Hollywood Week Part 2

I'm not really sure how to recap all this. They cut back and forth between several different storylines, so doing a play-by-play would only be a mess. Now that I'm a fan of "Lost," I guess I'll recap this episode the same way people recap that show: focus on one storyline at a time.

It's time for group round! Get ready for all the bickering, duplicity and tear-inducing stress! Some people get forced into groups because no one wants to work with them, so there's a chemistry deterrent right there. Oh, the drama! This is what they had in mind when they created reality TV! I suddenly feel like a dirty voyeur.

Storyline 1: Team Tatiana

Tatiana Del Toro joins a group with three other girls and immediately starts trying to take charge of the arrangement and choreography. As you can imagine, the rest of the group finds this annoying. We don't really get to know these other girls, because the editors have decided they're redshirts (dang it, more "Lost" seeping into my writing!). For the sake of simplicity, we'll name this group after the member who gets all the camera time. Eventually, the others decide that Tatiana is trying to sabotage them and she tearfully decides to join Team Compromise (more on them later).

Immediately after asking to join Team Compromise, Tatiana goes back to her first team. She's freaking out because she really wants to make it work with a group and she only talked to Team Compromise out of panic. Compromise (Nancy in particular, more on her later) gets upset with her capriciousness, but they decide to let it go after chewing her out. One of Tatiana's groupmates calls her out in front of the others, and awkwardness abounds. Tatiana seems a bit psycho, but...doggone it, she's just so cute! I feel compelled to vote for her if she makes the Top 36. What is this weird hypnotic power she has? Maybe that fortune teller who said she'd make the Top 12 put a spell on America and I'm under its influence!

Everything's hunky-dory between them all the next morning, and when they go onstage to perform "I Want You Back" they seem to be on the same page. Hey, one of the girls is named Muna Hulif! We had no idea who any of these girls were except Tatiana until now! Muna's singing actually doesn't impress me too much. Apparently another girl is named "Kaelin," because she's asked to step forward before it's revealed that they're actually all through to the next round. Tatiana cries tears of joy outside and thanks everyone from Jesus to the "guy holding the sound stick," because she loves them all and they're all in her heart for the rest of her life. How sweet.

Storyline 2: Team Compromise

We're first introduced to this group, consisting of Nate Marshall, Kristin McNamara and Nancy Wilson, when Tatiana tries to join them after feeling betrayed by her team. Nancy Wilson? She should be singing something like "These Dreams!" Hey, did you know I saw Heart live last summer with Cheap Trick and Journey? *SMACK* Thank you. Back to the story...

Kristin is tired and wants to rest her voice, but the chest-inked Nancy is a slave driver who wants everyone to work, work, work. Nate takes Kristin's side, but Nancy thinks it's a sign that the others aren't committed enough. Her loudmouth personality gets obnoxious quickly. Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on Nancy. After all, we all handle stress differently, so I guess that's just her way of doing it. Still, even if I can forgive her for being annoying it doesn't mean I want to watch it. Nate cries, Nancy argues, and Kristin just tries to maintain some sense of order.

They go in front of the judges last, and Nate says a prayer before they go on. They sing "Mercy," a song I'm not familiar with. Nate camps it up, Nancy stumbles on the lyrics and sounds terrible, and Kristin adds some power to the backing vocals. Kristin is clearly the best one in this group. Good thing she rested her voice. Simon accuses them of trying to sabotage each other, and adds that one girl is most likely safe. Sure enough, Nate and Kristin stay and Nancy the tyrant gets cut. Nancy blows off her groupmates and curses at Kristin on her way out. I guess when you don't have to worry about getting votes in the future you can get away with stuff like that.

Storyline 3: Team Diva

Lauren Barnes, Rose Flack, Jasmine Murray and "Bikini Girl" Katrina Darrell get together for this one, and wouldn't you know it, Katrina causes most of the drama! She turns in early and starts crying to her roommate about how tough it is. Her groupmates feel deserted. Next morning the group goes to Katrina's room, and Katrina tells them she's not feeling good and doesn't want to get up. The Divas ditch her, figuring she's quitting.

At roll call they tell the guy in charge that Katrina quit. Suddenly, Katrina decides to show up. She assumes her group will be understanding of the fact that she was tired. Think again, you swimwear-clad vixen. They're upset, because they know she'll throw off their chemistry. Rose predicts a trainwreck now that Katrina's back.

By the time they take the stage to sing "Mercy," they're totally out of it. Rose forgets the words, and Jasmine is the only one who sounds good. Lauren tries to be diplomatic when discussing the conflicts with the judges, but Simon tells her to cut the crap and name names. Simon, apparently ready to let the running gag that is Katrina die, does a 180 and calls her out for not putting in the effort. I guess he could only have fun at Kara and Paula's expense for so long. Jasmine gets through, the rest all get cut.

Katrina acts standoffish in the aftermath and calls the other girls fake. In the words of the great Tony Slattery: "Ooh! Pot callin' the kettle black!"

Storyline 4: Action Squad

This group consists of Emily Wynne-Hughes, Alex Wagner-Trugman, Anne Marie Boskovich and Ryan Pinkston. Poor Ryan. He only gets two names. There's not as much of a story here, but we keep seeing shots of them working on their moves and practicing their "1, 2, 3, Action Squad!" cheer thingy. Emily seems to be holding them back by not gelling with the rest of them. I guess all that ink is finding its way to her brain and affecting her timing (hey, just a theory).

They sing "Don't Stop" and Ryan and Emily are clearly the weak links. The harmonies are off several times, and Ryan misses his cue to come in. Ryan and Emily both get cut. Go Alex! Emily is heartbroken, but seems to take it with grace. Ryan says he feels manipulated and assaulted, and claims that Paula is evil. Cuckoo!

Other performance highlights/lowlights:

White Chocolate, a group consisting of rapper India Morrison, smarmy pianist Matt Giraud, Kris Allen and Justin Williams, does a cool rap/beatbox/vocal combo on "I Want You Back." It brings back memories of "How Deep is Your Love" with Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis, Rudy Cardenas and Tom Lowe from Season 6. While Matt still annoys me, I'll admit that this group performance is pretty freakin' cool. They all get through.

Maryn Azoff, Austin Sisneros, J.B. Ahfua, Shelby Swartwood and Julissa Veloz all struggle in their respective groups, which sing "Get Ready." They apparently all get cut.

Best buds Danny Gokey and Jamar Rogers go a cappella with their group, which includes Taylor Vaifanua and some other girl whose name we don't learn. They sing "Somebody to Love" (Queen, not Jefferson Airplane) and sound incredible. A music teacher like Danny probably comes in handy when arranging these types of harmonies. I think I possibly like them better than White Chocolate, though we don't see as much of their performance. The judges love it, and all of them get through.

Jeremy Michael Sarver, Adam Lambert, Matt Breitzke and Jesse Langseth all sing "Some Kind of Wonderful" in their respective groups and sound good. Adam oversings a bit, but not as egregiously as Von Smith does. They're all through.

David Osmond, Austin Sisneros and Deanna Brown all get cut. I kind of liked David, but I'll survive.

Next week I guess they're all going to perform one last time before the judges and it'll be narrowed down to the Top 50, which will be cut down to the Top 36, which we'll get to vote on! In the words of Etta James: At laaaaaaast!