Top 9 Results - Only the Yankees Have More Blown Saves This Year

Last night the entire world predicted a Bottom 3 of Aaron, Tim and Andrew, with either Aaron or Andrew going home. I'm in the Aaron camp, but I'll gladly be wrong in favor of the Andrew camp. Ryan tells us there are "shocking" results tonight, so that probably means Andrew, since Idol still hasn't caught on to the fact that he's not very good and most people want him gone. Could this be the week we finally get that stupid, worthless Judges' Save off the board?

Oh boy! A group number! Our remaining nonet do a medley of "Here, There and Everywhere," "Got to Get You Into My Life," "The Fool on the Hill," "All You Need is Love," "She Loves You" and "The End." Kind of boring, since they mostly just stand around and sing, and there aren't enough solos. Besides, they seem to be lip-synching as usual.

The Ford video has the Idols singing Billy Preston's "Will It Go Round in Circles" and playing with a kaleidoscope. Well, the song is so awesome that it negates the filleriness of the video. Hooray.

Finally some results!

Siobhan Magnus is sent to the center of the stage. Oh, are they doing the three groups again?

Crystal Bowersox joins Siobhan in the center.

Katie Stevens completes the trio in the center.

Crystal is declared safe, as we all knew she'd be. Ryan then declares the other two safe, which means it's gonna be an all-male Bottom 3 tonight!

Before we can learn which men are on the spot, we get some guy named Jason Derulo. Am I supposed to have heard of him? Oh, he was signed by Kara DioGuardi, so we know he probably has no relevance to today's music. Then again, considering the state of today's music I don't know if I'd want to be relevant.

According to Ryan he's performing his two hits "Whatcha Say" and "In My Head." Huh. I feel like I just saw this performance last week, since this Jason dude's basically an Usher clone. He seems like a nice guy, though. Just wait until he finds out he's a 21st-Century Johnny Bravo.

More results? Nope, David Archuleta is back to sing "Imagine." I'm really tired of this Communist anthem being held up as some sort of inspirational song. He's channeling his inner artist by playing the piano along with it, since I guess the little guy wants to move on from his teen idol status. Apparently he's writing songs now, but based on his chat with Ryan he still seems like an overgrown eight-year-old.

Ryan tells us we're going to form two groups.

Lee DeWyze is sent to the far side of the stage.

Michael Lynche is told to start a group next to Ryan.

Casey James joins Lee.

Well, unless they do some swapping, none of the bloggers I read got the Bottom 3 correct.

Aaron Kelly joins Michael.

Tim Urban joins Lee and Casey, which means Andrew Garcia joins Aaron and Michael.

It turns out that Tim, Casey and Lee are safe, making Michael, Aaron and Andrew the Bottom 3! Whoo! I'm fine with any of them leaving!

First back to safety is Aaron! Wow! My prediction was wrong! I don't get why they bother announcing the Bottom 3 anymore since they always send someone back to safety immediately. So where does this leave us? If Michael's the lowest vote-getter they'll almost certainly save him, and if it's Andrew...well, he absolutely deserves to leave, but if they saved mediocre Matt Giraud they might just save Ol' Necktat. Of course, Michael leaving would be way more "shocking," so at this point I'm guessing it's Michael who faces the chopping block.

Rihanna's in the house, and Chris Brown fortunately isn't. She's performing a song called "Rockstar 101." You know what? I'm just going to come out and say it: these result shows make me glad I don't listen to today's crappy, tuneless, overprocessed music. I may start pausing the tape for these "songs" next week. They're a waste of time.

So it's time for the moment of truth. The person who's for sure back next week is...Andrew! I knew it! So Big Mike's going to sing for his life! He's bringing back "This Woman's Work," which is probably a wise choice. If they don't save him I'll be shocked at this point. Overwrought put-on situations like this are why they invented the dang rule. What's the verdict? Whaddaya know? They're saving him. Well, we knew they were going to use it at some point regardless of whether it made sense. Since it had to happen, I'm glad they're getting it out of the way now and sparing us this crap for the rest of the season.

Power rankings:

9. Tim Urban - Poor Tim gets screwed out of at least 8th Place by the Judges' Save. So sad that they're too petty to let him outrank another male finalist.

8. Katie Stevens - She had a good week this time. Next comes the crash.

7. Andrew Garcia - He's less likable than Aaron.

6. Aaron Kelly - He's more likable than Andrew.

5. Michael Lynche - Ruben Studdard was the last black male contestant to make it past the Top 5. Yeah...it's been that long.

4. Casey James - If he keeps stepping it up like he did this week I can see him making it pretty far.

3. Siobhan Magnus - She apparently has a big fanbase or something.

2. Lee DeWyze - Like I've been saying...most potential of the remaining men.

1. Crystal Bowersox - While she may be peaking early, she's the only one left who I can realistically see winning. If not her, who?

So next week there's a "special theme" with Adam Lambert as mentor. Look Idol, we know he was supposed to win last season and you're upset that America didn't vote the way you wanted them to, but there's no need to drag this famewhore back onto our screens. Let him become an established star before he gets the chance to mentor our kids!

See you next week, when the Top 8 and Michael Lynche perform for our votes!