Hollywood Week Part 1

Finally we get to see how the gold ticket winners hold up in the toughest week of their lives. It's time for Hollywood! We'll undoubtedly be introduced to some new people we didn't see at the auditions, and never see a second of some of the people who were shown.

The auditions are being held at the Kodak Theatre, and they tell us that as if it were different from other years. It looks just like where they had it in the past. Simon tells our hopefuls that they're looking for a star, and that he expects to find someone great this year. Considering how many bonafide stars have come from this show, I wouldn't bet on that happening, Simon.

The contestants get sent to boot camp, where the stylists, makeup artists and vocal coaches work with them. There's even a special appearance by Barry Manilow! Well, he was one of the better mentors the two times he appeared on this show before, but he's not exactly known for being hip and current, something "Idol" always seems to emphasize. Ah, whatever. I'm done trying to figure out which side of their mouth "Idol" is talking out of this week.

The contestants are divided into two groups. Half of them sing a cappella in front of the judges one at a time and they separate the wheat from the chaff. The chaff gets sent home immediately. How much of a bummer would it be to go all the way to Hollywood only to get cut on the first day?

As usual, the editors focus mainly on a select few, mostly the ones who were seen at the auditions.

Dennis Brigham and Lil Rounds are in the first round. Lil sings "I Will Always Love You," the Whitney Houston version! What a clever, original choice! I tell you, we've never had anyone like Lil on this show before! She gets a standing ovation from Kara and Paula, Kara talks about how bold and brave she is, pimpety pimp pimp pimp. Dennis sings "For Once in My Life" and I can't help but laugh at his facial expressions and pronunciation. I want to like this guy, but he sounds terrible. Simon says Dennis can't be taken seriously as a recording artist with those facial expressions. Huh? Isn't the point of a recording to hear it, not see it? Predictably, Lil stays and Dennis gets cut.

Dennis gives the judges an earful on stage and rants about how unfair it is. He asks them "What kind of message are you sending America?" Um, that you need to sing well or you won't make it? Just a novel idea I thought I'd throw out there. We finally see the famous "y'all suck as judges" line that's been showing up in teasers since the auditions. I knew this guy's talent probably didn't match his ego, but I was actually sort of rooting for him. You blew it, Dennis. Now go get your teeth fixed.

The half that isn't singing today goes sightseeing. If I were there I'd say in my hotel room and practice. Who cares about seeing Hollywood? Am I weird in that the idea of Hollywood doesn't impress me much?

The judges comment on how rough it's been today except for a few like Lil. Keep on pimpin', producers!

Nathaniel Marshall from Malone, NY, is someone we haven't seen before. He's another weird tattooed and pierced guy. He sings "The Anchor Holds" by Ray Boltz, which is interesting, because he doesn't strike me as the type who'd listen to Christian music. He's got a lot of vibrato in his voice, and his pitch isn't exactly immaculate. Paula criticizes the song choice, and it sounds like Simon gets a naughty word past the censors when he chimes in. Nathaniel says he's one of those kids who's been through a lot, and that he picked the song because music's been his anchor. He cries about how much he loves music and how important it is to him. You'd think America likes sob stories if you were a visitor to our country and turned on this show. Why does "Idol" have to be produced by Brits?

Anoop Desai sings Stevie Wonder's "If It's Magic," and sounds incredible. Now that's vocalizin'!

Jasmine Murray sings Kelly Clarkson's "The Trouble With Love Is" and sounds pretty good.

Rose Flack, the weird hippie girl without much of a voice, fared poorly in boot camp. She starts crying about her parents and how she's doing all this for them. Great, more sob stories. I'm getting the impression she's going to be this year's Josiah Leming. She sings "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay" and sounds a little better than she did at her audition. She's still "just OK" at best, though.

The entire group gets through.

Von Smith, the Human Melisma Machine, knows he can't afford a mistake, as do Jorge Nunez and Stephen Fowler, this group's featured performers.

Stephen sings Stevie Wonder's "Superwoman" and sounds decent. Paula says he nailed it, and Randy says he slayed it. I didn't think it was that great, but OK.

Jorge sings Jon Secada's "Angel" and the judges love it. I'll concur, he sounds terrific.

Von sings James Morrison's "If the Rain Must Fall" in his typical over-the-top, facially-contorted style. Simon says it was "indulgent nonsense." Gee, ya think? He goes on to say it was like a child learning to sing. For once someone's willing to call out the vocal acrobats about how oversinging ruins songs.

The three featured guys all make it through, which means Von must be a plant.

They show a montage of the judges criticizing song choices, which vocal coach Debra Byrd told them was key. Byrd (that's what I've heard they call her) says to pick songs that demonstrate how they see themselves as recording artists. I wonder if when the judges criticize song choices that maybe their vision of the contestant as an artist is different than what the contestant sees?

Nick "Norman Gentle" Mitchell, the joke auditioner who got through, tosses out his Norman Gentle costume to show how seriously he's taking things now. Somehow, by the time he takes the stage, he has it on again. He sings "And I Am Telling You..." for the quadrillionth time on this show in his jokey style. Oh boy, now we get all the fun of the bad auditions in Hollywood! Randy points out that Nick can actually sing, which is somewhat true. The judges give him another chance just to see how he does when he acts serious.

Scott MacIntyre and Frankie Jordan make it through, just in case you forgot you were supposed to like them.

Day 2 the other half gets to perform for the judges.

Jackie Tohn has some funny banter with the cameras before she goes onstage. She sings Susan Tedeschi's "Rock Me Right" in a really gritty style. She's starting to remind me of a cross between Amanda Overmyer and Fran Drescher. Maybe a little Jami Gertz in there too. She gets through to the next round.

Best friends Danny Gokey and Jamar Rogers are chillin' together in Hollywood. Once again we're reminded that Danny lost his wife recently. Jamar sings "California Dreamin'" again, and it's as shouty as it was at his audition. Danny's "Kiss From a Rose" isn't the best vocal I've heard, but it has an interesting soulful grit. Paula raves about him, and both make it through.

A bunch of familiar faces from the auditions get through. I feel bad for the people who get overlooked in Hollywood. No one knows or cares who they are.

Katrina "Bikini Girl" Darrell, wearing a dress that looks like a garbage bag, is back for a rematch with the female judges. She thought Kara was rude and insecure by singing during her audition. Oh, this is just so compelling, isn't it? She even famewhores it up by kissing Ryan again. When she gets onstage she tells the judges that "I'm the next American Idol because...I am." Ha ha ha! Those models sure are airheaded, aren't they? She sings "Breathe" by Faith Hill, and it's pretty bad. She has potential, she just needs to keep practicing. The girls, especially Kara, don't like her, but Simon and his horndawg sidekick keep her just to annoy them.

Jessica Furney, Sharon Wilbur and Patricia Roman all get cut.

Jeremy Michael Sarver gets high marks from the judges for his rendition of Gavin DeGraw's "More Than Anyone." Jesus Valenzuela gets a less-than-enthusiastic response from the judges for his rendition of Stevie Wonder's "Lately." Jeremy gets through, Jesus gets cut. Jeremy gets happy, Jesus gets depressed. Jeremy gets to wherever contestants go after they pass the round, Jesus gets on the first plane back home. Get the picture?

David Osmond sounds good on "The Way You Look Tonight."

Erika Wesley from Portland, OR (an FBI agent, according to the info bar) doesn't sound so great on her song.

Emily Wynne-Hughes, the nasty tattoo beast, changes her song choice from "I Put a Spell on You" to No Doubt's "Excuse Me Mister" at the last minute. It still sounds OK, but the judges don't like it. She has the voice, but visually she's a nightmare. I'm in favor of anything that gets her off my screen.

David and Emily get through, but Erika gets cut. Hey, Alex Wagner-Trugman is in this group and gets through too! He needs to make the Top 12! Go geeks! Erika stays back to plead her case, but it doesn't get her anywhere. Ooh, it sparks an argument between Simon and Paula! How riveting! This segment is a waste of time.

Alexis Grace, Brent Keith Smith, Ann Marie Boskovich and Adam Lambert all get through. At the end of the first round, 104 contestants still remain.

Tomorrow is group day! They got rid of that last year, but I guess they figured there was more potential drama if they brought it back. I don't watch this show to see stressed-out contestants desperate to fulfill their dreams arguing with each other, but the flipside is that we could end up with some great group performances. I have a feeling the editors will play up the former more than the latter, however.

I hope Anoop Desai makes the Top 36. He sounded best out of all the contestants they showed today, and yes, that includes Run-of-the-Lil Rounds (ain't I clever?). Alex Wagner-Trugman needs to make it too. Other than that, I'm more or less indifferent, though Jackie Tohn might be interesting.

Two more weeks until the actual competition begins! See you tomorrow!