and it was one of the best ever! To their credit though, they don't just recycle the songs from that medley. This ones includes: "Burnin' Love" (used in the S5 medley), "Teddy Bear," "Return to Sender" and "Viva Las Legas" (all not used in S5). This one's a lot cheesier than the first, but hey, they manage to make it fun. And isn't it so dang cute seeing Tim, Aaron and Michael tell the girls they want to be their teddy bear?

The Ford video is set to a song called "Light and Day/Reach For the Sun" and the theme is "going green." I'm not into this.

Dim the lights, we're getting our first elimination now!

Casey James, Aaron Kelly and Andrew Garcia all stand up and are directed to center stage. After some dawdling, the one leaving is...Andrew! Finally! America's gotten sufficiently tired of Ol' Necktat! Since they get to choose their elimination songs this year, Andrew leaves us with "You Give Me Something." He still sounds mediocre. Why did anyone think he was so good in the first place? Well, now I have to find someone else to root against each week. I don't really dislike any of the remaining contestants. I guess Casey and Aaron are safe, so that's one of my two predictions correct. The other contestant I had leaving was Tim, but I hope I'm wrong on that one!

We see a video of Elliott Yamin and Kara making a trip to Africa for Idol Gives Back. That's an odd match, since Kara wasn't judging the show back when Elliott was on. At least when he went with Fantasia they had the common experience of being contestants. Whatever. It's nice to see them making a better life for these kids. Some of the confirmed guests for IGB are The Black-Eyed Peas, Jeff Beck, Joss Stone, Mary J. Blige, Elton John and probably some others I missed but don't care enough to go back and check. Nothing exciting there. I hope IGB is successful in its efforts, but I won't be contributing, as I'm broke right now.

Brooke White's back with some guy named Justin Gaston to perform an Elvis song, we're told. Apparently this Justin guy is the star of a web series called If I Can Dream. Say, do you think...? Whattaya know? That's the Elvis song they're performing! Well, it's nice to see my girl Brooke again. This web series kid means nothing to me. You just know someone paid big bucks to promote that series because this week made a perfect tie-in. My brother isn't familiar with Brooke, and he comments that she looks like Alex from Lost. That's funny. I guess with that bony face Brooke could pass for a blond version of Rousseau's daughter.

For the next round of cuts, the entire bottom row is asked to join Ryan on the stage.

After recapping each performance we learn that Crystal Bowersox is safe! Well, duh.

Siobhan Magnus is also safe!

Lee DeWyze is safe!

That leaves us with Katie Stevens, Michael Lynche and Tim Urban. One of them is the next to leave us! Please let me be wrong about Tim! Before we find out though, it's time for Adam Lambert to take the stage with his new song "Whataya Want From Me." This song is nothing special, but it's nice to hear a guest performer with no autotune for a change. What else to say? Ummm...I got nothing. Let's just get to the results.

First back to safety is...Tim!!! Whoo! I was wrong! Go Timmy Boy! Now it's down to Michael and Katie. Ryan tells us that the safe contestant wasn't even in the Bottom 3. Oh, for crying out loud. Obviously it's Katie going home, then. Michael undoubtedly got a ton of extra support from his fans who don't want to see him leave after last week's close call. Yep, Katie's out. It's a shame it came after one of her best performances. She sings us home with "Let it Be," but she's so choked up that she's off-pitch and nasal the entire time. We forgive you, Katie. You're at the peak of your popularity right now, so enjoy the last few moments of it.

In what was supposed to be a girl's year the guys currently outnumber the girls five to two. Let's see how the remaining seven stack up in my book.

Power Rankings:

7. Aaron Kelly - He had the Bottom 3 bounce this week, so next week is probably the end for him.

6. Tim Urban - Improving, but not as favored as the other five. He'll likely get thrown under the bus.

5. Michael Lynche - He's not interesting enough to go too much deeper. Maybe fourth place, but that'd probably be it.

4. Casey James - If he were more consistently on top of his game I might see him as a real contender.

3. Siobhan Magnus - There's still hope for her to turn things around, but it's hard to envision her winning this thing.

2. Lee DeWyze - The most talented male, but America probably won't want to crown another David Cook just two years after the first one.

1. Crystal Bowersox - She's the only one with the right combination of talent and difference from past winners to win...I think.

Next week is Idol Gives Back, which means the dreaded "Inspirational Songs" theme is returning. Will we be getting a separate results show on Thursday, or are they going to combine the votes from the next two weeks for a double elimination? I'm not sure, but I care not who leaveth as long as it be not Tim!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Top 9 (ii) - Viva Las Urban

Last week, in a needlessly-overwrought scene cheaply played for emotion, the judges used the only save of the season (which is one too many) on Michael Lynche, a move pretty much everyone saw coming. Apparently someone somewhere was on the edge of their seat, and they're still talking about it here in Idol-land.

This week's theme is the songs of Elvis Presley, AKA The King of Rock 'N Roll. Adam Lambert, "one of our favorite performers," is serving as our mentor. His career's tanking so badly the producers are desperate to give him face time, since they look pretty stupid for overpimping him to the degree they did right now. Ryan chats with Adam a bit, and Adam says if he'd been a contestant this week he probably would've chosen the song Tim's doing: "Can't Help Falling in Love." Wow! An actual song spoiler within the episode!

Leading things off is Crystal Bowersox with "Saved," a gospelly song. Well, she tells us she used to drink and she used to smoke, but I'm not sure if that's Crystal herself or just the song talking. This one's definitely a foot-tapper. With Crystal you almost always know what you're going to get: guitar in hand, great vocals and the stage presence of a pro. She makes it all look effortless. The judges comments basically amount to "yep, Crystal nailed another one!" It's like she doesn't need this competition anymore. She's a cinch to last several more weeks.

Just in case we forgot how absolutely shocking and dramatic last week's results were!, we're treated to a Ryan-chat with Andrew Garcia, who continues the harping. Enough already! In the mentor clip we see that Adam thinks Andrew's performance is a little boring, and he hopes that in the time between the mentor session and the performance Andrew comes up with something good. Does Andrew pull it off? Of course not! His "unique twist" is giving "Hound Dog" a loungy jazz arrangement. Dumb dumb dumb. The lyric is completely incongruous with the style. It's one thing to put your own spin on a song, it's another to make that spin completely ill-fitting. He does include a breakdown in the middle, since that's the only part the judges liked from him last week. Self-plagiarizer! The judges feel like he didn't have enough swagger onstage, and Ellen's the only one who says she liked it at all. I'm hoping this'll be the performance that finally gets him sent home. Come on, America! Stop voting for Andrew!

After Andrew's done Ryan tells us to stay tuned to find out which song Tim Urban picked. Well, considering Adam mentioned it earlier, I think we already know it's "Can't Help Falling in Love." During the mentor session Adam really likes him. Yeah! Come on, Timmy Boy! Make us proud! Taking a page out of the Big Mike Lynche playbook, Tim goes to the platform behind the judges with just his acoustic. He's relying on emotional connection over vocal chops at this point, but that's what we've come to expect from Tim. He seems nervous and disconnected at times, but hey, I'm voting for him no matter what. Overall, there are parts I like and parts where I feel bad for him, since the flaws in his voice are exposed. Is it great? No. Is it really good at certain moments? I'd say so. Hey, it's certainly better than that...thing that preceded it. Whereas I think it's OK, the judges think it's Tim's best performance yet, and Simon even tells him he went from "zero to hero" in two weeks. Well, hey! I hope America loves him as much as the judges do! Go Tim!

Lee DeWyze is pulling out a song with an infamous place on this show, "A Little Less Conversation." It's been done with goofy sincerity by Jon Peter Lewis, with humorless rock posturing by Chris Daughtry and with quirky comedic sense by Jackie Tohn. What'll Lee do with it? Wisely, he chooses to use his acoustic guitar and doesn't steal any pages from Season 5's baldy. He messes up some lyrics in the first verse, but if you don't know the song you probably won't notice, as he covers it pretty well. Lee's one of the better singers in this competition, and this performance is solid as usual, but it's nothing that'll make me sit up and take notice. It's too safe, say I. The judges think he's great and totally current, but Kara wants him to be less serious. Lee gives us some smiles just to show America he really is enjoying himself.

Aaron Kelly's song choice is "Blue Suede Shoes." Finally, it's time for some rockabilly! In his video package he says that the song choice is probably completely wrong for him. Bad move, Aaron! If you don't believe in yourself, who will? Take an improv class and you'll learn that commitment is one of the most important things you can do when performing! Fortunately, Aaron does commit as much as possible. Unfortunately, this performance is strictly amateur hour. He adds some rough growling in there, as Adam suggested. While the suggestion itself wasn't a bad one, I'm not sure if Aaron's that kind of singer. I give the kid credit for making the effort, but he's out of his league here. The judges have mixed reviews. No one loves it, no one thinks it was horrible. Simon says he seemed like he was dressing up for the part, which probably says it best.

Apparently Siobhan Magnus is a true Elvis fan, and it's all because her parents raised her with his music. She's taking on "Suspicious Minds" tonight, the other song Chris Daughtry couldn't do much with. The arrangement here is pure karaoke, and Siobhan's vocals are inconsistent. For the first part they're a little too soft, and for the second part they're a little too over-the-top. The whole thing comes across as a little too desperate. "Suspicious Minds" is a good song, but I don't think I've ever heard a version that compared to the original. It's not a terrible performance, I'm just not a fan of the way it all comes together. It doesn't feel natural. The judges like the second half better than the first, and are disappointed overall. Siobhan tells them she doesn't know how to classify herself, she just likes to sing. It's about time one of these kids admitted to having no artistic identity!

In a move that almost seems to be playing to the stereotype-inclined, Michael Lynche chooses "In the Ghetto." It's just him and his acoustic once again, but this time he's sitting on the edge of the stage, not on the platform behind the judges. Michael does his own thing with it, changing up the melody a bit and singing it very well. So...why does it feel so...lacking? I guess it has too similar a vibe to Tim's earlier performance, and it's also too short. Seriously, this thing's over as soon as it's begun. It's not bad, just a bit boring. The judges love it more than it probably deserves to be loved, since they want to feel vindicated for inflicting that horrific save on us last week. Whatever. After that near elimination, Michael's fans are surely voting a little extra tonight.

Katie Stevens picks a song I'm not familiar with, "Baby What You Want Me to Do." Apparently she chose it due to her frustration with the judges' mixed messages. You go girl. The feckless foursome hasn't been all that helpful to her this season. Surprisingly, this performance is actually pretty good. Katie took Adam's advice to feel the frustration, and now she's projecting some real believability. The vocals are there, the stage presence is there...hey, this girl's improving! The judges think it was great, and Ellen gets to make a pun about the song being "horny" (due to the horn section onstage). Simon says he hates it because he doesn't like the song. Of course, he's not American either, so he probably doesn't "get" Elvis. His loss.

Stealing a page from Canadian Idol's Jaydee Bixby, Casey James is pimp-spotting us out with, "Lawdy Miss Clawdy." This thing's basically in the Lee DeWyze zone: good, but not great. It's an appropriate song choice for the blues guy, but the problem is that it's too forgettable. "HOW FORGETTABLE IS IT?" It's so forgettable that I can't think of anything to say about it. It's just a generic Casey performance. If he were going earlier in the show I'd say he could be in danger, so he ought to be thanking the producers for putting him on last right now. The judges all agree it was merely solid, nothing to get excited over, and Simon even calls it a wasted opportunity.

My Performance Ranking:

Crystal (8/10)
Katie (6.5/10)
Lee (6/10)
Casey (5.5/10)
Tim (5/10)
Michael (4.9/10)
Siobhan (4/10)
Aaron (3.5/10)
Andrew (2.5/10)

So...I'm not sure how they're doing the elimination this week, since two people have to go. I'm guessing they won't do a Bottom 3, so I'll just pick the two people I have leaving. The not-so-great prognosticator says:

Going Home: Andrew and Tim

Yes, unfortunately, I'm picking Tim. Some of Tim's fans may be tempted to take it easy this week after he got such good reviews, but hopefully VFTW's campaign on his behalf will help. I'm probably going to be wrong on Andrew, since the guy seems immune to elimination, but hey, I can hope. At this point his consistently bad performances have to outweigh people's desire to see the young father with a former gang member father succeed.

See you tomorrow night, when we hopefully trim some fat and see Tim make it to the Top 7!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Top 9 Results - Only the Yankees Have More Blown Saves This Year

Last night the entire world predicted a Bottom 3 of Aaron, Tim and Andrew, with either Aaron or Andrew going home. I'm in the Aaron camp, but I'll gladly be wrong in favor of the Andrew camp. Ryan tells us there are "shocking" results tonight, so that probably means Andrew, since Idol still hasn't caught on to the fact that he's not very good and most people want him gone. Could this be the week we finally get that stupid, worthless Judges' Save off the board?

Oh boy! A group number! Our remaining nonet do a medley of "Here, There and Everywhere," "Got to Get You Into My Life," "The Fool on the Hill," "All You Need is Love," "She Loves You" and "The End." Kind of boring, since they mostly just stand around and sing, and there aren't enough solos. Besides, they seem to be lip-synching as usual.

The Ford video has the Idols singing Billy Preston's "Will It Go Round in Circles" and playing with a kaleidoscope. Well, the song is so awesome that it negates the filleriness of the video. Hooray.

Finally some results!

Siobhan Magnus is sent to the center of the stage. Oh, are they doing the three groups again?

Crystal Bowersox joins Siobhan in the center.

Katie Stevens completes the trio in the center.

Crystal is declared safe, as we all knew she'd be. Ryan then declares the other two safe, which means it's gonna be an all-male Bottom 3 tonight!

Before we can learn which men are on the spot, we get some guy named Jason Derulo. Am I supposed to have heard of him? Oh, he was signed by Kara DioGuardi, so we know he probably has no relevance to today's music. Then again, considering the state of today's music I don't know if I'd want to be relevant.

According to Ryan he's performing his two hits "Whatcha Say" and "In My Head." Huh. I feel like I just saw this performance last week, since this Jason dude's basically an Usher clone. He seems like a nice guy, though. Just wait until he finds out he's a 21st-Century Johnny Bravo.

More results? Nope, David Archuleta is back to sing "Imagine." I'm really tired of this Communist anthem being held up as some sort of inspirational song. He's channeling his inner artist by playing the piano along with it, since I guess the little guy wants to move on from his teen idol status. Apparently he's writing songs now, but based on his chat with Ryan he still seems like an overgrown eight-year-old.

Ryan tells us we're going to form two groups.

Lee DeWyze is sent to the far side of the stage.

Michael Lynche is told to start a group next to Ryan.

Casey James joins Lee.

Well, unless they do some swapping, none of the bloggers I read got the Bottom 3 correct.

Aaron Kelly joins Michael.

Tim Urban joins Lee and Casey, which means Andrew Garcia joins Aaron and Michael.

It turns out that Tim, Casey and Lee are safe, making Michael, Aaron and Andrew the Bottom 3! Whoo! I'm fine with any of them leaving!

First back to safety is Aaron! Wow! My prediction was wrong! I don't get why they bother announcing the Bottom 3 anymore since they always send someone back to safety immediately. So where does this leave us? If Michael's the lowest vote-getter they'll almost certainly save him, and if it's Andrew...well, he absolutely deserves to leave, but if they saved mediocre Matt Giraud they might just save Ol' Necktat. Of course, Michael leaving would be way more "shocking," so at this point I'm guessing it's Michael who faces the chopping block.

Rihanna's in the house, and Chris Brown fortunately isn't. She's performing a song called "Rockstar 101." You know what? I'm just going to come out and say it: these result shows make me glad I don't listen to today's crappy, tuneless, overprocessed music. I may start pausing the tape for these "songs" next week. They're a waste of time.

So it's time for the moment of truth. The person who's for sure back next week is...Andrew! I knew it! So Big Mike's going to sing for his life! He's bringing back "This Woman's Work," which is probably a wise choice. If they don't save him I'll be shocked at this point. Overwrought put-on situations like this are why they invented the dang rule. What's the verdict? Whaddaya know? They're saving him. Well, we knew they were going to use it at some point regardless of whether it made sense. Since it had to happen, I'm glad they're getting it out of the way now and sparing us this crap for the rest of the season.

Power rankings:

9. Tim Urban - Poor Tim gets screwed out of at least 8th Place by the Judges' Save. So sad that they're too petty to let him outrank another male finalist.

8. Katie Stevens - She had a good week this time. Next comes the crash.

7. Andrew Garcia - He's less likable than Aaron.

6. Aaron Kelly - He's more likable than Andrew.

5. Michael Lynche - Ruben Studdard was the last black male contestant to make it past the Top 5. Yeah...it's been that long.

4. Casey James - If he keeps stepping it up like he did this week I can see him making it pretty far.

3. Siobhan Magnus - She apparently has a big fanbase or something.

2. Lee DeWyze - Like I've been saying...most potential of the remaining men.

1. Crystal Bowersox - While she may be peaking early, she's the only one left who I can realistically see winning. If not her, who?

So next week there's a "special theme" with Adam Lambert as mentor. Look Idol, we know he was supposed to win last season and you're upset that America didn't vote the way you wanted them to, but there's no need to drag this famewhore back onto our screens. Let him become an established star before he gets the chance to mentor our kids!

See you next week, when the Top 8 and Michael Lynche perform for our votes!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Top 9 - The Fab Two

Another theme week has been resurrected: Lennon-McCartney Night, as previously seen in the Top 11 of Season 7! Hey, Lacey Brown is in the audience! Too bad she wasn't here tonight to sing a boring version of "In My Life" or something.

Just in case you've never heard of them, there's a special video package telling us ignorant Americans who Lennon and McCartney were and why they were so great. And hey, there's an extra special treat at the end! Paul McCartney's corpse sends his best wishes to the remaining contestants!

Tonight's pre-performance video clip theme is "how do the contestants describe each other?" How juicy!

First up is Aaron Kelly, whose fellow competitors call him "Yoda." I guess you had to be there. His song choice is "The Long and Winding Road," previously done by David Archuleta, this show's last teenage heartthrob. He doesn't sing it any better than usual, and his voice is getting more annoying to me each week. He's reaching that Jason Castro zone where I basically have nothing to say about him anymore since he never really does anything new. Could this be the week America gets bored of him? The judges all want to see more from him, and Kara even says the same thing I do: that it feels like the same thing every week. Darn you, Kara. Aaron tells us he's got a more uptempo song picked out for next week if America votes for him. Why America's voted for him thus far I'm still not sure, so don't ask me what his odds of being back are.

Katie Stevens apparently does a "Single Ladies" dance. For some reason not as many Idols are shown commenting on Katie as there were for Aaron. Hmmmm, is she not as popular with the gang? Her song is "Let it Be." Oh boy, another song we've all heard too many times. It's never been one of my favorite Beatles tunes. This isn't the most exciting performance, but the vocals are solid, and she manages to change up the melody a bit to make it her own. Well, I'll give her credit, it's probably one of her better nights. The judges love it and say it was her best performance yet. That's a defensible position, though I remember being happier with "Wild Horses."

Andrew Garcia is supposedly the goofiest person of the remaining contestants. The only problem is that he shouldn't actually be one of the remaining contestants. Tonight he's taking on "Can't Buy Me Love" with a "cool twist." It's to the platform behind the judges for Ol' Necktat! The "cool twist" seems to be a bit of funkiness. The vocals aren't as good as you'd hope they'd be, and he doesn't seem very connected. There's nothing special to see here, kids. It's merely competent, not something worth noticing. The judges give it lukewarm reviews, and say it was a little corny. Yeah, I can see that.

Apparently Michael Lynche does a high-pitched "Heyyy!" every time he enters a room. Tonight he's doing "Eleanor Rigby" because his family used to perform it when he was a kid. Great. Another Beatles song that's never been one of my favorites. He has the string section onstage with him, and the vocals are...well, about the same quality as we've come to expect from Michael: generic and just OK. It's a little too melodramatic for my liking. Ah, whatever. This hovers somewhere around average for me. The first three judges think it was incredible and relevant to today's music scene, while Simon compares it to a musical. Hey! A perfect opportunity to plug Glee, which airs next week on FOX! Right, Randy? I think I'm siding with Simon on this one.

The other Idols love Crystal Bowersox because she's true to herself. Okey-doke. She tells us she picked "Come Together" because it's a "fun groove." The version she's doing includes a didgeridoo, even! Well that's...clever? Am I just in a bad mood, or is this Crystal's weakest performance yet? I mean, it's still better than most of the stuff we've seen so far tonight, but Crystal's set the bar for herself much higher than this. She told us she has a cold before the performance, and it shows at times. She also seems to forget the lyrics at one point, though she does her best to cover it. The judges agree it wasn't her best, but still seem to think she was out-of-this-world incredible. Come on guys. Tone it down. Crystal even introduces Ernie the didgeridoo player and lets him stand onstage with her while the judges are talking to her. That's actually kind of cool, giving a backup musician props. She also can't seem to stop laughing when Ryan talks to her afterward. Crystal often comes across as really serious and perhaps too cool for the show itself, so it's good to see this side of her.

What to say about Tim Urban? Well, everyone loves his smile and his positivity! Hey, so do we the home viewers! He's playing the electric guitar tonight for "All My Loving," a song I considered for my audition last summer. Just think, this could've been me performing here right now! Sorry, back on track. Tim uses an arrangement I've never heard before, so I have no idea if it's his or something he got from somewhere else. I actually like it. In recent years I've come to realize that most of my favorite music could be lumped into the loosely-defined genre of "power pop." This arrangement is very power-poppish. There are a few shaky notes, which is to be expected, as Tim is the least technically-competent singer remaining, but overall the performance is a lot of fun. Hey, what's that my foot's doing? Oh, it's moving to beat! The performance may lose some points for the less-than-stellar vocals, but I'd be more likely to buy this song than anything else I've heard tonight. The judges like him and think it was one of his better performances. Go Tim! Let's get this guy into the Top 8!

Casey James' fellow competitors come up with soap opera names for him and all note his boisterous laugh. Unlike the others, he's doing a John Lennon solo number, "Jealous Guy." I'd wondered if solo tunes were in play. After all, the theme is Lennon-McCartney, not Beatles. The entire backing is just a cello and Casey's acoustic guitar, and I love the way it all comes together. Casey's vocals, while still goaty, have a real connection to them, and he doesn't seem awkward singing for a change. This is definitely the best of the night. The judges are all very positive, though they don't seem to love it as much as I did. Simon at least agrees it was the best of the night. Thanks Simon! I'd rather be agreeing with you than Kara!

The other Idols know Siobhan Magnus is weird, and they wouldn't have her any other way! Her song is "Across the Universe," yet another Beatles song that's never been a favorite of mine. This here's a slow one, and there's no screechy glory note to mess things up. The majority of it is decently-sung, though there are some parts where her voice seems a little too soft. Once again we're in competent-but-not-great territory. At this point in the episode I'm trying not to fall asleep. I really can't wait for the episodes to get shorter. The judges still love her, though they think the whole thing was a little boring. Simon asks how she made a connection to that song, and Siobhan says her baby sisters are her whole life and it's about how she'll never stop being who she is, hence the "nothing's gonna change my world" line. Eh, whatever. I'm over Siobhan at this point.

Lee DeWyze gets his second pimp spot of the season, and we find out that he worries a lot. I'm the same way. I guess it's an Illinois thing. We also learn he's best friends with Andrew, and Crystal thinks they'll get married and have a bunch of "Danny Gokey babies." Uh, what? That's got to be some sort of inside joke between them all. He's doing a Beatles song that's never been done on this show before (one of only three tonight), "Hey Jude." Well, it sounds like it has potential. In reality, it's kind of weird. His vocals aren't as spot-on as they were last week, and since we're pressed for time he has to cut out a bunch of important stuff. Part of what makes the original so great is the way it keeps building up emotionally, and skipping to the "na na na na" part after one verse just doesn't work. Then, just when you think you've seen it all, a guy in a kilt playing the bagpipes walks down the stairs behind him. This is a total double-u tee eff performance. What just happened here? I'm not even sure how I can properly rate this. I like that it wasn't a trainwreck, and I'm certainly glad it wasn't as boring as a lot of what we've seen tonight. I'm just...confused. The judges like him, but Simon thinks the bagpipe player derailed the performance a bit. Once again Simon, you and I are on the same page.

My performance ranking:

Casey (9/10)
Tim (6.1/10)
Katie (6/10)
Crystal (5.5/10)
Lee (5/10) (I guess all things considered this is what I have to give it)
Michael (4.9/10)
Andrew (4.5/10)
Siobhan (4.4/10)
Aaron (2.5/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Aaron, Tim, Andrew
Going home: Aaron

Here's my thinking: Tim was good but seems to have a permanent spot in that Bottom 3. Andrew's inconsistency and going early might hurt him, or at least I can hope. Aaron went first and has been stagnating for...well, a long time now. He's become so unmemorable that it'll finally be the end of the line for him.

As long as my boy Tim is safe, I'm more or less fine with whatever happens tomorrow. Let's get rid of some boring people!