Top 9 Recap

It's time to recap another episode of "American Idol", or as I now think of it, "The Brooke White Show". Yeah, I'm still bitter about Chikezie going home. All we have now is a group of boring one-trick ponies. Somehow though, I'll find a way to get through the rest of this season.

Ryan starts out by telling us that tonight's show has been pre-empted due to industrial action by the League of Vocal Coaches. In its place will be a special celebrity edition of "The Moment of Truth" starring Simon Cowell. Predictably, it's only an April Fool's joke.

Tonight's theme is the songs of Dolly Parton, with Dolly herself serving as mentor. I'm not familiar with much of her work, but I know she's one of country music's superstars. Throughout the show I notice that she sounds sort of like she's had a stroke. She seems to relish her role as mentor, but there's nothing much to recap from the mentor segments. Dolly doesn't give that much advice, although she's very encouraging.

Leading things off is Brooke White. Oh crap. They gave Brooke the death spot? If she goes home this week I'm joining Vote For the Worst. I'm not even joking. She's singing "Jolene", and she's accompanied by a band on stage consisting of a washboard player, a fiddler and a backup singer. This song suits her well, and she does her typical Brooke thing with it. It's nothing to jump up and down about, but since Chikezie was eliminated I doubt there'll be many performances the rest of this season worth jumping for. Sorry, I'll stop. This is kind of a sad song, so it's odd that they'd start the show with it. Still, I enjoy it. Randy says it wasn't stellar, but it was all right. Paula says Brooke's been consistent. Simon says it was lacking in emotion and that the group on stage looked odd together. I think she could end up in the Bottom 3 this week after going first, but there's no way this was bad enough that she deserves to go home.

Up next is Combover. My mother says she likes the way his hair looks this week, but he'll always be Combover to me. Before the performance he chats with Ryan, and (surprise, surprise) they address the controversy over the uncredited arrangements he's used on the show. I guess that Doxology band that no one cares about can shut up now. The real surprise comes when we find out that Combover's using his own arrangement this week. He's doing the song "Little Sparrow", and as usual it's dark and moody. I'm not sure what the original song is like, but I do know that this guy gets more depressing each week. He goes into off-key head voice several times, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to enjoy about this performance. For the alleged frontrunner he sure is boring. Randy and Paula love it, of course. Simon says it wasn't as good as last week, but that it was good. I know it'll be a while before Combover has to worry about leaving, so he'll be fine in the voting.

Now it's OSC's turn. She's singing "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind". I'll get right to the point: This performance is terrible. Her voice sounds weak and is drowned out by the band most of the way. Her pitch wavers too much, and it's clear that despite her potential she isn't ready to win a competition like this. Randy says it was kind of all right and pretty good. Paula says she thinks she connected with the audience. Simon says it was cute but forgettable. I don't think I'll be voting for Ramiele this week. I have more important things to do, such as keeping Brooke on.

The Code Man is up next, doing "Travelin' Thru". Honestly, this song fits his style very well. His laid-back groove really works here, and I enjoy it. It's probably his best performance since the Finals began. Argh, these contestants are just so bland there isn't much to say about them when they're good. Randy says it started rough but he worked it out. Paula says it was one of his strongest performances. Simon says he didn't like it all and didn't think it suited him. For crying out loud Simon, what else do you want from him? This acoustic folk thing is all he succeeds at. I think it was good, and he'll be safe after last week's Bottom 3 scare.

Carpetbagger Carly is doing "Here I Come Again". She's wearing too much makeup and has the guitarist on stage with her, but she actually sings it pretty well. My mother says she likes the slowed-down arrangement. Her diction sounds odd to me at several points, but then again, the fact that she's still in the competition annoys me. She may have given a good performance, but I still don't like her. Randy says it will probably be remembered as one of the better performances of the night. Paula can't stop raving about how great she is. Shut up, Paula. Simon says it was good but not great and criticizes her clothes. My mother agrees that her outfit looks bad. Carly will probably get through again this week, but hopefully her time will be up soon.

Next up is Mini-Carmen, doing "Smoky Mountain Memories". Once again it's a slow song, but I actually like it. The lyrics have some religious references in them, so perhaps he's using the Kristy Lee Cook song choice strategy. Even though it's nothing groundbreaking, I actually think this may have been my favorite performance of his. His voice sounds as strong as it ever has, and he seems to connect well with the song. Randy says it was the best of the night. Paula says he has a beautiful aura about him. Simon says that his song choice was absolutely on the money. My mother says that she thinks Mini-Carmen's a star. I have to agree. Even though he could arguably be considered a plant, the little guy has really grown on me (no pun intended). I think I've said it before, but I really wouldn't have a problem with him winning. Still, I don't think he needs my votes right now.

It's The Mannequin's turn to take the stage, and she'll be performing "Coat of Many Colors". She's got a tough act to follow, but to my surprise she actually pulls it off respectably. She connects with the song well, as it suits her country style. I would even dare to say that this was her best performance. I wouldn't say it was great, but it was actually somewhat good. Congratulations, Mannequin! It only took you seven weeks! You wouldn't have gotten that many chances if it hadn't been for the early screen time, but when you try for your third record deal after this show is over you can pretend it was your talent that got you this far. Randy says it was right in her wheelhouse. Paula says it was her best performance. Simon says last week's performance was better, and that it was pleasant but forgettable. I think she could be in the Bottom 3, but she'll probably survive to sing again next week.

Now we get to sit through Snoha, the most boring, obnoxious cliché of a diva ever. She's doing (prepare to fall out of your chair in shock) "I Will Always Love You". Could she be any more predictable? I'm just glad she didn't get the pimp spot, because now there's still some hope of her going home. She starts out softly, but it sounds like she misses several notes during the chorus. When the song picks up and turns into the Whitney Houston version there are plenty of pimpage lights all over the stage. She holds a glory note for way too long near the end. Great, we're impressed you can hold that note. Now stop oversinging, you screech owl. I'm sorry, but I just can't like this girl. Randy says it was pretty good. Paula says she's connecting with the audience better. I can't stand the way they try to brainwash the voters into thinking these people are good. Simon says it didn't compare to Whitney Houston's version, and that it was good but not fantastic. I think Snoha could potentially go home this week, but I have a sad feeling it's not going to happen.

Finally, the contestant being propped up by the pimp spot is Michael Johns, who's doing "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right". He seems to be more in his element this week than he has in the past, but his movements and facial expressions still seem too affected to me. He's trying to play up his more "soulful" side this week. He's no Taylor Hicks, though. My mother says she doesn't like the song, and that it all just seems so fake. I have to agree. Randy says he keeps bringing it up a notch every week. Paula calls him a rock star. Simon says it's the best he's heard him sing. It looks like we're stuck with the Coaster for another week.

Once again I'm not completely happy with the result I'm predicting. I got last week's Bottom 3 and elimination pick exactly right, and if I repeat the feat this week I'm going to be somewhat disappointed, even though I didn't vote for the person I have going home.

Bottom 3: Brooke, Ramiele, Syesha
Going Home: Ramiele

I know I predicted that she'd stay a while, but after the mess that was this week's performance I think Ramiele's fans may be tired of bailing her out. The past three seasons the person who went home in 9th place had never previously been in the Bottom 3 (although if you want to get technical, Nikko Smith had been eliminated for being one of the lowest two vote-getters in the Semifinals before they brought him back to replace Mario Vazquez). Since I once voted for Ramiele, it'll continue the trend of someone I liked or sort of liked going home each week.

Also Vulnerable

Kristy

Probably Safe

Jason
Carly
Michael

I'd Be Shocked

David C.
David A.

Whom I Voted For: Brooke. Everyone else either didn't deserve or didn't need my votes.

Just once I'd love to see a contestant I hate go home. There have been a few that I specifically didn't want to see anymore who went home (namely, Danny Noriega and Robbie Carrico), but the ones I truly can't stand are all still in it. Perhaps I'd have grown to hate Danny and Robbie more than I did, but I've never liked Michael, Carly, Syesha, Kristy or David C. The way this season is going they'll probably end up being the Top 5, but I can always hope one of them leaves us soon.