Top 8 Results Recap

For the past two days I've been salivating over the prospect of someone I don't like finally getting the boot this week. I predicted Kristy would go home, but DialIdol has her as safe, along with Jason and David A. I'm happy about those last two being safe, and I can live with Kristy a little longer, since she's not as annoying as Carly, Syesha, Michael and David C., all of whom DialIdol lists as vulnerable tonight. Brooke is vulnerable too, but I think she'll be fine after having the pimp spot on Tuesday. The lowest two on DialIdol are Carly and Syesha, either of whom I'd be happy to see go. If I had to choose, I'd rather it be Carly. I'm tired of her painful faces and ugly tattoos cluttering my TV screen every week. For the first time since this season began I actually feel somewhat good going into the results show.

In case you're curious (which you probably aren't), I sort of watched Idol Gives Back, but since the first half hour conflicted with "Jeopardy!" and I have better things to do than watch every minute of a telethon where I'm not planning to donate and most of the performers are of no interest to me, I have little to say except that I hope the money they raised helps a lot of people. Now that I've gotten the obligatory touching tribute to human goodwill out of the way, let's recap these results.

Jason mouths the words "This is 'American Idol'!" behind Ryan during the teaser. Heh heh. That guy's funny. Hey, Mandisa's in the audience! It's good to see her.

They do a recap of Idol Give Back, and judging by the stuff I don't remember from last night, I didn't miss much. Ryan pimps iTunes for the billionth time this season, and they introduce the Idols, who reprise their performance of "Shout to the Lord" from last night. I have to wonder why they'd do such an overtly Christian song. As a Christian myself I take no offense, but what does a song like this mean to the contestants and viewers who aren't Christians? It doesn't make sense to me that they would choose this song. The only line that actually uses the word "Jesus" is sung by Brooke, David A. and Kristy, who are two Mormons and a Christian. I'm guessing that was done intentionally. The performance is glory-noted to death at the end by David C. and Carly, but I'm sure Mandisa is enjoying it.

They show us another celebrity lip-sync video. Last year the song was "Stayin' Alive", this year it's "I'm a Believer". How interesting is that? Last year Micky Dolenz was part of the lip-sync video, and this year they're using a song he sang, even though he's not in the video this time. He was in the audience for the Top 8 in both Seasons 5 and 6, and this year they used his voice in the Top 8. I just figured it out! Next year they're going to have a Monkees theme for the Top 8, and Micky himself will be the mentor! That would be awesome. I have to try out now just so I can be a part of that.

Time for results. Brooke White is first. She talks about how her sister is getting married and she may not be able to be there because of "Idol". Perhaps so, because she's safe. Now I can breathe easy, because the one I was most worried for isn't going home. David Cook is next, and looking as evil as ever. He talks about how Simon has called him smug, arrogant and pompous throughout the entire season. Simon speaks the truth, Combover Boy. Despite his attitude, he's safe. Now it's David Archuleta. He's safe, as if there were ever any doubt. It's odd that the first three are all safe. Usually one of them is sent to the Bottom 3. I just had a terrible thought. They're still pimping Idol Gives Back tonight. Could it be that this extra result show is just a cheap tactic to keep promoting their charities, and they aren't going to eliminate anyone? Oh, please don't tell me that's the case.

Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown perform their song "No Air". This song is OK, but nothing I'd ever care to buy. After the song is over they present Jordin with some Gold and Platinum records for the downloads of her singles and sales of her album. Good for her. So far she's the most successful contestant to come out of Season 6 (as you'd usually expect the winner to be), but we'll see how well Chris Sligh and Phil Stacey's albums sell in the next few months.

The Idols do a psychedelic-ish commercial where they're painting the Earth on the ground with the wheels of a Ford car, all set to Rare Earth's "I Just Want to Celebrate". It's kind of cool, I guess. I've grown nervous of the possibility that there's no elimination this week though. Why can't I ever relax during a results show?

Jason Castro is safe, as expected. All the people I like are now safe. Still no Bottom 3 yet. Now we get Kristy Lee Cook. She's safe! That leaves Syesha Mercado, Carly Smithson and Michael Johns as the Bottom 3. I've never seen them narrow it down like that. I love this Bottom 3, as I hate all the contestants in it. The only question though, is if one of them is actually going to go home. It's a shame we can't send all three of them packing.

Before eliminations we get a message from Bono about one.org and the upcoming election. They show us videos of "the three candidates", Hillary Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama, talking about how we can make a difference, or something we've heard a million times already. Whatever. I don't plan on voting for any of these clowns.

Finally it's time to read the results. Ryan tells us that Carly and Syesha are safe, which means Michael is the lowest vote-getter! Yes! It's about time! This guy has been dead weight since the beginning! The death spot claims another victim! Woo-hoo! Ryan then mentions that last year at Idol Gives Back they didn't eliminate anyone. Oh no. Please don't tell me they're going to save The Coaster. He then says that this year they aren't doing that. Phew! That was close! It would've been better if it had been Carly, but beggars can't be choosers. This is the best results show of the season! Someone I hated went home and everyone I liked stayed! It only took eight weeks to get here! I just hope Carly performs first next week.

Hey, I just realized we didn't have any inane viewer questions this time! One more reason this has been the best results show of the season!

Power Rankings

7. Brooke White - I got a result I liked this week, so that probably means that next week I have to see my favorite go home to make up for it. All over the internet it seems that people are losing interest in Brooke, so sadly, I won't be surprised if it happens this way.

6. Jason Castro - See my reasoning for Brooke. Jason seems to have a lot of fans, but the curse of me liking him may be his downfall.

5. Syesha Mercado - Being the only black contestant left has its advantages.

4. Carly Smithson - I know everyone's getting sick of her, but the look on her face when Kristy outlasts her will be priceless.

3. Kristy Lee Cook - There's no explanation for this girl except perhaps that a country song will always get you votes. She's been hanging by a thread since the beginning, but she's always managed to pull through. She may just shock us all the way to the hometown trip.

2. David Cook - He's too smug to win, but he seems to be pretty popular.

1. David Archuleta - This guy still rules the DialIdol roost. I maintain my belief that he has the fanbase to go all the way.

I'm not sure what next week's theme is, but I know it'll be slightly more enjoyable due to the lack of a certain Australian waste of time.