Top 13 - It's Fine Being Artistic, But Not on This Show

Well, the King of Pop's songs are this week's theme, so let's get down to business.

There's a new entrance where the judges all walk out from center stage. Based on what Ryan says after the judges are seated, Simon came up with the idea. I guess Simon wants the spotlight on himself instead of the contestants. Big shocker. Randy says any of the 13 could win. Get a clue, Randy. Simon has too many voters eating out of his hands. Kara says these kids could be on the radio so they have to make sure they sound good. Well it's up to America, isn't it? If America likes how they sound, then what do you care? Simon says two are going home tomorrow. Good. That's two fewer boring contestants to sit through next week.

First is Lil Rounds. She talks about how her hometown of Memphis, TN, has a lot of great things, among them barbecue. Barbecue? In the south? She and Anoop must have a lot to talk about. Her song choice is "The Way You Make Me Feel." She overperforms it a bit, pointing to her high heels on the line that mentions them, and her voice is a little annoying at times. Still, she's very confident on stage, and this is really good even though I won't be voting for her. I'm more impressed by her vocals than I was in the Semifinals. Randy says she made the song new again. Kara hopes we get to hear her on the radio. Paula compliments her makeup and calls her a force to be reckoned with. Simon says it was good, but a lazy song choice. I say it was well-done, but I can live without Lil.

Scott MacIntyre talks about his musical background, and we learn that his sister is visually impaired too. There's no family history of it or anything, so it's an odd coincidence that they're both that way. I guess if you have some sort of handicap it's comforting to know that another family member deals with the same thing. His song is "Keep the Faith," and he performs it at the piano, of course. His voice cracks several times and sounds off-key during the chorus, and the big falsetto note he hits in the middle is terrible. In addition to being boring, the poor vocals do this one in. Kara likes the hopeful message he delivered. Paula points out the song's composer in the audience. Simon hates the song because he doesn't know it. Scott says he was trying to be artisitc, which Simon says is fine for something other than this show. What? Is this show still "the search for a superstar," or is it now "the search for a one-album wonder"? Based on past winners' record sales the latter may as well be true. Randy thinks the performance was too safe. Whatever. Scott's not going anywhere because of his tunnel vision.

We learn that in Danny Gokey's house growing up they sang about everything. Perhaps not surprisingly, they don't mention his dead wife at all during the intro clip. I guess they were aware of the backlash that was developing. He sings "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)," and while the vocals are strong, the whole thing comes off as a bit corny. Danny can't pull off the whole soulful charmer routine, and letting the audience sing the "na-na-na-na" is tacky. He does this sort of angry growling thing, which I'm sure Alex Wagner-Trugman would've been attacked for. He shows us he can sing, but it's weird. Paula says he's on his way to the finals. Simon says the vocals were brilliant and he reminds him of Michael McDonald, but the dancing is hideous. Sounds like the same stuff you hated about Taylor Hicks, Simon. Danny interrupts and says he wanted a dance teacher but never got one. Randy loves it all, and Kara says he has joy when he steps onstage. He'll be safe, as I'm sure a look at the script would confirm.

Michael Sarver visits his oil rig and family. Aren't his kids so cute? We find out that he grew up without a father, so that made him want to be the best dad he can be. Isn't he a great guy? He sings "You're Not Alone," and he still reminds me of Josh Gracin for some reason. He starts out sounding pretty good, but he eventually gets lost in the middle, starts missing notes and does his childlike exuberance thing. It's not as bad as I was expecting, but it's too amateurish to me. He has a likable personality, but not a great voice. Simon says he made up for his weak voice with passion and heart. Randy says he returned to his R&B swagger. Kara says he showed her he really can sing, Paula says he picked a good song that allowed him to color it up. They show a shot of his daughter while showing his phone number. Could it be any more obvious that he's part of the "cast"? Just wait until Kris Allen comes on and they throw him under the bus. He's the only one who isn't one of their hand-picked contestants.

Jasmine Murray, the one who made the Top 13 despite no one really liking her, chats with Ryan about the glam squad, and how she gets to keep the clothes they pick out despite our being in a recession. They show cute kids in her intro clip, I assume her nieces and nephews. Her version of "I'll Be There" sounds pretty good, but the belting is too nasal and the slow pace makes it boring. She still comes off as amateurish. Randy namedrops Mariah Carey and says it was pretty good. Kara thinks a half key down would've been better for her voice, but she sold it. Paula says there were some bad moments and some brilliant ones. Simon says it was a good attempt, but the big notes troubled her. I hope she goes away soon, because I don't think anyone really cares about her.

Kris and Allison are arm-wrestling when they show them coming up before the commercial. When Kris looks away Allison grabs his arm with her free hand and wins. I guess when you're fodder you have to amuse yourself anyway you can.

I can almost imagine one of the producers watching this show on a big screen in some secret lair petting a white cat, nervously hoping to see if Kris Allen will screw up and the judges throw him under the bus sufficiently. "This infiltrator wasn't part of the plan!" We find out he's been married for five months, so I guess that means he was a newlywed during Hollywood week. He's doing "Remember the Time" with the guitar. His voice seems too echoey. Is this a sabotage mix? I just realized I don't know a lot of these songs. I get a phone call in the middle and have to miss most of this, but it's actually pretty cool from what I see. Go Kris! Win it for the underdogs! Kara says the girls love him and that she's happy to see him with his guitar. Hmmm, semi-pimping. Paula says he's engaging with the guitar and kind of "adorable sexy." Simon says it was interesting and the vocals were OK, but the song didn't suit the guitar, and he's not sure he would've brought the wife out so early. His wife looks uncomfortable in audience after that remark. Randy says it was kind of cool and Jason Mraz-y. I hope he stays, but I won't be surprised if he doesn't. At least the judges gave credit where it was due.

We finally learn what Allison Iraheta's heritage is: Her parents are Salvadorian. She started singing at a Latin shopping center and knew she wanted to do "Idol" at age nine. Dressed like a rocker chick, complete with leather hoodie, she sings "Give in to Me." It's pretty good, though her voice sounds weird in spots. Still very powerful, though. Paula says it was good, and she knows we'll be seeing a lot more of her. Simon says it was good, that she knows what type of artist she is, and that he likes her confidence. Randy calls her one to watch. Kara advises her to keep being a rocker girl. Allison makes weird faces while Ryan gives out her number. I hope she sticks around too, just because she came into this looking like fodder.

The judges really haven't given a bad review to anyone tonight. Maybe they're trying to make it hard to predict the two going home.

Ryan chats with Anoop Desai about being the last one in the Top 13, and he just says he was surprised and all that. Whoopity-doo. We learn that his parents were actual immigrants from India, and that they've taught him a lot about Indian culture. It's funny to think that the only child of the first generation in America decided to pursue a career as an R&B singer. He sings "Beat It," but the problem is that it seems like more of a crowd-pleaser song than a vocal showcase. His voice drops out a few times and sounds weak on parts of the chorus. He sings with a sneer most of the time, which I guess is supposed to give it "attitude" or something. The whole thing is just weird. I want to like Anoop everytime he performs, but he keeps disappointing me. Paula thinks Jacko owns the song and that it sounds karaoke coming from someone else. Simon calls it horrible. Randy says it was the wrong song choice. Anoop replies that he hopes he can show what he's got next week. Kara says he didn't do enough variation on anything and she didn't feel connected to him. Ryan asks Simon if they regret making it a Top 13, and Simon says based on that, yes. Man, don't tell me they're throwing Anoop under the bus! I'm not worried for him though. He's got a huge fanbase.

Jorge Nunez says his family broke apart after his grandfather died, and being on "Idol" is hopefully going to make them feel better. He's doing "Never Can Say Goodbye." There's a lot of belting and glory notes here, but vocally it's pretty good. I don't have much to say except it was decent. Randy says the song was a little old-fashioned and he wants to see something more challenging. Kara says he needs more emotion. Paula says she didn't feel he was himself. Jorge says it fit his voice better than other choices, and that he didn't want to sing "Bad." Simon of course quips that he did anyway, and adds that it was corny and out of his depth. Poor Jorge. I thought he did alright.

Megan Joy Corkrey is our resident font analyst, who says her friends and family pushed her into doing this. She says she's never been onstage except in choir, which anyone can do. She tried out for musicals and solos but never made it. Gee, I wonder why? I wouldn't have anything to do with your lack of vocal talent, would it? They make you feel sorry for her again by bringing up her divorce, and we get the obligatory teary moment when she talks about her son. She's doing "Rockin' Robin" tonight. This is a fun, catchy song that doesn't require a lot of range, so I guess it suits her well. Instead of twirling she's slinking this time. Her voice still annoys me with its weird affected jazz-isms, but somehow, to my utmost shock, she actually pulls off the glory note at the end! Wow. I didn't know she was capable of that. This is her best performance, but that's not saying much. Kara says she injected her personality into the performance. Paula likes her quirky and unique tone, but says she felt disconnected. Simon says it was a stupid song choice and a clumsy, awkward performance. Wow, is he just now noticing how bad she is? Randy says the song choice didn't allow her to be Megan. Chef Gordon Ramsay is in the audience, but we can't hear what he says when he tries to talk. Trying to cross-promote that crappy "Hell's Kitchen" show, eh?

Adam Lambert sings "Black and White," and starts out sounding kind of like Jacko himself. This song mentions being out with a girl and not being afraid of sheets, which makes it an odd choice for Adam. It was clearly written from the perspective of a straight black man. Of course, Michael Jackson himself is questionable on both counts, so maybe it's not a big deal. Adam adds an Axl Rose touch to it and starts to camp it up on the bridge. The phrasing is awkward at points, but his stage performance skills make up for any vocal blemishes. Paula says that never in AI history have we ever seen someone so comfortable and seasoned onstage, which makes Adam start tearing up. She adds that she sees him running all the way to the end. So Adam beats Danny in the finale? Thanks for giving it away, Paula! Simon says it was in a totally different league to everything else tonight. Randy once again reminds us that Adam is the most current contestant they have and all that. I guess if he got away with telling David Archuleta he could sing the phone book each week last year he figures he can get away with mentioning how current Adam is each week this year. Kara says Adam hit notes she didn't know existed. Wow, now he's being credited with reinventing the nature of sound? Kara also hopes Michael Jackson is watching. It'd be weird to allow "Idol" to do your songs and then not watch, but old MJ's eccentric enough that it wouldn't surprise me.

Matt Giraud does "Human Nature," and we finally get to hear him at the piano. His voice is drowned out by the piano at times, and he still oversings a bit, but somehow he makes it work. The vocals aren't flawless, but overall he pulls it off. I'm getting tired of recapping here, so I don't have much to say about it. I'm still not a fan. Randy says it was a good performance and that he's got the Robin Thicke/Justin Timberlake thing jumping off. Kara says she hopes to see him many many weeks. Paula's blown away. Simon says it was very good. Matt still has no personality, but I know he's going to be here a while.

Whoa, there's one more! I was thinking Matt was the last one. My brain is still in "12" mode. Ryan tells us we need to grab a pen and paper for her special number, because Alexis Grace is closing the show. It's OK, Ryan. I'm not voting for her. We learn that her father is a musician who passed on his love of music to her, and she cries about missing her daughter again. She sings "Dirty Diana" and slurs the words a little at first. She gets it together and starts belting out some big-time notes. "IDOLS 36"? That's an odd number to see on the screen. Her herky-jerky moves are really distracting. It's like watching a robot programmed to "act soulful." The final glory note is definitely off. Impressive from a singing standpoint, but not my thing. Kara says "you're a naughty girl and I liked it." Kinky! Paula tells her to watch the oversinging. Simon says it was over the top and probably not as good as she thought it was. Randy says it was good but not great, and he liked the attitude. I say whatever. She got the pimp spot so we know she'll be safe.

My performance ranking:

Lil (8.5 out of 10)
Adam (8 out of 10)
Kris (7.1 out of 10)
Alexis (7 out of 10)
Jorge (6.9 out of 10)
Allison (6.5 out of 10)
Danny (6 out of 10)
Matt (5.9 out of 10)
Megan (5 out of 10)
Jasmine (4.9 out of 10)
Anoop (4.5 out of 10)
Michael (3.5 out of 10)
Scott (2 out of 10)

Ryan tells us that tomorrow there'll be a change to the rules that affects the entire face of the competition. He asks Simon if we'll like it. Simon tells us he's not sure, because it has to do with the judges. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuh-oh. I already know what's going on here. They're going to do it "X-Factor" style. Now the judges will be deciding who goes home out of the Bottom 2. As if this season weren't already the most blatantly manipulated, they decided to pull this crap with us. I'm not even going to vote now. Well OK, I did try to vote for Kris, Allison and Anoop, but I got busy signals each time. Hopefully they won't be in the bottom.

Prediction

Bottom 3: Kris, Allison, Jasmine.
Going home: Kris, Jasmine.

Even though Kris and Allison both did well, I don't think either one has a large fanbase, so they'll probably be forgotten by many voters. The judges don't care about Kris, so he's leaving for sure, and given a choice between Allison and Jasmine, they have to keep the one who's proven her worth, which would be Allison. If they do this new elimination method I'm not going to vote at all. If they don't abandon it I'm not even going to watch next season. I won't be watching your crappy American X-Factor either, Simon. Keep "American Idol" the way we all loved it or I'm out of here.

Ergh. The thought of them ruining this show is making me sick. Hopefully tomorrow we'll find out that the twist isn't as bad as we thought, but I doubt it.