Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Top 10 Results - My Face Be Covered Wit' Egg

So we open the show with a Clash of the Titans-themed intro. Aren't these promotions just a little too in-your-face? Having Coke logos all over the place is one thing, but this...give me a break.

Instead of our group number we get Ruben Studdard, with his new song "Don't Make 'Em Like You No More." Dang, that guys gets skinnier every time he resurfaces! He's got himself here a fairly generic R&B song, nothing more than a pleasant little diversion. He sounds a bit sharp throughout the whole thing, but I'll give him a break, since he's still trying to get his music career started. Hey, apparently he's touring with Clay Aiken this summer! I guess that's to be expected with the careers of so many former Idols going down the tubes. I'm guessing more and more of these Idol reunion tours will be popping up over the years.

The Ford video is set to "Kung Fu Fighting." Huh. And here I thought that song was officially politically incorrect.

So the results are finally here. My Bottom 3 prediction was Tim, Didi and Siobhan, with Tim going home.

Lee DeWyze is rightfully safe!

Casey James is safe!

Aaron Kelly is safe!

Siobhan Magnus and Katie Stevens both stand up. Katie's in the Bottom 3 again while Siobhan is safe! Well, I'm 0 for 1.

The remaining five have to wait while their mentor from last night performs his new song "OMG," featuring Will.I.Am. Ahhh...autotune. Where would music today be without it? Why, in a much better place, of course! This Usher performance is nothing but a stage spectacle. The song is vapid lyrically and sounds like it was made by a computer. Why do people buy this stuff?

More results!

Didi Benami is in the Bottom 3! Called it!

Michael Lynche is safe after Ryan fakes him out! Sorry Kristi!

Crystal Bowersox is safe, of course.

Tim Urban and Andrew Garcia are the only ones left. Come on, we all know what's going to happen here. Andrew is safe, and Tim is in the Bottom 3...again. First back to safety is...Katie...again. Yaaaaaaawn. So my options are either look like an idiot when my pick to win goes home or say goodbye to the underdog I'm rooting for. My choice, if I were in control? Seeya Didi. Everyone already knows I'm an idiot anyway.

But first...Diddy-Dirty Money (Is that his name this week? I had no idea.) with "Hello Good Morning," another repetitive unmelodic spectacle that I could live without. I don't heed Diddy's instructions to turn up the TV or turn my lights off to rock with them. I'm perfectly comfortable in my seat, thank you.

Now we can dim the lights, because it's time for the (almost) final verdict. The person with the fewest votes is...Didi! Wow! Tim is safe again! For the save, Didi's going with "Rhiannon." That was probably her best performance, so I can understand her choosing it. Ugh. I really hate the Judges' Save rule. Did I ever mention that? Ooh, the judges are whispering to each other! Could it mean she's safe? Meanwhile, back on the stage Didi's too emotional to do the whole "redemption song" thing well enough. Her vocals are off and she looks especially desperate. The judges don't save her. Beckeye rejoices. Oh well. My prediction that she'd rise up and win made sense at the time I made it, and after her Rolling Stones Week performance it looked like it could be the beginning of what I'd foreseen. Unfortunately (for my ego), it didn't come to pass. I guess that means Crystal makes my finale after all!

Power rankings:

9. Tim Urban - I hope I'm wrong on this one, but...three weeks in a row surviving the Bottom 3? Clearly he's hanging by a thread. I can only hope his positive attitude is rubbing America the right way and he'll pick up support along the way.

8. Katie Stevens - Landing in the Bottom 3 and being totally forgettable aren't the keys to a long Idol run.

7. Aaron Kelly - Well, his mediocre performances have to catch up to him at some point! Right?

6. Siobhan Magnus - Same thing every week. I think she'll gradually lose the audience the way she's going.

5. Casey James - He's midcard all the way.

4. Andrew Garcia - I predict it'll take forever to get rid of this guy.

3. Michael Lynche - I guess he's probably popular enough to make it this far. Then again, he could just get this far because of a Syesha Mercado-type black-vote thing.

2. Lee DeWyze - He fits the mold of most recent winners: talented but under-the-radar early on, then starts stepping it up in the Finals. The only reason I don't have him winning is because his style is too similar to David Cook's. America seems to like variety in its winners. I mean, which two winners would you say are the most similar? Maybe Jordin and Kelly?

1. Crystal Bowersox - I've been avoiding picking her to win, since the winners are never the ones who peak early (see: Chris Daughtry, Melinda Doolittle, David Archuleta, Adam Lambert) This season, however, seems to be breaking all the rules. What the heck. I'll put her as my winner.

Next week is Lennon-McCartney, which should be an improvement in song quality at least. Singing quality? No guarantees.

Top 10 - Soul to Suck

Our teaser features a look backstage. Huh. It's kind of dull back there. Anyways, it's R&B/Soul Night, with guest mentor Usher! He may be style over substance, but at least he knows how to entertain! Ryan asks the crowd to shout out the name of the contestant they love most, and I could swear it mostly sounds like "Tim!" I certainly hope that wasn't my imagination!

First up is Siobhan Magnus, who's been a fan of Usher since she was six. Wow. I hadn't thought about it, but Usher's been around a long time. And he's only 31! Her song is Chaka Khan's "Through the Fire." I like groove of the song, the vocals I'm not as crazy about. The high notes go into off-key nasal Syesha Mercado territory several times. I'm not feeling it. She does her shrieky glory notes as usual, and by now I think it's permissible to be bored with Siobhan's act. The judges still love her whole package, and give her a pass for having an off week. Simon says she sounded like she was running out of breath and adds that he's tired of her screaming. Thank you, Simon! By the way, anyone else think she's starting to look like Adam Lambert in addition to sounding like him?

Up next is Casey James with Sam & Dave's "Hold On, I'm Coming." Cool song choice. One of my favorites. Let's see if he can live up to the promise of that song choice on the stage. Well, he's still goaty, and he still doesn't display much range, but so help me, I really like this performance. Being able to do a longer version that includes both verses and a guitar solo allows the performance to feel more complete than a snipped-up version would. Not the best vocal, but I liked it overall. The male judges think it was great, the female judges like it but think it was a little safe. Kara thinks he has more range he's not showing. What she's basing that on, I have no clue.

Michael Lynche chooses India.Arie's "Ready For Love," a slow song where he accompanies himself with a guitar while sitting on the platform behind the judges. His vocals sound stronger than usual, and this slow thing cool, I guess. My only complaint is that it's a little boring. It might hold my interest once through, but I doubt it has much rewatchability. The judges like it more than I did, and seem to think it was a "moment." Oh well. Maybe I'm just feeling a little curmudgeonly tonight.

My progressively shakier pick to win, Didi Benami is up with Jimmy Ruffin's "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted." Oh boy. What an odd song choice. I think she may be knocked off the top of my power rankings this week unless she really delivers here. Usher wants her to show more emotion while singing the song, not after she's done. Good advice. She really tapped into a different dimension last week. How does she do? Well, it's better than Kai Kalama's version, that's for sure. Does anyone else even remember him? She makes the song her own, and doesn't recycle the Motown arrangement. While competent, there seems to be something missing that'd blow me away. The judges all agree it didn't work, saying she's not showing who she is as an artist. Simon says she's not contemporary. I say it was just forgettable. There's some weird drama afterward with Ryan, where he tries to coax personal information out of her. Apparently she auditioned because of a specific person and doesn't want to talk about it. Ryan seems to be noticeably more more obnoxious than usual tonight. If I had less of a life than I already do I'd list other examples.

The Underdog, Tim Urban chooses Anita Baker's "Sweet Love." Oh boy, another slow song. When did soul music become so soporific? I think I've pinpointed one problem with Tim. He doesn't look natural when singing. His movements seem too forced. My TV reception gets choppy in the middle, and I miss a few seconds. Stupid antenna! Of the vast majority that I hear though, it's not terrible. I'd even call it one of his better performances. He's staying in tune, though his voice isn't particularly powerful. Randy, in a rare moment of perspicacity, points out a big problem with Tim: he has no vibrato. Bingo! Without vibrato his voice sounds textureless. That's why Tim's strong points are acoustic folk and reggae versions of Rolling Stones songs. The judges overall aren't happy with it. Simon says he doesn't think it makes any difference what they say, that Tim will be smiling and back next week. Don't jinx him, Cowell!

Ol' Necktat Andrew Garcia chooses Chris Brown's "Forever" (AKA that dumb YouTube wedding procession song). How appropriate. He has a voice made for autotune. He changes it up and does an acoustic guitar version with a more organic backing. As much as it pains me to say it, this is actually really good. Andrew manages to stay on key and show some connection for a change. I guess we're stuck looking as this guy for another week. The judges love it, of course, and Kara says if he can have another good performance next week he's back in the competition. Boy, I hope this was just a dead cat bounce.

Adorable little Katie Stevens decides to take on the Queen of Soul herself, Aretha Franklin, with "Chain of Fools." Uh-oh. This will not be good. Katie struts defiantly around stage like the teenager attempting to play a part that she is, and her pitch leaves something to be desired several times. She just doesn't have the authenticity to pull this off. It probably wasn't the best song choice. The judges all think the vocals were great. Well sure, she showed that she has a good voice, but they weren't any better than they normally are. Her ability to hit those big notes was never in question. Simon thinks it was robotic, which I'd agree with. Katie seems like a nice girl. I just wish she weren't so dang generic.

Lee DeWyze makes one of the coolest song choices of the night with Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose's "Treat Her Like a Lady." His version is a reworking that makes it into a rocker and doesn't limit the guitar to a loopy riff. The vocals are a tad hesitant at first during the slow opening, but when the music picks up he "slays it" (to borrow a line from Randy) vocally. Good to see he's finally learned the secret of staying on pitch and being totally connected, making him the best of the night so far. Thanks for knocking Necktat off the top, Lee! The judges shower him with praise, as well they should. Illinois, baby!

Crystal Bowersox isn't playing guitar this week. Nope, she's playing the piano! For the first time in years, apparently. Her song? Gladys Knight & The Pips' "Midnight Train to Georgia." So that's the big surprise she had (and something about her shoes, apparently)! While it opens with just Crystal and the piano, she has the three backup singers next to her to sing The Pips' parts, which strikes me as a little odd. After the music picks up she abandons the piano and we see for the first time how she looks performing without playing an instrument. What else to say? As usual, Crystal nails it vocally and gives a good overall performance. She's a total pro at this. I wouldn't say it was one of her best, but it's enjoyable, and she's clearly the class of the women tonight. The judges all like it, though I might agree with Simon's suggestion that the backup singers should've been dropped.

Finally, the pimp spot goes to Aaron Kelly, singing Bill Withers' "Ain't No Sunshine." Come on, just a year after Kris Allen did the ultimate Idol version? Honestly, this may be Aaron's weakest performance. His voice is too quiet, and his pitch ain't all that good neither. Of course, as usual, he sounds cracky on the sustained notes. Throw in the fact that we've all heard this song a million times and you get a performance that I can't bring myself to care about. That was not pimp spot-worthy. The judges' comments are mostly lukewarm, since Tim's their whipping boy for now and they all love Aaron personally. Whatever. I'm running out of things to say about Aaron since he's so boring.

My performance ranking:

Lee (9/10)
Andrew (7.5/10)
Casey (7/10)
Crystal (6.9/10)
Michael (5.5/10)
Didi (5/10)
Tim (4.6/10)
Siobhan (4.5/10)
Katie (2.1/10)
Aaron (2/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3:
Tim, Didi, Siobhan
Going home: Tim

I know Simon said he'd be back next week, and I certainly hope he is, as he's the only real underdog left, but it seems like it's just Tim's time to go. With any luck, Andrew's fans who've kept him in this thing longer than he deserved will take it easy, assuming he's safe and Ol' Necktat will end up going home instead. See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Top 11 Results - I Was Suicidal 'Cause You Was My Idol

After an unnecessarily melodramatic opening that tells us what we already know (Someone has to go home tonight and it's really tough on the contestants! You don't say!), we're treated to a fun 'n cheesy group number! The song? Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go!" Now that's a cornball-tastic choice I should in theory fully support! While I did laugh a few times (especially at Didi, Crystal and Paige fanning themselves on the line "it's warm in bed"), the abomination known as autotune reared its ugly head and dampened the experience. Seriously. I don't want to hear a robot singing a song. I want to hear voices. Why doesn't someone just audition with autotune if it's going to be added to the song anyway?

The Ford video is set to "Our Time Now" and has the Idols frolicking in a fountain full of plastic balls. In the end Andrew gets left behind because he was buried too deep. We can only hope that tonight's results mirror the events of the Ford video.

My predictions were a Bottom 3 of Paige, Aaron and Andrew, with Aaron going home. Not many people were predicting that result, so if it turns out to be right I'll look like a genius. If I'm wrong, hey, my two readers can mock me.

Siobhan Magnus is safe! No surprise.

Lee DeWyze and Casey James both stand up.

Tim Urban and Paige Miles both stand up, and they're both in the Bottom 3! Well I got one right! What's the deal with Lee and Casey though? And what about Aaron, Andrew, Crystal, Didi, Katie and Michael? I guess we'll find out after...Miley Cyrus performs! (cue applause)

Wow, I didn't know this kid could play the piano. Of course, I know very little about Miley Cyrus. It's apparently her new song, called "When I Look at You." I've already forgotten how it goes the second it ends. She comes across like a precocious kid playing grown-up in her chat with Ryan afterwards. I guess that's standard teen girl behavior, right?

More results! Apparently Casey and Lee are safe! Hey, now that Casey's in the Top 10 we can find out what his super-secret pre-show ritual is! (Yeah, I don't care either.)

Aaron Kelly is safe! Dang it! Well there goes my out-of-left-field prediction! Not that I have a problem with Aaron, I just like being right.

Didi Benami is safe!

Michael Lynche is safe, just like his performance last night!

Crystal Bowersox is safe!

That leaves us with Katie Stevens and Andrew Garcia! Based on last night it should definitely be Andrew, but who knows what'll happen on this crazy show? The final member of the Bottom 3 is...Katie! Andrew, I hope you get down on your knees and thank the producers of American Idol for gift-wrapping a spot on the tour for you. You did little to earn it.

So my predictions this week weren't that good. Sue me. The first person back to safety is...Katie. Well, they didn't make her sweat very long, did they? Paige and Tim aren't so lucky. They have to sweat it out longer as well as sit through a performance by Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato. You know, if they'd stuck with the "teen idols" theme this results show would've made a lot more sense.

The two Disney kids sing an inspirational duet called "Make a Wave," and it's more like a melisma contest than an actual duet. That Demi knows how to wring out every last note! This segment is fairly short, since they know we're only watching to see who goes home.

So the person with the unenviable position of going through the Judges' Save theatrics is...Paige. Well, after her What Not to Sing preliminary rating ended up at 3 (out of 100, for those of you unfamiliar), I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Simon decides to spare us the theatrics and tells Paige up front that they aren't going to save her. Good call, Simon! You should do that every week! Since Paige gets to choose her singout song, she goes with "All Right Now." She doesn't sound that great, but that's to be expected with all the emotion and sickness she's dealing with. See you later, Paige! I knew you had no chance of winning, but for what it's worth, I thought you were better-looking than any of the remaining girls!

Power Rankings:

10. Andrew Garcia - Probably just wishful thinking, but he's done nothing but stink up the joint ever since the auditions (I'm on the "'Straight Up' Was Massively Overrated" bandwagon). This can't keep going on, can it?

9. Tim Urban - I love it when a bottom-feeder contestant outlasts an early favorite. It's always funny to look at it in the context of the expectations at the beginning of the competition. Here's hoping Tim outlasts Andrew.

8. Katie Stevens - Making the Bottom 3 doesn't bode well for her future, and her talent doesn't suggest she should go much farther.

7. Aaron Kelly - Whatever.

6. Casey James - I think the coasting starts soon.

5. Michael Lynche - He's just an OK singer with a fun personality. It can keep you around a while, but late in the game you need to be much better.

4. Siobhan Magnus - Her shrieking is getting old already. If anything, I think she's more likely to fall short of this prediction than to surpass it.

3. Crystal Bowersox - If Melinda Doolittle can go home here, so can Crystal.

2. Lee DeWyze - I see more potential in him than any of the other guys, and one of the men has to go far in this thing.

1. Didi Benami - Yeah, yeah, I know a lot of people didn't like her this week, but for now I still have her as my dark horse that rises up and snatches the title.

Next week's theme is R&B/Soul with Usher as mentor. I see some trainwrecks on the horizon!

Top 11 - #1 Hits and a Few #2 Performances

Tonight's theme is #1 hits from the Billboard Hot 100. It was originally reported to be Teen Idols, but for some unknown reason they changed it. All you fans hoping to see Aaron Kelly sing Leif Garrett must be heartbroken.

Miley Cyrus is the mentor. Now that's just insulting. She's about as old as the youngest contestants in the competition. Could this be more obviously a photo-op for Miley?

Leading off for the second time in three weeks is Lee DeWyze, with The Box Tops' "The Letter." Ah, a tribute to the late Alex Chilton! It sounds like he's doing the jazzy version that we were beat over the head with by Carly Smithson and Michael Johns each of the last two seasons. Who came up with this thing, anyway? About the performance, it really doesn't suit his style. I thought Lee was a rocker, not a Vegas performer! Vocally it's solid, but...it's weird. I guess I prefer the somber tone of the original. Lee gets a big ovation and the judges heap piles of praise on him until Simon takes him down a few notches by calling it corny. Glad to know I'm not the only one who wasn't blown away by that.

Paige Miles can supposedly choose from any #1 hit ever and she picks...Phil Collins' "Against All Odds"??? The Vote For the Worst theme song??? The most performed song in American Idol history??? When will they learn that Scott Savol is the only one who can do this song justice? Paige's voice is too whispery in the beginning, and the dynamic changes on a dime on the second line of the second verse, which is a bit jarring. It briefly gets a little better once she's in her upper register, but once the song crescendoes she sounds like she's forcing the feeling too much. Poor Paige. I want so badly to like her, but she just didn't connect here. The judges have a lower opinion of it than I do. Kara reveals that it's the "Mariah version" (gee, that clears things up), and says it may have been the worst vocal of the season. How quickly Haeley Vaughn is forgotten. After she's done facing the panel, Paige admits to Ryan that she struggles with song choice. Pssst. Paige! You might want to check this site out!

JPL Junior, Tim Urban, dips into the overdone song choice bag again for Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." Sorry, but his voice is too weak to carry this song. He tries to assert some stage presence with his floor-sliding and audience interaction, but it all comes across as rehearsed and stiff. This whole thing is nothing more than amateurish fun. No surprise that the judges also have little good to say about it.

Aaron Kelly has a small crush on Miley. Awww. That takes me back ten or so years to when I was a teenager. It's weird to think Miley's an older woman to him. For the third straight overdone song choice we have Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." Aaron's gawky teenager-ness is on full display with every belt, though the vocal isn't that bad overall. He does nothing new with the song whatsoever, but I guess it's an acceptable performance. The judges still love him, and particularly praise his song choice. Simon says there's "zero chance" of him going home this week. Oh really? That's not what I predicted last time!

Breaking up the monotony of stuff we've heard on this show before is Crystal Bowersox, with Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee." Proving she's not too cool for all of this, Crystal gets Miley to sign her guitar. What's there left to say about Crystal? She connects perfectly to the song...again. Every note is in tune...again. The judges rave about her...again. She's just plain good at what she does. She knows how to structure her performance for maximum effect and deliver it to perfection. I may have to bump her up into the finale of my power rankings at the rate she's going.

Michael Lynche does a piano-and-strings version of Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman," quite different from the soulful arrangement of the original. I'm sure I've said this before, but I'm not as high on Michael's voice as the judges seem to be. It's good, not great. Whenever he goes for the big notes they always sound kind of thin to my ears. I'd say the only time I really love his singing is when he goes into his head voice. Those sweet-sounding moments are great, but he obviously can't sing an entire song like that without being obnoxious. As for this performance, it's OK, and well-sung for the most part, but it doesn't do a whole lot for me. The judges think the song choice was a bit safe and old-fashioned. I can't disagree.

Doing nothing to discourage the Danny Gokey comparisons, Andrew Garcia's song choice is "Heard it Through the Grapevine." Putting the guitar down per Miley's suggestion, he replaces it by pacing back and forth around the stage while doing cheesy arm motions and sounding totally disconnected throughout the song. This is pretty dang corny. The sad thing is, we all know he'll skate by to next week due to his previous pimping. The judges give it to him straight, telling him he stunk, but Ellen says she hopes people vote for him anyway. Why, I have no idea. Kara references "Straight Up" for the billionth time, and Andrew's probably cursing the day he did that performance by now. Could we please, please, just get rid of this guy?

Katie Stevens is doing Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry." I still prefer the Four Seasons song by the same title. Well, what to say? Katie's pretty good again this week, but she hardly goes into "wow" territory. She's definitely improved since the Semifinals. I'll give her that. I guess my problem with Katie is that she's fairly nondescript. She's a nice girl who sings decently, but doesn't add anything special to what she sings. The judges mention some pitch issues (I hardly noticed any), but they all think she's shown improvement over the course of the competition. Okey-doke. Moving on...

Blues rocker Casey James is up next with "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News. All right! Back to the Future! Casey actually sounds kind of like Huey Lewis at times, which I guess makes it a fitting song choice. His voice gets swallowed up by the band a few times, but other than that I like it. It's hard to make such a great song bad. My only gripe is that the arrangement is pretty much a note-for-note copy of the original. I'd like to think Casey has more creativity than that, but come to think of it, he hasn't shown much of that quality in this competition. The first three judges don't like the song choice, but do like Casey. Simon compares his performance to an 80's cover band. Sadly, while it was fun, Simon's criticism is valid.

Didi Benami, my pick to win as of right now, chooses Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good." Again in contrast to her sweet offstage persona, she comes out looking angry and sneering. She even sort of sounds like she has a New York accent. The vocals are good though, and she owns the stage. Once again, I only have one real gripe: this tough girl act seems fake. I'd imagine the real Didi would spend all her time crying about the guy who done her wrong. In spite of that minor quibble, I give her credit for being an engaging performer. Sadly, I have to face the shame of Kara agreeing with me, that Didi seems to be putting on an act. Oh well. I don't claim to be the world's best Idol commentator.

So Siobhan Magnus gets another pimp spot. Yee-hay. For our final overdone song choice of the night we have Stevie Wonder's "Superstition." Siobhan has the black-suited soul-funk band on stage with her, as well as a new hairstyle. I'm not a big fan of this song, as it doesn't really...do a whole lot. Siobhan sounds OK, but the big glory note at the end sounds more like shouting than singing this time. Bleh. I think it's safe to say Siobhan's used up her bag of tricks. The judges are complimentary, but seem a little bit less impressed than they normally do. I'm getting the same reaction to Ol' Bhanny.

On a rather surprising note, Miley Cyrus seemed like a fairly good mentor tonight. The Idols kept talking about how much they appreciated her, and she actually did give some constructive feedback. Color me astonished.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.5/10)
Casey (6.5/10)
Didi (6.4/10)
Katie (6/10)
Michael (5.5/10)
Siobhan (5.1/10)
Lee (5/10)
Aaron (4.9/10)
Tim (3.5/10)
Paige (3/10)
Andrew (2/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Paige, Aaron, Andrew
Going home: Aaron

OK, let me see if I can explain my thinking here. Paige was in the Bottom 3 last week and is clearly in danger this week. Her fans will probably vote a little harder to keep her in it. Andrew's been coasting on pimpage since the beginning, and sooner or later these crappy performances have to catch up with him. He'll make it through, but it'll be close. Tim's teenybopper fans know he's in danger again, and after he was in the Bottom 3 last week they know he needs a boost. Didi got bad feedback from the judges, but I thought she was solid, and I imagine a lot of viewers will agree with me. Crystal, Casey, Katie, Michael, Siobhan and Lee probably aren't in any serious danger. That leaves us with Aaron, who was OK, but fairly forgettable. With Simon guaranteeing another week for Aaron, his fans will probably take it easy, assuming him to be safe. It'll prove to be Little Cory's downfall.

Either I'm an expert in the art of Idol prediction, or I completely overthought that. Tomorrow we'll find out!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Top 12 Results - The St. Patrick's Day Massacre

Today's the day I'm supposed to be proud of my part-Irish-ness and wear green and stuff, but instead, I'll just stay in and watch American Idol's results show. Of course, by the time you read this it'll be March 18, since my stupid internet is still down at home. Just pretend with me, OK?

We get a harsh beginning to the episode when they bring up the fact that the dreaded Judges' Save is back this year. Aw, crap. Newsflash, Idol: nobody, and I mean nobody likes that rule except a few sycophants in the media. Get rid of it!

David Cook returns to the Idol stage to sing "Jumpin' Jack Flash" with his band. This is actually a pretty cool version. Probably cooler than anything we saw on Tuesday night. Would you expect any less from a former winner who's had a few years as a full-time performer under his belt?

The Ford commercial has the Idols throwing paintballs at each other to the song "Tick Tick Boom." It's nothing worth remembering.

Time for results. My Bottom 3 prediction was Lacey, Tim and Paige, with Lacey going home. Coincidentally, those were also the three I voted for last night. I can't leave my underdogs hanging like that!

Paige Miles is in the Bottom 3. Well, I'm one for one!

Lee DeWyze is safe.

Siobhan Magnus is safe. Well, the girl with the Irish first name should be safe on St. Patty's!

Aaron Kelly, who has an Irish last name but may not actually be Irish, since he's adopted, is safe.

Andrew Garcia and Tim Urban both stand up. I'm hoping they "shock" us by declaring Tim safe and Andrew in the Bottom 3, but no such luck. I'm two for two and we're stuck with Ol' Necktat for another week. Not that I really thought Necky was going after all the pimping he's gotten, but it's always fun to hope the world suddenly becomes fair for one moment. Just watch. Lacey will be the third member.

Some girl named Orianthi is next with her new single "According to You." Huh. I've never even heard of her. I guess that shows how in touch I am with the stuff they play on the radio these days. This song isn't bad, and the girl sure can play that guitar! I'm sure I'll forget all about her after the show is over though.

Back to results.

Didi Benami is safe.

Crystal Bowersox is safe.

Katie Stevens is safe.

Michael Lynche is safe.

Now we're left with Casey James and Lacey Brown. Hey! Casey and Lacey! I'll bet they could give Cindy and Lindy a run for their money! The last member of the Bottom 3 is...Lacey. Boo-ya! I went three for three! The first person sent back to safety is...Tim! All right! Either my power rankings from last week, where I predicted Paige in 12th, or my prediction from last night, where Lacey goes home, will be correct. I can't lose! Well, I mean, except for the fact that I'd rather have both of them back next week, but hey, I'll probably be slightly disappointed by the result each week until Ol' Necktat goes home. And he will go home sooner or later. Mark my words.

Some girl named Kesha had a single called "Tick Tock" that managed to sell 6 million units without me ever hearing of her! Now she has a new song called "Blah Blah Blah" which obviously isn't a cover of the Gershwin song. Oh boy. Another vocally-processed theatrical type whose music is completely programmed by a computer. In ten years I'm sure we'll look back on this performance and have a good laugh at how corny and dated it is. Autotune will go down in history with the cannon snare drum. I can't believe they passed up a fun 'n cheesy group number for this.

So back to Paige and Lacey. The one with the fewest votes is...Lacey. Wow! I got the Bottom 3 and elimination all correct! So now it's time to drag out the fake drama with another performance while the judges congregate for more fake drama all so they can not save her, because they insist on keeping a stupid rule that only detracts from the show. Unlike last season, Lacey gets to pick a new song to reprise, and it's "The Story," which she did last week. She sounds great on it, just like the first time, but of course, they don't save her. Buh-bye, Lacey!

Just because I feel the need to rant about the Save a little longer, Simon admitted they only saved Matt Giraud last year because they figured they had to use it sometime, and he assumed Anoop Desai, whom he didn't want to save, would be the next week's victim. So yeah. We'll probably end up with another stupid decision like that this year. Get rid of the Save! It brings nothing but folly and ruin!

Anyways, I'll miss Lacey just a little. She wasn't an outstanding singer, but she was certainly likable, with a unique and soothing voice. Once Tim and Paige get eliminated I'll have to find some new underdogs to root for, so hopefully Lacey's Bottom 3-mates will get an extra boost next week.

Power Rankings:

11. Aaron Kelly - I think if Paige and Tim get a "Bottom 3 Bounce" next week, he's the most likely candidate to end up victimized.

10. Paige Miles - After the Bottom 3 Bounce comes the crash, and I doubt Paige has the teen girl fanbase that Tim probably does.

9. Katie Stevens - OK, so she had a good week and probably has a pretty good fanbase. After the Semifinals, though, I think it's safe to say she isn't destined to go far in this competition.

8. Andrew Garcia - Probably just wishful thinking on my part, but he hasn't lived up to the hype at all, and pimpage only carries you so far. Hopefully he'll be off our screens even sooner.

7. Tim Urban - Hey, I like the kid. I even thought he was good this week. Top 7? Why not? Sanjaya did it!

6. Casey James - He's solid, but a bit one-dimensional. I think he'll start coasting once he reaches the Top 10.

5. Michael Lynche - I don't think we'll ever see another R&B singer win this show, but his likability and good performance skills should keep him around a while.

4. Crystal Bowersox - The judges were less enthusiastic about her than normal this week, which suggests she may be starting her slow descent back to earth. By the Top 4 she could be on solid ground.

3. Siobhan Magnus - Little Miss Quirky is certainly talented and a judicial favorite. I think her caterwauling and overall weirdness will do her in just before the finale.

2. Lee DeWyze - I thought he was the best of the guys last night, and I could see him growing over the course of the competition.

1. Didi Benami - I still think she's the one we'll see grow into the winner. The next few weeks should be telling, as no winner has emerged as a frontrunner later than the Top 9 (see: Allen, Kris: "Ain't No Sunshine").

That's it for Rolling Stones Week! See you next time when only 11 potential Idols remain!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Top 12 - Apparently I Can Get Some Satisfaction

I'd first like to apologize for this blog post going up so late. My internet at home is down, forcing me to post this from the library. I'm sure so many of you are heartbroken. If it doesn't come back soon, I may be delaying the results show recap until tomorrow as well.

Time for a night of good old-fashioned British blues rock! The Top 12 is taking on Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Co.! They're also on the big stage now, so we'll see who gets swallowed up and who rises to the occasion.

Michael Lynche leads us off with an R&B-flavored "Miss You." It's kind of cool I guess, but I'm not especially impressed with the vocals. Stage presence? He's got it. Great voice? Not quite. The judges are much higher on the performance than I am, and only Simon has anything bad to say. Of course, Simon's problem was the dancing he perceived as corny and desperate, not the vocals. Ryan tries to upstage Mike by getting in Simon's face as America collectively yawns at this tired act.

Didi Benami continues the proceedings with "Play With Fire." I don't think I know this one. Well, this is weird. Didi seems like such a sweet person in her intro clip, but this song is dark and angry. The vocals are good though, complete with her trademark mannerisms. Overall, it's not bad. The judges all love it, saying she's emerging as an artist. Growth! Exactly what she needs over the course of the comnpetition to win it! My prediction of her winning seems fairly viable right now!

Up next is Casey James with "It's All Over Now." He's sounding a bit goaty tonight, though it's a minor complaint, what with all the rocking going on. I've said I hate the wimpy mixing all season, and I'll say it again tonight. It's a good song choice, Casey's in fine form vocally, but turn up those guitars! The judges think it was fantastic with Simon again the lone dissenter. He thinks Casey needs to show more star power. I guess I can understand that criticism. I doubt Casey's any more talented than your average bar musician, which I guess is also to say that you don't need to be an out-of-this-world talent to perform a song well.

One of my underdogs, Lacey Brown, is up next with "Ruby Tuesday." Good choice. One of my favorite Stones songs. The entire backing is done by a string quartet, and it's pretty good. Certainly interesting, anyway. I love the tone of Lacey's voice. It's very soothing. That may work against her though, as it might make her less memorable at the end of the night. The judges think it was interesting but still want more from her.

Ol' Necktat, Andrew Garcia, is here to take on "Gimme Shelter." How fitting that my least favorite contestant picks one of my least favorite Stones songs. He certainly over-enunciates on the chorus, which seems to take him out of his game. To be fair though, his voice is actually less obnoxious than usual tonight, and we actually saw some vocal power for a change. I still don't like him, but I'll begrudgingly admit that this was halfway decent. Oh well. I predicted he'd improve in the Finals last week, didn't I? Ellen thinks it was his best performance yet (which I'd agree with, though that's not saying much), but the others all think it was lacking, either in pitch or connection. My brother thinks it's terrible, but of course, he usually thinks that.

Katie Stevens, who's so young that she doesn't even know for certain that Mick Jagger is the Stones' lead singer (chuckle!), has decided to sing "Wild Horses." Ugh. The beginning is a little rough, and I'm distracted by those people in the crowd waving their hands. It's a slow song! Just let her sing it! After she gets into it though, it turns into Katie's best performance yet. She actually seems connected to the song for once. After all that pimping it's about time! The judges all agree with me, which hasn't been as frequent tonight as in nights past.

Tim Urban treats us to a version of "Under My Thumb" which to my ears sounds like a cross between old-time country music and reggae. I actually like this, though my brother says it's very one-dimensional. Hey, we know Tim doesn't have a great vocal range, so I'll give him credit for playing to his strengths. Very cool. If he came up with that, very creative. Of course, he probably found it on iTunes or YouTube somewhere. Still, I like it. The judges disagree, with all of them saying it didn't work. Ah, screw 'em.

Little Miss Quirky, Siobhan Magnus, tries her hand at the dark classic "Paint It, Black." She's got a new curly hairstyle tonight. It must be a tribute to her fallen comrade Katelyn Epperly. Her voice seems too low at parts for my liking, and my brother thinks the way she sings it is weird. Still, she gets the strobelights of pimpage and does another Adam Lambert-esque glory note which sounds a bit more cracky than when she did it on "Think." Ehhh. I'm not a big fan of this. Of course, thanks to the big glory note, the judges love it, and Kara finally mentions the Lambert similarities. Anyone who can remember as far back as last season will also remember that Adam's dog-ear-level wails lost their impact after he did them every other week. Screech prudently, Siobhan.

Hey, Lee DeWyze is from Mount Prospect! That's close to where I live! Small world, huh? Tonight his song choice is "Beast of Burden," and he's got his acoustic guitar as usual. You know what I've just noticed? This guy's sort of a cross between the last two winners. He's got a David Cook-ish voice and a Kris Allen-ish vibe. Even more impressive, there are no major pitch problems in Lee's performance for once, making it much more enjoyable than usual. Well done, Lee! Even Kara notices he was "less pitchy" than before, and Randy thinks it was "dope," while Simon thinks he played it too safe. Whatever. I thought he was best of the night so far.

Paige Miles is up next with "Honky Tonk Women." Eh. Paige seems really nice (look, I like nice people, OK?), but this is weak from the get-go. I'm just not feeling it. The high notes are there, but she gets lost a few times on the low ones. It's also strange to hear her change the gender of the lyrics, declaring herself a honky tonk woman who wants to be given a honky tonk man. I like Paige personally, but this performance has Bottom 3 written all over it. She's not in the zone here.Once the judges chime in we find out she has laryngitis, so they're grading her on a curve, saying it was good under the circumstances. I suppose with that knowledge I could be more charitable, but come on, I've got to be fair.

Aaron Kelly (or as I call him, Little Cory) has a mother named Kelly Kelly? Now that's funny. I'm assuming she married into that name, which must've given her a dilemma few people ever face in life. Aaron's song tonight is "Angie." While I've thought he was good before, I especially like his tone here. He still has that crack in his voice at times, but I don't really mind. He may be joining the list of contestants who've given their best performance tonight. The judges all love the song choice to death, saying it suited him perfectly. Keep on smiling, Aaron. You've earned it.

It's no surprise who gets the pimp spot. It's none other than the current chosen one, Crystal Bowersox, with "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Crystal does a cool mellow acoustic version, and as usual, she makes it great. Maybe I'm just in a good mood since the show is almost over, but I think she's been topping herself each week. The judges unanimously say it wasn't her best, but they liked it. I beg to differ, but...yeah, I'm kind of doubting they could care less. We all know Crystal's going to be around a while. Simon tells her that Siobhan outperformed her tonight, and that she shouldn't think she has the competition in the bag, to which Crystal replies she's never thought that. For crying out loud, Simon, Siobhan wasn't that great. It's also good to see Crystal's not getting overconfident, though as I've said before, I think Crystal's more concerned with getting a record deal than winning the Idol crown.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.5/10)
Lee (7.5/10)
Tim (7/10)
Casey (6.6/10)
Katie (6.5/10)
Aaron (5.6/10)
Didi (5.5/10)
Andrew (5.4/10)
Lacey (5/10)
Siobhan (4.1/10)
Michael (4/10)
Paige (3/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Lacey, Tim, Paige
Going home: Lacey

I like Lacey, but of the three bottom feeders (in the public's mind, not necessarily mine) I'd say she was the least memorable. She also went earliest, which probably won't help her cause.

Tomorrow (well, tonight, but tomorrow as of when I'm writing this) our beautiful, round-numbered Top 12 becomes a Top 11. Hopefully they'll fit in a fun 'n cheesy Rolling Stones group medley!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Top 16 Results - Night of a Thousand Jawdrops

Tonight the line will be drawn! Twelve of these contestants will be remembered in that elite class of "finalists," while four will be virtually forgotten as mere "semifinalists." You can cut the tension with a putty knife. I have Katie, Paige, Aaron and Andrew getting kicked to the curb, so we'll see how good at this prediction business I am!

Michael Buble's "Still Haven't Met You Yet" is this week's group number song of choice. Well...take away the annoying vocal effects and this would be perfectly nice. Shouldn't that cheesy stuff be anathema to a singing-oriented show? Let us hear their beautiful voices!

We learn that next week's theme is The Rolling Stones. That should be good...in theory. I like the Stones and all, but I don't know that the quality of their music is commensurate with their popularity. Still, it's sure to be better than Mariah Carey theme night.

Like they do every year, they've set out twelve empty stools for our Top 12.

Didi Benami is first, and she's in! No big surprise there. Besides, isn't the first person they give the results to always a yes?

Siobhan Magnus, who my brother points out needs braces, is also in! Cool by me.

Paige Miles and Katelyn Epperly are brought down at the same time, and we learn one of them is safe and the other is going home. The person in the Top 12 is...Paige??? Wow! And Katelyn is going home! Totally didn't see that one coming. I mean, Katelyn's performance was bad and all, but Paige got torn to shreds by the judges and didn't have Katelyn's impressive track record. Who (besides me) voted for no-screentime Paige this week? Katelyn half-cries through her final sing-out. Don't worry though, Katelyn! You still have that engineer training to fall back on!

Casey James is in the Top 12! Well, good.

Tim Urban is next to join him! Congrats, JPL Junior!

It's down to Todrick Hall and Lee DeWyze. Which is in and which is out? The person continuing is...Lee! Todrick's leaving us! No huge loss there. Well, I'm 0 for 2 so far! Farewell Todrick! You may not be a great singer, but you're certainly a creative guy who should do well for yourself! Now go pay back those kids' parents!

Up next is the duet that got cut from last year's finale, Matt Giraud and Scott MacIntyre singing Billy Joel's "Tell Her About It." Sheesh. Who cares about these jabronies? Who'll they bring back next? Megan Joy? Nice to see that Matt still loves his falsetto and runs and that Scott still can't stay on key. Good song though.

Back to the results!

Crystal Bowersox is in the Top 12, to the surprise of absolutely no one. Miss (or is it Mrs.?) Too Cool For School doesn't seem too enthusiastic about it.

Michael Lynche is also in the Top 12, also to the surprise of absolutely no one.

Lacey Brown is in the Top 12! Awesome! I voted for her!

Aaron Kelly is in the Top 12! Wow! I was wrong again! Hey, I'm not complaining. Aaron seems like a good kid.

Alex Lambert and Andrew Garcia are the only guys left. The one going to the Top 12 is...Andrew? Dang it! Dumb Ol' Necktat! Why do interesting, likable contestants like Alex get cut in favor of marginally talented losers like Andrew? Poor Alex starts crying when he hears he's been eliminated. If it's any consolation Alex, I'd put your chances of having a music career ahead of Andrew's. Alex must've been a popular guy, because his elimination brings the tears from everyone.

For the girls it's down to Katie Stevens and Lilly Scott. Oh come on. Lilly got the pimp spot! Katie performed poorly and went first! Of course Katie's going! The final seat goes to...Katie Stevens????? This night has defied all odds! How do you get the pimp spot and go home? As a regular reader of What Not to Sing I'm generally familiar with voting trends and such, and I managed to go 0 for 4 this week! What is going on here?

So it looks like our Top 12 is:

Didi Benami
Crystal Bowersox
Lacey Brown
Lee DeWyze
Andrew Garcia
Casey James
Aaron Kelly
Michael Lynche
Siobhan Magnus
Paige Miles
Katie Stevens
Tim Urban

I guess this is the time for me to start predicting the order they'll go in, but I honestly have no idea who's going to win this thing. We know they want a female winner this year, but the only girl who seems like a potential winner is Crystal, and those who peak early generally don't win. They can make it to the finale though, as Adam Lambert and David Archuleta have shown us the past two seasons. Hmmm. This probably won't be anything resembling correct, but here's my prediction for the order in which the Top 12 gets eliminated:

12. Paige Miles - Her fans clearly voted overtime this week to save her. Combine that with her relative anonymity and I doubt we'll be seeing her after next week.

11. Aaron Kelly - Nice kid, seems comfortable with country, but I don't think he's ready for the big time yet.

10. Tim Urban - Hey, we now know he's capable of giving us a good performance. Who's to say he can't last a little longer?

9. Lacey Brown - She'll probably be a Bottom 3 regular a few weeks before bowing out.

8. Katie Stevens - Nice girl, has a good voice, but not ready for the big time yet. Her fanbase should carry her a while.

7. Casey James - I get the impression he only cares about going far enough to ensure that he'll be noticed. He'll probably start mailing it in after a while.

6. Andrew Garcia - I'm betting he'll improve once he reaches the Finals.

5. Michael Lynche - We all love the big guy, but he doesn't seem to succeed outside of the R&B stuff. I don't think he's good enough to win the whole thing.

4. Crystal Bowersox - Like Casey, I don't think Crystal really wants to be the next American Idol. Once she's used up her bag of tricks she'll probably fade away slowly.

3. Siobhan Magnus - Too weird to win? Perhaps, but I think a lot of people are going to like her and it'll take her far. Besides, there's no questioning her talent.

2. Lee DeWyze - The rocker guys usually go pretty far, plus he's got the judges on his side.

1. Didi Benami - She's clearly talented and likable, but not really on anyone's radar right now. I could see her stepping it up as the competition goes on and taking the title.

So those are my predictions. At this point though, I could see them going in the reverse order. It's all up in the air right now. See you next week, when Mick Jagger learns what it's like to have his songs butchered by out-of-their-league amateurs!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Top 8 Guys - I'm Feeling Jaded Again

Eight guys remain, and they're ready to continue their journey as fodder for the girls! It's another quick and easy one-hour episode tonight!

Lee DeWyze leads us off with Owl City's "Fireflies." Good song, interesting choice for Lee. He does his rocky-voiced thing while playing the acoustic guitar with it. He still has the usual pitch problems early on, but it's not so bad once he finds the groove. Even my brother says it's OK. The judges are all positive, and some say it was better than the original. I disagree, though I guess I can see how it might seem that way to some people.

Next, Alex Lambert takes to the stage for Ray LaMontagne's "Trouble." I really never got what was so great about this song, though Taylor Hicks and Chris Sligh both got high marks when they sang it. Alex seems less nervous than what we're used to. I still like his tone, but he has a hard time sustaining notes, and his pitch could be better. Overall, it's kind of boring. The judges still like him, but they think his confidence still needs work. I think he's likable enough that he could make the Top 12 though.

Tim Urban is the third straight contestant to play the acoustic guitar tonight, and the second straight contestant to perform a song I find massively overrated, this time Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." Surprisingly though, this is actually pretty good. There are no real pitch problems, you can tell he's feeling the song, and it all works. I gotta say, this is JPL Junior's best performance for sure. The judges are all positive, and Ellen even runs out to give Tim a hug. Hey. Good on ya, man.

Andrew Garcia has heard so much about how great his version of "Straight Up" in Hollywood was that he's decided to return to his female artist roots this week. He's doing an acoustic guitar version of Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle." Wow. This could either be an absolute trainwreck or an American Idol classic. So which is it? Well...it's...interesting. I can't say I'm a fan of Andrew's whispery vocals, since combining that with just an acoustic guitar makes the whole thing incredibly dull. I'll give him credit for trying, but it just didn't work for me. The judges, minus Ellen, aren't fans of it either. Simon and Kara both think it came off as a little desperate. Could we please put Ol' Necktat out of his (OK, our) misery this week, America?

Our resident bluesy bar guy, Casey James, chooses another slow acoustic song, Keith Urban's "You'll Think of Me." Wow. Five performances, five acoustic guitars. And hey, it's pretty good. A little marble-mouthed at times, but he delivers like a pro. The only problem is that there's no real wow factor. Still, I'll take a solid performance. The judges think it was good, but a little too safe. That's about all I can say for it too.

Aaron Kelly's going old school tonight with just a mic and no acoustic guitar. His song is Lonestar's "I'm Already There." Sorry, but Aaron's voice is too cracky for this to be great. It's good by typical non-stage-kid 16-year-old standards, but it's not an Idol-winning performance. You can tell he's really giving it his all, though. I'll throw some props his way for not coasting. The judges all point out his lacking vocals but still like him personally. Simon actually tells the rest of them to stop confusing him with their criticism. Wow, Simon's again admitting that the judges often give out confusing and contradictory advice! It only took you nine seasons!

Todrick Hall goes next-to-last (Yes! I got one of the two pimp spots right! Why didn't I stick with my original Lilly prediction?), and this week he's doing Queen's "Somebody to Love." He's embracing Queen's theatrical vibe with his outfit and it seems like he's mostly sticking to the original arrangement. He sounds great in the falsetto intro, but his middle register leaves something to be desired, which is where he stays for the rest of the song. It still feels a little disconnected to me. I have to say though, this guy might be the most creative mediocre singer in this show's history. Instead of agreeing with me, the judges love it, with only Simon showing a little skepticism. I guess Todrick's probably going to the Top 12 now. Amazing what one week can do.

Aaaaaaand...Michael Lynche closes us out with Maxwell's "This Woman's Work." He's going all-vocals tonight, just like the previous two contestants, and while he certainly brings the stage presence, he's got his moments of "pitchy." Oh, but wait! There's a big glory note in the middle! Well, that'll probably redeem him, just like it did for Siobhan last week. The judges shower him with adulation, and Kara even gets choked up, since the song relates to Michael's wife and new baby. Oh yeah. I didn't catch that. Well, I think it's safe to say Big Mike's in the Top 12. Simon even calls his performance the best of the Semifinals. High praise indeed. I'll stick with Crystal's performance from last night, thank you.

My performance ranking:

Tim (6.5/10)
Casey (6/10)
Michael (5.6/10)
Lee (5.5/10)
Alex (4.2/10)
Todrick (4.1/10)
Aaron (4/10)
Andrew (3/10)

Wow? Did I just call Tim Urban the best of the night? Looks like I did!

My picks to go home: Aaron and Andrew.

Tomorrow we find out our Top 12! Excitement is in the air!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Top 8 Girls - Let's Bump Down the Tempo

Eight performances crammed into one hour! That's the way I like it! No boring intro clips, we get through it quickly and there's still time to watch LOST afterwards! Hooray!

First up is Katie Stevens, singing Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway." Wow. This is the third straight week we've heard a Kelly C. song. Katie actually sounds a lot like Kelly tonally, but...eegh. This really isn't that great. It doesn't feel like she's in the moment. Her nerves are still getting the better of her. The judges are all underwhelmed, and they remind us again that Katie doesn't know who she is as an artist. After going first and giving us that, I think Katie may be in trouble.

Siobhan Magnus gets a short interview with Ryan where she tells us she picked The Animals' "House of the Rising Sun" in honor of her dad. It starts out nearly a cappella, though there's more of a backing track halfway through. I give it a wow. Such a great voice for such an odd girl. Good control, good enunciation, she makes the song her own...hey, she's got it all. The judges love it, of course, but Simon's a little skeptical because there was no big glory note. Who cares, Simon? She's easily going to the finals.

Just like that we're jumping ahead to Lacey Brown, singing Brandi Carlile's "The Story." Hmmmm. Not bad. Lacey seems a lot more confident this week, and we're hearing more of the quirks in her voice that the judges love so much. It's not the most exciting song choice, but it's definitely a good performance. Hey, I'm happy for her. As I've said before, Lacey comes across as very likable. The judges give her her due props. After that universally-panned version of "Landslide" the first week, we might actually see Lacey in the Top 12! Who'd-a thunk it?

Time for perhaps the best technical singer in the competition, Katelyn Epperly. Tonight she's playing the keyboard for Carole King's "I Feel the Earth Move." Uhhh...no. This is awkward. The vocals are shaky and seem disconnected the entire time. Even my brother thinks she's not feeling it. It's a good song, but I don't think it did Katelyn any favors. The judges agree with me (and my brother), saying she didn't connect at all. Simon, the curl-o-phile, does compliment her hair though.

Didi Benami's up next with Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon." The original is a midtempo song, but Didi decides it's better as a slow acoustic thing. Unlike Katelyn, Didi really seems connected to her song. While it's a tad on the boring side, I would once again say it's pretty good. I think we're getting a good idea of who she is as an artist. The judges are positive, and Kara uses the opportunity to pimp her song that Didi sang in Hollywood again. We know, Kara. We know. We don't care either.

Paige Miles decides to keep up the sleep-inducing pace by singing Charlie Chaplin's "Smile." I guess after the two uptempo performances bombed I can't really blame them though. Paige is a little goaty tonight, but the notes are there more or less. Some of her pronunciation gets a little strange as things progress though. It's not bad, just miles away from great. The judges tear it apart, saying it was boring and a terrible song choice. I'm surprised Paige lasted this long, so she may be in trouble tonight.

Going second-to-last is Crystal Bowersox. Dang it! I picked her to get the pimp spot last week! That's means it'll be Lilly! You know what's even worse? I originally picked Lilly but switched it to Crystal at the last minute! Next time I'll stick with my gut! Anyway, Crystal's singing Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason" and rocks the bluesy electric guitar with it. Very, very good. Way cooler than Jordin Sparks' or Kristen McNamara's version. Even my brother likes it. Too bad this sort of early peak all but ensures she won't win this competition. That's OK, though; Crystal probably isn't cut out to be an American Idol winner anyway. The judges love it, and Simon even steals Randy's "million billion percent getting through" line. What a wild and crazy night it's been.

The pimp spot (as I just mentioned) goes to Lilly Scott. Oh, Lilly. Why couldn't you and Crystal have switched places? She's getting her quirk on this week to Patsy Cline's "I Fall to Pieces." She's playing the mandolin instead of the guitar this time. Eh. It's OK, I guess. Certainly an interesting song choice. There's just nothing about it that wows me. I have a feeling Lilly's belting face is going to get annoying by the time this season is over. The first three judges slather her with love, as is their job, but Simon brings the truth, telling her it was just so-so. Ha! I just noticed Lilly's taller than Ryan! I know Ryan's short, but usually he's about the same height as the girls. Lilly must be bigger than she looks.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.1/10)
Siobhan (8/10)
Lacey (6.5/10)
Didi (6/10)
Lilly (5/10)
Paige (4.5/10)
Katelyn (3/10)
Katie (2.5/10)

My picks to go home: Katie and Paige.

Katie hasn't lived up to the hype, and Paige didn't give the audience much reason to pick up the phone this week. I think we'll be bidding them a fond farewell on Thursday.

See you tomorrow! If Michael Lynche gets the pimp spot I'll at least be one for two!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Top 20 Results - My License to Predict Has Been Renewed!

After tonight we'll be one week away from knowing our Top 12! Hmmm. When you put it that way it doesn't quite sound so special. Whatever. We get another group performance this week, and the song is "I've Got a Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas. Too bad it wasn't The Beatles' song. It would've been fun to see how they edited the line "everybody had a wet dream." The whole thing is super corny, but isn't that exactly what makes these performances so fun? It's nice to see the contestants, notably Michael, hamming it up. Just embrace it, guys! Cheese makes the world go 'round!

Results time! My predictions for those going home were James, John, Lacey and Michelle. Let's see if I can do better than my one for four last week!

Tim Urban is safe! I knew he would be!

Todrick Hall has to stay standing.

Michael Lynche is safe!

Casey James is safe!

John Park is still standing, and it's down to him and Todrick. The one leaving is...John. Darn it. Oh well. I'm one for one so far. John seems upbeat as he sings his way back into obscurity. Fare thee well, Johnny!

More guys getting the axe!

Lee DeWyze is safe!

Aaron Kelly, who reminds me of Cory Matthews from a distance, is safe!

Alex Lambert, America's underdog, is safe!

Only Jermaine Sellers and Andrew Garcia remain. Oh, come on! I'd love to see Ol' Neck-Tat leave this early (actually, I guess that nickname could apply to either of them, but I'm talking about Andrew), but it's too early for a mega-shocker! The safe contestant is...Andrew. Duh! Jermaine talks about how God has a plan for him and plugs the onesie one last time. Good for you, Jermaine. Better late than never to start showing some class. And just like that I'm two for two!

Danny Gokey time! Who'd-a thought he'd get a record deal? His new song is called "My Best Days Are Ahead of Me," and it's OK, I guess. It's kind of sad to watch this, actually. I remember after he got off the show he specifically said he didn't want to do country music, as a lot of people were suggesting for him. Yet here he is...doing country music. I guess that Latin-fusion album he wanted to do didn't work out. After the song he talks about how much he loves country music and how excited he is about this career path. Well, if he truly is happy, good for him. I wish him well. I don't see myself buying his stuff though.

Now it's the girls' turn to sweat!

Lilly Scott is safe!

Paige Miles is safe!

Katie Stevens is safe!

That leaves us with Didi Benami and Michelle Delamor. The safe contestant is...Didi! Michelle is going home! Oh well. Sorry those fifteen votes I gave you weren't enough, Michelle! She's clearly choked up as she sings her final song on the Idol stage. I'll miss you, you classy non-plant! Oh, by the way...I'm three for three!

One more girl has to go. I'm already predicting that they'll narrow it down to Haeley and Lacey, then "shock" everyone by announcing Haeley survived again. Just watch.

Katelyn Epperly is safe!

Crystal Bowersox is safe!

Siobhan Magnus is safe! No-brainers, all.

That leaves us with Haeley Vaughn and Lacey Brown. Son of a motherless goat, am I good at this or what? The girl leaving is...Haeley? Wow! I guess I'm not as good as I thought I was. I've also finished the night three for four! Oh well. Rarely does anyone get all four correct. Haeley tearfully sings her way out, and now last night's performance doesn't seem so bad. I think every girl on the couch is crying. They all must've loved her. Oh well. It was the right thing to do. She clearly was in over her head.

Any predictions on who gets the two pimp spots next week? I say Crystal for the girls and Michael for the guys. Hey, I've got to keep myself amused somehow.

Until next week, peace!...or...something.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Top 10 Girls - Crystal Cleared

Instead of the guys we were supposed to see tonight, we're finally getting the girls. Instead of being automatically eliminated, Crystal Bowersox is back, because she's a "tough cookie." Instead of the steaming mound of mediocrity from last night, we actually heard several good performances.

Fresh off her hospital stay, Crystal's leading off tonight. We learn she has a twin brother who's kind of a square. Poor guy. I'd hate to have Crystal as a twin sister. Her song choice is "Long As I Can See the Light" by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and she intends to put a gospelly church spin on it. Well, the opening organ certainly fits that description. As much as I want to root against heavily-pimped, slightly trashy Crystal, I have to say she's really good. Like Michael last night, she started off the proceedings in style. The judges love it too, though Kara screws up by confusing which Alanis Morissette song she performed last week. Oh, Kara!

Haeley Vaughn likes to make headbands and has trouble looking serious when she sings because she's such a bubbly, happy person. That contagious likability might be all she has going for her. Her song tonight is Miley Cyrus' "The Climb." It starts out OK, but as it goes on there are more and more pitch problems until I have to throw up my hands and say "trainwreck!" She seems like a kid who's not ready yet, and the judges agree, though they like her spirit.

Texas girl Lacey Brown has a hobby of refurbishing antique furniture. That's semi-interesting. Just as the judges suggested last week, she chooses Sixpence None the Richer's "Kiss Me." She kind of adds her own twist to it, and the song's instrumentation is certainly different than the original. Her nerves are still very evident, though. You can hear that slight tremble in her voice and see a hesitance in her stage presence. She definitely has a likability to her, but this performance is nothing more than pleasant. The judges think it was good, but nothing special.

Katie Stevens can say "give me a kiss" in six different languages. She's a saucy one! Her song tonight is the song half of last year's girls auditioned with, Corinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On." Her voice is too quiet for the first half, and while she shows some good power vocals in the second half, I'm already bored by that point. The judges think she needs to show more of what type of artist she wants to be. Katie seems like your typical cute girl next door, and while she can certainly sing, she's not very interesting musically. I think her early exposure will keep her around though.

Former middle school mascot Didi Benami is doing Bill Withers' "Lean on Me." She has a really nice voice. It seems a little out of sorts for someone with her tone to be singing singing soul music, but somehow she makes it passable. At least I think so. The judges think it was bad song choice, and Simon even said it was painful. They aren't too harsh, but Didi is so discouraged she can't speak after she's done being judged. Huh. I guess I liked her tone so much I didn't notice the imperfections Simon was talking about. Good tone and texture are a big part of my liking a singer.

Church choir director Michelle Delamor, after doing a generically good Alicia Keys cover last week, is doing "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed. Way to climb out of that pigeonhole, Michelle! Unfortunately, the vocals are shaky throughout. I applaud the brave song choice, but it doesn't work at all. Poor Michelle. I kind of like her. The judges give it mixed reviews. Randy seems disappointed, Ellen is lukewarm, and Kara and Simon think it was her best performance yet. Well hey! I hope their praise keeps her around!

Lilly Scott lets us know she can play a ton of different instruments. I thought "Moog" was an interesting item on the list. I'd like to see her break that one out on the show! She's doing an Idol standard, Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come." Not the most creative song choice, but a very good performance. Like Crystal, she has the poise of an old pro with this playing-the-guitar-and-singing thing. The judges all give her deserved high praise.

Katelyn Epperly says she was studying to be a recording engineer before auditioning. Since her odds of making it as a recording artist are pretty slim, that's a good backup profession if she wants to stay in the industry. Her song choice is "The Scientist," by the musical equivalent of melatonin, Coldplay. Oh, and she's playing the piano too. The vocals are good. Katelyn may be the best technical singer in the competition, but sheesh, what a boring song. Still, she deserves credit for the vocals. The judges all think it was good, but offer small pieces of constructive criticism here and there.

The still-relatively-unknown Paige Miles reveals that she likes to color. How cute! She's doing Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away," which sounds pretty good. I don't know the original, so I can't say how it compares. Paige hits some crazy high notes near the end, which I guess gives it an extra oomph. It's a little awkward at parts, but overall pretty good. The judges think the song choice could've been better, but that her vocals were good. Kara, who wrote the song, thinks she didn't capture the feeling of the lyrics very well. Does anyone else think it's a conflict of interest that she's allowed to judge performances of her own songs?

This week's pimp spot goes to Siobhan Magnus, and she reveals she used to have a mohawk. What a shocker. She seemed so clean-cut. Her song choice is Aretha Franklin's "Think," and...well, she shows off an impressive vocal range, going into shrieky Lambert territory a few times. Eh, it was half-shaky and half-impressive. It just seemed a little contrived, with a pure karaoke arrangement. I'm sure the judges will love it because of the high notes, and as expected, they do.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8/10)
Lilly (7/10)
Katelyn (6/10)
Didi (5.9/10)
Paige (5.5/10)
Siobhan (5/10)
Katie (4.5/10)
Lacey (3.5/10)
Michelle (2/10)
Haeley (1.5/10)

My picks to go home: Lacey and Michelle

Lacey's been forgettable two weeks in a row, and Michelle wasn't as good as the judges made her out to be. I think the praise they gave her might lead some to assume she's safe.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Top 10 Guys - If This is a Man's World, What Did This Episode Say About the World?

Here I am looking forward to a night of women when I suddenly see that the guys are going tonight. Apparently Crystal Bowersox was rushed to the hospital and can't perform. That means tonight's show is sponsored by Jimmy Dean! Since they didn't know they were performing until this morning, the guys are obviously less prepared mentally. That can't bode well. Last week we said goodbye to Tyler and Joe (I know, I know. Who?), so only ten guys will be performing tonight. Hooray for two fewer crappy performances to sit through!

The interesting fact we learn about Michael Lynche is that he played football and did theater at the same times, so he's quite the well-rounded individual. His song choice tonight is James Brown's "This is a Man's World." The long pauses seem awkward at first, but after he gets into it he really brings it home. His vocals and stage presence are both great. This soulful slow burn is much, much better than last week. The judges love it, and rightfully so.

John Park grew up speaking Korean, so English is actually his second language. Just like Sun and Jin! Hey, did I mention I'm missing Lost tonight? He's singing John Mayer's "Gravity" and doing a poor job of it. I can tell he's really trying, but he seems too nervous, and you can tell he's not in the moment. Sorry, John. Not good enough. The judges think it was too safe, but better than last week. Funny. I liked him better last week. I think he's in trouble tonight, though.

One of our contestants never watched American Idol before being on it, and perhaps it's because he never had a TV growing up. Oh what I'd give to be free of my TV addiction. That contestant is Casey James (AKA "Kasy Male-oy,"), who's singing Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want to Be." How many times is this song going to be performed on this show? You know, these intro segments seem longer, which really allows you to get to know the contestants better. What a concept. Casey's playing the elctric guitar tonight, and while he can really wail, the vocals are a bit shaky. Perhaps part of the problem is the wussified mix, which highlights the vocals ahead of the larger performance. Most rock music isn't meant to be a vocal showcase, the vocals are just an ingredient. The judges all think it was OK but could've been better.

Interesting. Alex Lambert created his own language, which sounds an awful lot like Japanese. We also learn he has severe stage fright, which I can totally understand. He sings John Legend's "Everybody Knows" with an acoustic guitar. I still like his tone, but this entire performance is strictly amateur hour. His nerves are coming through strong, and that final falsetto note is cringe-worthy. I'm sort of rooting for him (as Kara said everyone in America was), but that wasn't very good. To my surprise, the judges all love him this week. Huh. I guess my hearing doesn't jibe with this week's script.

Todrick Hall loves female artists, since he's doing Tina Turner after Kelly Clarkson last week. Oh, and he's been dancing since he was nine. He puts his own spin on "What's Love Got to Do With It?" I actually like the new arrangement, but as was the case with "Since U Been Gone," the vocals are lacking. While I gave him a pass on the poor singing last week, this time I'm going to be tougher. He's got to start bringing it in all aspects of his performance. I actually want to like Todrick, since we could use more creativity in this world. The judges criticize his song reinvention. Sheesh, judges. Why can't you focus on the real issue, his singing, instead of attacking him for trying to do his own thing with a song?

How Jermaine Sellers survived last week I have no idea. My best guess is that his fans voted extra hard knowing he was in trouble, but how big a fanbase could the guy have had? Well, whatever. We learn in the video package that he rocks his onesie. Hooray for him. His song choice is Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On." His voice is too airy for my liking in the lower parts, but he does well on the higher parts. Ehhh. He's clearly a talented singer, but this performance just didn't come together very well. The judges want him to pull back more, and Jermaine can't resist throwing in his two cents after every comment. Keep on digging that hole, Jermaine. Acting egotistical does you no favors. Then he says God is on his side. Hey, maybe that's how he survived last week's poor performance!

Andrew Garcia is a breakdancer. Fascinating. Tonight he's singing James Morrison's "You Give Me Something." You know what? I'll just come right out and say I don't like this guy. His voice is grating, his neck tattoo is distracting, and both his performances have been boring. Another thing I can't explain is why he makes me think of Adam Lambert. Is there any similarity between those two? Overpimpedness, perhaps? I'll be fair though, I can't file any specific complaints about Andrew's vocals. He's just so average that it irks me. The judges come down on him and tell him he picked the wrong song.

The ever-smiling Aaron Kelly loves photography, because he's apparently a creative soul. He's not the first contestant to do it, but tonight he's taking on The Temptations' "My Girl." The kid sounds goaty (forgive the bad pun), and still has a Rascal Flatts vibe to his voice. There are lots of awkward off-key moments throughout. I will say though, it's a good effort, and I like the arrangement. I see a lot of potential in Aaron, he's just not quite great yet. The judges are generally positive, but careful not to overpraise. Simon tells him he stills needs work. Well done for a change, judges.

Tim Urban comes from a large family, where he has four brothers and five sisters. And I thought being one of four kids was crazy. His song for tonight is Matt Nathanson's "Come On Get Higher," and he's playing the guitar with it. I don't recognize the title, but I think I've heard this song before. My main issue here is that Tim's voice just isn't that strong, and it brings the song down. Once again, good effort, not great. The judges don't get it, but Ellen throws in a plug for Glee. Simon shocks everyone by saying he likes it better than most of tonight's performances. I see Tim lasting another week, but probably not much longer.

Tonight's pimp spot goes to Lee DeWyze, who we learn was put in an alternative high school for making "bad decisions." And what decision is worse than trying to jumpstart your music career through American Idol? His song is Hinder's "Lips of an Angel." The judges compared him to David Cook last week, but I have to say he comes across as a cheap knockoff. There's a slightly whiny catch to his voice, which kind of reminds me of Chad Kroeger. All told though, after the crap we've endured tonight, this is actually pretty good. There are some pitch problems, but they aren't as severe as last week's all-over-the-place-ness. Congrats, Lee. You've earned the right to stick around. The judges all love it, since there has to be something salvageable after no one came close to Michael's opening performance.

My performance ranking:

Michael (7.5/10)
Lee (6/10)
Casey (4.5/10)
Andrew (4.4/10)
Jermaine (4/10)
Aaron (3.6/10)
Todrick (3.5/10)
Tim (3/10)
John (2.5/10)
Alex (2/10)

Wow. Am I just in a bad mood tonight, or were the guys really that awful?

My picks to go home: Jermaine and John.

John went early and was fairly forgettable, so I think we may be saying goodbye to him. If Jermaine survives this week it may just be proof that God actually is on his side.

Hopefully Crystal Bowersox is available to perform tomorrow, because it'd be a shame for her to have to drop out of the competition or get a free pass this week.