Semifinal Group 1 - Let the Pimping Begin

Now this is something worth recapping. All that other mess I recapped was a waste of time. Tonight we finally get what we really watch this show for: the music. A star could be born tonight or someone's one shot at stardom could be lost tonight. Forget the knife, you need a machete to cut through this tension.

For the next two hours, 12 singers will each do their best to convince us that they're worth dialing 11 digits for repeatedly. The guy and girl with the most votes will make the Top 12, and the highest vote-getter of either gender after those two will also make it. My initial predictions to make it from this group were Danny Gokey, Tatiana Del Toro and Anoop Desai. Will they prove me right or will they make me look like a moron? I hope not the latter. I do a good enough job of that all by myself.

So we're live! The digital picture coming through my antenna is much better than the picture from last week. There's the usual useless filler where Ryan talks to the judges, and Simon flirts with Ryan by complimenting his hair. Eeeeeeeeeee-yeah.

Ryan tells us there's a Billboard Hot 100 theme tonight. What? I hope that doesn't mean these contestants are going to fall victim to an incredibly limited list of song choices once again. Let these kids be themselves and stop forcing them to rehash the same old crap!

Jackie Tohn is first, with "A Little Less Conversation." Hey, she's following the advice of What Not to Sing! They suggested that a girl try this song! So what's Jackie going to do with it? Make it fun and silly like Jon Peter Lewis did, or make it dead serious like Chris Daughtry did? Come on, this is Jackie freaking Tohn. What do you think she'll do? It starts out as kind of a slow, soulful groove, but then Jackie counts "3! 4!" and the music picks up. She traipses all over the stage while acting sort of mock-sexy. Her nasal, raspy vocals are weird for this song, but occasionally she goes into a clean tone that makes her sound like a totally different person. I tell you, this girl can take you for a ride with her multi-faceted voice. Jackie's more about entertainment than vocals, but she can definitely sing. This performance is unconventional, but I like it. Randy says he wasn't blown away by the vocals, but that Jackie's a good entertainer. Just like last year, Randy echoes my sentiments. Mind stealer! Kara says she has a big personality and showed who she was. Paula says it wasn't perfect, but sometimes perfect is boring. Simon says she played the clown and did herself no favors. Jackie's parents Thelma and Al are there in the red room, and they're proud of their quirky daughter. Al Tohn? It must've been fun living in New York back when the Jets had a certain star receiver. Jackie says she wanted to be a rockin' entertainer so she'd stand out instead of the typical "and you...and you...you're gonna love me" Idol. Thank you! I am so sick of that stinking song on this show! Jackie, you are just too cool.

Next we meet Ricky Braddy, AKA Fodderboy. He tells us he was in a job serving chicken fingers, which drained him because it wasn't what he loved. I feel ya, buddy. He sang Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You" in Hollywood, and the judges apparently loved it so much that the editors didn't want to show it to us. Tonight he's doing, "A Song For You." Argh. Didn't Elliott Yamin pretty much do the definitive version of that song on this show? Somebody do something new here! His voice reminds me of Jason Yeager. Remember him? No? Didn't think so. It's very well-sung, just...too much of the same ol', same ol'. I'd be happy for Ricky if he got out of his crappy job, but that just didn't move me enough to say I loved it. Randy says he's the star of Season 8, and it was unbeliveable. Kara says it was amazing and he killed it. Paula says she's glad his talent is finally being seen, since he didn't get any screentime. Simon says he's not jumping out of his chair, because Ricky has no star quality or charisma. His parents are in the red room with their "Braddy Bunch" t-shirts. I'm amazed the judges pimped him so much considering how little screentime he got. Perhaps he's not fodder after all.

Alexis Grace's turn! Please don't pimp her, judges. She annoys me. She says she's dirtied herself up per the judges' advice, and of course, mentions her daughter. Great. Instant Top 12. She's singing "I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You" by Aretha Franklin. What a surprise! We haven't heard her sing anything else but Aretha Franklin on this show. Looking like a cocktail lounge singer, she gives us a performance where the "soul" seems affected and borders on whitebread. I mean, it's not terrible, but come on. This girl's no Aretha. Randy says she found the dirt and the soul. Kara says the genie is out of the bottle and she loved it. Paula spends a thousand words, about 995 of which are unnecessary, to say she loved it. Simon says it was the best of the night by a mile so far, and that Alexis is one to watch, like Kelly Clarkson. Ugh. I don't like this girl. Why do they have to pimp her? In the red room they spend more time talking about her daughter and suggesting that Alexis is going to win. Please, no more parent stories!

Brent Keith is ready to go next, but there are some technical difficulties with his intro clip. Ryan chats with Brent as they walk down the stairs to the stage. Gotta love live TV! When they get the tape working, we find out that Brent works in a home improvement warehouse and we relive the fact that the judges' fighting overshadowed his audition. He and his wife are still living paycheck to paycheck. Hey, we've got something in common! He sings Jason Aldean's "Hicktown" because it's a rockin' country song, and does a pretty good job. He's in his comfort zone here. I like both rock and country, but I'm not a big fan of rockin' country. Still, he pulls it off all right. Randy says he has kind of a new edge to country with an old country swagger. Um, Randy, he didn't invent that style. Kara says it was too safe and not rangy enough, a fair point which had actually crossed my mind. Paula says she can see him as a country artist. Simon says it was forgettable and not original. Back in the red room Brent says he was happy with his song choice, because it's the type of music he wants to make as an artist. Good enough for me.

Stevie Wright is next, and I said she was one to watch in my Top 36 preview yesterday. In order to get away from her "old soul" image, she chooses Taylor Swift's "You Belong to Me." Funny. I never pegged Stevie as country-pop. Right away this is awful. The early low notes are too soft and sound off-key. She's totally out of time with the music and her voice is drowned out most of the way. This is a bona fide trainwreck. I feel bad for her, because I know she's a lot more talented than this. Randy says it was really safe and that she's a better singer than the song. Kara says Stevie has an identity crisis. Paula says it wasn't good. Simon says it was terrible, she was nervous, out of her depth and has a 0% chance of making the Top 12. Yikes! I have to agree, though. I can't think of one good think to say about this performance. Back in the red room Stevie's mother says the judges confused Stevie with their feedback, which is probably true. So sad that Stevie dreamed of this when she was a kid and now that she got her one chance she did...that...with it.

Time for Anoop Desai! A lot of people have been waiting for this, so don't let us down, Anoop! He says he wants to sing songs on this show he wishes others had picked. What an awesome statement! Someone else who's sick of the same old retread songs! Anoop's choice? "Angel of Mine" by Monica. A female R&B song? Well, all right. He starts out sounding OK, and he's definitely confident on stage, which helps with the overall presentation. He kind of loses it after a while, and the backing vocals start to overwhelm the song. He sounds out of tune in the middle, and his pronunciation starts getting weird. It's very hard to call this good. Randy says the song was a little sharp and that it wasn't his best, but he's still a huge fan. Kara says he doesn't have the voice to nail that song. Paula says America has already connected with him and that he has a Brian McKnight feel to his voice. Simon says it was too grown up and too serious. It's funny how the judges sort of pimp him despite acknowledging that he wasn't very good. Anoop's parents are there, and it's good to see some diversity in this red room. I'm voting for him despite a subpar performance.

Casey Carlson is going to do "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" because it's a song that makes you feel good. Uh oh! Bad! This was the same song that felled Chris Sligh! She changes the song's female pronouns to male ones. Um, OK. This is more of a man's song to sing, since girls don't usually ask guys to marry them or talk about them in such a fanciful way. Casey's off-key on the big notes, out of time with music, overpronounces the words and does way too much flirting with the camera. This is a terrible song choice and a poor performance. Randy says it wasn't good, weirdly karaoke, and that "The Dog was lost." Hyuk hyuk. Kara says nobody goes near The Police's songs and wants to see her do a girly anthem. Gee, I could've sworn that "Every Breath You Take" has been done successfully before. Casey looks sad for the first time ever. She's usually so smiley. Paula, trying to cheer her up, tells her the guys think she's beautiful, but that the phrasing was weird and she didn't think about what she was singing. Simon says it was atrocious and she couldn't have chosen a worse song. Oh well. At least her mother is proud of her and Casey says she had a blast!

Michael Sarver brings up his family, so he's instant Top 12. His song choice is "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw. Not this old chestnut. Chris Richardson sang this one, and Michael's vocal mannerisms and facial expressions kind of remind me of Chris. Michael stumbles over the lyrics briefly and shouts at times. He looks really exuberant out there, but it's incredibly corny. Randy says it was rough pitch-wise and he didn't perform it well. Kara says it was a good crowd-pleaser, but not his best performance. Paula thought he did a real good job. Simon says he's a likable guy, but that's all he's got going for him, before adding that he hopes America will vote for him anyway. Congratulations, Michael. You are now officially one of the pimped.

Next is Anne Marie Boskovich. It turns out she's a demo singer. That doesn't surprise me, since she has such a clear voice. She sings "A Natural Woman," and tells us she's going to put her own twist on it. The first note is off-key, there are shaky notes throughout, the chorus is a little shouty at times and, quite frankly, Anne Marie doesn't have the soul to pull off this song. What's the unique twist here? That it's the whitest version of an Aretha song ever? Randy says it was a bad song choice and he doesn't understand her as an artist. Kara says she has to kill that song if she's going to do it. Paula says she gave it her all. Simon compares her to a hotel singer and says her voice wasn't good enough for the song. For the third time tonight he adds that she most likely blew her one chance. Ouch.

Stephen Fowler, who promises not to forget the lyrics, gets to relive his Hollywood Fowl-up in the intro clip. Why are we recapping these people's problems that we've heard enough about already? He sings "Rock With You," another semi-overdone song choice. Stephen looks nervous, his pitch is off and he seems to lose his place at one moment. Argh. Well, at least he didn't completely fall apart and walk off the stage! Randy says it was a poor song choice, pitchy and not good. Kara says she got more from him when he forgot the lyrics at the piano, to which Stephen replies that he's not totally comfortable yet without his piano. That's bloody obvious. Apparently they aren't letting them use instruments in the Semifinals. I wonder why? Paula says he should've tried to tackle David Cook's magic rainbow song again just to prove that he could nail it. Simon wishes he'd forgotten the lyrics, because the whole thing was atrocious and corny. Stephen responds by saying he's a corny guy. Hmm. I have yet to see anything maize-esque about him. Poor Stephen's the only one without a friend or family member present to support him. You can tell he's frustrated with himself as he stands there to mug for votes.

Next is the one we've all been wondering about: Tatiana Del Toro. Come on, Tatiana! It may be up to you to keep Alexis out of the Top 12! Her song choice is Whitney Houston's "Saving All My Love For You." Her voice is drowned out by the band at first, but it eventually emerges from behind the wall of sound. This song is boring, but it's kind of funny when she does some hip gyrations on the "making love" line. Tatiana shows flashes of a good voice, but it's somewhat shaky at times. Overall, it's just OK. Randy says he was impressed by certain moments. Kara doesn't know who she is as an artist. Paula says she's the most talked about contestant this year, and that the closing note was beautiful. Simon calls her a drama queen who's desperate to be famous, but says she surprisingly wasn't as bad as he expected. They mention her weird laughing, and Tatiana says her friends told her she never laughed like that before. Really? This girl is just full of surprises! Remember how a psychic supposedly told Tatiana she'd make the Top 12? Ryan tells us there's more to the story, but that we'll have to vote Tatiana through if we want to find out more. Now they're just making it obvious; they want Tatiana to stick around in order to keep people talking about the show.

Finally, the guy we all knew would get the pimp spot before the show even started, Danny Gokey. His song choice is..."Hero" by Mariah Carey? What? Well, I guess David Cook pulled off a Mariah Carey song last year, so it's certainly possible. From the beginning his voice is more powerful than most of the singers we heard tonight. You can tell he's comfortable on stage and he actually makes this girly diva song soulful in a manly way. While Danny's too much of an overdog for me to vote for him, this is legitimately very good. The judges go wild at the panel. Randy, Kara and Paula all rave about it, but Simon says it was good, not fantastic. Danny's still grinning from ear to ear. Nothing's going to ruin his moment. Props to Danny on a job well done.

My performance ranking:

1. Danny (9 out of 10)
2. Jackie (8 out of 10)
3. Brent (7.5 out of 10)
4. Ricky (7 out of 10)
5. Alexis (6 out of 10)
6. Tatiana (5 out of 10)
7. Anoop (4.5 out of 10)
8. Anne Marie (4 out of 10)
9. Michael (3.9 out of 10)
10. Stephen (3 out of 10)
11. Casey (2 out of 10)
12. Stevie (0 out of 10)

Predictions after the performances:

Top male vote-getter: Danny. Too easy.
Top female vote-getter: Alexis. My mother called me while I was writing this recap and said she liked her. Groan.
Third seat: Anoop. I know he wasn't great, but he has a large fanbase and was the only one I got a busy signal for when I voted.

Whom I voted for: Anoop, Jackie, Ricky (gotta get him out of that crappy job), Tatiana (I don't care if you hate her, I think she's cute and talented).

Tomorrow the first three members of our Top 12 are named! See you then!