Top 10 Results Recap

Well, if you've been reading this blog regularly and already know what happened on tonight's results show, you'll probably have an idea of what kind of mood I'm in right now. If you don't know what happened, I'll take you through the proceedings, but you might detect some bitterness.

We start with a group performance from the Top 10. They sing Maxine Nightingale's "Right Back Where We Started From" and the girls are the only ones who get solos on it. Carly keeps kicking her leg up because she's annoying like that. It's more entertaining watching them try to do their choreography than actually listening to them sing. Whatever. I don't know if I'll even bother trying to track down an mp3 for this one. The group performances this year have been pretty bad, but this one may have been the worst.

We're treated to a behind-the-scenes look at the Idols recording their studio tracks for iTunes. Combover is wearing his Kansas City Royals cap again. Hey, I have an idea! How about America doesn't vote for Combover next week and he can sing the National Anthem at the Royals' home opener against the Yankees on April 8? It's amusing when Carpetbagger Carly tries to act like she's never been in a recording studio before. Yeah, I'm sure you just recorded the vocals for your major label album on a My First Sony and sent it to the engineer by UPS. What a fake.

Once again they're doing the results by having the contestants walk to center stage and sending them either to the stools or the couches. First is Chikezie. I predicted he'd be going home tonight, but I still hold out hope that he'll be safe. Unfortunately he's in the Bottom 3. Brooke White is next. She should be safe, and she is. Carpetbagger Carly is next, and she makes sure to tell us that the rumors of her being pregnant are false. Good. We don't need more tattooed freaks running around this country. Unfortunately, she's also safe.

After a real commercial we're treated to a Ford commercial, featuring "I Want You to Want Me" by one of my all-time favorite bands, Cheap Trick! It's about time they got some recognition on this show. Too bad it had to happen with such an unlikable bunch.

Mini-Carmen is next, and I'm starting to notice that he has a vaguely Jim Carrey-ish face. If the "Mini-Carmen" nickname gets stale I guess I can always change it to "Mini-Carrey". We all know he's going to be safe, and sure enough he is. Combover is next, and we find out that Chris Cornell, this week's inspiration for Combover's angsty arrangement, called to say he loved last night's performance. First Lionel Richie, now Chris Cornell. There's no doubt that Combover's going to be safe, and sure enough, he is. Now we get Snoha, who apparently had some sort of a "moment" last night despite not being very good. She's in the Bottom 3, just as I predicted! Hopefully she'll go home, because I can't stand her. Now it's Coaster. Predictably, he's safe, since American women apparently care more about eye candy than talent or past record deals.

After another commercial we see that Constantine Maroulis and Gina Glocksen are sitting together in the audience. I guess it's because they're co-hosting some "Idol"-related show that I've only heard about but never seen. I wasn't a fan of Gina last year, but she does seem like a nice girl. I sort of feel bad for her that she has to work with that greaseball. It's back to the fluffy phoned-in questions. I don't feel like going into too much detail here, so to sum things up: Chikezie is single, "You're the Voice" is one of Mini-Carmen's all-time favorite songs, Simon thinks Ryan's job doesn't require any special talent, Brooke would love to do a duet with John Mayer, and everyone thinks Simon is the best-looking person on the show.

Now it's time for this week's alumni spotlight. Kimberley Locke (best known as the answer to the trivia question: "Who finished in third place Clay and Ruben's year?") talks about her post-"Idol" life and sings a song from her latest album. My mother recognizes the song as one also done by country singer Clay Walker. Kimberley sure likes guys named Clay, doesn't she? I think she sounds a little out of tune, but it's an OK way to fill up space in an hour-long results show. I'm glad they're supporting the careers of their past contestants instead of casting them aside.

They show us a video of how "Idol Gives Back" has helped here in America. Good on them.

Finally we get more results. OSC is next. She obviously has the huge fanbase everyone believes she does, because she's safe despite going first last night. Now it's down to Cody and Mannequin. Ryan tells Mannequin that Lee Greenwood called and said he was proud of her. How much more name-dropping can we take this season? America voted and Mannequin is safe! Wow. My Bottom 3 prediction was exactly right! We have Chikezie, Snoha and Cody. I hope I'll be wrong about my elimination prediction though. Of course, The Code Man is first back to safety, leaving me to sweat it out for Chikezie a bit longer. After some meaningless chitchat with the judges, we get the final result. Syesha...is safe. Chikezie is going home. I called it, but I'm not happy about it at all. Excuse me while I go on a rant.

Is it too early to declare this season of "American Idol" a waste of time? Seriously, every single week someone I liked has gone home. Well OK, I was tired of the hoopla surrounding David Hernandez by Top 12 week, but I would've preferred to see him stay over the people he was in the Bottom 3 with (Snoha and Mannequin). The two contestants with the most personality have gone home the last two weeks. The only remaining contestant I really like a lot is Brooke. Yeah, I gave Ramiele a few votes last night because she's cute, adds some diversity to the show and isn't too planty, but I'm really not that attached to her. If Brooke goes home next week in a shocker I'll be tempted to give up on this season and join the Vote For the Worst movement. If anyone calls this Top 9 the best in "American Idol" history I'll laugh. Look at what we have left:

1. An underwhelming Australian with a past major label deal who gets by every week because of his looks.
2. A diva who seems completely obsessed with herself and oversings everything.
3. A scary Hibernian circus freak who was a past major label flop.
4. A goofball with dreadlocks and little singing experience who seems lost if he has to move on stage.
5. A pageant boy who thinks every song should be an uplifting anthem of love and harmony.
6. A country singer who can't grasp the concepts of pitch, personality, power or performance and lost a past major label deal that she only got because of her looks.
7. A diminutive diva who doesn't seem to know how to use her talent properly.
8. A run-of-the-mill post-grunge "rocker" who borrows someone else's arrangement each week and turns a popular song into a crapfest.
9. A wholesome beacon of sincerity and honesty who is now the only bright spot in this otherwise dull bunch.

OK, rant over. Let's finish recapping this results show. Chikezie is going home, and his family in the audience is classy enough to clap for Syesha, despite the fact that their boy has been eliminated. We see a video of Chikezie's journey, and all I can do is sulk over the injustice of it all as he sings his song one more time. I haven't been this upset about "Idol" since Melinda Doolittle was eliminated last year and that slimeball Blake Lewis made it to the finale. Speaking of Blake Lewis, I wonder if his open support of Chikezie made a few people decide not to vote for him? That's it! It's all Blake's fault! I knew he'd find some way to ruin this season. That talentless beatboxer needs to do the world a favor and fade into obscurity. Just think what magic we could've seen from Chikezie doing country music next week!

Power Rankings

9. Syesha Mercado - I'll say it again: She doesn't have a strong fanbase. Look at any internet poll about favorite contestants and you'll see her name near the bottom. She may pick up some of Chikezie's votes, but since he didn't have a very strong fanbase either I doubt it'll help her much. Since Kristy will be comfortable doing country music I expect us to be finally rid of Syesha and her ego next week.

8. Kristy Lee Cook - Top 8 week is supposed to be "Idol Gives Back", and if they do another "inspirational music" theme I expect Kristy's performance to be enervating enough that she'll be sent home at last.

7. Carly Smithson - Oh, what a shocker it'll be! I stand by my belief that she isn't connecting with enough people. Those "7" tattoos on her fingers will become even more appropriate when she goes home in this spot, the same one that Sanjaya went home in.

6. Michael Johns - Sorry, but he's just not that good. He was able to add some excitement to his performance this week, but I have a feeling he won't be able to keep doing that.

5. Ramiele Malubay - We've been hearing about how Filipino voters are incredibly supportive of their own, and that was clearer than ever this week. As I pointed out earlier, Ramiele went first and didn't even hit the Bottom 3. I expect her fans to keep her in this thing a while, even if it's becoming clear that she doesn't have what it takes to win.

4. Jason Castro - I'm running out of things to say about him. He's OK at what he does, but I don't see him as a real contender.

3. David Cook - For the first time this week someone ranked higher on DialIdol than David A., and it was David C. While he may have shown himself to be a strong candidate to win, I have a feeling that a lot of people in America are going to get tired of watching him doing the same routine each week and being called "brilliant".

2. Brooke White - She's been in this spot since I started my Power Rankings. I have nothing to add to what I said about her in past weeks. She's likable and pimped enough to get to runner-up.

1. David Archuleta - Yes, I'm sticking with him as the winner for now. He may be starting to lose some people, but I have a feeling that his likability will ultimately push him past David C.'s boring ripoffs.

Next week Dolly Parton is the mentor, and I'm not sure if they're doing a simple country theme or only her songs. Whatever it is, next week will be missing a key ingredient called Chikezie!