Thursday, May 27, 2010

Finale - Happy Trails

All right. After four months of slogging through these boring shows, we've finally reached the finale! It's also my final recap, as there's so litle demand for my efforts here. Enough about me, though. Will our next Idol be Crystal Bowersox or Lee DeWyze? DialIdol says Lee, but we'll see how accurate that is.

The Top 12 group number is "School's Out." They're all decked out in private school uniforms, and a zombie schoolkid choir joins them. This is...interesting, but just then, Alice Cooper himself joins them! Wow! Now that's the coolest musical guest this show's ever had! Way to go, Idol! Few can rock like the legendary Alice!

Kris Allen is back to perform his new single "The Truth." Unfortunately for us, the director forgot to switch off Seacrest's mic at the beginning. This isn't a bad song. I'm probably not going to run out and buy it, but maybe eventually I'll get around to purchasing his album. I don't believe I've purchased any music this year. Money and all that.

Since this is Simon's final show, we get a Simon tribute video full of fluffy comedy. Nothing to see here, folks.

Our first duet is Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly on "How Deep is Your Love." Surprisingly, these two sound good together. Of course, who cares about Siobhan and Aaron when the two living Bee Gees are in the house to sing with them? Barry gets to direct his singing at Siobhan (since she's a girl and stuff) while Robin is stuck singing to the audience as Aaron has nothing to do but stand next to him moving awkwardly. Fun. This song truly is a pop masterpiece.

Michael Lynche gets the next duet: "Taking It to the Streets" with Michael McDonald. When Big Mike introduces Grey Mike, Grey Mike gives props right back to Big Mike. How classy. Let the young 'uns have their fleeting moments of fame. All I can think when I hear this is how much better Taylor Hicks can sing this song today than either of them.

Dane Cook performs a montage of Simon's best insults on guitar. Why is it Idol can only get non-funny "comedians" on their show? He's then joined by a bunch of the staged rejects like Ian Bernardo and the "We're Brothers Forever" guy. Boy, what a waste of time.

The girls all team up to sing Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" and "Fighter" before being joined by the real Christina. The Eagler (I'm assuming her surname translates into something like that) belts a little at the end of "Fighter" and then the lights go black for her to sing solo. I don't know this song, nor do I care to. Think you got enough melisma there, Christy?

Ricky Gervais shows up for a brief video in tribute to his friend Simon. Nothing worth writing home about. Just more famous-person filler.

The guys get their medley next. Which artist's music do they get to celebrate? Why, Hall & Oates, of course! They sing "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)" and "Maneater" before, yep, the duo themselves is introduced to sing "You Make My Dreams." I like this one better than the girls' because the vocals aren't drowned out by loud music and, frankly, the songs are much better.

Janell Wheeler is Idol's correspondent for Crystal's hometown party in Toledo. Who's Janell Wheeler, you ask? She was a semifinalist who got eliminated the first week. Which season? This one, in fact! You don't remember her? Of course you don't!

Crystal gets her solo moment on Alanis Morissette's "Ironic", and of course, Alanis joins her for "You Oughta Know." Wow. I didn't realize Alanis Morissette was still around. Is it just me, or does Alanis look a little like Kara? Creepy!

Carrie Underwood is back for "Undo It," her "latest smash," according to Seacrest. It probably is, but since I no longer live with my CMT-loving mother, I wouldn't know. Catchy song. I kind of like it. After it's over we learn she co-wrote it with Kara. Suddenly I feel the need to take a shower. Of course, Kara's involvement probably explains why most of the lyrics in the hook are just a stuttered syllable.

Remember those custom car designs the Top 12 made for the Ford Fiesta? No, you probably blocked it out along with most of this season. Well, Kris Allen's back for a video segment in which he presents Lee and Crystal with a couple of Fiestas in the designs they made. Pretty cool. What a perfect segue into the final Ford video, with some song called "My Wish." Neatooooooooooo.

Casey James' gets his solo moment with "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Whoa. Could this mean Poison is going to be here? We know Bret Michaels' health hasn't exactly been great lately. He even appeared on the Celebrity Apprentice finale against his doctors' wishes. Whaddayaknow! Bret's in the house! C.C., Bobby and Rikki aren't there with him though. This is almost as cool as Alice Cooper! You've really outdone yourself with this finale, Idol! Bret and Casey continue singing "Every Rose," and while Bret does a solid job, I keep wondering if he's going to collapse on stage or something. Fortunately for all humanity, he gets through it just fine. What a week it's been for Bret Michaels! First he wins Donald Trump's reality show, then he gets to perform on the season finale of American Idol. Gotta say, I'm happy for the guy. Too bad my local grocery store didn't have his custom-made "Trop-a-Rocka" Snapple flavor. I wanted to try it.

Lee gets his musical guest moment by doing a medley with Chicago. This brassy pop-rock doesn't fit Lee's style at all, but there's no denying how good these songs are. I know my mother certainly likes them. They do "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?", "If You Leave Me Now" and "25 or 6 to 4." Not very seemless, those transitions.

Matt Rogers is the correspondent for Lee's hometown. What? You mean to tell me the 11th Place finisher from Season 3 is only 45 minutes away from where I am right now? Dang it. Why didn't I attend?

More Simon stuff. This time the video is about his flirtiness and contains more staged comedy. It'd definitely funnier than the first video segment (or anything Dane Cook ever did). Simon waking up in bed with Randy was a nice touch.

General Larry Platt (AKA the "Pants on the Ground" guy) is back, as we all knew he'd be. This time he gets backup dancers and a backing track that consists of a techno loop. William Hung also joins him on stage for his 16th minute of fame. If General Larry's original appearance on the show hadn't obviously been orchestrated by Idol in the first place, I might find this a lot cooler.

Now it's time for one last Simon tribute video, and Paula Abdul comes out onstage after it's over. She seems more coherent and clever than ever, so she obviously has a script and rehearsed that sucker to death. In the biggest production of the night, seven of the eight winners (David Cook being the exception) come out to sing "Together We Are One." A bunch of past also-rans wearing white suits join them to sing backups. Simon then comes onstage to give a speech about how the last ten years were the best of his life and wishes the show good luck without him. At such a poignant moment, I'm almost optimistic about future seasons of Idol. Could a new judge in the "Simon" role possibly help revive the show? Could the producers actually figure out what the viewers want and make Season 10 one of the best ever? I'll probably wake up from this goodwill-induced delusion in a second, but I'll enjoy the feelings of niceness while they last.

Janet Jackson's here to perform some slow song I don't know. Grow your hair out, woman. You'd look better. Quickly we're transported back to the '80s (and Paula Abdul's choreographic history) when a horde of dancers joins her to perform "Nasty." Amazing how different in style these two songs are.

There's a brief recap of Lee and Crystal's beginnings at the Chicago auditions (hey, I was there!) before the Final 2 duet, which is Joe Cocker's version of "With a Little Help From My Friends." Of course, Joe Cocker himself then joins them, looking and sounding sort of how I'd imagine Popeye (the cartoon character, not the blog) in his old age. These aging music stars are nothing if not surprisingly human.

Now it's the big moment. Who's the winner? It's going to be Lee, of course, because DialIdol tells me so. Lee looks incredibly nervous, while Crystal looks happy about being in the moment. The winner is...Lee DeWyze! He gets extremely emotional, as you'd expect him to. He can't even talk to Ryan without choking back tears. Crystal, of course, is a great sport, and seems genuinely happy for him. You'll never get another female winner, Idol. Just give it up. Only tweens and cougars are left watching. There aren't enough of us nerdy guys to offset their impact.

Now for a reprise of the winner's cover single, "Beautiful Day." I feel sort of mixed about Lee right now. One the one hand, I can see how badly the guy wanted to win, and this might be the highest point of his life right now. On the other hand, I know his career probably won't go very far, and he may end up disappointed with the entire experience. He seems like a nice guy, and I wish him the best. I just can't shake the feeling that it's not going to end well for him. Still, congrats to him anyway. He's representing the Land of Lincoln!

And just like that, my recapping career has come to a close. It was fun for a while, but I've realized I have better things to do with my time than meticulously analyze this show and be enslaved to it two nights a week. I'm looking forward to being able to sit back and enjoy it next year without the knowledge that I have to produce an unfunny blog post lurking.

So what's going to become of this blog? Will I let it sink into the depths of cyberspace, existing merely as historical record for Seasons 7-9? Obviously, it probably will end up that way someday. For the near future, I do have something in store for it. It isn't Idol-related, however. You may have noticed a few weeks ago that I changed the layout of this blog as well as the text underneath the title. My idea was that if I ever have something to write about general entertainment, not just American Idol, I could put it here. Granted, I'm not the type of guy who feels inspired to write about pop culture that often, so perhaps after my next project this blog will become inactive.

So just what is this big project, you ask? Drumroll please...I intend to rank every episode of the recently-ended hit TV series LOST. I figured it'd be good to rewatch the entire series as part of this undertaking, though it'll obviously be kind of hard to do that before the Season 6 DVD is released on August 24. I still have Seasons 1-5 to watch until then, so if all goes well I might be able to have my completed project up by sometime in September. Hopefully enough nerds who appreciate that type of thing will stumble across my little corner of the internet and enjoy it.

Until we meet again, this is your humble former recapper Ian signing off.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Top 2 - Simon and I Approach the Sunset

So we're down to two. No, not contestants remaining, viewers who actually care about the outcome of this season. Seriously though, this finale doesn't feel like as big a deal as it did in past seasons. Crystal and Lee look ecstatic about the whole thing, but Ryan and the judges all seem to be going through the motions. I guess when the superstars this show bills itself as producing usually turn out not to be, they've come to realize how overrated this night truly is. Still, just to be nice, we'll let Crystal and Lee enjoy the dream while it lasts.

Our remaining suckers, er, contestants will each be doing three songs tonight: their favorite song from earlier in the season (or perhaps one they think makes the most strategic sense), Simon Fuller's choice (manipulation alert!), and the dreaded Winner's Single. Crystal won the coin toss and wisely opted to go second. It's not foolproof, but it probably helps her odds more than it hurts them.

Lee DeWyze's reprise performance is of "The Boxer." I thought that was one of his more overrated performances, but he had so many of those this season that they all start to blend together after a while. Lee sounds pretty good here, though. Maybe after performing it on his hometown trip he learned to connect with it better. Randy and Kara want more energy, and Simon says it was like a kiss on the cheek. I guess that puts me in agreement. It was merely good, not a moment to remember.

Crystal Bowersox decides to reprise "Me and Bobby McGee." I thought that was one of her best performances, but she had so many great ones this season that they all start to blend together after a while. Unlike Lee, Crystal brings the energy, gets the crowd into it and owns the stage. It may not have quite the same magic as the first time, but it rocks all the same. The judges all agree that Crystal delivered the goods. While I hate the boxing analogy they bring out every year, I think it's safe to say Crystal won "Round 1." Look on the bright side: at least they didn't dress the Final 2 up in boxing uniforms like they did in Season 7. Even Idol can dial back the cheese sometimes.

For the producer's choice Lee gets saddled with R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts." Well, so much for amping up the energy. This wouldn't be sabotage, would it? I really hope not, since I'd like to see the competition decided on the performers' own merits. Poor Lee, though. I mean...sheesh. What a whiny song. This performance gets the choir treatment again, which raises it to a level of near-absurdity. There's something corporately joyous about a choir, so adding a touch like that to this song makes it seem like a celebration of hurting. It comes across as incorrect. Lee gives it his best effort, but I'm just not feeling it. The judges think he held back a little bit, and Simon tries to deflect any charges of sabotage by praising the other Simon's song choice. Lord Cowell also says he wants a 10 out of 10 for the last performance, but considering his final performance is the winner's single...yeah, not seeing it in my crystal ball.

Speaking of crystal, Ms. Bowersox is back for her producer's choice, "Black Velvet." A song we've heard too many times? Yes. A good song choice for Crystal? Yes again. She changes it up into a bluesy rocker, and once again she totally nails it. The arrangement seems slightly overblown at times, but I feel like I'm seeing Crystal as an artist, so I can't complain too much. I just noticed something. If Amanda Overmyer had more vocal talent she'd probably sound something like Crystal does on these big notes. If only the "Chile" would've laid off the cigarettes. The judges give Crystal her due raves, including a standing ovation from Ellen and Simon repeating my line about "nailing it." Hey, I'll repeat a joke I made last week: I need a better job, Idol! Let's do lunch!

Next is Lee's winner's single, and we can only hope it isn't too crappy. It's some song called "Beautiful Day." Waaaaaaaaait a minute! This is by U2! That'll be his single if he wins? Why would you make your first single a freaking cover song? I mean, I guess it's better than some generic inspirational factory ballad (or worse, something written by Kara DioGuardi), but it just seems so devoid of artistry to make your first single a cover. For crying out loud, this song's been a hit within the last ten years. If he were reviving an older hit or bringing something obscure to the mainstream it might be a different story. This choice just screams "look at me, I'm a retread!" As for the performance, though, this is certainly Lee's best of the night. I guess having a good, upbeat song to work with really helped him. The judges are a bit mixed, and Simon ends with some generally positive comments, reminiscent of the "we're so happy to have you here" comments Kris Allen got in last year's finale. Since the one with less pimpage has won the last two finales, Lee should probably be feeling better about his chances right now.

So which song is Crystal covering for her first single? Why, it's "Up to the Mountain." Uh, is this a cover? I don't recognize the title. A quick Google search reveals that it's by Patty Griffin. This slow song could potentially be boring with just Crystal and her guitar, but the dreadlocked girl's soulful singing gives it the right dose of energy to make it engaging. Now that's a good song choice. As I said above, it's bringing something obscure to the mainstream, not blatantly recycling an iconic band's hit from just ten years ago. I think that was a nice way to end the season. Lee's pretty good (and from Illinois!), but I hope Crystal wins this thing. She's simply more interesting, more talented and more original. The judges love it, as they usually do with the Bowersoxer. Before Simon speaks, Crystal interrupts to thank him for his years of work as a judge. I don't know why, but it always amazes me how confident Crystal seems to be when speaking to the judges. I'd have been afraid to say anything in that situation. Simon thanks her and tells her it was the best performance of the night. Eh, not quite. Close enough, though.

My performance ranking:

Crystal - "Me and Bobby McGee" (8/10)
Crystal - "Up to the Mountain" (7.5/10)
Lee - "Beautiful Day" (7/10)
Crystal - "Black Velvet" (6.9/10)
Lee - "The Boxer" (6/10)
Lee - "Everybody Hurts" (4/10)

Prediction:

Winner: Crystal Bowersox

Crystal's talent is pretty much undeniable to most of the viewing public, and Lee, despite the praise he's gotten throughout the competition, hasn't always been as great as the judges have made him out to be. I predict Crystal wins this thing, as she doesn't polarize the viewership as much. Read What Not to Sing if you want to understand these concepts better. (For what it's worth, I realize DialIdol has Lee winning right now, but, well, I hold out hope that past seasons' trends will continue.)

See yas tomorras!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Top 3 Results - Our Trio's Down to Two

It's the annual Top 3 results show, when we get a brief glimpse at the hero's welcome each of our Top 3 received in their hometowns. But first, instead of throwing product placements at us or promoting some dumb artist who'll be forgotten next week, they start out the show by taking the time to sit down with the remaining three and discussing their Idol experiences. I rather like the idea here. I probably didn't gain any extra knowledge or connection with them from this little chat, but I'm glad they're keeping the focus on the contestants, as it should be.

The Ford video is set to "Wild One (Real Wild Child)" and has the Idols paint-stenciling images of themselves on a wall which suddenly come to life. That magic spray paint is going to sell big-time, I tell ya.

Apparently they're showing us the hometown videos in the same order as last night's performances. Casey James' return to Texas is first. The main focus of this video seems to be the screaming girls. All right, we get it, already! The ladies love him! Some of us care about the music. There's the obligatory tear-jerker moment when Casey visits the medical center where they saved his life, and his mother gets emotional. I have nothing to say about this.

Some guy named Travis Garland performs his new single next. Apparently he was discovered by Perez Hilton. Well, if that doesn't make me want to keep my video tape recording, I don't know what does! Pause! Hey, this song is crap, and the performance gets by more on stage theatrics than the talent of the singer! Good call, Ian!

Crystal Bowersox goes home to Ohio, where they call her mini-concert "Bowerstock." How creative. She also gets to visit her family and see her son again, which I guess is kind of sweet. When chatting about it afterwards Crystal can't hold back the tears.

Immediately Lee DeWyze's video follows. He becomes the first Idol to make the hometown trip to Chicago. I guess if it couldn't have been me Lee's a solid choice. The lucky dog gets to throw out the first pitch at a Cubs game. He wears jersey number nine, I presume because this is Idol's ninth season, not as a tribute to Randy Hundley, Scott Servais or Chad Tracy. He works at Mt. Prospect Paint, which is close to a road I've driven down several times according to Google Maps. He cries in the middle of "The Boxer" when performing his mini-concert. I'd probably do the same thing in his shoes.

All this show of emotion makes a perfect segue into Justin Bieber singing his songs "You Smile" and "Baby." This kid's got some talent. He has the moves, the image and the performance down. He's got the pyro and the backup dancers to make him seem larger than life. He even plays a drum solo at the end of it all. Why then, does he strike me as a little wind-up teen star? None of this looks natural. I won't begrudge him his fame though. He's already achieved more success in life than I probably ever will.

Results time! The first person in next week's finale is...Lee! Well, I think we all expected it after last night's ultra-pimpage. Before the drama even has time to build Seacrest informs us that Crystal's the one joining him. Casey's pretty much an afterthought in this moment, as Lee and Crystal's exuberant celebration gets the spotlight. Casey sings out with "Daughters" (why not his own choice?) and picks up a little girl from the audience to sit on stage with him. Does he know that girl? She doesn't seem to think it's weird getting to be up there. Whatever. See you in the reject section next week, Casey!

Well, they got the finale they wanted (and heck, I wanted). I guess my overthinking in the later stages of my predictions proved to be incorrect. No biggie. It was more for my own amusement than anything else. Crystal and Lee have been the two frontrunners in my mind since the beginning of the finals, so perhaps I ought to stick with my gut more.

Power rankings:

2. Lee DeWyze

1. Crystal Bowersox

I know Lee seems to have taken over as the favorite in most people's minds. However, the fine folks at What Not to Sing pointed out yesterday that Lee's performances have a much higher standard deviation than Crystal's. If you don't know what that means, it means that Lee's performances tend to be polarizing, while Crystal's are more generally agreed-upon. In the finale you can vote against the contestant you hate more by dialing the other one's number, so Crystal's likely to pick up some votes from people who don't like Lee. It should be enough to make her the first female winner since Jordin Sparks three years ago.

See you next week, when our final two perform and my Idol-recapping career comes to an end! Will I even care that much after having been blown away by the LOST series finale two days prior?

Top 3 - Just Don't Make Me Miss the Beginning of LOST, and We're Cool, Idol

Six songs crammed into one hour! Can we do this without going overtime and making us miss the beginning of LOST? I think it's possible! Wouldn't want to miss that second-to-last episode, would we?

Each contestant has two songs tonight: one personal selection and one judge selection. Who gets sabatooged tonight?

Casey James gets the death spot with his personal choice, "OK, It's Alright With Me" by Eric Hutchinson. I don't know this song, so I have no preconceived notion of what it should sound like. After hearing it a bit it sounds like an OK tune, but Casey, on the other hand...he exudes no soul, just a cheap facsimile. It doesn't feel like there's any connection between his vocals and the music. Though he may look comfortable singing it, it belies the poor job he's doing. The judges all agree it was nothing special and Simon says it was like the salad before a meal. I can hear the cougars making bad jokes already.

Crystal Bowersox chooses Melissa Etheridge's "Come to My Window." That seems like a suitable song for her. It's got passionate vocals with a female singer-songwriter vibe. She starts with the harmonica and launches into a fairly straightforward rendition. She changes the timing of her vocals in the chorus a little to help make it her own. The guitar seems to be a prop, because you can see her playing it but not hear it at times. Another solid performance from Crystal, though not one of my favorites. I know she's capable of better. The judges are OK with it, but agree it wasn't her greatest moment. They all seem to agree that the song choice was good.

Lee DeWyze is next with Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man." He tells us he picked it because he relates to it well. I agree, he does project a fairly uncomplicated persona. I can hear him succeeding with this. In fact, he does. His rocker rasp works well here, since this is a Skynyrd song that doesn't limit itself to a southern rock interpretation. The final note's a little off, but that's hardly serious enough to ruin the rest of the performance. Randy talks about Lee winning again, and Simon and Kara both tell him he won the first round. Ah s'pose Ah'd 'gree with that.

Judges' choice time! Kara and Randy have chosen John Mayer's "Daughters" for Casey. OK, I sort of like this song, even though I'm not really a big John Mayer fan. Casey sounds a lot better here than he did on the first song, and he plays the bluesy solo himself. This isn't the type of song that's going to wow anyone, so it requires a bit of coolness and feeling to pull off. I'd say Casey does a decent job here. The first three judges think it was good, but Simon thinks it was a bad song choice because it lacked a wow factor. Hey, just what I said! Idol, I'll cut to the chase here: I need a better job, you need a judge to replace Simon. Let's talk!

Crystal's song choice comes from Ellen: "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney (and Wings!). She decides to set aside her instruments and let her vocal cords do the talking for this one. Heh. The piano part during the verse between lines reminds me of the music at ComedySportz when they rotate during the game Four Corners. You know what I'm talking about? Forget it. Crystal talks about being a "lonely man" and a woman helping her. Geez, between the Melissa Etheridge song earlier and now this...is she trying to tell us something? Should her boyfriend be expecting a big revelation soon? I kid, I kid. About the performance, great vocal power. Definitely more inspiring than her first performance. Randy gives Crystal some pimpage as being "in it to win it." Kara says we heard parts of her voice we hadn't heard before tonight. Really? Where? I didn't notice them. Simon says she proved she has soul and should probably make the finale tomorrow. Could it be any more obvious that they want a Lee-Crystal finale?

Finally, Simon's chosen Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" for Lee. I hereby nominate this as the most overrated song in the history of the world. I've never understood why so many people love this thing to death. I mean, it's OK, but I wouldn't call it some incredible masterpiece. As for the performance, Lee doesn't seem very connected here. He forces some upper register stuff in there to show us he can hit the big notes. Whoopee. The backup singers walk out behind him to simulate a choir and then the music picks up. I kind of like the upbeat part better, but...eh. The whole thing seems a bit overblown with all the theatrics and Lee's apparent "emotion" when it ends. I'm sure the judges will lap it up though. Randy again talks about Lee winning, calls it his biggest moment, Ellen says it's stunning, etc. etc. I don't need to recap all their comments. It's almost as if they want Lee to win at this point. For crying out loud, guys, we already have David Cook among our winners! Crystal should be this year's winner to make it different!

Hey, what do you know! The show ended with plenty of time for LOST!

My performance ranking:

Lee - Simple Man (7.5/10)
Crystal - Maybe I'm Amazed (7/10)
Crystal - Come to My Window (6/10)
Casey - Daughters (5/10)
Lee - Hallelujah (4.5/10)
Casey - OK, It's Alright With Me (2.5/10)

Predictions:

Well, tonight was pretty much Lee's "King For a Day." If he's not in the finale I'll be shocked. Crystal definitely performed better than Casey, but I'm almost wondering if she'll be the one to suffer from the loyal southern voter bloc supporting Captain Cougar Bait. What the heck. I hope it doesn't happen, but since I've been bored with this season for a long time, the only possible joy I can get from these recaps is the possibility of seeing a bold prediction come true.

Going home: Crystal

Yes, it'll be a shocker that plunges this already-boring season into no man's land and relegates the finale to anticlimactic obligation!

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Top 4 Results - Let's Get This Over With

Blah blah blah, let's make this quick, shall we? These recaps are becoming a chore more than anything. I can't wait for next season, when I can sit back and just watch the show without having to analyze everything.

First is a performance from Fantasia. I don't care about her. It's not easy being my least favorite Idol winner, but she manages to go on anyway. I will say, this is much better than that mess of a performance she gave two years ago.

The Ford video is to some song called "Put the Message in the Box." I don't know where they find these songs I've never heard of.

Results. Casey James is safe! Wow! I thought for sure he was a goner. I never saw him as Top 3. Well, there's a good way to end the early drama.

Chris Daughtry and his band are here to bore us, and I'm here with the remote control to pause the tape.

More results. Lee DeWyze is safe! All right! Go Chicago area!

So that leaves us with Michael Lynche and Crystal Bowersox. Oh man. If Crystal ends up being a shocking elimination, this season will have officially gone down the tubes. I think Michael's been overdue to leave though, so they're probably just trying to make us sweat a bit.

Our third musical guest is Bon Jovi, and coincidentally, they're also the third musical guest to get the tape paused on them. I'm not regretting that decision once I hear how dull this song is and how off these harmonies are. Go back to the '80s, guys.

Finally it's time for our final member of the Top 3. And it is...Crystal! Sigh of relief. She's about the only legit competitor this season.

So we say goodbye to Big Mike. You may not have achieved your Top 3 goal, but you've been a class act throughout the whole process. Fare ye well.

Power Rankings:

3. Lee DeWyze - What??? The guy I've had in the Top 2 since pretty much the beginning of the Finals I now have going home in third? Yep. Crystal's from Ohio and Lee's from Illinois, both midwestern states which don't have a history of bringing their contestants far. Casey, on the other hand, is from Texas, a well-known supportive state. I see him using the regional vote to upset the more-talented Lee.

2. Casey James - See Lee DeWyze. If I'm right about this I'll look like a genius. If I'm wrong, well...who cares? Have I been right about any of my predictions this season?

1. Crystal Bowersox - The only truly distinctive and interesting contestant this year, she totally deserves it.

I guess Lee's going to be in my area for his homecoming trip. Should I go see him? Hmmmmmmmmm. Gotta say, not high on my priority list! See you next week!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Top 4 - Killer Whales, Cougars and Caddyshack

Tonight is a double treat! Songs from the movies (a potentially good theme that usually doesn't deliver on its promise) and duets! Oh, and the mentor is Jamie Foxx. I remember when he was just some guy with a show on the WB (remember the WB?) that no one had ever heard of. Now he's an Oscar winner and a successful recording artist. In the words of the great M.L. Pogue: who knew? Jamie takes his mentoring very seriously, handing out "artist" and "contestant" t-shirts to signify whether they've transcended their current situation as a competitor on a TV show and taken their creative abilities to the next level. I guess I'd rather see a mentor who tries too hard than one who's only mentoring in exchange for a performance on the results show.

First up is Lee DeWyze with Seal's "Kiss From a Rose." Ummm, I guess that seems like a good song choice for him. There's something kind of robotic about this performance. He sings it OK, but it doesn't seem like he's bringing anything new to it. It's just OK. Randy echoes my sentiments almost word-for-word (shudder), and Simon calls it karaoke. Lee just sits there smiling. He's secure enough in his abilities that he doesn't mind the criticism anymore. Well, if confidence is no longer an issue for him, why are his performances of late been feeling more stale?

Michael Lynche is next with Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There." Ah, yes. Free Willy! Great song. I never got into the movie that much, though it was pretty much inescapable around 1992 or whenever it came out. The beginning feels a little clunky, and almost as soon as it's begun, the song's pace picks up. This is another case of a song with a dramatic build that loses something by being shortened. The backup singers get in on the fun by walking in sync down the steps behind him, apparently to simulate the feeling of a choir. The second half is better, when Michael starts doing more vocally, but overall it's no match for the distinctive soul of Michael Jackson. It also feels too short and too karaoke. The first three judges think he played it too safe, while Simon likes his effort.

Time for Lee and Crystal with our first duet of the night..."Falling Slowly"? Way to rip off Kris Allen! Male-female duets are generally better than the male-male or female-female variety, and this rocking version of a slow acoustic ballad is no exception. Guitars in hand, looking into each other's eyes, these two do everything right here. The judges eat it up, and it undoubtedly tastes good. After two mediocre performances this is a breath of fresh air.

Casey James picks a song that seems odd, Simon and Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson." He goes with a mandolin for this one and sits in the "mosh pit" area. Finally a non-karaoke solo performance! This thing's cool and laid-back, and I like the new feel he gives it. I've heard the original so many times that the song itself isn't going to excite me, but Casey seems like he's connected to it pretty well. Good on ya, Case. That may be the first time someone's stepped into the crowd and it actually worked. Randy thinks it was just OK, and Simon thinks it didn't make enough of an impact. Well, admittedly it wasn't the type of performance that sticks with you. At the moment though, it was enjoyable. There's also some discussion about whether Casey picked the song because the movie it's from, The Graduate, was about an older woman seducing a younger man, and Kara's been ogling him all season. Nobody likes Kara, guys. Stop giving her attention.

Crystal Bowersox gets the solo pimp spot with Kenny Loggins' "I'm Alright," from Caddyshack. Cool choice. I always love Crystal's sharing the spotlight with the backing musicians, and she has the drummer standing up front with her this time. This is definitely the best solo performance of the night. She makes it her own and gives another outstanding vocal. You want to talk about artists, Jamie? This girl could wear that t-shirt any day. Crystal's rebounded from last week's boring performance for sure. The judges are all happy, and Ellen says her version was better than the original. I might be inclined to agree. Simon tells her she's back in the game. I don't think she'd ever really left the game, but whatever (remember, I liked her Shania Twain song two weeks ago).

Finally, our second duet, Michael and Casey with Bryan Adams' "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman." Eh. I'm not a fan of this song. It's too boring. It's got an OK chorus, but everything else drags. Like Crystal and Lee, the men play acoustic guitars. Unlike Crystal and Lee, there's no special chemistry or much interaction. They sing it competently, but it's nothing special. The judges are blown away by it anyway (or at least they act as if they are). Go figure. Maybe my disinterest in the song kept me from enjoying it too much.

My performance ranking:

Lee and Crystal duet (8.5/10)
Crystal (8/10)
Casey (7/10)
Michael and Casey duet (5/10)
Michael (4.5/10)
Lee (4/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 2: Michael, Casey
Going home: Casey

Casey's fans voted extra hard last week, and this week Lee and Michael's fans will probably do the same. See you tomorrow!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Top 5 Results - It Was a Very Good Show

After missing out on it last week, we're back to getting a group number! As you'd expect, it's a medley of Sinatra standards: "Lady is a Tramp" with Crystal taking on the titular role, "It Was a Very Good Year" with Aaron talking about "when he was 17," "I've Got the World on a String" and "Night and Day." Man, these songs are good! They remind you of how great it is to be an American!

The Ford video is set to "1, 2, 3, 4," though not the Feist song. Crystal gets some extra attention being the only girl and all.

We get a behind-the-scenes look at preparation for Tuesdays. I've heard about the stand-in judges for dress rehearsal, but I didn't realize they actually resembled the real judges and gave comments. The clip of fake Randy is hilarious.

Time for results!

After much useless babbling, Lee DeWyze is safe! And...that's it with results for now.

Time for Lady Gaga with some song called "Alejandro." You know what? I don't care. Since I'm watching this on tape, I have the benefit of being able to fast-forward through this crap!

We get more behind-the-scenes stuff about Harry Connick Jr.'s mentoring sessions. This guy is one seriously sarcastic dude. Fortunately, the Idols seem like they can hang with it. After the clip Harry performs one of my favorite Beatles songs, "And I Love Her," in a cool, jazzy crooner style. He even gives props to his saxophone player after his solo. Now that's classy! Then, in a twist, the Top 5 follow shortly with a medley of Harry Connick Jr.'s own songs. Wow. When was the last time we had two group numbers in one results show? Season 3 or thereabouts? If I knew any of his songs I'd identify them for you. For what it's worth, they sound like songs I'd potentially enjoy listening to. Afterwards the Connick-ster shares the funny story of the first time he met the man himself, Frank Sinatra.

Finally, more results!

Crystal Bowersox is sent to the far side of the stage.

Michael Lynche is sent to the near side of the stage.

Aaron Kelly joins Michael.

Casey James joins Crystal.

Lee is then asked to choose which group is the safe group, but he refuses to comply, as often happens. Seacrest wisely lets it go and doesn't try to create any drama. The Bottom 2 is...Michael and Aaron! Ha! I knew Casey would be safe after being so far below his usual standard! Of course, I had him in the Bottom 2, so maybe I shouldn't get too cocky.

The one going home is...Aaron! Well, that wasn't much of a surprise. Even though I liked him best last night, he clearly wasn't a contender to win. Good luck, Aaron. We won't be missing much without you next week.

Power Rankings:

4. Casey James - After his fans rushed to his defense this week, he'll almost certainly experience a crash next week.

3. Michael Lynche - This is the only spot left for him by my calculations.

2. Lee DeWyze - Clearly he's being pimped for the finale.

1. Crystal Bowersox - True, her last two performances haven't rated that well with the general viewership, but I think she'll bounce back after a brief lull.

See you next week, when "Songs of the Cinema" gets unearthed from the messy closet of themes yet again! Jamie Foxx will join the elite two-time mentor club as well! That'll look good on his resume!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Top 5 - Let Us Be Frank

Tonight Harry Connick Jr. mentors the Idols on the songs of Frank Sinatra. After all, what would a season of Idol be without meeting its "standards" quota? Harry C's not content with just giving them some vague advice about performance though, no sir. He's going to be helping them arrange their songs and playing the piano with their performances. You gotta love that type of commitment. After all, Harry Connick Jr.'s a big star! What does he need with this rinky-dink show?

Since there are six segments to tonight's hour-long show, they spend the entire first segment pimping Harry and talking about the greatness of Frank Sinatra, which everyone who's ever heard him pretty much knows already. Then in the second segment they spend time talking to Sinatra's daughters in the audience. Just get to the singing, already!

After we finally get done with all the chit-chat, Aaron Kelly leads us off with "Fly Me to the Moon." Wow. I have to say, I'm more impressed than usual with Aaron tonight. His confidence seems to be growing, and his vocals are spot-on for the most part. This was probably the most I've ever enjoyed one of his performances. The judges like it, though Kara thinks last week was better and Simon thinks Aaron pales in comparison to Sinatra. For crying out loud, Simon. He's a kid. How many kids can compare to Old Blue Eyes?

Next up is Casey James with "Blue Skies." Wow again, but this time not the good kind. This is awful. He told Harry in the intro clip that he's trying to be bluesy no matter what, and this big band arrangement does him no favors. His goatiness is all over the place, his pitch is off, and he doesn't feel connected at all. This may actually be the worst performance of the season (remember, I'm the one guy who thought Paige Miles' "Against All Odds" was merely mediocre, not execrable). The judges all agree it was the worst they've heard from him, and Kara even notices his goat vibrato for the first time. At last! We have confirmation that Kara doesn't pay attention!

Crystal Bowersox chose "Summer Wind" because she has some personal connection she doesn't want to divulge. The first half of this is slow and low, which makes it kind of boring. Later on there's a loud part that gives her the chance to show some range, but it feels like too little too late. Overall, it was OK. I'm not really blown away by it though. The judges are generally positive, but Randy and Simon both think it was a little boring. Have the seeds of her eventual shocking elimination been planted?

This night is taking forever. We still have two performances to go and it feels like I've been watching this for hours. Who's next? Oh, it's Michael Lynche with "The Way You Look Tonight"! One of my favorites. The performance is solid too. I like the bassline, which adds a foot-tapping quality to it. My only gripe is that I'm not a big fan of Michael's voice here. He hits all the notes, but I'm starting to find his tone a little annoying. I feel like a bad person for saying it, since he can't help the way his voice sounds, but it is what it is. Randy loves the performance so much that he shouts about how great it was, and the other judges slather it with praise too. Ah, whatever. Either I'm missing something, or the panel is depserate to inject some excitment into this show. Let's wrap this sucker up so we can watch LOST.

Lee DeWyze hopes to improve upon his last pimp spot performance, the eminently weird "Hey Jude." This time it's "That's Life." The opening is organ-based, which seems a neat twist, and Lee is actually in key this time. There's a tad bit of disconnect in his vocals, but overall I enjoy the performance. Sometimes the song itself can be enough to carry a so-so singer. The judges start talking about Lee as a potential winner, and Simon even calls him the best of the night by far. Huh?? It was good, but not that good. It's just like the "moment" he supposedly had two weeks ago. What was that all about? They're blatantly trying to get him into that finale.

Since LOST starts soon, I flip over to ABC when they start rolling the phone numbers. Someone just got eliminated on Dancing With the Stars, and wouldn't you know it? "That's Life" is the song they're playing for the final dance-out! Weeeeeeeird.

My performance ranking:

Aaron (7/10)
Lee (6.5/10)
Michael (6/10)
Crystal (5/10)
Casey (1/10)

Who'd have thought I'd find Aaron to be the best of the night?

Predictions:

Bottom 2: Casey, Michael
Going home: Michael

If Casey has a strong fanbase, they're going to vote a little harder this week to save him, especially after he was in the Bottom 3 last week. Though Lee wasn't that much better than Michael, the judges praised Lee much harder, effectively stealing Michael's thunder. Since Michael's fairly boring, I think he may get overlooked by the power-dialers and head home. Then again, what do I ever know?

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Top 6 Results - This is Our Country

After tonight only a quintet of hopefuls will be left standing. The show's barely begun when musical guest Rascal Flatts is introduced to perform their new single "Unstoppable." Gary LeVox's voice sounds extra whiny and strangled tonight. Once again, the irony of the show is that the established artists can sound crappy and the ones competing for a shot at a career can't. Lesson? Get a record deal and you're allowed to sound like garbage!

In the Ford video (for some song called "Believe") they all get to be vampires except for Michael, who plays the attack victim that scares them off with a garlic pizza. It actually made me laugh, simpleton that I am.

I'll skip the Shrek promotional stuff and get to the results.

Siobhan Magnus is sent to the far side of the stage.

Aaron Kelly is sent to the center of the stage.

Michael Lynche is sent to the near side of the stage.

Lee DeWyze joins Siobhan.

Casey James joins Michael.

Crystal Bowersox joins Aaron.

Ryan leads Siobhan over to Michael and Casey and proclaims them the Bottom 3. That was weird. Also, who'd have figured Casey to end up in the Bottom 3 after most people considered him the best of the night? I'd be shocked if he went home, and Siobhan got the pimp spot, so...my prediction that Michael's leaving looks solid right about now.

Carrie Underwood introduces the next musical guest, some band called Sons of Sylvia. Hey, wait a minute! That's not just "some band," those are The Clark Brothers, who won The Next Great American Band! They were great. Too bad no one watched that show except me and my mother. Apparently their album is finally being released, and this is their single, called "Love Left to Lose." What's with this opening part? Is that a mic problem or is he breathing too heavily? Aside from those early sound issues, I kind of like the song. It doesn't sound very country, though. It comes across more like some modern rhythmic-pop type of thing with a little mandolin and fiddle thrown in. I'd be happy for these guys if they had some success with this song, because they're a talented bunch of dudes.

Next is Lady Antebellum with "Need You Now." According to Wikipedia this song was released last August, but for some reason I feel like I remember hearing it regularly on CMT back when I still lived with my parents, which was a year and a half ago. I know I've heard it in passing in public places, but I don't think that'd account for it. I hardly listen to the radio. Did they perform this song live on CMT before it was recorded? Am I just going crazy? Argh! Whatever the reason, I know this song better than I probably should.

Boy, they just won't stop throwing musical guests at us, will they? Next it's Shakira and Rascal Flatts! Darn you, Rascal Flatts. Because I like country music I feel forced to tape this due to your inclusion. Surprisingly, there's something captivating about this song (apparently called "Gypsy"). There are gypsy-style backup dancers on stage, and Gary LeVox joining in adds little to the performance. You know what? Recapping these result shows is really getting boring. I think I may retire from the recapping business once this season is done.

Finally some results. Michael is safe! Wow! I thought he was a goner for sure! So the one leaving is...Siobhan. Wow! That pimp spot sure has lost its power over the last two seasons! She sings out with "Think," and of course includes the annoying glory note my brother hates so much. There's still some time left after she's done singing, so we get to see her give out hugs and talk to the judges a little before the credits roll. They sure packed a lot into this hour, didn't they?

Power rankings:

5. Aaron Kelly

4. Michael Lynche

3. Casey James

2. Lee DeWyze

1. Crystal Bowersox

No comments because they're pretty much the same as what I've been saying all season.

Next week Harry Connick Jr. mentors the Idols on the songs of Frank Sinatra. In other words, it's Standards Week designed to honor a specific performer, who just happens to have sung most of them. See you next time!

Top 6 - This Does Impress Me Much

Tonight we're dipping into a "very special songbook," that of the "iconic" Shania Twain. Really? Shania Twain? I mean, she has some good songs, her career has proven to have longevity, but...icon? I've never thought of her that way. Well, the video package tells us she's the one who made country pop (oh, that was her?), so I guess the country music industry owes her a "thank you" for all the dough she's made them. I guess this also counts as our official "country music" week. This has potential. Even though I'm not some Shania Twain superfan, I do like her songs. They range from the funny and playful to the sweet and beautiful. Shania herself is a winner too. She's a good-looking woman with a goofy Canadian accent. I'm not complaining!

Lee-ding off is Lee DeWyze, with "You're Still the One." It's probably one of her most recognizable songs, so good choice, my man. This is nothing more than a typical Lee performance. It's not bad, but those off-key moments have been sticking out to me more recently. There's nothing terribly special here overall. Of course, I don't get to enjoy this performance fully, because my TV reception is a bit choppy, and several moments get blanked out. From the majority that I hear though, it's merely decent. Though none of the judges sound blown away by it, there's nothing but positivity on the panel. I guess being the chosen male contestant has its built-in advantages.

Michael Lynche is next with "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing," a slow ballad. I rather enjoy this. The vocals are once again in "just pretty good" territory, but I like the song itself, and he seems to be feeling it a little more than usual. At the moment I'm writing this, I might call it one of my favorites from him. The judges all love that he connected to the song and Simon's only gripe is that the performance is "wet." When asked for an explanation, Simon can only say it seemed girly. Oh, Simon. Do you even pay attention to what the theme is each week?

Casey James is really excited about this week's performance, because he wants the chance to show people something new after two weeks of staying in his comfort zone. The song is "Don't," which I'm not familiar with. Other than the usual distracting goatiness, this is really good. I'm not sure if it's Casey though, or the higher production values for the night. After a season of complaining about the mix, I have to complement the sound crew for this week. The judges say it's his best performance yet, and that he's progressing as an artist. Mmmmm, I don't agree. "Jealous Guy" was much better. This may be second-best though, as he put some soul into it for a change.

Crystal Bowersox picked "No One Needs to Know" to drop a hint to her boyfriend about proposing. Is this the same guy she has the kid with? If so, seriously, just get hitched already. Crystal's the first contestant of the night to embrace the theme, as this is straight-up acoustic country, not pop. It's incredible: every week Crystal finds some way to stand out from the pack. As usual, she delivers the song perfectly, and the rest of the competition pales in comparison. While it may not have been one of her best from an artistic standpoint, I might call it one of my personal favorite Crystal performances. The first three judges say it wasn't their favorite, but she's so good it doesn't matter. Simon actually gives it a bad review, but we know that's because he doesn't like country music. Whatever. I'm allowed to disagree with the judges. I say it was another great job by the Bowersoxer (do I come up with clever nicknames or what?).

I can't believe he's still in the competition, but Aaron Kelly is up next with "You've Got a Way." There are some bad vocal moments (like, pretty much always), but Aaron gives it his best effort, and his glory note at the end is strong. My problem here is that this is sort of a boring song without much of a hook. However good his vocals may be, I'm not particularly interested in anything that's going on here. The judges think he did a great job, and Simon says he's improved after struggling the last two weeks. Maybe I'm just getting bored with Aaron, as all his performances pretty much feel like the same thing. The kid's a singer, not an artist, and there's only so much he's capable of doing with anything he sings. This might be the weakest of the night so far, though that's hardly an insult on a night when no one's really stunk.

Finally, Little Miss Weird, Siobhan Magnus, takes on Shania's first #1 country hit, "Any Man of Mine." Will it go over better than Mandisa's oust-inducing version from Season 5? Well, it starts out sounding like it'll be fun and upbeat, but Siobhan's vocals are tepid and the song feels like it's moving too slowly. Siobhan walks on the platform behind the judges to add some visual stimulation, but it comes across as robotic, and the only powerful moment is when she does her screechy glory note at the end. At last we have a performance worthy of being called "worst of the night." Can her fanbase, Vote For the Worst and the pimp spot save her? Now that I've trashed it, what do the judges think? Whaddayaknow? They all love it, even Simon! Kara also tells her she's "back." Wow. I have no words. This disconnect with reality is nothing short of surreal. Are they just desperate to keep another girl in the competition after the men have dominated the later stages the last two seasons?

My performance ranking:

Crystal (8.5/10)
Casey (7.5/10)
Michael (6.5/10)
Lee (6/10)
Aaron (5/10)
Siobhan (2/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Aaron, Michael, Lee
Going home: Michael

Aaron seems like the obvious choice to go, since he would appear to have the least widespread appeal, and he's been in the Bottom 3 several times now. However, I'm picking Michael to go, since he went early and I'm having a hard time remembering his performance even after recalling I liked it. It's all so up-in-the-air right now that I feel like anyone could potentially go home, so I'll go with what I've got here.

Without Tim there was no one to vote for, which was good, because it meant I got to enjoy my rerun of LOST in peace! See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Top 7 Results - Boring Us For Charity

Tonight is Idol Gives Back, and since I'm broke and have too many expenses of my own, I'm not able to contribute. I'll be watching this charity event and only taping the parts involving the Idols, since I couldn't care less about most of the acts they have performing. The big question though, is whether someone's actually getting eliminated tonight. As we all certainly remember, the last time Idol Gives Back was part of the results show they decided to skip the elimination and did an annoying double-elim the next week. It might be happening again, as this threat of elimination could be the only thing getting people to tune in.

Before I get to this recap I'm just going to get something out of the way up front: I wish these causes they're raising money for the best in their efforts. I'm not going to make snarky comments about helping the needy, since I believe private charity is the world's best hope. In the interest of staying classy here, I'll skip recapping the video packages showing us the people in need, since that stuff is obviously very serious. Everything else is fair game, so let's get to it!

The show opens with President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle reading a teleprompter message about how we can make a difference or some such cliche thing. Errrr...I'll stick no my unofficial no-politics policy on this blog and refrain from commenting further.

Our musical acts tonight are coming to us from Pasadena, where Queen Latifah is our mistress of ceremonies. I'll bet in the end I tape fewer than half these acts.

The Top 12 reunite for a group lip-synch of "Keeping the Dream Alive." The good news is that we get to see the lovely Paige Miles again. The bad news is that we have to see Andrew Garcia again. And uh, there's that whole lip-synching thing too. That kind of detracts from it.

Jonah Hill and Russell Brand are here to bring their brand of humor to a sketch about how they don't have the celebrity friends they promised for a celebrity phone bank. I don't get it. Is this supposed to be funny?

After some chat with the Idols we cut back to Queenie, who introduces the Black-Eyed Peas. All right! They suck! I can pause the tape!

Special guest George Lopez is here to help with eliminations...with a twist! Instead of dealing with the contestants he's going to judge the judges! Oh, the hilarity. This bit has a few chuckle-worthy lines, but most of it is hacky and contrived. He accuses them of "always" saying stuff that they rarely say (Randy hasn't said "pitchy" much this year, Simon rarely uses the term "rubbish," and I'm not sure I've ever heard Kara use the phrase he attributes to her), so it seems like a desperate attempt for a laugh. So much wasted potential.

The Ford video is set to "We've Got a Big Mess on Our Hands," and features all kinds of messes being made in the name of showing off 360-degree camera effects. You know, that money might've been better spent on charity.

Casey, Tim and Aaron were my Bottom 3 prediction, with Casey going home. Let's see how right I am as we actually start narrowing it down.

Crystal Bowersox and Casey James are asked to join Ryan at center stage. The person in the Bottom 3 is...Casey. Wow. Huge surprise there. Crystal may never see the Bottom 3 at the rate she's going.

Aaron Kelly and Lee DeWyze are next. One is in the Bottom 3, and it is...Aaron. Hey! Two for two!

Jeff Beck and Joss Stone backed by the Jubilation Choir are here to sing "I Put a Spell on You." Hmmmm. This might actually be worth taping, since Jeff Beck was a huge influence of Rick Nielsen. As expected, it's nothing earth-shattering, but given the acts they have booked it may turn out to be the best musical moment of the night.

Alicia Keys is here to perform some song I neither know nor care about, so I'm pausing the tape again. Hey, she's singing about how great New York is! On behalf of all of us here in flyover country: we don't want to hear about your stinking city. Halfway home! Must...hold...on...

Back to Jonah Hill and Russell Brand...still not funny. On the plus side, they managed to work Tatiana Del Toro into their attempted comedy bit. It's kind of sad that Tatiana's more talented than the idiots presenting it.

Speaking of actual talent, Carrie Underwood is here, singing some song about "Change." There ought to be a quota placed on that word after the 2008 Presidential Campaign. Sorry...no more politics. Of course, this song is tailor-made for a telethon, with lyrics about not changing the channel and giving to causes you see on TV. Well, I guess that clarifies their intentions, in case there was any confusion.

Wanda Sykes, AKA the most annoying woman in America, is here to give us a bit about how dumb it is to make contestants sing after they've been eliminated. How clever! I've never heard that angle before! Why doesn't this lady just go away and stop bothering people?

At long last it's results time again. Tim should be the final member of the Bottom 3, but hey, if he's safe I'll take it!

Siobhan Magnus is safe!

Michael Lynche is also safe, making Tim Urban the final member of our Bottom 3. Rats. Oh well. I'm glad to know the old predictive powers are still sharp (ah, who am I kidding, I got lucky). Hopefully I'll also be right about Casey leaving, since I want Tim to stay.

A band of All-Stars (including Randy Jackson and Mary J. Blige) is here to sing one of the most overrated songs ever, "Stairway to Heaven." Odd song choice, considering no one really knows what it's about. I guess it's a decent cover, but no one, not even Led Zeppelin themselves, has ever topped Rolf Harris' version.

Elton John is our final musical act, but before he can sing "Your Song" he makes sure to give us a PSA about getting tested for AIDS and using condoms. That advice is of absolutely no use to me, so...ha! Sir Elton sounds sort of Irish when he sings these days. I'm recording it because, well, it's Elton John, but this is actually kind of boring. Why does this thing have to go so long? It's way past the scheduled ending time!

At long last we're done with the music acts and we get to the final results. Will they be final though? I'm going to be angry if I wasted all this time for nothing. One person's going back to safety. It is...Aaron! Man. I'd never have pegged that kid for the Top 6. The one going home is...Tim! Dang it! Now who am I supposed to vote for? I'm actually surprised people vote for boring, unartistic Aaron over Tim. Tim can't stop smiling and laughing as he watches his rushed farewell video. Doggone it, this kid's likable. Why can't we keep him?

So after sitting through all that, we're finally done with this week. I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Power Rankings:

6. Aaron Kelly - He's clearly the weakest one left, so it's just a matter of time.

5. Casey James - Let's face it: he's plateauing.

4. Michael Lynche - Likability and OK-ness only take you so far.

3. Siobhan Magnus - She seems to have the fanbase to make the Top 3.

2. Lee DeWyze - Judging from his WNTS ratings he's clearly the guy to beat.

1. Crystal Bowersox - Can you honestly see any of these others winning the whole thing? If it's not Crystal, it'll probably be because someone else steps it up big time in the next few weeks.

See you next week, when Shania Twain mentors the Idols on her own songs! Too bad our buddy John Park left seven weeks ago!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Top 7 - Off Keys

It's Idol Gives Back week, so you know what that means! Inspirational songs! Tonight we'll be left breathless by our Idols, as they...ah forget it. I'll spoil it now: We're in for a night of good-but-not-great.

Our mentor is Alicia Keys, whose philanthropy and generosity has won the world over, according to Seacrest. I wonder if tomorrow she'll bring out another kid to sing about how he's the world's greatest?

Leading off is Casey James, with Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)." Once again, the vocals are pretty high in the mix, exposing the fact that Casey isn't the greatest technical singer. Then again, who on this season really is? He sings it all right and even includes a guitar solo for good measure. I guess my biggest problem is that there's nothing about this performance that really stands out. It's just Casey doing his thing competently. No big whoop. Randy accuses him of doing the same thing every week, and Simon goes even farther, trashing it completely. Hmmmmm. He could be in trouble after going first tonight.

Lee DeWyze picked Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer" because it inspired him to play the guitar, and this is inspiration week. Alicia tells us that if Lee can bring people into him, then he'll make them feel something. Please, Alicia! This is a family show! Maybe he's too "in his head," because Lee's vocals tonight are pretty weak, and his natural gruff tone doesn't go well with the softness of the song. I'm hearing out-of-key notes all over the place. This is probably his worst performance yet. In an apparent attempt to discredit my ears, the judges think it was incredible. Ellen calls it his best performance, and Simon says he had a "moment." Wow. I didn't like his voice on it at all. Oh well. I guess he's probably staying, then. Go Illinois!

Tim Urban, the only one left who hasn't gotten the pimp spot, takes on the Goo Goo Dolls' "Better Days." As usual, the bum notes are there, and his belting just doesn't work. The parts within his range sound really nice though. I'll confess a lack of familiarity with this song, but it's got a nice melody, which is mainly what I look for. It wasn't Tim's best, but I'd say it was OK. The judges are all a bit underwhelmed by the whole thing. Simon essentially tells Tim the bar has been raised for him, and that it was no longer up to par. Ah, the perils of improving.

There's nothing like a good old cliche song choice, and Aaron Kelly is here to provide us with one! Run for cover, it's R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly," which Aaron's been singing since he was five! I wonder if he went to see Space Jam in theaters and first heard this song there like I did? Aaron's usual awkwardness is there early on, but it eventually turns into one of his best performances, much to my surprise. I guess singing a song for so many years can work to your advantage. Unlike Tim, his belting actually sounds powerful, and this uplifting schlock is perfectly suited for the little cheeseball. Yeah, his voice is still wavery on the big notes, but by now we can chalk it up to Aaron being Aaron. The judges commend him for doing well on such a big song, and only Simon tells him it wasn't very good. Ah, whatever. Maybe I'm so desperate to be entertained that I'm willing to be charitable.

Tonight! Siobhan Magnus is taking on two of the singers you're allegedly never supposed to sing on this show! Whitney and Mariah! (Divas only need one name, beyotch! See also: Aretha and Celine.) The song, of course, is "When You Believe." Hey, Celtic Woman sang this song on their latest PBS special! Maybe that's Siobhan's next stop with her Irish name and all. She just needs to get those tattoos removed. Well, about Siobhan's performance...it's nicely sung for the most part. She kind of looks like she wants to cry at times. When it picks up and she goes into her upper register it sounds a little nasal, but the falsetto note when the song finishes its climax sounds perfect, providing a good ending. Ellen likes it, but the other judges think it wasn't up to the Siobhan standard. Sheesh. Why does it seem like I often like performances the judges don't, and vice versa? Am I a complete dunderhead? Wait...don't answer that.

Michael Lynche is here to bore-rock us with "Hero." Just to be clear, that's the Chad Kroeger song, not the Mariah Carey one. He's going with the acoustic guitar again, so we know we're probably not going to see anything new here. I've never been a big fan of this song either, so that's another strike against him. Michael sounds good, but the whole thing is just a big old bowl of average. This isn't something I'll remember tomorrow. The first two judges think it was OK, but Kara doesn't like it, and Simon can't get past the Spiderman connection. He also says it felt artificial. Shoot, the entire bore-rock genre feels artificial if you ask me.

So it's up to Crystal Bowersox to blow the rest of the contestants off the stage again, this time with "People Get Ready" as her weapon of choice. As Ryan notes, Crystal's going without an instrument for the first time this season. Remember two years ago when using instruments was a huge new deal? Now it's practically expected for contestants who want to be taken seriously. She begins a cappella and never misses a note. When the music joins in, she continues flawlessly. How does she do it? It's like she's invincible or something! She loses it vocally at the end, but it's because she's feeling the song so much that she starts crying. Now that's a "moment," judges, not what Lee did. The judges shower her with praise, and Randy even gives her a standing ovation. I think this may go down as the performance of the season! Well done, Crystal.

My performance ranking:

Crystal (9.5/10)
Siobhan (6/10)
Aaron (5.6/10)
Casey (5.5/10)
Michael (5/10)
Tim (4/10)
Lee (1.5/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Casey, Tim, Aaron
Going Home: Casey

I sort of picked the Bottom 3 by default, as the rest I think were either too good (Crystal), have too big a fanbase (Siobhan and Michael) or were too praised (Lee). I have Casey leaving because he went first, was less memorable than the other two, and doesn't have a fanbase that's worried about his safety, as he hasn't yet appeared in the Bottom 3. Will he actually be eliminated on the night of goodwill that is Idol Gives Back? We shall see!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Top 9 (ii) Results - Two For the Road

To open the show tonight we get yet another recap of last week's oh-so-dramatic results where Mike Lynche was saved. I'll say it again, Idol producers: No one likes the Judges' Save. No one. That save last week was about as dramatic as Super Bowl XX. My brother, who claims to hate this show and only barely follows it, saw that save coming a mile away. Just shut up about it already and stop trying to pretend that your result-screwing idea has any merit whatsoever.

Now that that rant's out of the way, we get to celebrate a return to normalcy with an Elvis medley. Oh, come on. They did the same thing in Season 5 and it was one of the best ever! To their credit though, they don't just recycle the songs from that medley. This ones includes: "Burnin' Love" (used in the S5 medley), "Teddy Bear," "Return to Sender" and "Viva Las Legas" (all not used in S5). This one's a lot cheesier than the first, but hey, they manage to make it fun. And isn't it so dang cute seeing Tim, Aaron and Michael tell the girls they want to be their teddy bear?

The Ford video is set to a song called "Light and Day/Reach For the Sun" and the theme is "going green." I'm not into this.

Dim the lights, we're getting our first elimination now!

Casey James, Aaron Kelly and Andrew Garcia all stand up and are directed to center stage. After some dawdling, the one leaving is...Andrew! Finally! America's gotten sufficiently tired of Ol' Necktat! Since they get to choose their elimination songs this year, Andrew leaves us with "You Give Me Something." He still sounds mediocre. Why did anyone think he was so good in the first place? Well, now I have to find someone else to root against each week. I don't really dislike any of the remaining contestants. I guess Casey and Aaron are safe, so that's one of my two predictions correct. The other contestant I had leaving was Tim, but I hope I'm wrong on that one!

We see a video of Elliott Yamin and Kara making a trip to Africa for Idol Gives Back. That's an odd match, since Kara wasn't judging the show back when Elliott was on. At least when he went with Fantasia they had the common experience of being contestants. Whatever. It's nice to see them making a better life for these kids. Some of the confirmed guests for IGB are The Black-Eyed Peas, Jeff Beck, Joss Stone, Mary J. Blige, Elton John and probably some others I missed but don't care enough to go back and check. Nothing exciting there. I hope IGB is successful in its efforts, but I won't be contributing, as I'm broke right now.

Brooke White's back with some guy named Justin Gaston to perform an Elvis song, we're told. Apparently this Justin guy is the star of a web series called If I Can Dream. Say, do you think...? Whattaya know? That's the Elvis song they're performing! Well, it's nice to see my girl Brooke again. This web series kid means nothing to me. You just know someone paid big bucks to promote that series because this week made a perfect tie-in. My brother isn't familiar with Brooke, and he comments that she looks like Alex from Lost. That's funny. I guess with that bony face Brooke could pass for a blond version of Rousseau's daughter.

For the next round of cuts, the entire bottom row is asked to join Ryan on the stage.

After recapping each performance we learn that Crystal Bowersox is safe! Well, duh.

Siobhan Magnus is also safe!

Lee DeWyze is safe!

That leaves us with Katie Stevens, Michael Lynche and Tim Urban. One of them is the next to leave us! Please let me be wrong about Tim! Before we find out though, it's time for Adam Lambert to take the stage with his new song "Whataya Want From Me." This song is nothing special, but it's nice to hear a guest performer with no autotune for a change. What else to say? Ummm...I got nothing. Let's just get to the results.

First back to safety is...Tim!!! Whoo! I was wrong! Go Timmy Boy! Now it's down to Michael and Katie. Ryan tells us that the safe contestant wasn't even in the Bottom 3. Oh, for crying out loud. Obviously it's Katie going home, then. Michael undoubtedly got a ton of extra support from his fans who don't want to see him leave after last week's close call. Yep, Katie's out. It's a shame it came after one of her best performances. She sings us home with "Let it Be," but she's so choked up that she's off-pitch and nasal the entire time. We forgive you, Katie. You're at the peak of your popularity right now, so enjoy the last few moments of it.

In what was supposed to be a girl's year the guys currently outnumber the girls five to two. Let's see how the remaining seven stack up in my book.

Power Rankings:

7. Aaron Kelly - He had the Bottom 3 bounce this week, so next week is probably the end for him.

6. Tim Urban - Improving, but not as favored as the other five. He'll likely get thrown under the bus.

5. Michael Lynche - He's not interesting enough to go too much deeper. Maybe fourth place, but that'd probably be it.

4. Casey James - If he were more consistently on top of his game I might see him as a real contender.

3. Siobhan Magnus - There's still hope for her to turn things around, but it's hard to envision her winning this thing.

2. Lee DeWyze - The most talented male, but America probably won't want to crown another David Cook just two years after the first one.

1. Crystal Bowersox - She's the only one with the right combination of talent and difference from past winners to win...I think.

Next week is Idol Gives Back, which means the dreaded "Inspirational Songs" theme is returning. Will we be getting a separate results show on Thursday, or are they going to combine the votes from the next two weeks for a double elimination? I'm not sure, but I care not who leaveth as long as it be not Tim!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Top 9 (ii) - Viva Las Urban

Last week, in a needlessly-overwrought scene cheaply played for emotion, the judges used the only save of the season (which is one too many) on Michael Lynche, a move pretty much everyone saw coming. Apparently someone somewhere was on the edge of their seat, and they're still talking about it here in Idol-land.

This week's theme is the songs of Elvis Presley, AKA The King of Rock 'N Roll. Adam Lambert, "one of our favorite performers," is serving as our mentor. His career's tanking so badly the producers are desperate to give him face time, since they look pretty stupid for overpimping him to the degree they did right now. Ryan chats with Adam a bit, and Adam says if he'd been a contestant this week he probably would've chosen the song Tim's doing: "Can't Help Falling in Love." Wow! An actual song spoiler within the episode!

Leading things off is Crystal Bowersox with "Saved," a gospelly song. Well, she tells us she used to drink and she used to smoke, but I'm not sure if that's Crystal herself or just the song talking. This one's definitely a foot-tapper. With Crystal you almost always know what you're going to get: guitar in hand, great vocals and the stage presence of a pro. She makes it all look effortless. The judges comments basically amount to "yep, Crystal nailed another one!" It's like she doesn't need this competition anymore. She's a cinch to last several more weeks.

Just in case we forgot how absolutely shocking and dramatic last week's results were!, we're treated to a Ryan-chat with Andrew Garcia, who continues the harping. Enough already! In the mentor clip we see that Adam thinks Andrew's performance is a little boring, and he hopes that in the time between the mentor session and the performance Andrew comes up with something good. Does Andrew pull it off? Of course not! His "unique twist" is giving "Hound Dog" a loungy jazz arrangement. Dumb dumb dumb. The lyric is completely incongruous with the style. It's one thing to put your own spin on a song, it's another to make that spin completely ill-fitting. He does include a breakdown in the middle, since that's the only part the judges liked from him last week. Self-plagiarizer! The judges feel like he didn't have enough swagger onstage, and Ellen's the only one who says she liked it at all. I'm hoping this'll be the performance that finally gets him sent home. Come on, America! Stop voting for Andrew!

After Andrew's done Ryan tells us to stay tuned to find out which song Tim Urban picked. Well, considering Adam mentioned it earlier, I think we already know it's "Can't Help Falling in Love." During the mentor session Adam really likes him. Yeah! Come on, Timmy Boy! Make us proud! Taking a page out of the Big Mike Lynche playbook, Tim goes to the platform behind the judges with just his acoustic. He's relying on emotional connection over vocal chops at this point, but that's what we've come to expect from Tim. He seems nervous and disconnected at times, but hey, I'm voting for him no matter what. Overall, there are parts I like and parts where I feel bad for him, since the flaws in his voice are exposed. Is it great? No. Is it really good at certain moments? I'd say so. Hey, it's certainly better than that...thing that preceded it. Whereas I think it's OK, the judges think it's Tim's best performance yet, and Simon even tells him he went from "zero to hero" in two weeks. Well, hey! I hope America loves him as much as the judges do! Go Tim!

Lee DeWyze is pulling out a song with an infamous place on this show, "A Little Less Conversation." It's been done with goofy sincerity by Jon Peter Lewis, with humorless rock posturing by Chris Daughtry and with quirky comedic sense by Jackie Tohn. What'll Lee do with it? Wisely, he chooses to use his acoustic guitar and doesn't steal any pages from Season 5's baldy. He messes up some lyrics in the first verse, but if you don't know the song you probably won't notice, as he covers it pretty well. Lee's one of the better singers in this competition, and this performance is solid as usual, but it's nothing that'll make me sit up and take notice. It's too safe, say I. The judges think he's great and totally current, but Kara wants him to be less serious. Lee gives us some smiles just to show America he really is enjoying himself.

Aaron Kelly's song choice is "Blue Suede Shoes." Finally, it's time for some rockabilly! In his video package he says that the song choice is probably completely wrong for him. Bad move, Aaron! If you don't believe in yourself, who will? Take an improv class and you'll learn that commitment is one of the most important things you can do when performing! Fortunately, Aaron does commit as much as possible. Unfortunately, this performance is strictly amateur hour. He adds some rough growling in there, as Adam suggested. While the suggestion itself wasn't a bad one, I'm not sure if Aaron's that kind of singer. I give the kid credit for making the effort, but he's out of his league here. The judges have mixed reviews. No one loves it, no one thinks it was horrible. Simon says he seemed like he was dressing up for the part, which probably says it best.

Apparently Siobhan Magnus is a true Elvis fan, and it's all because her parents raised her with his music. She's taking on "Suspicious Minds" tonight, the other song Chris Daughtry couldn't do much with. The arrangement here is pure karaoke, and Siobhan's vocals are inconsistent. For the first part they're a little too soft, and for the second part they're a little too over-the-top. The whole thing comes across as a little too desperate. "Suspicious Minds" is a good song, but I don't think I've ever heard a version that compared to the original. It's not a terrible performance, I'm just not a fan of the way it all comes together. It doesn't feel natural. The judges like the second half better than the first, and are disappointed overall. Siobhan tells them she doesn't know how to classify herself, she just likes to sing. It's about time one of these kids admitted to having no artistic identity!

In a move that almost seems to be playing to the stereotype-inclined, Michael Lynche chooses "In the Ghetto." It's just him and his acoustic once again, but this time he's sitting on the edge of the stage, not on the platform behind the judges. Michael does his own thing with it, changing up the melody a bit and singing it very well. So...why does it feel so...lacking? I guess it has too similar a vibe to Tim's earlier performance, and it's also too short. Seriously, this thing's over as soon as it's begun. It's not bad, just a bit boring. The judges love it more than it probably deserves to be loved, since they want to feel vindicated for inflicting that horrific save on us last week. Whatever. After that near elimination, Michael's fans are surely voting a little extra tonight.

Katie Stevens picks a song I'm not familiar with, "Baby What You Want Me to Do." Apparently she chose it due to her frustration with the judges' mixed messages. You go girl. The feckless foursome hasn't been all that helpful to her this season. Surprisingly, this performance is actually pretty good. Katie took Adam's advice to feel the frustration, and now she's projecting some real believability. The vocals are there, the stage presence is there...hey, this girl's improving! The judges think it was great, and Ellen gets to make a pun about the song being "horny" (due to the horn section onstage). Simon says he hates it because he doesn't like the song. Of course, he's not American either, so he probably doesn't "get" Elvis. His loss.

Stealing a page from Canadian Idol's Jaydee Bixby, Casey James is pimp-spotting us out with, "Lawdy Miss Clawdy." This thing's basically in the Lee DeWyze zone: good, but not great. It's an appropriate song choice for the blues guy, but the problem is that it's too forgettable. "HOW FORGETTABLE IS IT?" It's so forgettable that I can't think of anything to say about it. It's just a generic Casey performance. If he were going earlier in the show I'd say he could be in danger, so he ought to be thanking the producers for putting him on last right now. The judges all agree it was merely solid, nothing to get excited over, and Simon even calls it a wasted opportunity.

My Performance Ranking:

Crystal (8/10)
Katie (6.5/10)
Lee (6/10)
Casey (5.5/10)
Tim (5/10)
Michael (4.9/10)
Siobhan (4/10)
Aaron (3.5/10)
Andrew (2.5/10)

So...I'm not sure how they're doing the elimination this week, since two people have to go. I'm guessing they won't do a Bottom 3, so I'll just pick the two people I have leaving. The not-so-great prognosticator says:

Going Home: Andrew and Tim

Yes, unfortunately, I'm picking Tim. Some of Tim's fans may be tempted to take it easy this week after he got such good reviews, but hopefully VFTW's campaign on his behalf will help. I'm probably going to be wrong on Andrew, since the guy seems immune to elimination, but hey, I can hope. At this point his consistently bad performances have to outweigh people's desire to see the young father with a former gang member father succeed.

See you tomorrow night, when we hopefully trim some fat and see Tim make it to the Top 7!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Top 9 Results - Only the Yankees Have More Blown Saves This Year

Last night the entire world predicted a Bottom 3 of Aaron, Tim and Andrew, with either Aaron or Andrew going home. I'm in the Aaron camp, but I'll gladly be wrong in favor of the Andrew camp. Ryan tells us there are "shocking" results tonight, so that probably means Andrew, since Idol still hasn't caught on to the fact that he's not very good and most people want him gone. Could this be the week we finally get that stupid, worthless Judges' Save off the board?

Oh boy! A group number! Our remaining nonet do a medley of "Here, There and Everywhere," "Got to Get You Into My Life," "The Fool on the Hill," "All You Need is Love," "She Loves You" and "The End." Kind of boring, since they mostly just stand around and sing, and there aren't enough solos. Besides, they seem to be lip-synching as usual.

The Ford video has the Idols singing Billy Preston's "Will It Go Round in Circles" and playing with a kaleidoscope. Well, the song is so awesome that it negates the filleriness of the video. Hooray.

Finally some results!

Siobhan Magnus is sent to the center of the stage. Oh, are they doing the three groups again?

Crystal Bowersox joins Siobhan in the center.

Katie Stevens completes the trio in the center.

Crystal is declared safe, as we all knew she'd be. Ryan then declares the other two safe, which means it's gonna be an all-male Bottom 3 tonight!

Before we can learn which men are on the spot, we get some guy named Jason Derulo. Am I supposed to have heard of him? Oh, he was signed by Kara DioGuardi, so we know he probably has no relevance to today's music. Then again, considering the state of today's music I don't know if I'd want to be relevant.

According to Ryan he's performing his two hits "Whatcha Say" and "In My Head." Huh. I feel like I just saw this performance last week, since this Jason dude's basically an Usher clone. He seems like a nice guy, though. Just wait until he finds out he's a 21st-Century Johnny Bravo.

More results? Nope, David Archuleta is back to sing "Imagine." I'm really tired of this Communist anthem being held up as some sort of inspirational song. He's channeling his inner artist by playing the piano along with it, since I guess the little guy wants to move on from his teen idol status. Apparently he's writing songs now, but based on his chat with Ryan he still seems like an overgrown eight-year-old.

Ryan tells us we're going to form two groups.

Lee DeWyze is sent to the far side of the stage.

Michael Lynche is told to start a group next to Ryan.

Casey James joins Lee.

Well, unless they do some swapping, none of the bloggers I read got the Bottom 3 correct.

Aaron Kelly joins Michael.

Tim Urban joins Lee and Casey, which means Andrew Garcia joins Aaron and Michael.

It turns out that Tim, Casey and Lee are safe, making Michael, Aaron and Andrew the Bottom 3! Whoo! I'm fine with any of them leaving!

First back to safety is Aaron! Wow! My prediction was wrong! I don't get why they bother announcing the Bottom 3 anymore since they always send someone back to safety immediately. So where does this leave us? If Michael's the lowest vote-getter they'll almost certainly save him, and if it's Andrew...well, he absolutely deserves to leave, but if they saved mediocre Matt Giraud they might just save Ol' Necktat. Of course, Michael leaving would be way more "shocking," so at this point I'm guessing it's Michael who faces the chopping block.

Rihanna's in the house, and Chris Brown fortunately isn't. She's performing a song called "Rockstar 101." You know what? I'm just going to come out and say it: these result shows make me glad I don't listen to today's crappy, tuneless, overprocessed music. I may start pausing the tape for these "songs" next week. They're a waste of time.

So it's time for the moment of truth. The person who's for sure back next week is...Andrew! I knew it! So Big Mike's going to sing for his life! He's bringing back "This Woman's Work," which is probably a wise choice. If they don't save him I'll be shocked at this point. Overwrought put-on situations like this are why they invented the dang rule. What's the verdict? Whaddaya know? They're saving him. Well, we knew they were going to use it at some point regardless of whether it made sense. Since it had to happen, I'm glad they're getting it out of the way now and sparing us this crap for the rest of the season.

Power rankings:

9. Tim Urban - Poor Tim gets screwed out of at least 8th Place by the Judges' Save. So sad that they're too petty to let him outrank another male finalist.

8. Katie Stevens - She had a good week this time. Next comes the crash.

7. Andrew Garcia - He's less likable than Aaron.

6. Aaron Kelly - He's more likable than Andrew.

5. Michael Lynche - Ruben Studdard was the last black male contestant to make it past the Top 5. Yeah...it's been that long.

4. Casey James - If he keeps stepping it up like he did this week I can see him making it pretty far.

3. Siobhan Magnus - She apparently has a big fanbase or something.

2. Lee DeWyze - Like I've been saying...most potential of the remaining men.

1. Crystal Bowersox - While she may be peaking early, she's the only one left who I can realistically see winning. If not her, who?

So next week there's a "special theme" with Adam Lambert as mentor. Look Idol, we know he was supposed to win last season and you're upset that America didn't vote the way you wanted them to, but there's no need to drag this famewhore back onto our screens. Let him become an established star before he gets the chance to mentor our kids!

See you next week, when the Top 8 and Michael Lynche perform for our votes!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Top 9 - The Fab Two

Another theme week has been resurrected: Lennon-McCartney Night, as previously seen in the Top 11 of Season 7! Hey, Lacey Brown is in the audience! Too bad she wasn't here tonight to sing a boring version of "In My Life" or something.

Just in case you've never heard of them, there's a special video package telling us ignorant Americans who Lennon and McCartney were and why they were so great. And hey, there's an extra special treat at the end! Paul McCartney's corpse sends his best wishes to the remaining contestants!

Tonight's pre-performance video clip theme is "how do the contestants describe each other?" How juicy!

First up is Aaron Kelly, whose fellow competitors call him "Yoda." I guess you had to be there. His song choice is "The Long and Winding Road," previously done by David Archuleta, this show's last teenage heartthrob. He doesn't sing it any better than usual, and his voice is getting more annoying to me each week. He's reaching that Jason Castro zone where I basically have nothing to say about him anymore since he never really does anything new. Could this be the week America gets bored of him? The judges all want to see more from him, and Kara even says the same thing I do: that it feels like the same thing every week. Darn you, Kara. Aaron tells us he's got a more uptempo song picked out for next week if America votes for him. Why America's voted for him thus far I'm still not sure, so don't ask me what his odds of being back are.

Katie Stevens apparently does a "Single Ladies" dance. For some reason not as many Idols are shown commenting on Katie as there were for Aaron. Hmmmm, is she not as popular with the gang? Her song is "Let it Be." Oh boy, another song we've all heard too many times. It's never been one of my favorite Beatles tunes. This isn't the most exciting performance, but the vocals are solid, and she manages to change up the melody a bit to make it her own. Well, I'll give her credit, it's probably one of her better nights. The judges love it and say it was her best performance yet. That's a defensible position, though I remember being happier with "Wild Horses."

Andrew Garcia is supposedly the goofiest person of the remaining contestants. The only problem is that he shouldn't actually be one of the remaining contestants. Tonight he's taking on "Can't Buy Me Love" with a "cool twist." It's to the platform behind the judges for Ol' Necktat! The "cool twist" seems to be a bit of funkiness. The vocals aren't as good as you'd hope they'd be, and he doesn't seem very connected. There's nothing special to see here, kids. It's merely competent, not something worth noticing. The judges give it lukewarm reviews, and say it was a little corny. Yeah, I can see that.

Apparently Michael Lynche does a high-pitched "Heyyy!" every time he enters a room. Tonight he's doing "Eleanor Rigby" because his family used to perform it when he was a kid. Great. Another Beatles song that's never been one of my favorites. He has the string section onstage with him, and the vocals are...well, about the same quality as we've come to expect from Michael: generic and just OK. It's a little too melodramatic for my liking. Ah, whatever. This hovers somewhere around average for me. The first three judges think it was incredible and relevant to today's music scene, while Simon compares it to a musical. Hey! A perfect opportunity to plug Glee, which airs next week on FOX! Right, Randy? I think I'm siding with Simon on this one.

The other Idols love Crystal Bowersox because she's true to herself. Okey-doke. She tells us she picked "Come Together" because it's a "fun groove." The version she's doing includes a didgeridoo, even! Well that's...clever? Am I just in a bad mood, or is this Crystal's weakest performance yet? I mean, it's still better than most of the stuff we've seen so far tonight, but Crystal's set the bar for herself much higher than this. She told us she has a cold before the performance, and it shows at times. She also seems to forget the lyrics at one point, though she does her best to cover it. The judges agree it wasn't her best, but still seem to think she was out-of-this-world incredible. Come on guys. Tone it down. Crystal even introduces Ernie the didgeridoo player and lets him stand onstage with her while the judges are talking to her. That's actually kind of cool, giving a backup musician props. She also can't seem to stop laughing when Ryan talks to her afterward. Crystal often comes across as really serious and perhaps too cool for the show itself, so it's good to see this side of her.

What to say about Tim Urban? Well, everyone loves his smile and his positivity! Hey, so do we the home viewers! He's playing the electric guitar tonight for "All My Loving," a song I considered for my audition last summer. Just think, this could've been me performing here right now! Sorry, back on track. Tim uses an arrangement I've never heard before, so I have no idea if it's his or something he got from somewhere else. I actually like it. In recent years I've come to realize that most of my favorite music could be lumped into the loosely-defined genre of "power pop." This arrangement is very power-poppish. There are a few shaky notes, which is to be expected, as Tim is the least technically-competent singer remaining, but overall the performance is a lot of fun. Hey, what's that my foot's doing? Oh, it's moving to beat! The performance may lose some points for the less-than-stellar vocals, but I'd be more likely to buy this song than anything else I've heard tonight. The judges like him and think it was one of his better performances. Go Tim! Let's get this guy into the Top 8!

Casey James' fellow competitors come up with soap opera names for him and all note his boisterous laugh. Unlike the others, he's doing a John Lennon solo number, "Jealous Guy." I'd wondered if solo tunes were in play. After all, the theme is Lennon-McCartney, not Beatles. The entire backing is just a cello and Casey's acoustic guitar, and I love the way it all comes together. Casey's vocals, while still goaty, have a real connection to them, and he doesn't seem awkward singing for a change. This is definitely the best of the night. The judges are all very positive, though they don't seem to love it as much as I did. Simon at least agrees it was the best of the night. Thanks Simon! I'd rather be agreeing with you than Kara!

The other Idols know Siobhan Magnus is weird, and they wouldn't have her any other way! Her song is "Across the Universe," yet another Beatles song that's never been a favorite of mine. This here's a slow one, and there's no screechy glory note to mess things up. The majority of it is decently-sung, though there are some parts where her voice seems a little too soft. Once again we're in competent-but-not-great territory. At this point in the episode I'm trying not to fall asleep. I really can't wait for the episodes to get shorter. The judges still love her, though they think the whole thing was a little boring. Simon asks how she made a connection to that song, and Siobhan says her baby sisters are her whole life and it's about how she'll never stop being who she is, hence the "nothing's gonna change my world" line. Eh, whatever. I'm over Siobhan at this point.

Lee DeWyze gets his second pimp spot of the season, and we find out that he worries a lot. I'm the same way. I guess it's an Illinois thing. We also learn he's best friends with Andrew, and Crystal thinks they'll get married and have a bunch of "Danny Gokey babies." Uh, what? That's got to be some sort of inside joke between them all. He's doing a Beatles song that's never been done on this show before (one of only three tonight), "Hey Jude." Well, it sounds like it has potential. In reality, it's kind of weird. His vocals aren't as spot-on as they were last week, and since we're pressed for time he has to cut out a bunch of important stuff. Part of what makes the original so great is the way it keeps building up emotionally, and skipping to the "na na na na" part after one verse just doesn't work. Then, just when you think you've seen it all, a guy in a kilt playing the bagpipes walks down the stairs behind him. This is a total double-u tee eff performance. What just happened here? I'm not even sure how I can properly rate this. I like that it wasn't a trainwreck, and I'm certainly glad it wasn't as boring as a lot of what we've seen tonight. I'm just...confused. The judges like him, but Simon thinks the bagpipe player derailed the performance a bit. Once again Simon, you and I are on the same page.

My performance ranking:

Casey (9/10)
Tim (6.1/10)
Katie (6/10)
Crystal (5.5/10)
Lee (5/10) (I guess all things considered this is what I have to give it)
Michael (4.9/10)
Andrew (4.5/10)
Siobhan (4.4/10)
Aaron (2.5/10)

Predictions:

Bottom 3: Aaron, Tim, Andrew
Going home: Aaron

Here's my thinking: Tim was good but seems to have a permanent spot in that Bottom 3. Andrew's inconsistency and going early might hurt him, or at least I can hope. Aaron went first and has been stagnating for...well, a long time now. He's become so unmemorable that it'll finally be the end of the line for him.

As long as my boy Tim is safe, I'm more or less fine with whatever happens tomorrow. Let's get rid of some boring people!