Top 5 - If Only Rats Could Vomit

Ryan tells us the theme this week is "Standards From the Rat Pack Era." OK, then. Does that mean only songs the Rat Pack members sang or songs from that general time period? Ah, I've given up trying to figure out this show's themes.

There's a mystery mentor this week, and it's none other than...Jamie Foxx? Yeah, that makes all kinds of sense. Well, apparently, Jamie Foxx can transcend all aspects of the entertainment industry, is a classically-trained musician and currently has a song on the R&B charts. Wow. I had no idea he was a singer. All the more reason not to bother turning on the radio for anything other than hockey and baseball games.

First up is Kris Allen, doing "The Way You Look Tonight." Jamie loves him and offers to do a record with him. See? Even Jamie knows Kris is the best one here! He starts out doing a slowed-down version, not Frank Sinatra's midtempo one. In the middle it suddenly picks up out of nowhere. It seems a little disjointed, but the tempo quickly returns to its slowed-down roots. I like this. Kris sounds great vocally, and he delivers another winner tonight. Randy says it was his best performance. Kara says he set the technical standard for the evening incredibly high. Paula says he's made a transition from boy next door to sophisticated gentleman. Simon says it was good but a little too safe. I'm sorry, but Kris really needs to win this thing. His artistry, lack of pretension and straightforward vocals make him this season's most refreshing contestant. As we all know though, nothing ever seems to go the way I want.

Allison Iraheta, the only chick left in the competition, as Ryan says, celebrated her 17th birthday yesterday! Well come on, America! You have to vote for her! She's singing "Someone to Watch Over Me." Since she says she's too young to have a boyfriend, Jamie asks her who watches over her. She says her family does, so he encourages her to feel the love her family has for her while she sings. She's very breathy in the parts with minimal backing music, but you'd be hard-pressed to find anything wrong with her pitch or phrasing. It's not a world-beater performance, but it's another strong showing for the little red-haired girl. Randy says it was the bomb. Kara says she made some new fans tonight, and if it doesn't land her in the Finals she doesn't know what will. Psst, Kara! The finale is Danny vs. Adam. Didn't you get the memo? Paula says she's proud of her. Simon asks her if she thinks she can win, and Allison says she thinks they all have a chance right now. Simon says he doesn't think she shows enough belief in herself and could be in trouble tonight. Is he trying to get her sent home or trying to light a fire under her fans?

Matt Giraud was apparently looking forward to this week because he's a big jazz fan. He's doing "My Funny Valentine." Come on, Matt. Melinda Doolittle already owns this song on the "Idol" stage! You sir, are no Melinda Doolittle. What's with these slow songs, anyway? Isn't anybody going to do anything uptempo tonight? So far all we've gotten is a brief section from Kris. I don't know what it is, but Matt's vocals seem awkward here. His control leaves something to be desired. I'm not saying it's a trainwreck, it's just that it isn't flawless. Me no like. Randy says it didn't all quite come together. Kara says she didn't feel an emotional connection. Paula loves it and says she felt the emotional connection. Simon thinks it was the first believable performance of the night. Oh brother. Matt shouldn't even be here right now. Stop trying to prop him up.

Going fourth is Danny Gokey, which means Adam gets yet another pimp spot. Isn't that a little unfair considering he just got it three weeks ago? Then again, Anoop got it last week and went home, so maybe it's not as important as we think. I suppose it doesn't really matter, since Adam's not going anywhere regardless of where he performs. What? Oh yeah, it's Danny's turn. All right, what's Smuggie doing this time? As he describes it, a bluesy take on "Come Rain or Come Shine." The crowd goes wild the second he walks out. Please. Is there some sort of "Applause" sign above the stage? This doesn't sound very bluesy to me. Like most of Danny's performances, this is just average. It's not terrible, but nothing about it makes me care either. Oh wait, here comes the bluesiness. He starts growling it at the end and the music gets louder. Wowee. Still just a'ight for me, dawgg. Randy says Danny's the only one he's heard who could have an album of songs like that and win. Get real, Randy. Kara likes that he had some swagger this time. Paula calls it stellar and pimps him for the finale again. Yawn. It's like these judges live in their own world where they have no idea what America really likes. Most opinionaters I've seen think the Top 3 should be Kris, Allison and Adam, and that includes me. Simon says it was outstanding. Oh well. No surprises there. Danny can do no wrong with the judges.

So what's Adam Lambert going to do with the evening's final performance? Well, last week he went with a slow song, so that means we're due for an uptempo one this week, right? Noooooooot quite. It's sort of a middle-ground song, "Feeling Good." I've never understood this song's appeal. It's quite mediocre in my opinion. Why do so many people choose to cover it or perform it on various editions of "Idol"? The world is full of mysteries. This one starts out slow, but just when I think it's going to end up as a full night of downtempo the first verse ends, the music gets loud and we're treated to a midtempo beat. Just before it ends the music stops for Adam to belt out a long glory note. Look, I like Adam, but that was nothing exciting to me. We know Adam's got a killer range. We know he can hold high notes for a long time. I doesn't change the fact that the song is boring and the performance didn't show me anything new. I'll give him credit for not trying to scat like Leslie Hunt, but come on. We know the judges'll love it though. Randy says it was a little too theatrical, but he's in the zone and it was another good performance. Kara calls it shocking, since she apparently has no long-term memory. Paula compares him to Michael Phelps at the Olympics. All in favor of skipping the marijuana joke raise your hands. Thought so. Simon says he loves that Adam obviously wants to win. Well great. The two best performances of the night were the least-praised by Simon. This season is back to getting on my nerves, and it'll annoy me even more if Allison or Kris goes home tomorrow.

My performance ranking:

Kris (7.5 out of 10)
Allison (7 out of 10) (just like what Simon said, coincidentally)
Adam (5.5 out of 10)
Danny (5 out of 10)
Matt (4 out of 10)

Prediction:

Bottom 2: Allison, Matt
Going Home: Allison

I hope I'm wrong here, but as regular readers of What Not to Sing know, male contestants are more likely to get votes than female ones, and Allison keeps ending up in the Bottom 3 despite strong performances. She just can't seem to win with the voters. Matt got Simon's endorsement tonight for reasons I don't understand, and it may be enough to keep him around. Heck, a part of me is even afraid for Kris, just because he went first, Simon wasn't overly impressed and I've seen a lot of my favorites go home in 5th Place. Then again, 5th Place is the opposite gender slot, which means Allison either goes home or wins the whole thing. Sorry, Allison. I voted for you, but you'll be missed.

Tomorrow we finally get Taylor Hicks at the results show. This ought to prove once and for all that Danny pales in comparison to the true blue-eyed soul Idol!