Top 9 Results Recap

Well, this week's results show wasn't quite so bad. I wasn't thrilled with the result, but at least my favorite didn't go home this time. That's a small victory on this season where nothing is going my way.

The group number this week is "9 to 5". I assume they picked that one in memory of Chikezie, who said he would've performed that song had he been in the competition this week. Ramiele's microphone doesn't work for a split second when she starts her solo part. That's the second microphone malfunction involving Ramiele in a group performance this season. Michael sounds like crap on his torturously long solo part, but then again, it's not too different from the way he normally sounds. Taylor Hicks could wipe the floor with this guy. At one point they sing their song crowded around the judges. Carly sits seductively on the table right in front of Simon, and I can't imagine how anyone would be turned on by Carly of all people doing that. Overall I'd say this was the first good group performance since the Finals began. It's right up there with the 70's Medley from Top 20 Week. My mother thinks the group number is cheesy, but isn't the cheesiness the whole reason we love this show? Hey, Chikezie's in the audience! Ya shoulda been on stage, pal!

Time for some results! Coaster is first, and he's wearing a Dolly Parton t-shirt. After all the pimping he got last night for sounding like he was passing a kidney stone we know he's going to be safe. Sure enough, he is. Mini-Carmen is next. Oh, the drama. He's safe, of course. Now it's the Carlybagger. I didn't predict she'd be in the Bottom 3, but DialIdol said she was vulnerable. Unfortunately, she's safe.

I won't waste too much time on the dumb viewer questions. Here's a quick summary: Syesha misses hanging out with her family and friends, but "Idol" is her new family, David C. wants to be more organized, Randy would love to do a song with this year's winner, Michael and David C. want to perform "Islands in the Stream" on tour, and Simon will never apologize for his nasty critiques again. Wasn't that educational?

Next up is The Clark Brothers performing "This Little Light of Mine". I voted for them on "The Next Great American Band", and since I was the only person in America watching that's probably why they won. This performance, like pretty much every Clark Brothers performance, is awesome. These guys give it 100% every time. I can't wait for their album to come out.

The Ford commercial has the Idols playing street basketball to the tune of Run-D.M.C.'s "It's Tricky". Ramiele can't play because she's too short. Kristy shows off her mad shot-blocking skillz. Brooke makes a basket while standing in the sunroof of a vehicle. This may be the cheesiest Ford commercial we've seen this season.

It's time for more results. Combover talks about his trip to the hospital last night. He says it wasn't a big deal and that he's fine. I'm glad he's OK, but maybe America ought to vote him off before the stress becomes too much for his heart to handle. It won't be this week though, as he's safe. OSC (my nickname for Ramiele sure is crappy, isn't it?) finally hits the Bottom 3. The Mannequin has a piece of paper to mark her spot on the stools handy, and she needs it, as she's in the Bottom 3 too.

We get a segment about former Idols who've relocated to Nashville, and it features Bucky Covington, Phil Stacey and Bo Bice. Bo has to introduce himself, as most people have probably already forgotten him these three years later. We get a brief update on what they're doing now, and they all have albums out or coming out soon that we can buy. Phil looks weird with a beard. It appears that his youngest daughter (the one whose birth he missed to audition for "Idol") is already walking. Bucky has had two singles released. I've heard them both, and they're OK. There's not much to say about this segment except "good for all of them".

Three more Idols have to learn their fates. Snoha is next, which means she's safe. They're not going to tell her she's in the Bottom 3 and then send the last two to safety. They need drama! Sure enough, she's on the couches. It's down to Brooke and The Code Man, and as I predicted, Brooke is in the Bottom 3. That first performance spot is a killer. Brooke has to stay at center stage while the other members of the Bottom 3 join her. What exactly is the point of that third stool if it's never used?

I got two out of three right for my Bottom 3 prediction this week. My only mistake was picking Snoha instead of Mannequin. At this point, the one person in the Bottom 3 I don't want to see go home is Brooke. The way it's been every week so far is that the Bottom 3 consists of one I want to stay and two I want to go, and the one I want to stay goes. If that continues this week I'm going to sue America for being full of idiots.

We get another video about how the money from "Idol Gives Back" helped a girl in Africa find her missing sister. I'm glad to hear it.

Dolly Parton finally performs, and she's doing a song called "Jesus and Gravity". Her voice has not aged well, but it seems like most singers from the old days have lost it by their 60's. I don't know if it's because vocal training wasn't as advanced back then or if it's because voices generally don't age well. After the performance Dolly has some dumb country blonde banter with Ryan and the judges. This lady has a great sense of humor. Somewhere Kellie Pickler is taking notes.

Time for the moment of truth again (the results, not that sordid game show). Ryan asks Simon who he thinks is going home. Simon says definitely not Brooke, but it could be either of the other two. Don't jinx it, Simon! Brooke is emotional, because everything from being in the Bottom 3 to watching the Africa video to hearing Dolly's song is making her that way. Make sure you vote harder for this sweet girl next week, America! The first person sent back to safety is Brooke. FINALLY! The one member of the Bottom 3 I want to keep remains! Now stay in it until the finale, Brooke! As soon as Brooke has sat down Ryan tells Kristy she's safe, which means Ramiele is going home and Kristy has survived the Bottom 2 yet again.

Ramiele, emotional girl that we know her to be, is brought to tears by the announcement. The four remaining girls all stand behind her while she sings us out. Once again, someone I voted for or once voted for is gone. I think it was her time though. I was getting tired of defending the fact that I kind of liked her, and after that bad performance last night she didn't deserve to stay. I'm glad she got to leave before she turned into too much of a joke. This is the third straight week where I've picked the person going home correctly. Either I'm really good, I'm really lucky, or this show is just too darn predictable.

Power Rankings

8. Kristy Lee Cook - She's survived the Bottom 2 three times now in the Finals, and twice in the Semifinals she at least appeared to be on the verge of elimination. She's been lucky to get this far, but I think next week will finally be the end of her run. Yeah, I know I've said that before, but I've got to be right sooner or later.

7. Syesha Mercado - As the only black contestant and the only R&B diva left she probably has some support. Still, I don't get the impression that she's very widely embraced. She shouldn't make it too much farther.

6. Jason Castro - I once read an article that called 6th Place the spot for quirky fan favorites. With 6th Placers like Kellie Pickler, John Stevens, Carmen Rasmusen and Constantine Maroulis it makes sense (Christina Christian and Phil Stacey don't fit the mold quite as well). If there's anyone left in this competition who could be called a "quirky fan favorite" it's Jason. His act can be fun, but it's clear that he doesn't have a huge bag of tricks and that his voice isn't anything special.

5. Carly Smithson - I know I'm repeating myself as usual, but I don't think America is as in love with her as they want you to think. She's boring, her wardrobe choices are unfortunate, her tattoos are ugly, and her face is scary. The sooner we dump this girl the better.

4. David Cook - As I've said before, a frontrunner goes home in 4th Place every odd-numbered season. I don't see David holding America's interest with his bore-rock forever.

3. Michael Johns - He's been heavily pimped the last two weeks, so he may have gained some momentum. He hasn't seen the Bottom 3 yet, so perhaps he can fool America into thinking he's good for a while longer.

2. Brooke White - Nothing new to see here.

1. David Archuleta - Once again he gave the best performance of the week and blew everyone else away on DialIdol. If he can keep it up he deserves to win the whole thing.

Next week is "Idol Gives Back". Will the theme be "Inspirational Music" again? More importantly, is it possible to be inspired by anyone from this lackluster group? I'm sure the theme will be right up Mini-Carmen's alley. We'll see how the rest of them do.